My mom and dad usually hosted Thanksgiving for all of us every year. They hosted the Christmas parties, New Year's Eve parties, and birthdays. They did a big party for Easter as well. Everyone came. Me, my younger brother Jack, and our cousins and aunts and uncles. We'd been doing it for as long as I can remember. I'm twenty-three now, and Jack is nineteen. He and I are both introverts, but we put up a good façade when it comes to parties with our family. Mom's side, and dad's side.
My train pulled up as I thought about what this holiday would bring. I always looked forward to parties at my mom's house. Not only because there was going to be a lot of food, but a lot of relaxing. I brought my homework along to do at the house, but mom repeatedly said, "This isn't about homework! You have a break! Do your homework in bits every day, and just relax for most of it. Otherwise, it's not really a holiday." She was right about that. I did have a lot of fun.
As I found my seat and showed the conductor my ticket, I smiled happily to myself. That wasn't really why I loved these days. I mean, I did love the food, and the relaxing. I loved spending time with my younger brother as well.
We were both introverts, who liked mostly the same things. He loved reading, and he loved the same types of music I did. He was a big fan of Zen meditation. I didn't really understand it. But we still got along. My mom had been married for twenty-three years, and our family was close. But they didn't know about last year's new Year's Eve party.
I had gotten very drunk on the wine my mom and dad had been sharing with me even after the guests had gone. When I'd gotten to finally go to bed, I had told Jack that I was really happy to be back at home with him. I had told him that I really thought he should have kept the two twin beds rather than buy a single king sized bed. He confessed that he thought I wouldn't want to come back and that's why he had opted to get himself a different bed. I have no idea what happened after that.
We were talking about how it was two minutes to midnight, and wondering if we should go out there and wake mom and dad up. This felt strange. Every year we always stayed up and celebrated the coming of midnight by blowing an air horn or throwing a confetti cannon. This year for some absurd reason, the 'rents had gone to bed early. I went to check to see what was happening in their room, and was shocked to hear them snoring.
"I think it's because they're getting older." Jack said grinning as we both climbed back into bed.
"You all right?" I asked as the clock said eleven fifty-nine.
"Yeah. I'm just kind of sad. I'm a little bummed out that I have no one to spend the moment with. You know, guys always talk about what they do during new year's. About the first kiss, or the hot sex after. Bringing in the first cum of the new year." He mimicked jealously.
There were twenty seconds left.
"It's not really a big deal." I said smartly. "I've never dated, or kissed anyone. I hear it's over rated though." I said as I smiled at him.
We both looked at the clock on his phone as he shined it at us. Five..., four..., three..., two...
I leaned in and pressed my lips on his. He didn't move as I laid there, holding the pose. We both looked at the phone holding that pose until the minute passed, and it was twelve o-one. I pulled away gently and smiled at him.
"Now we can say we've kind of had a first kiss." I said as he put his phone away.
"Yeah." He said in a whisper.
"You all right?" I asked as we laid down and brought the blankets over us.
"Why'd you do it, Eric?" he asked softly. "And more importantly, what makes you think I'm gay?"
"Well, I did it because I'm drunk, and had no idea I was going to do it. You also didn't move away. And I never thought you were gay. I just did it." I said as I laid there blushing.
"Well, I..., I don't know what to say." He muttered softly.
"Are you gay?" I asked as I looked over at him in the moon light.
"I don't know. I thought I was asexual at first, because girls didn't turn me on. But then, I started looking at all kinds of gay porn, and I found out that men turned me on." He said blushing hard.
"I never really liked girls either. I've never really had the time or interest to go looking for porn." I confessed embarrassed.
"Wow. You conservative?" he asked laughing. "Would you marry a girl just because it was expected of you?" he asked hitting a nerve.
"Shut up." I said laughing as well. He had guessed that of me. Wow. I didn't even want to admit it to myself. Or to admit how erect I was because of that kiss.
We'd gone to bed a couple minutes later, without having done anything. It was the worst I've ever felt. I wanted to explore more. But he was my younger brother. I didn't want to pervert this beautiful nineteen year old boy. It was a sin against everything I believed in. So that holiday was me wishing I could jack off to the lip contact I'd had with him.
It hadn't really been a kiss. Just us putting our lips together for a whole minute. No movement, No moaning, no tongue action. I found myself fantasizing about what it would feel like to have tongue action. With my brother. Damn I was so horny all of a sudden! It's like he had opened Pandora's box! Or I had, by instigating the "kiss."
