The Accidental Nudists

Standard disclaimer: The following post contains somewhat sexual content that some readers might find offensive. The characters and events described are all a work of fiction. Any similarities to persons or places, real or fake, are merely a coincidence. Except for Santa. He's real and depicted with his consent!

Reader discretion is advised.

The Accidental Nudists - Part 2: consanguinamory

The next day was our first official day on the mountain, and I awoke just before sunrise.

It felt completely exhilarating to wake up naked. As I slowly pulled myself out of bed, I formally decided never to wear clothes to bed again!

"Good morning," I heard Mom sleepily greet from the other side of the bed as she began rousing herself.

"Good morning," I cheerfully replied.

Standing up, I threw my arms out to stretch when I noticed I had a good case of morning wood. Ignoring it, I quickly turned to walk off the lingering effects of sleep as I headed over to open the doors leading out to the deck.

As I pushed back the curtains and flung wide the glass doors, the cool mountain air came rushing in. The breeze felt amazing on my naked body and the little hairs on my arms prickled up.

Strangely, I felt

very

healthy that morning. Despite spending the previous day binging on chips and sugary snacks and beverages, I couldn't

feel

any extra fat on my muscles. Best of all, the wood I was packing seemed even harder than it had the day before!

Turning back, I was startled to find my Mom, sitting up in bed, looking up at me, positively beaming with pride.

"And good morning to

little

James too," She teased, just as she spotted my member, bouncing jovially, in front of me.

"Don't get your hopes up," I teased back, "it's just morning wood,"

If you haven't picked up by now, Mom and I were used to playful banter like this. Mom's always been a tomboy, and her sense of humor veered sharply into the vulgar and profane. Naturally so did mine, but the situation had a new element to it, and everything with a naughty twist, now had shades of incest! It definitely felt inappropriate, but maybe that was part of what made it feel so fun. Either way, it put

me

at ease for her to be comfortable enough to tease like this.

She was sitting up with her arms folded around her legs. The sheet was loosely draped over her knees, but her breasts were free and enticing. As the breeze wafted through the room, her areolas crumpled up slightly and her nipples visibly hardened as the cool air kissed them.

As I stood in front of the sliding glass doors, stretching, her eyes wandered over my body far longer than normal, and I began to feel a little self-conscious.

"What?" I asked, defensively.

"Oh, I'm just admiring my handiwork!" she cheerfully replied.

"

Your

handiwork?" I demanded, in a playful tone.

"Well, I made that!" she proudly replied, gesturing up and down, at my body, "I made a very handsome young man!"

"I think parts of it might be defective," I said, as I bucked my hips, causing my penis to bounce.

Mom giggled, and for a moment, I thought I saw her blush.

Sitting back on the bed, Mom and I watched the light of the sunrise, spilling over the mountain behind us. It was an amazing view, and I looked forward to the next sunset, but it was getting late in the morning.

We have always been early risers and, frankly, this was the latest either of us had gotten up, in a

very

long time!

"You know what sounds good this morning?" Mom suddenly asked as she lunged forward, out of bed, "scrambled eggs. Let's go find that barbecue and see if they have eggs!"

With that, Mom quickly entered the bathroom and started up the shower.

"Didn't you shower last night?" I asked.

"Yeah," she said, "but I want to shave my legs...people are gonna see this old lady

naked

today!"

She sounded excited at the idea of public nudity, but I still found her self-depreciation annoying.

"I told you, Mom, you're not just some 'old lady'," I challenged, "You're sexy!"

Mom ignored me while rinsing her legs in preparation, I leaned against the counter in the kitchenette, contemplating how to "get ready" without clothing.

"You can come in if you want," Mom said as she picked up her shaving cream and razor from the little caddy on the wall.

I almost turned her down again, but then I decided there was wisdom in a quick wash. Besides, the call of nature was becoming a pressing concern.

Not wanting to lose the opportunity, I slowly, and sleepily, left the kitchenette, pulled open the heavy glass door, and joined her in the bathroom.

Despite the fact, that I had been given an unconventionally masculine upbringing by my tomboyish mother, Mom taught me the proper way to use a toilet. Standing is for heathens! That said, the men reading this already know how difficult it can be to sit on a toilet with an erection!

