I knew that the flowers in my hand were stupid; they made me look like I was waiting for a girl, which I was but...she wasn't my girl. Simply my sister. But she liked flowers, specifically the ones I had gotten her; purple irises and purple lilies. I smiled to myself remembering the purple phase she had went through in middle school.
But the goddamn flowers, I felt like a jackass for some reason. All these other people around me were watching me, like they knew I was waiting for someone special. I'm not saying my sister isn't special but she isn't the kind of special they're thinking about. I shifted my stance and waited impatiently for her plane to arrive. I had been standing here for what seemed like forever when in truth it had only been about 20 minutes.
Finally they announced the arrival and I waited for the people to start arriving into the waiting area. With my height I could easily see above the many passengers but my sister's height was the problem, she blended in to easily with the crowd. But finally I saw her; her tiny legs carrying her to me as quickly as she could.
"Nate." She said simply as she wrapped her arms around me, well my waist basically.
"It's so good to see you again Sage."
She releases me from her grasp but too quickly for my liking but hugging her again would just be awkward.
Her eyes roamed my body in a critical way, her way of telling me I had changed. She thought I looked different? I thought I looked exactly the same, her on the other hand... Her dark hair flowed down and cured around her breasts. Oh god her breasts, they had filled out even more; round and perky. Her eyes watched me, shit I was staring at her wrong.
"I look the same ladybug." I referred back to my old nickname for her to try and ease the moment.
"No you really don't. You look good Nate, really good."
Did her voice sound that sexy or was it the way my brain processed it?
I cursed myself in my head; I should have never agreed to let her stay with me. This was going to end badly.
It had been sad when she left to go off to college hundreds of miles away but it was also a good thing; I could no longer lust after her if she wasn't around.
But now she was back, she was staying with me, and all my all feelings about her had come back with her.
"So should we get going? It was a long plane ride and I could really use a nap."
"Yeah of course. My place is only about 15 minutes away."
I carried her luggage to my car and she hopped into the passenger seat.
The entire ride to my apartment she said nothing, she wasn't really a talker, I knew that. She could sit with someone for hours and never say a word; she was comfortable in silence. I on the other hand used to spend hours trying to talk to her and would only get minimal responses. It wasn't that she didn't listen or didn't want to hear what someone had to say; she just liked to keep everything inside.
I had finally learned to accept the silence around the time she accepted UNH as the college she would be attending. UNH= 2,075 miles away from me. I had tried to convince her to stay and I knew I sounded like a selfish brat when I had but I didn't care, I wanted her to stay here.
"New car?" She asked as we made our way to my apartment.
"Yeah, I got it about a year ago."
She just nodded and went back to looking out the window.
But I went back to my old ways of trying to fill in conversations.
"It's good to see you again. I'm glad you decided to come back here for a while. Do you know how long you're going to be staying?"
She just shrugged, didn't even glance at me. I was getting frustrated. I wanted her to talk to me, we had barely talked at all over the last four years. She had gotten caught up in college, I knew what it was like, but I had always made it a point to call or come home. I guess its easier to do that though when your college is 30 minutes from your house.
But Sage... I loved her, oh god did I love her but she could be so frustrating when you wanted an honest answer.
"Sage come on."
She looked over at me and raised her eyebrows.
"Talk to me. I've missed you, I want to know what's happened over these past four years."
"Nothing really. Just school."
She was still lying.
"You're bullshitting me."
"Nate you know me."
That one phrase had driven me to the point of insanity over the last 10 years of my life.
"Whatever, we're here anyways."
Then I saw the look on her face; she was sad and angry at herself.
"Something's wrong isn't?"'
She shook her head no and jumped out of the car, heading to the trunk to grab her bags.
"I'll get them." I said as I followed her.
I carried her bags in one hand and she took my other into her hers; knotting our fingers together. Her way of saying sorry and letting me know she wasn't angry or upset with me.
I made dinner and we sat and ate dinner quietly as we always used to do.
After we finished I went to take her plate to the sink but she smiled and stood, taking mine from me.
"You don't have to do that, you're the guest."
She shrugged. "It's the least I can do." And she walked off into the kitchen. I watched her as she walked; her small hips swaying, the curve up her sides to her breasts, her tiny hands as they carried the plates. She looked back, she must have felt me staring and I turned quickly to go to the living room area.
