This is the first story of a series. The second in the series is called The Park.
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Another Friday night I'm home alone and wishing I were any other place but here alone in my room. The house quiet and dark save for the radio playing softly in the background tuned to some all night love song dedications. The small lamp on my bedside table casting the only flickers of light against the light pink shade of my walls. Daddy should have been home hours ago but as had grown increasingly usual he had not yet arrived nor had he called to say he would be late. Loneliness creeps into my heart and my eyes fill with tears as I remember how close he and I once were. As far back as I can remember I had always been "Daddy's little girl", and when mom first died our bond seemed to grow that much stronger as if both of us needed each other even more now.
Leaning over and reaching into my bedside table I withdraw a floral photo album that I had found in the attic months before. The edges of the plastic pages worn from my fingers constantly flipping them as I stare again at all the pictures of Daddy and me. Smiling to myself as I remember asking mom once why she was never in any of the pictures and her simple reply being, "I was always the one taking them." Such happy faces on each and every page as I continue to flip through. Pictures of Daddy and I at the park, the beach, school plays, vacations, and here in our home. My heart fills with love as I see my handsome Daddy holding me in his arms or kissing the top of my head all with that same smile of pride on his own face. Sighing softly to myself, wondering what went wrong? What had I done that had driven my Daddy so far away from me?
After mom passed I worked very hard to show him that I could be everything that he wanted and needed. I cooked and cleaned and kept up my studies all in the hopes of making his life easier. At first he turned to me and comforted me in a way that any father would when their only child has lost their mother. The nightmares of losing him to deaths door as I had my mother driving me to his bedroom every night where I would curl against him and he would caress me softly until sleep would claim me. And then the feelings within me began to change and our times together became more controlled and tense. Eating dinner or sitting and watching TV together I would catch him out of the corner of my eye looking at me in a way that I did not understand. His expression almost painful as if he were torn between what he was thinking and what he was feeling. Slowly over the last few months he has pushed away from me and I no longer curl against him in his bed when the nightmares wake me from my sleep.
Smiling to myself as I see the last picture in my album. Me, standing in a simple, silk and lace peach gown in front of the fireplace. Giggling, I remember the trouble Daddy had setting up the camera to capture our picture on that night of my first Prom. Hearing his words in my mind again, "I wish I was taking you tonight Love," a single tear slips down my cheek. Didn't he know that I would have given anything to spend that night with him then go with Greg? Couldn't he see that I loved him more than anyone in the world? Thinking back again to that night and how happy I was that he waited up for me. The look of relief that passed over his face when I walked into the living room and kissed him on the cheek as his sat in his favorite overstuffed chair. My mind drifts further as I remember our talk.
"Sit down Angel," he said. Looking at him curiously and sitting on the soft cushioned ottoman that his feet were resting on. Tucking my dress in comfortably against my thighs as he sits up and rests his elbows on his knees, leaning in to speak to me. "How was your evening Love?" he asks. "Oh, Daddy it was very nice."
"Good. I am glad you had a good time. And Greg treated you well I assume?" he asks as he looks at me more intently, taking in my gown and long flowing brown hair. "Of course Daddy, he wouldn't want to deal with you," I tease.
Leaning in further he takes one of my small hands in his much larger ones. Caressing my slender fingers with his thumbs my lashes flutter and my heart pounds as I look up at him. "Angel, did you come straight home from the Prom?" he asks, his eyes probing for my answer.
Smiling, "Yes, Daddy why?" His thumbs caressing more firmly he says, "Do not be coy with me, I know what happens on Prom night."
Blushing I turn my face and my eyes look away from him. Having never had the "sex" talk with anyone other than my closest girlfriends I cannot bear to look at him. One hand leaving my own his index finger curls under my chin and he turns my face back to look at him. His dark eyes probing deeply into my soul, I know that I could never hide anything from him.
"Are you a virgin Angel?" he wants to know. Nodding, "Yes, Daddy."
"Angel do not lie to me. It is very important that you answer me with complete honesty and I expect nothing less."
"I know Daddy and I swear, I am a virgin," I answer almost pleadingly.