It was with no small amount of self-consciousness, that I had to maneuver myself over the toilet, angling the raging man-meat between my legs into the bowl, before

carefully

sitting.

With a stifled snicker, Mom looked away just as I noticed her watching me struggle. Then, just as I was getting comfortable, Mom suddenly leaned forward, folding herself completely over, with her butt pointed straight at me, as she began applying shaving cream to her calves and shins.

Up to that point, I had only gotten a glimpse of Mom's labia through pubic hair, however, as she stretched over her leg to slowly stroke away unwanted stubble with her razor, she had her legs set wide apart. From where I was sitting, I could clearly see everything. Clitoris. Labia. Vaginal entrance. Everything! It was a tantalizing hint at the unearthly pleasures of the experienced female body.

The image produced a shot of pure adrenaline and my cock stiffened up even harder! Watching my mother doing something so mundane as shaving her legs, it was all I could do to keep my cock pointed down into the toilet bowl, without breaking the porcelain!

"I know you might not want to hear this coming from your own mother," She began, speaking to the back side of the sauna bench, "I think you should masturbate before we go out."

She said it as though she was making a restaurant suggestion; blunt and without emotion.

All things considered, it wasn't quite as much of a shock to hear her say it after spending the night, nude and in the same bed. But it was still quite a shock hearing it coming from my own mother while packing the hardest erection of my life!

"Why?" I managed to ask, still trying to convince my prostate to set my bladder free.

"I just think you'll be more comfortable if you flush some of those hormones first," she calmly explained, "there are probably going to be plenty of naked women in the forest today, and I don't know what etiquette is. If you get this big seeing

me

, think how big you'll get for all the girls that

aren't

your mother! Wouldn't you rather

not

have your penis leading the way through camp?"

"I just need to empty my bladder." I lied, as I struggled to find a comfortable position on the seat, "I'll do my business, and it'll go away. You'll see."

In truth, I wasn't actually sure it

would

go away. While I could feel the call of nature, my heart was still racing pretty hard so it wasn't exactly a forgone conclusion!

"Suit yourself," she replied just as she was finishing up with her left leg, and switching to her right. I'm pretty sure she knew my erection wasn't just another case of 'morning wood'.

I thought about telling her that no woman has ever turned me on as much as this, but that seemed like it would just make things uncomfortable. Besides, I still wasn't willing to admit to being physically attracted to my own mother, even to myself! Other than that, she had sound reasoning.

"So if I did decide to do...that--and I'm

not

saying I will--how do you propose I do it?" I bluntly asked, after a minute or so of silent struggle.

Initially, Mom was startled by the question. She thought the topic was over and off-limits, so my reply was unexpected. Then she looked over at me like I'd just walked into something.

"You can do it on the bed," she started, with a smirk as she playfully listed off suggestions, "or you could do it in the kitchen. On the couch. Wherever you feel comfortable doing it!"

"And, the mess?" I stopped her, feeling even more aroused than before. Gladly, my cock was stuck under the lip of the toilet rim, hiding just how stiff it was.

"Use a condom!" she cheerfully replied.

"What condoms?" I bluntly asked.

That

stumped her, but only briefly.

"Okay," she said as she shrugged, "forget the condom idea, just do it in here, and let it go down the drain!"

Truth be told, I was considering it. For a start, nothing else thus far had caused Mom to shy away from the situation. For another thing, it was

her

idea! Besides, I'd been pent-up for quite a while already.

But it wasn't as simple as that. Mom may have seen everything there was to see about me, but my mother...had never seen me

ejaculate.

You see, there's a kind of checklist that many men have. It's the list of sexual priorities. That list doesn't just include things we'd like to do. It also includes a set of things that embarrass us. High up on

my

list? Being seen ejaculating.

It was during my last relationship that this particular phobia began. My last ex-girlfriend was actually the only girl that

actually

saw me ejaculate, and it didn't end well.

I

would

explain, but this will all come back, to haunt me again later, so for now, let's move on!

"So what are

you

going to do while I flog my dolphin?" I asked, curious just how far ahead she'd thought this through.

Mom snickered at my descriptive language before replying.

"At this point, I wouldn't mind watching you

work that thang

."

she jokingly replied, with a wide grin, while waving her hand, simulating the jerking off motion.

