Jenna sat up on the countertop, leaned her head against the side of the refrigerator. Most of the party guests had gone home. A few, childless stragglers were passed out on couches; a handful of people lingered by the pool, passing cigarettes they rarely smoked anymore. The eventing had definitely been a success.
"One of the last one standing, huh?" her sister's husband, Tucker, asked her as he swayed into the room. "Kids these days...." he trailed off, drunk and pleased with himself.
"Haaa. Kid. Tucker, I don't know if you noticed, I'm 23 now," she fired back at him. "Old enough to pay my own bills, raise two beautiful dogs," she raised her eyebrows, playfully matching his self-satisfied tone. "Old enough to get divorced. I think I'm old enough to drink bourbon on the counter at 3 in the morning," she teased, raising her glass to her lips.
"Yea, Jess mentioned that was happening. Vaguely. You know, how she does. What's going on? You ok?" He walked towards her, leaning up on the counter with the clear understanding that they might be here for a while.
Jenna knew Tucker wasn't perfect, but he did genuinely care for her and their family. He was actually pretty empathetic, more so than her older sister, generally speaking. She lifted herself up and shifted her weight back on the counter. She could be honest with him, but it was still hard to talk about.
"We were just so young, you know? He's the only guy I've ever really been with. And I just kept thinking, there has to be more. There's only so long you can day-dream about an exit strategy before you have to own up and realize it's time to make that happen for yourself."
"Yea, I know what you mean...." He trailed off, sat up a little. "Only guy you've ever been with? I don't believe that for a minute. I've seen these guys around you. They fall to their knees and crawl to be near you, even when you were married. Especially when you were married! The last few years have been good on you, Jenn. You'll be fine. The world is your oyster! Oysters are aphrodisiacs, you know."
"Haaa!" She tossed a clementine from the fruit bowl on the counter at him playfully. "You know that's what all women are after, right? A man who knows how to crawl? You're drunk. Go find me some oysters...."
"That's on the table, but it's going to cost you," He teased. Then, more seriously, "how'd you know it was done? Like what was it that finally pushed you to pull the trigger and call the damn thing off?"
"It just felt like we were always missing each other, you know? We were never on the same wavelength, never making the same plans. I kept waiting for it to get easier. Kept waiting for him to get me. We weren't even having sex anymore by the end of it. And even when we were, it was always about him. I still think to this day I've never had an orgasm." She stopped, as if aware that she'd divulged too much. This was perhaps not a conversation to have with her sister's husband, even if he was a friend.
But he just nodded, as if he understood exactly what she was talking about. "Yea. Marriage is not for the faint of heart. I wonder that sometimes. How to tell whether you just need to spice it up or whether it's actually time to call it quits." He cut himself off, seemingly aware that he was also venturing into over-share territory.
"It's OK. I'm fresh off divorce. I know how hard it is. To be honest, I appreciate you not trying to give me a lecture or pretend like you've got it dialed."
"Never had an orgasm, though? Shit. That is not going to cut it. This dude must be a moron. But what's your excuse? Sounds like you need to be doing more making yourself feel good, not less." He looked at her sideways with a mix of curiosity and disbelief.
She threw another clementine at him. Harder this time, less playful. "I don't know. I guess I didn't do a lot of 'making myself feel good' before I got married. I was really young, I'm not sure I ever knew how. I was so eager to be with him. To make him feel good. Ugh, that's paaaaaathetic. Shoot me." She dropped her head and grimaced.
He scooted closer to where she was sitting, pushed her hair out of her face with his hand and put his other arm around her shoulder. "Hey, it's ok. It takes a while. To figure out who you are, what you like. I do recommend some self-exploration, though. You gota know what you like before you can tell someone else," he chuckled.
She rolled her eyes. Empathetic, sure, she thought to herself. But he's still a man.
"Have you tried? To get yourself off I mean. That might be just what you need. A quarter life crisis, an orgasm spree. It could make you invincible." He spread his hands in the air as if depicting what all could be hers if she would just learn how to fuck herself.
