Starting Over

(To fully understand this story, please see Chapter 1.)

They straightened the room when they got back, and while Jessica took a quick shower, Ann drew a bath and had just settled into its soapy warmth when Jessica, wearing a white terry cloth robe and a toweled turban sat down on the toilet seat next to the bath. Neither said anything for a moment, both enjoying the proximity and silence.

“It’s funny what you said, mum.”

“About what?”

“About your juices.”

Ann wanted to slip beneath the water, to make it cleanse her of her shame but her daughter sensed this and kissed her mother’s shoulder with a warm and encouraging smile.

Her words were decidedly frank, as if there was no possible need for inhibition. “When I was about 11 or 12, I think it was about then, I was downstairs just fooling around, I don’t remember what I was doing, it isn’t important, but I was in the laundry room and I saw a pair of your panties on top of the hamper.” Jessica told the story to the wall, not wanting to look at her mother, not want to see her reaction. “They were so different from mine. They were bigger, of course, but they were brighter, yellow, high cut yellow nylon panties, and softer and they were so pretty, so pretty like you. Anyway, after I looked at them for awhile I brought them to my nose and I smelled you. I’ll never forget that smell,” Jessica laughed, and she thought her mother did, too, “it wasn’t like tonight, it was different.” She shrugged, “Hard to explain, hard to explain smells that make you tingle with excitement. Anyway, I put those panties on, they didn’t fit but I put your panties on and I wore them all around the house, even when I was beside you, touching you. It felt so great, it felt so exquisitely naughty. That was the first time I did that, the last time was about two days ago and I’ve been doing that off and on from that very first day. Why am I telling you this?” She knew why she was and didn’t wait for her mother to speculate, “Because you’re not alone, mum, I love your juices, too.” Then she got up and playfully pushed at her mother’s head, as a team mate might. “I don’t blame you for smelling and licking yourself, mum, you’ve got a great taste.” Then she left, leaving a mother alone with her very troubled thoughts.

It was late and they were hungry now so they ordered room service, something light. Jessica sat on the couch with the plate on her lap, her mother sat at the table. They nibbled at the food and drank their wine. There was a little nervousness in the air, a little tension. What did starting over mean? It could mean one thing to one and an entirely different thing to the other, but that’s not what was on Ann Carter’s mind. No. Having pushed a personal matter, an entirely personal matter to the farthest reaches of her thoughts, she dwelled on her daughter’s conduct and it troubled her deeply. Jessica will have a long and she desperately hoped fabulously happy life ahead of her, but her animal passion could never be an ally. But how to discuss it? She tried a round about way of getting there, kind of coming at the problem from the rear.

“This is none of my business, hon, and don’t answer if you don’t want to, but have you been sexually active.”

The daughter was not surprised by the question, only surprised that the inquiry was being made in her 23rd year and not in, say, her 16th when she understood it was normal. So her first thought was why now? And when she asked herself the question, the answer became obvious, but she thought she’d make her mother work a bit for it.

“Yes, I’ve been sexually active …, sort of, a bit like you and lesbianism, I haven’t had intercourse, but I’ve done pretty much everything else.”

“Is it difficult, is it difficult to hold off?”

“Intercourse?” Her mother nodded, “No, not really, but I’ve decided to try,” when she saw her mother’s confusion she clarified, “try to hold off. I want meds school, mum, I really, really want meds school and if I get there that’ll be another thousand years of school. I don’t need a man in my life just now and I won’t fuck a man I don’t want to spend a lot of time with.” There, how does that help you with your next question?

It didn’t, Ann Carter didn’t know what to say. If her daughter wasn’t really engaging in sex how could the beast within her matter? Drop it, she said to herself, forget about it.

But Jessica had other plans. “I lost it tonight, mum, I know I did, I lost it, but it will be the last time in my life I do.” Her mother was about to say something, but she stopped her. “I want to tell you why I did. OK?

