The Brewpub

(100% dialog)

"So my brother, my husband..."

"Yes, my sister, my wife."

"You know, this is all very cute. But I don't really have any authority to marry you two."

"I guess I do, Emma. But really, how real is anything?"

"You'd have to ask Eddie, not me."

"Eddie?"

"Eddie Doclee, Tony, he teaches philosophy. Me, I'm just a mere drama instructor."

"Drama isn't 'mere.' It's important Emma. It gives flavor to life. Otherwise we'd all be eating un-buttered toasted Wonderbread three meals a day, off paper plates, washing it down with warm tap water from paper cups."

"Thanks for the support, Barb... Tony... But I really do have a class... In five minutes."

"Okay, text me later."

"Bye... It was nice to meet you, Tony.

"Thanks... Likewise..."

"You know, bro... This way, these doors open from the inside...

"Tony, people get "really" married every day. But it isn't "real" to them. They don't take the promises or commitments they make seriously. So they don't treat it as real, and then it becomes not real... Less real than what we just did."

"But we can't get anyone to enforce the terms of our "marriage--" So, does that make it stronger? Or weaker?"

"Well, maybe we can... If the Community College Theater does 'Twelve Angry Men' next semester."

"Ha, ha, sis..."

"Seriously though. If we treat it as real..."

"Then it's real."

"At least it is reality for us."

"That's what I am thinking."

"And nobody else's opinion matters..."

"Well maybe mom and dad's."

"Let's hold off some on telling them."

"Yeah, my thoughts exactly."

"They'll be mad that we eloped, and we didn't invite them."

"Yeah, that will be exactly what concerns them in this situation."

"So, Tony, I promise, right now and forever, to always put you first, to never be like Mindy or Charlene, to love you like you deserve to be loved."

"And I promise you, Barb, to always put you first. I'll never be like David or Michael. I'll always love you like you deserve to be loved."

"You know the nice thing about marrying your sister?"

"I know everything about you?"

"True, and it must not bother you--"

"No, I love you because of what I know."

"Thanks. Me too, I love you just cause you are you. But that wasn't what I meant--"

"We won't have arguments about which parents we spend holidays with."

"Also true. But also not my point."

"So what is the best part about marrying your brother?"

"Unlike marriage, being brother and sister is forever."

"Turn off here... Let's go by the cabins."

"Okay..."

"I told dad I'd get them ready for their first bookings."

"When is that?"

"Spring break... We can use one of them for our honeymoon."

***

"So whatcha doing, sis."

"Making 40 meatballs, Tom Sawyer,"

"Tom Sawyer?"

"Yeah, you tricked me into vacuuming, dusting, and making the bed in my own honeymoon suite last night."

"I got the heater and water heater turned on, and cleaned the bathroom."

"Yeah, you did, Tom..."

"This way you weren't lying when you said that you were helping me get the cabins ready. And I was completely truthful when I called and told mom and dad we were really tired and would just crash there for the night."

"Truthful yes... Completely truthful... Uhmm... I don't know... I think that the three rounds of steamy sex in two bedrooms, the bathroom, and the sitting room was what made us tired, not dusting three rooms and lighting a few pilot lights."

"So? We should tell mom and dad that we both made a permanent commitment to each other, and consummated that promise with the best sex of our lives, and--"

"Bro, are you serious?"

"No, Barb, I'm not planning on telling mom and dad--"

"Not that part. The 'best sex of our lives' part."

"Yeah, sis. Last night I had the best sex of my life. With you."

"Oh..."

"It wasn't the best for you?"

"Well... It was in the top 100..."

"You... You had me going there for a minute."

"Seriously, I didn't know it could be so..."

"Pure?"

"Yeah, like it was..."

"Meant to be?"

"Yeah, it's like the pieces fit perfectly."

"I knew it!"

"Knew what?"

"Michael has a square dick!"

"No... Ha, ha... Well, maybe he does. I never fucked Michael."

"So, it's David that has a square dick?"

"Oh yeah, totally square. But that was the least of his problems."

"I love it that you can laugh about David."

"Yeah, I think I'm finally able to see how lucky I am."

"So, why 40 meatballs?"

"It's ten plates, mom figures we won't sell more than that many tonight. Want to get messy?"

"With you, sis, sure, anytime, anywhere."

"Here we go. Four pounds of ground beef, a dozen eggs, a dozen small onions... Tony, want to chop some onions. I hate that part."

"Okay..."

"Now don't go and accidentally chop any of your parts off. I want to enjoy those parts later."

"Ha, ha... So, what else is in mom's meatballs?"

"Oh, salt, mace, yellow curry, and black pepper... Yeah, after you chop the onion, can you dice the bread there?"

"That's where all the day-old bread goes."

"Yup, just the insides, no crust..."

"And you whip the eggs..."

"Toss the bread in..."

"After I toss in the spices, you can combine the meat, onion, and bread-egg-spice mix on that big pan while I melt the butter..."

"Is that a wok?"

"Yeah, it's not very Swedish is it?"

"Who knows, maybe Lief Ericsson was bored in Minnesota, so he continued on to Shanghai?"

"You can mix in a little water, maybe a cup at most, then make it level... Is Minnesota that boring?"

"No, it's real. I like real."

"So, cut the slab there five by eight--"

"And roll them into balls."

"And I'll fry 'em up."

"I love this."

"Me too, bro. What's brewing next door."

"Today it's an Indian Pale so I'll have to go over and add some Cascade hops in a little bit. But if you are handling the dining room I'll come back and run the grill if you want."

"Yeah, that will be real."

"Real, made to order. Not like something that can be outsourced to another country or continent, sold as a fungible commodity online, and delivered in three days by FedEx."

"That's why you didn't go away to school."

"Yeah, what's the point? To learn to do something I'd have to move to Minneapolis, Chicago, or New York to do. Or worse, learn something they end up teaching a robot or AI program to do in five or ten years? We have the boats, the cabins, and the public house. As long as someone has a few dollars and a desire to enjoy the lakes we can make a living. We can have something that is really, really real."

"Real food with real beer."

"Real marsh, real rocks, real water, real trees, real fog, sometimes real snow."

"Real commitment, and real love."

"Real hot sex on a crisp spring morning with the world's hottest, and sexiest woman."

"Really?"

"Oh, yeah."