The suggestion that my mother would like to watch me masturbate caused another huge shot to my endocrine system, and I could feel myself blush.

"What?" She sheepishly asked, "You said it was defective! As the maker of the product, I'm just offering to do an inspection!"

Mom had already demonstrated a formidable tolerance for the strange and crass situation we were in. Which is a good thing I suppose, because now we have a story! But any way you want to look at it, I was still

not

willing to masturbate in front of my Mom.

Mom and I stared at one another for a while after that. We, both had an air of 'I dare you', and by then we knew the other wouldn't back down. It was like a raunchy game of chicken, where neither challenger was willing to be the one to flinch.

"If it makes you more comfortable," Mom eventually continued, with a little sigh of disappointment, "I have a book in my bag, and I brought my air-pods. How about I read a few pages on the deck until you finish. Then you can come get me, and we'll pretend I don't know!"

Thankfully, at that exact moment, my prostate finally relaxed enough, and I was able to release the floodgates of my bladder.

The trickling sound of spraying liquid, filling the bowl, signaled the end of the conversation, and to my relief, Mom returned her attention back fully to her legs.

As expected, my penis lost a little rigidity as my bladder deflated. At least it was enough to not be so uncomfortable, or obviously erect. I quickly got up, flushed, went to the sink, and smeared my face with shaving cream.

I don't normally shave two days in a row. My skin isn't very sensitive, but it's easy to get ingrown hairs if I shave too often. Even so, I could feel a little roughness and I figured it would be a good excuse to stay in the bathroom.

It was quite a struggle to shave,

not

cut myself, and watch my Mom bending over, especially after

that

conversation! I was so distracted, that I wasn't even half done when Mom switched her focus to her underarms. Gladly this meant the bouncing bottom show was over so I could better focus on myself.

Once my face was done, I immediately turned my attention to my pubic area. Mom

was

right about one thing, considering the fact we were going out naked, I didn't want to look all bushy!

Just as I began working on the edges of my pubic area, Mom suddenly asked, "Should I shave mine?"

Looking over, She was already done shaving her underarms and was now leaning against the stone wall. Hunched over slightly, she was looking down at her pubic mound with her left hand over her belly, pulling up, stretching her skin, and exposing her labia and clitoris while causing her pubic hair to prickle up.

Mom's sensitive areas were immaculate for a forty-three-year-old mother. Her skin was smooth and soft. Her inner lips were thin but enticing, and her clitoris, peeking out under its hood, was quite full and plump, and pink.

"I shaved this part before we left," she explained as she caressed the sides of her lips with her right hand, "but what about the top," she added, as she pulled her hand back, combing through her pubic hair.

My cock twitched involuntarily.

"You want my genuine opinion?" I asked, ignoring my penis.

Mom nodded, as she turned to look up at me with a genuine look of curiosity.

"I think you should leave it like that," I replied, as I resumed trimming, "I feel like a proper

woman

would have a little pubic hair, and personally, I like how it looks."

"You like it?"

she asked, with a big shit-eating grin.

I could feel the blood boiling into my cheeks as I realized what I just said.

"Yeah! It's sexy!" I doubled down, humorously, forcing the embarrassment down deep as I continued, "Plus it shows off that you're a natural redhead!"

"Keep calling me sexy, James, and I might start to think you have an Oedipus complex," she replied with a sarcastic smirk.

"It's not

my

fault you're such a good-looking woman!" I replied, dismissively and in a matching sarcastic tone.

Mom chuckled as she turned her attention to washing herself.

Soon after, we were quietly focused on our respective tasks. Not wanting to look like a hypocrite, I left a little patch of hair over my shaft, just about matching what Mom had, before I moved on to shaving my testicles.

Once we were clean, shaved, and dry, we left the bathroom and Mom pulled out her bottle of lotion and began massaging it into her skin.

Watching her bounce and jiggle while rubbing every inch of herself with oily creams did nothing to prevent a

new

erection from forming. Thankfully, she didn't comment on it again. However, I was starting to wonder if this was just the hard-wired male instincts at work, or if I might

actually

have an Oedipus complex!

After the lotion, Mom pulled out a bottle of sunscreen, and this time, I joined her. After all, as the song goes: don't forget the sunscreen!