The next time we got together, it was Easter. My parents and the rest of the family had a big party, and Jack and I got stuck talking to all our cousins this time, since they all sought us out. It's like, no matter how much I wanted time alone with him, people always found us. If we snuck off to his room, they'd be suspicious.
Of course, the whole time, I thought about my feelings. Why did I want him alone? Did I want to kiss him again, did I want something more. I didn't know. I hated that I was feeling this way. Especially about poor Jack.
When the party left, my brother and I helped my mom and dad clean up the house. Everyone went to bed at around eleven. It was half an hour into the silence that Jack broached the subject.
"Eric?" he asked softly.
"Huh?" I asked as I looked over at his outline.
"If I close the curtains and make it totally dark in here..., would you make out with me some more?" he asked shyly.
"If you need the darkness, sure. If you want, you don't have to close the curtains." I said as my penis hardened.
"No. I won't do it unless it's dark." He insisted quickly.
He had closed the curtains letting no light in at all. He had placed a towel at the crack under the door, in case someone got up and the hall light came on. After that, he had climbed back into the bed, and we had both turned to face each other.
"Let's not talk." He whispered as he edged closer.
We pressed our lips gently together as we lay there. I wanted to reach out and hug him, but I didn't know if he only wanted our lips to touch. Every once in a while, I swore I felt his tongue brush ever so gently against my lips. There was definitely a lot of tension between us. Both of us wanted to take the forbidden step. Both of us wanted to put our tongue in the other's mouth, but we didn't know how that would make us feel. I was also still denying my obvious attraction to this young man beside me. We managed to just smack our lips together and rub them in different motions for half an hour. His were full, and smooth, and so gentle. I wonder if mine were dry. He never once made an effort to put his tongue in my mouth. And I respected that wish. I just lay there, listening to the sound our lips made every once in a while as we parted and then came back for more.
When the half hour was over, my balls were aching for release. He got up, thanked me, and fixed the bedroom so the moonlight streamed in once more.
I told him he was welcome. I got up, went to the bathroom, and sat on the toilet waiting for the erection to go away.
I had never dated. Masturbation had never interested me. I had never once watched porn. Was I interested now? Maybe. But I didn't want to go for it. I didn't want to become addicted. I mean, I had just kissed my brother for half an hour as if we were middle schoolers. Just lips on lips. No tongues, no spit. And I was already craving more. Even if that's all we did for the rest of my life. Imagine if I jacked off for the first time, or watched porn? Unlike a lot of people say, sex was not one of the things on my mind. I was a top student at the university I went to. I didn't want to ruin that. Not only that, this was incest. I don't know why I encouraged Jack, but I did. I shouldn't. It's incest, and it's wrong.
Now, as I sat on the train, I wondered if my brother was going to ask us to do anything or what. I couldn't get it out of my mind, and secretly found myself wishing my brother asked for more kissing. Maybe he would let us do it in the light this time. Or maybe..., he would let me feel his tongue. Oh man I needed to get my mind off it, or I was going to start to get an erection.
When I got to my destination, I called the house hoping to get a response. It was the day before thanksgiving, and mom and dad were both still at work. Knowing that he might need to pick me up, they had left one of the cars for Jack. Who said he was on his way. Oh my gosh. Why did this thought excite me? I nudged the excitement aside as I dragged my small suitcase out to the parking lot, and waited for him to arrive.
In what felt like no time at all, he was parked not too far away from me. I took my luggage in with me, and we drove off as soon as I put my seat belt on.
We talked about school, and how things were for him. He turned a corner as we both talked about how finals were coming up. Just the thought of finals made my semi-erect penis shrink and hide. I hated finals, and he did too, apparently.
"Funny, I thought a nerd like you would love finals." He joked as we got out of the car and locked it up.
"I am not a nerd." I said as we both made our way into the house. I closed and locked the door, and we both split up. I went to our room to drop off my stuff, and I heard Jack start up the TV.
I went down to the living room, and sat down beside him. He was watching the discovery channel. No, it was TLC. I smiled as I saw what he was watching. It was Monsters Inside Me. He always liked that kind of stuff.
"Hey," he said as we sat across from each other. "Wanna come over to the couch and sit next to me?" he asked grinning shyly at me. "We can..., you know. Make out." He said as he winked at me.
"Jack, we really shouldn't." I said as I stood and practically ran to the seat beside him.
"Don't be a prude. You didn't even masturbate yourself when we made out last time." He said smiling comfortably at me and taking my hand in his.
"You did?" I asked as I blushed and looked at the TV.