Her mother nodded, probably because even with the wine, her mouth was too dry for her to speak.

“I’ve told you how much I wanted to be here with you, I’ve told you I’ve thought about you day and night for years, I’ve even admitted to wearing your panties,” she laughed but without a shred of self-consciousness, as if it meant nothing at all, “hell I’ve even admitted sniffing your panties! So how did you expect me to react when you seemed to toss me aside, treat me like some infatuated school girl? Well,” she laughed innocently, “I reacted like … an infatuated school girl.” Then she got very serious. “But that was only because I love you so deeply, mum, and you hurt me so much,” then she brightened as if she hadn’t a care in the world, “but, trust me, I’m over that,” and she said, getting to her feet, “come over here and I’ll show you.”

Ann Carter was surprised to find herself on her feet, so surprised that she thought about it. Why? But as she watched her daughter climb onto the bed she had her answer. This was no impressionable school girl, this was a bright, attractive, wonderful woman who knew precisely what she wanted, what she needed, and a woman who had the courage to go after it. Love, Ann thought, as she walked towards her daughter, has so many faces.

They lay against the pillows propped up on the headboard, they lay as close to each other as they could, Jessica’s arm around her mother’s neck.

The silence wasn’t awkward, but it was there, so Ann used it to clear up a matter that had been on her mind, not surprisingly, since her daughter had mentioned it, “Did you really wear my panties, or were you just saying that to make me feel better?

“Both,” she said, playfully squeezing her mother’s neck, “I wore your panties and I love your scent and I hope like hell you are flattered.” Jessica kissed her mother’s hair and left her nose in a hairy tangle as she always did, “Do you think that’s weird?”

“I don’t know?” Ann’s words had a touch of fascination in them. “As weird as sleeping with your own scent on your fingers? I doubt it.”

Jessica squeezed her mother again in reassurance and buried her face deeper into her hair, “That’s not weird, that’s delicious. God, mum, you are a sexy, sexy woman, you can’t believe what that did to me when you told me.”

“Wanna bet?” When Ann looked up at her daughter she almost flinched at her youthful beauty, “I didn’t exactly find the image of my fabulously attractive, 22 year old, beautifully built, sexy daughter standing in my panties disgusting.” Then she added, “Are we sick?”

“Do we care?” With Jessica’s laugh, genuine joy pulled the mother to the daughter and they held each other, laughing together, reveling in their happiness, their intimacy then they slowly separated and Jessica kissed her mother’s lips, lingering on them, waiting, wanting the intimacy to last, wanting the acceptance to be total then she soaked her tongue and dragged it between her mother’s lips, playfully poking into the corners of her mouth until it opened.

From time to time their lips moved in questions, but mostly they just kissed and bit on each other lips and sucked, sometimes on the lips, sometimes on the tongue. “Is this what you were dreaming about, Jess?”

Jessica was cool now, gone was the animal frenzy, she knew now she was in charge and she knew now, for the first time, she could do anything she wanted with this woman at her side, this wonderful, sensitive, sexy, loving mother who gave her her sexuality and the courage to explore it. When she heard her mother’s words a moan escaped her lips. Oh, God, yes, this, your breath, your smell, your touch, your breasts on mine, your hair in my eyes, your spit on my lips, your heart beating like mine but most important, most important of all, your permission, your permission to love you the way I’ve always dreamed of loving you and she reached for the buttons on her mother’s blouse. “We’re starting all over mum, so I haven’t see these yet.”

Ann helped her daughter with the buttons, neither one in a hurry, and she helped her pull the blouse from her body and discard it on the floor. As she looked at her mother’s lacy white bra she said, “I think I have a fetish, mum,” there was a slight snicker in her voice, “I’ve spent so much time in your underwear I think I’d rather see you with it on, then with it off.”

“Did you wear my bras, too,” Ann lifted her eyebrows in curiosity.

