"Cheers. To the graduate." Barb raised her glass. Her daughter Sarah blushed, raised her own, then sipped the champagne cautiously.
"Mmmm. It's good," she said, sounding a bit surprised. She took a larger sip.
"You've never tasted champagne before? Surely one of your friends..." Barb grinned mischievously.
Sarah felt herself blushing again. "No, a little beer or wine coolers once or twice, but no, my friends aren't really drinkers. And none of us would know good champagne from bad."
"Ah well. When I was your age–but the drinking age was 18 back then. So, to first times." Barb winked and looked out across the beach toward the lake. Sarah looked too, leaning back in the Adirondack chair and taking another sip of champagne. Her mother had rented the lake front cottage for week–"You've worked so hard, been valedictorian, and you only graduate from high school once. We both deserve a break. Besides, I 'd like to spend some time with you before you head East for college in the fall, and August just won't be possible with my work schedule." They left immediately after the commencement ceremony, drove three hours to the lake, and were now sitting on the deck watching the sunset. Barb cleared her throat. "Um, I have another graduation present for you."
"Oh, Mom–you didn't need to! The laptop and the stereo were great, and the check–you're overdoing it."
"Well, honey, this is sort of for me–for my peace of mind, I mean. I guess I need to explain better...I, well...this is a little difficult. I don't want to embarrass you, but...." Barb sighed. "Oh dear. I'll be right back." She got up and went into the cottage, returning a moment later carrying a black leather case the size of large shoebox. She set it on the table and looked down, then looked out at the lake for a moment.
"You know, honey, when I went to college I was pretty inexperienced. Sexually, I mean. Emotionally too, I guess. I didn't understand my own needs, I didn't understand my own body. I made some bad choices, got into a lot of bad relationships before I met your father. I was naive, I was lonely–I was horny. And when your hormones are raging, you do things you regret later, just looking for someone to release the tension. Something, I mean. And I did. There were a lot of guys, some of them nice enough, some I wouldn't come near now. But I didn't know better then, and my body just wanted, wanted, wanted...."
"Mom, please–you don't...I..." Sarah felt herself getting bright red. She knew she blushed easily, and it made her even more embarrassed.
"No, honey–I need to say this. I know it's embarrassing to hear your mother talk about sex, but I really need to say this. Just to feel like I've done what I could to keep you from making the mistakes I made. I don't know if you're a virgin or not–"
"I am," Sarah mumbled, taking another gulp of champagne, but her mother just kept talking. "–but I know you probably aren't very experienced, and I know you won't be one for long. When you go to college you'll have sex, and I just want to do what I can to make sure it's on your terms, when you're ready and can be in control of yourself. I know what happens when your body takes over and you don't know how to feel satisfied except to put yourself in the hands of some guy who...well, who's only concerned about his needs. I've been reminded of this since–" Barb's voice broke slightly "–since your father died. There have been nights when I would have done anything just to feel a man inside me, and I might have done something rash that could have messed up both our lives. Or I would have if I hadn't learned how to take care of myself. And that's what this is about." She tapped the top of the leather case. "For you to learn to take care of yourself, so you won't be driven by your body to do unwise things." She pushed the case across the table to Sarah. Here. From one woman to another."
Sarah hesitantly undid the latches on the front of the case and raised the lid. Inside, the case was lined with red velvet. Nestled in indentations in the scarlet fabric were–well, Sarah didn't exactly know what all of them were. That big thing with the white plastic handle and the mushroom-shaped tip was a massager, she knew because she'd seen the picture on the box at the drugstore. It showed a woman using it to massage her neck, but everyone knew what it was really for, and Sarah and her friends had giggled over it more than once. She had never imagined having the nerve to buy one, though. There were two very realistic pink rubber penises, different sizes, just like the illustrations in the sex education textbook– she tried to remember what it was called, but all she could think of was the name of a hobbit. Then there was a smaller black rubber thing that looked like the knobby handle of kitchen utensil, but with just a flat disc on the end. There was a chain with pointy clamps on the ends, a pair of large stainless steel balls, and plastic bottles and tubes that looked like lotion. There were other things too, but Sarah looked away, at her mother, then quickly out at the waves. She emptied her champagne glass.
"I–I don't..." She took a deep breath to cover her confusion. "I mean, thanks. I just–I don't even know what half of these things are!" A nervous giggle burst from her lips, and she felt another flush of embarrassment rise to her face, combined with irritation because she hated to giggle–it was such a girly thing to do. "I mean...." Suddenly the words came rushing out with no thought or intention, "I've been masturbating since I was eleven, but... Anyway I am a virgin–I got kind of close with Matt at my eighteenth birthday party, but it didn't happen. He stuck his finger inside me a little bit and I got really wet, even though he didn't really know how to touch me there, not as well as I do, and I decided to let him, uh, let him, uh, do it. He actually got the condom out of his pocket and unzipped his pants, and I got this urge to...to feel him, I guess, and I stuck my hand in his fly and grabbed him and tried to pull his thing out and all of a sudden he squirted all over my hand. Then he kind of lost interest–he seemed a little bit mad, actually, or maybe just embarrassed–and I went to wash my hands and when I came out of the bathroom he was leaving.
"I was feeling a little frustrated, so I went back in the bathroom and gave myself an orgasm, and I had to do it twice more later after I went to bed. And I thought I was going to do it with Jeff on prom night, but he and Luke drank too much and they both passed out in the limo while we were driving to the motel." Another giggle popped out. "So Kathy and I told the driver to cruise a bit, and we closed the blind and made out in the back seat for a while, thinking how Jeff and Luke would react when they woke up and saw us, but they never did. Actually, after a while we were kind of into it and weren't even thinking about them any more– he's a really good kisser–but then we just got kind of uncomfortable and stopped and told the driver to take us home. When he dropped us off, we unzipped their pants and took their things out and put their hands on each other so they'd be that way when they woke up. They never said anything about that night, in fact they've hardly spoken to either of us since!" No giggle this time, but a full throated laugh. With some small part of her mind, Sarah realized she had never heard herself laugh like that before–in fact, it sounded like her mother's laugh.
"Anyway, that's my sexual experience, pretty much–except for kissing, and the times I let boys play with my boobs. But I don't have a clue what most of this stuff is, and I sure don't know how to use it."
Barb chuckled. "Oh, Honey–you'll figure it out. I can tell you're a chip off the old block. Anyway, there's some books in there too, in the pocket in the lid, if you need instructions." She rose. "You want to go for a swim?"
"No thanks–you go ahead. Maybe a little later." Barb went inside, and a few minutes later walked down to the beach with a towel. Sarah picked up the case and went into the house. She went into her bedroom and set the case on the bed and opened it. She took out the big massager, plugged it in, and pressed the switch. It hummed softly, and she touched the head to her cheek. Then she unbuttoned her shirt and touched it to her nipple, through her bra. The buzz seemed to jump from her nipple to her crotch. She turned the machine off and set it down, and began examining the other items. There were three books: One looked like a general sex manual, one described itself as a guide to sex toys, and one was simply called Sex for One. She began to flip through the pages.
Barb returned from her swim and showered quickly. Wrapping a towel around her, she stepped down the hall toward her bedroom. As she passed Sarah's open door, she saw her daughter sitting cross-legged on the bed in her underwear, surrounded by the contents of the black leather case. She looked stunned.
