Eighteen was an interesting year for me.
Oh hell, let me start that over.
Eighteen was the year that changed my life.
Yeah, that's more like it.
I like to think it was the year that changed my life for the better. I leave that for you, gentle reader, to decide.
A little background.
I was raised by a single mom. As I would find out later, mom was an alcoholic and what we would call today a party girl. I looked at my summers in a small town in Eastern Colorado - never mind which one - as a treat. Kind of my extended summer camp where I had cousins to play with and uncles to teach me important things like how to shoot, smoke, and drink whiskey in the front seat of an old pickup truck. As I learned later, it was mom's vacation too, when she could party to her heart's content and fuck anything with a hard dick.
But as happens, puberty struck. And so here I was, eighteen, a recent high school graduate, and still a virgin. I noticed that mom, as she walked through our small house barely dressed, had interesting parts. Sometimes at night I would sneak into her room and peek, captivated by the shape of her breasts and wondering why she had that towel between her legs after she came home from a date.
Any man reading this understands. My dick was always hard and after a friend taught me about masturbation, well, my hand was always down there. George Carlin did a bit on that once, and I laughed until I couldn't breathe. In part, I suppose it was the pot I had smoked, but in part, it just hit so close to home. He told of how a friend had taught him how to masturbate. Part of that, though, had been a warning that there were only a half million of those available. The punch line - - "so, as I hit four hundred ninety-nine thousand, nine hundred, ninety-nine," dramatic pause, "four days later."
So anyway, here I was, it was 1961, I was 18 years old with absolutely no knowledge of sex beyond draining the old dragon about every hour. Remember, this was pre-internet. I had exactly one Playboy magazine that I pretty much wore out, kept carefully hidden between mattresses, and a friend once regaled me with his pictures of legs, clipped out of the Penney's catalog. Ignorant is the word that described me as we drove east on Highway 40.
Mom was in good spirits. Her two breakfast screwdrivers had mellowed her out and her hangover seemed broken. She was singing along to the radio.