“Yep, but not as much, they don’t smell, mum, I could feel you in them, but I could never smell you. But I loved the touch, I loved to know that my tits were resting where your tits had been resting. It excited me, still does when I touch your bra.”

Ann laughed a little self-consciously, and gave her daughter a quick, approving peck on the forehead, then she said with a laugh, “Well you can put your tits in my bras any time you want,” then she added more cautiously, “but it’s probably a lot better to see me in my underwear then without.”

“I’ll be the judge of that,” said Jessica, as she kissed at her mother’s bra, feeling the heat, making sense of the smell below the fabric. “Oh, God, mum, you are just so fucking fantastic,” and she let her hand go down to her mothers slacks. This was the moment! All she had to do was slip her hand under the waistband of the pants and she would be there, there on her panties, not her mother’s panties while she worse them, as good as that was, but her mother’s panties on her mother. She was just about to push her fingers forward, hooking them under the waistband of the pants, when she stopped. It was wrong, the timing was wrong, the situation was wrong — and she knew how she could improve it.

Jessica Carter sat up and when her mother started to rise with her she gently pushed her down. “I want to tell you something, mum.” She looked down into her mother’s blue, clear, inquiring eyes and almost shuddered with pleasure, shuddered with love for this woman who had given her so much, who had lingered so erotically for so many years in her fantasies. “Every night, well not every night, but a lot of nights, especially lately, I have dreamed of one thing, of putting my hand down there and feeling you, feeling your heat, your wetness, feeling you, feeling the panties I used to steal and wear and smell. I was just about to do that, and I can’t begin to tell you how I’m feeling right now, how turned on I am, how much I want you, I was just about to feel you in your panties for the first time but there was one thing missing, and that was having you see me do it, having you watch my pleasure, my love.”

Ann reached out and took her daughter’s hand and brought it to her lips. She opened it, kissing her palm, letting her lips linger, letting the palm close on her face then she slowly lowered her daughter’s hand down to the waistband of her pants and as she pushed at the elastic she had a sudden change of heart and quickly sat up.

“If this is going to be that moment, I’m damn well going to look my best.” She jumped off the bed, rushed to her drawers, found the sexiest underwear she owned and in what seemed like a single motion stripped off her pants with her underwear and pulled the others on. Then she looked at her daughter, “Should I put the pants back on?”

Jessica considered the question but just for a second, “The negligee.”

“Bra?”

“Off.”

Ann removed her bra, put on the pink negligee and was about to hurry back to the bed when she had a thought. She bent down pulled the yellow panties from within her pants on the floor and sling-shot them at her daughter.

Jessica was laughing even before she caught them and she jumped from the bed, pushed down her pants and underwear and stepped into her mother’s yellow panties. Standing, she faced her mother, who was kneeling on the bed now, and slowly and dramatically took her fingers and dragged them across the soft nylon on her stomach. “Oh, God, mum, I can’t tell you how great this is: the first hot one’s I’ve ever had,” she laughed.

“And wet, too.” They laughed together as Jessica took off her top and bra and put on a grey negligee from her second drawer.

They kneeled together on the bed, holding each other, kissed softly when Ann’s hand went down and felt her daughter’s ass through the panties that she had worn just moments before. She let her hand roam as far around the ass as it could, marveling at its roundness, its smoothness, its perfection, then Jessica placed her mother on her back and smoothed out her negligee, then with three fingers traced a pattern on the silk, a pattern that began at her mother’s navel and followed up her stomach, across her nipples, now two small silky tents, then up her mother’s throat to her chin then onto her lips. “The next time my fingers are here, mum, they’ll be bringing you a treat.” Then she reversed their course, the fingers slowly moving down the silky body until they hovered over the hidden seam, “Watch me, mum, I have never been more excited.”