She plopped down on the couch next to me a few minutes later. Her head rested against my shoulder and she aimlessly traced the lines across my hand. I had forgotten the feel of her warm body against mine, well any woman's for that matter.
I was going to go crazy by the time she moved out.
We stayed like that for a while until I realized she had fallen asleep. There was only one bed and the couch to sleep on and I would have gladly taken the couch if I could fit on it. But there was just no way, so I got up and placed a pillow on her head and a blanket over her; she wouldn't mind sleeping on the couch for one night.
I quickly fell asleep in my bedroom.
To my surprise the next morning I woke up to Sage's arms wrapped around me, her head on my chest, and her legs tangles with mine. Wait didn't she have pants on last night?
"Sage, Sage wake up."
She groaned and moved closer to me, if that was even possible.
"Sage come on, wake up."
"What Nate?"
"What are you doing in here?"
She opened her eyes and looked up at me, afraid.
"I woke up out there and couldn't fall back asleep."
"So you came in here?"
"I didn't think you would mind." She said feebly, she thought I was angry with her. I was a little, only because I didn't know how well I could control myself with her in the same bed as me.
"I don't mind it's just that you surprised me."
The fear in her eyes faded and a small smile appeared on her face.
"Sorry."
"It's fine ladybug." I ran my hands through her hair. "We'll have to get you your own bed today."
Something flashed across her face, it quickly disappeared but I caught a second of it; was that disappointment?
"I have to get going, I have work. But later we can go out and get you some things for your room."
She nodded and I got up out of the bed, my will suddenly stronger than it ever had been around her...until she grabbed my hand.
"Nate I..." She started but didn't finish.
"What?"
"Never mind." Her hand slipped from mine back onto the bed. I stood there frozen, staring into her dark green eyes and her staring into my bright blue ones. Our eyes were the only other obvious difference between us other than our height. We had the same dark hair, the same oval face shape, proportioned noses, high-cheek bones, and lean bodies.
But at that moment she could not have been more different from me. That light touch of hand holding me back had done it. I climbed back onto the bed, I was above her, she looked up at me; her eyes questioned me. I leaned down and planted my lips on hers before she even knew what I was doing. One hand cupped her face while the other grabbed her hand that went to push me away. I knew she wanted me off of her, I had caught her off guard but I was determined to kiss her right.
I was gentle against her; I nibbled along her bottom lip and then slid my tongue into her mouth. She responded, kissing me back, her tongue gliding against mine, her other hand went to the back of my head to pull me closer. I leaned into her more; she had to feel my erection against her because I could feel her underneath me.
I was kissing Sage, I was kissing my sister, I was finally kissing her. I'm kissing her? I jumped off of her, what the fuck was I doing? She's my sister, my own flesh and blood. Yeah I fantasized about her but the real deal? She was going to kill me! I stumbled away from the bed trying to get myself to form words and speak to her.
"Sage I- I shouldn't have...that wasn't what I... that was wrong...I'm so sorry." I grabbed randomly for clothes and a towel so I could go to the bathroom and get away from her.
I couldn't look at her and I now wish I had. If I had looked I would have seen her crying but she wasn't sad that I had kissed her, she was sad that I had ran.
But I didn't look; I avoided looking and quickly ran to the bathroom and locked the door behind me.
I waited till I heard her get out of the bed and go into the one of the other rooms before I went in the shower.
I took the time in the shower to think about what had just happened. I had kissed Sage, something I had wanted to do for years but had never had the courage of the opportunity. But I had freaked. I had thought about that situation a million times but it was never me who backed away, it was always Sage who ran crying.
I truly didn't know how to face her, what was I supposed to say to her? What if she hated me? I reluctantly got out of the shower, only because it started to get cold, and got dressed for work.
If there was ever a day I didn't want to have to go to my job at the publishing firm this was the day. I liked my job as a publishers' assistant, it would eventually get me the job I actually wanted which was to be an actual publisher. But for now I worked ridiculous hours and did unnecessary tasks to make people above me happy, or at least for a moment.
I shyly went into the living room; Sage was in the kitchen at one of the counters. I couldn't tell from where I was what she was doing. I grabbed my keys from the table trying not to make any noise but of course I did.