Smiling his finger leaves my chin and returns to my smooth hand as his thumb joins the other and his gentle caress returns.
"Did your mother ever speak to you about sex Angel?"
"No, Daddy," I answer as my cheeks burn with my blush and my embarrassment grows with each passing second. "You did take sex education in school, did you not?" he questions. "Yes, Daddy I did."
"I want to tell you something Angel and I want you to listen carefully. Sex is not a game or a toy to be given away and played with. There is something magical that can happen between two people who give of themselves to one another. You are a very good girl and you have turned into an exceptionally beautiful woman. It would be shame to waist your charms and gifts on a simple boy who cannot think past 10 minutes of passion."
Shifting a little more uncomfortably on the ottoman I feel the slight flutter of butterflies stir in my tummy. The soft light across the room plays shadows on his face as I watch his lips move and his gentle tone settles over me. My embarrassment slowly starts to fade as pride washes over me at Daddy's kind words of my beauty.
"Angel, I want you to promise me something," he says. His tone telling me this is not a question he is asking to gain my promise but yet a demand. "Anything Daddy," I respond surely. "You will not give yourself and your virginity, the very gift of your essence, to someone so undeserving as the boys I allow to come and pick you up on the weekends."
"I promise Daddy," I quickly say. "Do not rush to make a promise you are unsure in your heart you can keep. Remember Angel I want your honesty."
"I'm not rushing Daddy, I want to make you this promise. I will always keep my promise to you," I say the words at the very moment I know in my heart that I will never give myself to another.
Leaning back in my bed and curling over onto my side, my knees slightly bent and my feet dangling off the edge I replay that night and this conversation in my mind. How many times have I thought of that night? How thankful and relieved I was that I was able to hold Greg off and not give in to his persistent queries for sex. Remembering sitting there on that ottoman, so close to my Daddy his breath would tickle my cheeks as he spoke. Wishing deep inside that he would touch me, that he would be the one to have me and knowing how wrong it was to feel this. Loving Daddy so much and wanting to be his forever and always but never being able to say the words or show him just what is inside of me. Sighing, my lashes flutter and my heartbeat slows to a gentle rhythm. My thoughts drifting again as sleep slowly begins to claim me.
Coming awake quickly and sitting up in bed, my heart pounding in my chest as I hear the stairs creek. My eyes darting to my bedside clock and I see that it is past 2:00am. Taking slow and deep breaths I wait as patiently as my pounding heart will allow, wanting to scream from having been awoken this away but still so sleepy I'm unsure of what I'm thinking. Hoping against all hope that it is my Daddy's heavy feet I hear on the stairs, knowing that it is him but the gripping fear of the unknown keeping my heart pounding at a quick pace. Turning slightly on my bed, my feet slip further off the side and land gently on the floor as I curl my toes in my socks. The creak stops and silence continues and I feel I'm going to jump out of my skin. The brass knob on my bedroom door slowly begins to turn as someone quietly pushes it inward. The tall dark shadow slips around the side and the scream catches in my throat as tears slide down my sleep creased cheeks.
"Angel, are you awake Love?" Daddy whispers softly.
My heart pounds in my ears and I can barely hear his words as my tears overwhelm me and I cover my face and cry softly into my palms. Daddy hearing the soft whimper of my tears glides gracefully over to my bed and sits down to wrap me in his strong arms, cradling me in his embrace and rocking me slowly.
"What is it Love? What has gotten you so upset?" he asks concerned. Shaking my head and sniffling, "Nothing Daddy, you just scared me is all."
Knowing in my heart that it is more than fear that has brought me to this emotional brink at this moment. My wants and needs and desires of these last months so confusing and so hard to control and accept and deal with. His hands slide gently along my back and his lips meet my forehead in a tender kiss.
"Calm now Angel. Relax, Daddy is home," he assures me confidently. Nodding I cannot speak as the tears slowly dry on my cheeks and my heart returns to normal. My thoughts beginning to run quickly together again as I wonder if I'm losing my mind? Taking a deep breath and pulling back from his protecting embrace I look up at him with tear kissed lashes.
