I spent the morning doing my usual tasks, preparing for her visit. I chopped some extra wood and made sure the extra blankets and linen were all clean. I even checked and rechecked the damn generator that gave me so many problems over the winter. I didn't really need to do all this but I needed something to keep me occupied or my nerves would get to me and I'd be an anxious mess when my daughter arrived.
"Daughter". I tossed the word around in my mind.
Even thinking it to myself felt odd, much less saying it out loud. It is true, I had a daughter. She was 22 now, on a break from school and she was coming to visit me for some reason, but to be honest... I was never much of a father to begin with. I married young and because of that and... other reasons, it failed pretty quickly. I only stuck around a couple years, as long as I could, really, but I had to leave, for both our sakes'.
I now lived in a humble cabin upstate, at least an hour away from any major city or suburb. When I was 30 my aunt passed away and left me this little parcel and I've pretty much stayed ever since and that was about 10 years ago.
I try to live off the grid as much as I can. And on this mountain, its pretty easy. I prefer the isolation out here and I keep busy. The cabin does have some electricity but you can't always count on it and there's plenty other things to be done if you're gonna live out here. It's not much but it is a simple, quiet life.
That all changed, however, a couple of weeks ago when I got a letter from my my ex-wife, Iris. All it said was that she needed to meet and that our daughter,Sophia, was in some kind of trouble at college.
I met her at a diner down on the state highway about 20 minutes from me. She still looked beautiful despite the wear and tear of being a single mother. She was half Italian and half Greek and had long dark hair and olive/tanned skin. "I don't know what's going on with her." She started.
"Well, what happened at school?" I asked.
"She... she got into some fight over a boy. Like, a real fist fight. And there was... something about a professor. I don't know, she won't talk about it." She sighed. A waitress brought us coffee.
"A fucking boy, jesus-" I stopped myself.
"Between that and bad grades and her absences from class... its been recommended she take an 'academic leave' or whatever it is they call it."
I nodded. I could see now where this might go, even if I didn't like it.
"I was gonna send her to my parents on the east coast, but she says she wants to see you... for whatever reason." Iris sipped her coffee. We both knew I wasn't much of a father but those kind of barbs still had a sting to 'em. She must be very frustrated. Her eyes were red from worried tears.
"Well, yeah, ok. I'll take her on. You know I can't say no. I don't really know how I can help though. I'm not one who should be giving relationship advice..." She smiled at that. God, I miss that smile.
"Just... I don't know. Teach her some things, maybe? Take her fishing?"
"I'm sure that'll help." I said, sarcastically. I sipped my coffee.
"She's really been asking questions about you the past few years, you know? I know you guys are strangers but, she needs a father. She needs you. And I think, as long as you just show up and do your best...maybe you won't fuck it up." We laughed.
So, yeah, I guess I wasn't gonna be able to hide from her forever but I was still nervous. God, I hadn't seen her since she was maybe 12? 13? What kind of person is she now? I was curious, I couldn't deny.
I was dropping some potatoes into my stew when I saw her little blue car pull up on the dirt road in front of the cabin. I took a deep breath and wiped my hands on a towel. It was time. I set the towel down and walked outside, my heart pounding. I even tried brushing back my hair, as if it even mattered. Jesus, John, you're 39! You've got a paunch and grey hairs, what does it matter? Just the nerves, I guess.
I walked out and waited for her to come to a stop. Should I smile? I don't wanna look creepy... She bounced out of her car, holding up her phone and speaking into the front camera.
"Well, it doesn't look like much but I'm sure its super cute inside! Full tour is coming don't worry!"; She was talking to... an audience, it seemed. Oh no. She smiled and winked into the camera and then stopped recording. She was still looking down on her phone, typing something. I just stood there, unsure what to say. We haven't spoken in years, she wants to come up and visit and this is how she greets me?
"Hey, Soph-"
"Hey, Dad." She cut me off. She typed another second, then finally put her phone away. Are these how kids are now? "Sorry, I just had to upload that video." She looked around my small cabin. I got a good look at her. She did look a lot like her mother, with the same long, curly black hair and tanned, peachy skin. She had green eyes, though. What shocked me though was what she was wearing: a long, white dress that cupped her enormous breasts. Those weren't there last time we met. I had remind myself, shamefully, that this was my own flesh and blood and scolded myself for staring.
"Uh, yeah, well, this is it." I mumbled She wiped her bangs from her eyes and nodded. "You have any luggage?" I asked, not sure if I should go in for a hug.
"Yeah." Was all she said. I helped her with her suitcase as she gathered her purse and backpack form the car. I tried my best to avoid stealing glances when her breasts jiggled but her dress was so form-fitting and thin, I couldn't help it. I must be some kind of sick fuck for noticing these things, no wonder I was never fit to be a father. I tried to distract myself.
"So, uh, your mom says you actually wanted to come out here? She said you got into some trouble at school..." I trailed off, expecting her to answer but she didn't, not right away, anyway.
"I mean, it just seemed better than having Nana and Pop looking over my shoulder all the time, asking where I'm going or what I'm doing. Besides, I like the forest." She didn't say anything else as we walked inside. This was going to be a long, awkward stay.
I gave her the tour of my -now, our- modest cabin. There was a living room, complete with a fire place, one bedroom in the back and then then kitchen and sort of, parlor/dining area. There was also the bathroom, of course. We had plumbing but hot water was rare and we did have some electricity but it could come and go depending on the weather. She did not seem impressed, I'll be honest.
"I've seen New York apartments bigger than this place..." She walked around, eyeing my things: mostly just pictures of my family and knick-knacks. "Where do I sleep if there's only one bedroom?" She asked.
"Well, I figure you could take the bedroom. I've got a cot I can pull out here, by the fireplace." I figure she'd want some privacy, being a girl and all. But... maybe a real father might want to be able to keep an eye on her? I had so many doubts... How do real fathers handle this shit?
I walked her over to the kitchen. "I've got a nice beef stew going, if you're hungry. My dad's old recipe-" I had the pot on a simmer.
"Oh, didn't mom tell you? I'm vegetarian now..." She said.
In fact, she did not. That had thrown a wrench in things for me. Most of my meals had some kind of meat in them, especially fish. "Oh, well, I'm sure we'll figure something out."
"It's cool, I can just pick out the meat for now, I guess..." She was on her phone again. Yep, this was gonna be a long weekend.
My game plan for these first few days were pretty simple: Do some father/daughter outdoor activities and try to get her to open up about school and whatever else, and maybe try to impart some 'fatherly' wisdom. Or at least just listen and not be a jerk. You see this kind of thing all the time in movies, should be easy right?
Wrong! She basically kept to herself the first day, hardly even leaving her room or talking to me. At first, I thought going fishing might be nice but then I remembered she'd vegetarian.... so that wasn't gonna work. It didn't matter anyway, as she slept in most days. I thought she might like a hike at least -hell, she did say she liked the outdoors- but every time I invited her out she declined and usually did her own thing, which was basically be her on her phone. Or leaving the cabin as soon I as I came back in. No, nothing went as planned those first few days.