I can not stress this enough, especially in the cooler, high altitudes of the Sawtooth Mountains; sunscreen and insect repellent are the most important things to have in your kit!

....

Mom and I emerged from our cabin an hour after getting up. Both of us felt quite awkward walking out of the cabin with nothing to cover us. After a lifetime of dress codes and learned shame; one does not naturally walk nude in public. However, it was obvious Mom was having an easier time with it.

It took a

lot

of self-control to stand up normally with such a firm cock on display. Like she said, I was basically following my glans down the path!

Needless to say, there was a lot of eye-averting as we slowly began our stroll down the hill toward the central resort.

The view of the mountain surroundings in the morning was positively amazing. Over the far side of the lodge, the rolling hills and many hidden valleys rose into view like a ragged and crumpled-up green carpet. There wasn't a road, power line, airplane, or chem trail as far as the eye could see. I was so struck with awe at the view, I barely had enough thinking power to consider: where does the electricity come from?

Though we were still exploring, Our first stop was the barbeque and dining area, a large, open pavilion with massive smokers, barbecue ovens, and gas grills churning through everything from fries to brisket.

I was only a little surprised when the naked Santa from the front desk greeted us at the serving line.

"Well, if it isn't the happy couple, Mr. and Mrs. Smith!" he warmly greeted as he manhandled an entire side of beef into the largest barbecue oven I've laid eyes on, "did you enjoy yourselves last night? Sure was a

romantic

sunset, and you guys have that lovely deck to watch it from."

"But...I'm his-" I heard Mom quietly mumble.

"I know, I know," he quickly replied, with a playful wink as he pushed the oven door closed with a solid clank, "his mother."

Then, turning to me, the Naked Santa gave me a warm smile, as he glanced, briefly at my manhood.

"Even so, I believe

James

would agree when I say, you're a fine woman," the naked Santa complimented, "and he's a

very

lucky man to be sharing that cabin with you."

Instantly, I felt embarrassed and moved to hide my raging erection. I was beginning to think maybe I

should

have taken care of it in the shower.

"Be flattered by the hardness of the penis that you see," another voice suddenly chimed in, with a dirty limerick. "Please recognize the

compliment

that it was

meant

to be!"

Just then, this sweet little, naked woman appeared behind us, carrying a baking sheet loaded with hash browns.

She was close to the same age as the naked Santa with silvery hair and a warm, disarming smile. Her hair was styled into a classic, milkmaid braid, and her skin was milky white, with a slight pink hue in her cheeks and chest. Her breasts were unnaturally full and perky for a woman clearly in her mid to late sixties, and her body was well-kept with only a few errant freckles and beauty marks here and there. Finally, she was short. Very short. So short in fact, I hesitate to guess her height! And she couldn't have weighed more than ninety pounds, including the hash browns! Like the naked Santa, she had a definite "Christmas" vibe to her, despite the fact it was July and she was totally nude!

"Has my husband been giving you a hard time?" the naked old woman asked, handing the tray to the naked Santa, just as she turned back to take a proper look at us.

"Not at all!" Mom cheerfully replied, "We're just new to all this."

With that, the older woman turned and gave me a warm smile, "Stand up straight, James," she warmly instructed, looking me up and down, "there's nothing to be ashamed of!"

Hesitantly, I straightened up, allowing my penis to bounce into view.

"There. Now, what a lovely penis you have, James!" she complimented, with a warm smile.

"Perfect size for a good cervix massage," the naked Santa added with a matching smile.

"Be nice, Chris," she chided, jabbing the naked Santa lightly in his bulbous belly.

"Well, he's not wrong," Mom slyly added with a playful smile.

The elder woman gave Mom a wry smile before replying, "No, he's not wrong," she agreed, "any woman would be happy to have you as a lover, James. You don't have to hide your erections at Bare River."

"I told you they were a handsome pair, didn't I Jess?" Chris added with another playful wink.

"Yes, you did," Jess replied, with a bemused smile.

"Anyway, I think our guests are hungry" Chris graciously continued, ignoring his wife's attitude as he turned to open another oven, "It's a little early for the brisket, but we have eggs and bacon, barbecue chicken, and ribs, and I think the smoked hams should be done in a minute or two." He happily listed off the barbecue offerings.