Taling Myself Into My Fantasy Fuc

"It's simple really." I kept telling myself.

"It's obvious she is up for it by the way she keeps flashing her cleavage and never wearing underwear when you're around."

I shook my head as I listened the crap I was saying out loud to myself.

"I mean look at what happened on Tuesday."

"Shame you had to go out."

Not only was I talking to myself, I was answering as well.

I re-ran the actions in my head.

"She was wearing grey joggers wasn't she?"

"Yep you're right."

"And black sweater?"

"Yep."

"She disappeared when I walked in?"

"Quick as a flash."

"Than she came back in a shiny black blouse?"

"Right again mate."

"White ski pants too?"

"Correctamundo."

"Not knickers?"

"None."

"Nipples jigging about?"

"Deffo jigging mate."

"And she did that for me?"

"And me mate."

I laughed, I wasn't sure whether I was talking to myself or arguing but either way I'm sure that's what happened.

"That's what happened Buddy."

"Heck now I'm replying to myself when I didn't say it in the first place."

"Plonker."

"You too."

"When will she be here?"

"Six twelve as always."

"What's the time now?"

"Why are you asking me?"

"Because you can see the clock from there."

"Dimwit we've only got one pair of eyes."

I had it bad tonight, I was arguing with myself over who should check the time.

"And you still haven't looked."

"It's..." I looked up. "Five forty-eight."

"Twenty-four minutes."

"What do you reckon we should say?"

"We? When did I become we?"

"You have a better way with words."

I laughed again.

"Start with 'Can we fuck?'."

"Too vulgar. Try 'you smell lovely tonight'."

"Look, not smell."

"Good point."

"I wonder if she has that pink coat on?"

"I hop not, won't be able to see her tits."

"Fair comment well presented."

"Thanks mate."

"You're welcome."

"Should I use her name?"

"Nah course not."

"Yeah a bit presumptuous."

"So what do you want to do to her?"

"Five effs."

"Dippy bugger, you can't mate."

"Can't? Why?"

"Read them out then."

"Find her, follow her, finger her, fuck her, forget her."

"See you can't do three of 'm."

"Three? Oh I see what you mean."

"What's the time now?"

"Cheeky, six oh-three."

"Nine minutes."

"What do you want to do first?"

"Suck on those fucking great nipples."

"Yeah cool man they are unusually big."

"You know he used to suck 'm all the time."

"Lucky sod."

"She's got little tits though."

"Lovely shape though."

"Like the way the nipples point outwards?"

"Ooh yeah mate and hang down a bit."

I stopped talking and thought for a moment.

"I must be mad talking to myself like this."

"And replying to me too."

"She has a lovely arse too."

"Wonder if she takes it up the shit chute?"

"Doubt it. But she has that lump at the front too."

"Yeah... I wonder what that is?"

"It's either a bit chunk of bling or a fucking great big clit."

"Fuck mate look at that hard on, gotta have a feel of that."

"Don't mind if I do."

I copped a handful of my cock, imagining it's my alter ego.

"Thinking about her green ski pants now."

"I forgot those, just how tight can they get?"

"And that was with a thong on."

"Six-oh-eight, another four minutes."

"How about that orange top?"

"Oh man. How about the pink?"

"Yeah how does that work, there's nothing of it."

"Or the pink Shorts, I'm sure I saw her pussy lip once."

"Me too."

"Six-ten now."

"Remember that whit blouse with the red flowers?"

"He-he looked like her nipples."

"Dam sexy though without a bra or vest."

"Yeahhhhhhh, oh yeahhh."

"That's her car."

"False alarm."

"Six-twelve. Where is she?"

I started pacing and looking out of the window.

"Stupid sod Terry you don't really think this is going to happen?"

"Bloody hope so. What's the time?"

"Six-fourteen. Ha some chance."

"I hope she's got the green ski pants on."

"With the orange top. Yeah?"

I twisted round so fast when I heard a female voice.

"Make your mind up. I've changed six times in the last half hour."

"Gran. Your shit chute smells tonight!"

She was wearing the pink shorts and white blouse with red flowers.

"I wondered what you'd say."

"That was wrong Gran you look lovely."

"Better. Now come over here and fuck me."

I ripped the shorts down and started chewing.

"That's pure clitorussssssssss Terry. All woman and just for you."