*Sorry this took so long for me to get this out. I had something come up and I was unable to finish until now. I hope you enjoy.*
I stood atop the poling platform and silently pushed my 17 foot flats boat through the quiet back waters in arguably the best area for fishing in Southwest Florida. I spent most springs and falls in these waters since I was allowed out of the house without supervision. I started with a kayak then moved up to using my friends little john boat. Now I had acquired my own boat which had made things a lot easier.
I always loved coming here to relax. The peace and quiet these back bay waters offered was unsurpassed by anything I had ever experienced. This was the real Florida. Endless little cuts of water through the mangroves where snook, trout, and redfish were held up just waiting for bait to pass in front of them. You could pole through these waters all day long and never see another boat. Just the cicada calling from the branches and the shrill call of an osprey over head was about it. The popping of the fish was always a welcome sound too.
We came here to relax before our next stress filled event. We were going to tell my parents this evening about us, that's if they didn't already know. Uncle John hadn't spoken to us in 27 days, not that I was counting or anything. Jessica was taking that especially hard. I did what I could to keep her spirits up. Today was more for me to relax.
I rounded the last little corner where the mangroves hung way out into a deep cut that always held fish. I scanned the area through my Costa sunglasses to find the slightest color change in the still waters. It was beautiful out here today. It was the perfect time of year to be here too. Every guide and weekend warrior was out fishing for tarpon so the back waters were a ghost town.
The sun reflected off the water and showed me where to cast. Tossed the white bait at the point and let it drift along in the slow moving current. Might be too early to get a consistent bite, the tide wasn't moving quickly enough. Turned the reel and watched the line climb through the eyes on the pole. Little drops of water dripping back into the cut. A few more casts with nothing left me wondering. Maybe I was too close to the cut. I pushed the pole along and watched the front of the boat.
Jessica lay lounged out flat on her back soaking up the rays in her skimpy little black thong bikini. Looked so good laying there with her green lensed Costa sunglasses covering her face. Hair tied back in a loose bun, arms resting at her side. Flat little tummy gently rising and falling as she relaxed there. Sun reflected off her deep tan and the slightest hint of sweat. Breast making a perfect rise off her chest, little nipples taught inside her top. Surprised she still had her top on come to think of it. Bottoms hugging her mound tightly leaving nothing to the imagination. Just a little black triangle hiding her little treasure between. Golden legs stretched out and relaxed. Little toe nails painted red. Must have suspected me watching her as she smiled at me. Blew her a kiss as I cast again.
Felt the line bump but came up with nothing. Just kept casting and not worrying about the lack of success. The fish would bite when they were ready.
"Did you and Carmen go fishing together?" Jessica asked.
I sighed to myself. For the past week she had been asking these types of questions. I always brushed them off or told her what she wanted to hear. Needed to get to the bottom of all this. Climbed from the platform and pressed the power pole into the sandy bottom to hold us in place. Tossed the mostly dead fish into the water. It was time for a new one anyway. Climbed to the front of the boat and sat next to her hip to hip in opposite directions as she looked at me.
"Jessica, honey," I said softly. "I like to run and I like to fish and I like to travel. Because I like these things, Carmen did those things with me. I'm not out here trying to recreate things I did with her with you. The past is the past. I'm building my life with you now. You are all I want."
Silence as she sat up and scanned the mangroves absentmindedly.
"Are you having second thoughts?" I asked.
"No, not at all," she replied, quickly turning to face me.
"Then what is all this about? Why are you questioning everything? It's like you're trying to find something wrong so you can have an excuse to leave."
"Sometimes I can't believe this is real," she whimpered. "Can't believe you would love me after five years of pain and waiting. Can't believe you love me for who I am. I don't feel I'm good enough for you sometimes."
"I love you more each and every day," I assured her. "This is as real as it gets."
"Then why does it feel like the world is against us?" she cried. Pain in her voice becoming more evident as she looked down.
"Why hasn't my dad called?"
"He isn't ready yet," I replied trying to keep the situation from getting worse.
"What about your parents, what if they hate us too?"
"Your dad doesn't hate you, he just needs time. We don't know about my parents yet, we will know soon enough. You can't get hung up on things you don't have the answers for."
She sighed, gathering herself as she pondered the next question.
"What if we can't ever have a family?" she croaked.
Knew this was coming, held strong to keep her steady even though I was breaking on the inside. Little whimper escaped her as her lip started to quiver. We were so excited when the test was positive, devastated when the doctor said she lost it or it was a false positive. In her heart she knew she lost it.
"Jess, it just wasn't our time," I said so softly. "Once things settle down the time will be right."
"But I was ready now," she cried in anger.
"I know sweets," I said. I pulled her to me and held her. Rocked with her like a baby for a while until she settled down. Being positive and not dwelling on the bad was who Jessica was. She calmed down enough to continue our talk.
"We are going to have babies Jess," I assured her. "We might just have to wait until things settle down. Our time will come."
"I hope," she sighed.
We were silent now. Just watching the late morning sun reflect off the flat calm water as she rested her head on my shoulder. My fingers gently touching the underside of her leg as I stroked up and down it.
"Maybe we have to move," I teased hoping she would respond in a positive way. Knowing Jessica, she would.