Ann stiffened a little, the anticipation, yes, but also the prospects of her daughter’s disappointment, then she felt the fingers, just a hint of them as they stole down the fabric to touch the hem and slowly pull it back. When she felt her negligee tighten, she lifted her ass, God, it was happening, her daughter was lifting her cover and she was lifting her sex, pushing her pelvis upward, not thrusting, but pushing it upwards towards her daughter’s face and then the negligee was free and she fell back almost in disappointment. But the look on her daughter’s face!

Jessica let the negligee fall on her mother’s narrow, white waist with the shallow, crinkled button. She studied the waistband first, how it dug in so lightly to her mother’s delicious white skin. Then the expanse of red, delicate, silken red, almost liquid red, barely translucent, red that seemed to cling to every sweat-filled pour of her fabulous fragrant body and then the colour disappeared, into the smooth skin of her hips, into the deep moist gullies of her groins and over the marvelous mound of her sex, that place that she touched so many time on her panties, knowing it wasn’t herself she was touching but her mother.

Jessica’s hands were on her mother’s legs now and she was parting them, gently pushing them open, stretching them, opening the mother for the daughter, “Oh, Jess, I hope it’s what you want, I hope it’s what you’ve dreamed of.”

“I want to kiss it, mum, please ask me to kiss it, please tell me to kiss it, say to me ‘kiss me Jessie, kiss me where you’ve dreamed of kissing me.’”

And her mother did, she said the words exactly as directed, not robotically, but fervently, with a passion she didn’t know she had, and at her daughter’s touch, she opened her legs still further and watched her child, the one she had held on her lap while feeding her swollen breast into her hungry mouth, knowing it would never last, knowing she would grow up, knowing she would leave, but she was with her now.

That is my daughter lowering her lips onto my pussy, her hands are wrapping round my bottom and she is delicately kissing all around the panties and licking, too, kissing and licking and sucking gently, sometimes on the nylon, sometimes on my thighs which I turn slightly so her tongue can slide along the elastic. She is in no hurry, she sits up from time to time and runs her fingers around the panties, curling her fingers under the elastic at the waist and at the crotch. She blows on my legs and on my centre, I can feel it there, feeling it cool my wetness, then she strokes my lips and runs her finger along its length, three times, four times, then she goes further and presses into my anus, now wet with my own juices

“Do you think it’s wrong, mum, do you think it’s wrong for me to have wanted this so badly?”

The mother reached out and pulled her daughter’s leg, coaxing her to lie down beside her, forcing her face into her daughter’s soft fleshy thigh, trying to shut out the sweet smell of her sex. She said nothing. There was nothing not already said, instead she rose up and watched the light brown hair on her daughter’s head bob between her legs. That is my daughter with the pretty face pressing so lovingly between my legs, into my pussy, licking, sucking, moaning. She still needs me, she will need me always and I will always give her everything I have.

Ann was glad. She didn’t want an orgasm, it would have cheapen the moment, as if all this had been merely sexual and not an act of loving, an act of loving like none she could have imagined. But she accepted her daughter’s gift, her daughter’s wet and stinking fingers pressed into her mouth and she sucked on her own juices as the daughter smiled and petted, then bent down to kiss the sucking lips, kiss the slippery fingers.

“Mum, it was better than I had ever hoped.”

“But you didn’t come.”

Jessie shook her head then spoke her mother’s thoughts, “It wasn’t about coming, mum, it was about living my fantasy of being with you, being with you after so many nights with these,” and she swept her fingers across her mother’s panties.

She was hugging her mother now, squeezing the breath right out of her and when she let her go, the mother pushed the daughter down, kissing her and then she moved on the bed and brought her hand to her daughter’s sex, gently massaging it, slowly, carefully, skillfully, first above the panties then below, all the time looking into her daughter’s eyes, watching her build and build and build and when she erupted, when her cunt furiously beat at her mother’s fingers, when the daughter let out a moan the mother would never forget, she thought of the ways she loved this girl and she dragged her tongue over the tears on her lips.