Standing in for Dad

"Master Craigg, would yah be so kind as ta take a walk wit me fer a moment, Sir? I have somten I would like ta discuss wit ya."

"Absolutely, Pete." Jake said as they walked out the front door and through the porch to step outside. Pete was leading Jake to the pump house and just before entering, Pete turned to Jake and began to speak.

"Sir, afore I get to fer ahead o myself, I jus wan ya ta know it's all perfectly legal. The estate has a Federal license from them ATF fellas as well as all applicable state licenses to make 50,000 gallons a year."

"Well, Pete. With ATF and state licenses in the mix I suspect we are talking about a distillery?"

"Yes Sir. If'n ya wan me to take er all down I will. But, iffin I may say so, I make some o the smoothest alcohol you will ever taste. We can legally sell what we don drink an affer taxes we can actually make a lil money on er."

Jake thought for a moment, "And it is all legal?"

"Ya have ma word it is, Sir. I have all tha paperwork ta prove it back at tha house an will hand er over to ya fer safe keepin ifin ya prefer."

"Let me see your setup."

Pete opened the door to the pump house, and it took Jake a moment to separate the well and purification plant from the distillery. What he saw were two VEVOR stainless steel 18.5-gallon stills situated over two electric burners, four 25-gallon fermentation pots, several 50-pound sacks of cracked corn and malted barley, and a rack of about fifty 5-gallon barrels of white oak casks, along with other sundry items used in making corn liquor.

"What is your recipe, Pete?"

"Well, Sir. Ah gots ma own high yield yeast ma family developed over a hunnert year ago. Since Ah make it so pure there aint no point in flavorin it prior to distillation so Ah use a cracked corn an malted barley mash with added fructose sugar ta get the max alcohol content." Affern Ah distill it, Ah got these white oak barrels Ah place the distilled alcohol in an ah let er age fer bout 10 yars."

"Ah add 'merican oak spirals to them barrels, one light an one medium toast. Tha light toast contributes fresh oak, coconut an fruit flavors, an higher levels o them tannins while the medium toast is more bout tha nose as it has fewer tannins but more bouquet, so it'l impart more aroma than flavor. It has ah warm, sweet caramel character with strong niller overtones. Afer a month, the flavor an nose is completely infused but agein longer smooths out tha alcohol isself."

"How long have you been making moonshine?"

"All ma adult life, Sir. Only affer gettin the job here did ah start maken it legal though as ah dint wana put yer family at risk."

"How much do you make in a single run?"

"Well ah get bout 2 1/2 gallons o 180 proof alcohol outa one o these distillers here. So with two ah kin fill a keg wit jus the hearts fer the best purity."

"You are ultra careful about getting rid of the foreshots, yes?"

"Oh absolutely, Sir. Don wanna hurt no one. Ah even recycle the heads and tails in a second run through the distiller and still take out foreshots. So everthin is pure an safe."

"Well, if you are aging an additional 10 years, these are not all you have in storage."

"No, Sir. Ah have 53 gallon white oak barrels, 60 fer each year, stored in ah controlled envirnment. Plus one barrel at is tapped fer use this yar in the garage in the mother-in-law's place where tha missus and Ah stayin."

"You have a bottle you can put some in and bring to the house?"

"Ah gotta gallon earthen clay jug wit a stopper, Sir. Shall Ah get er an meet yah at tha house?"

I nodded. "As long as it is legal I don't have a problem with it. I don't want to have to keep up with paying taxes if we sell it, though. Does it meet with your approval if I pay for all the expenses, we increase production to 100 53 gallon barrels a year and I keep 10 and you the rest? I will ask only for half a barrel for the first 10 years and pay you back all your costs including licensing fees."

"At werks fer me, Sir. Thank yah. This is more a labor o love an family tradition hobby fer me. Ah preciate yah bein so unerstandin."

"Well, I will need stoppered clay quart bottles and I need you to dilute the alcohol down to 90 proof as I want to be able to share it with family and friends, but I don't want anyone getting alcohol poisoning from being surprised at its purity. That will stretch out a gallon into about 2 gallons will it not?"

"Yes, Sir. An that allows fer a refinement o the flavor profile as well. We kin make everthin from a coffee liquor to a peppery vodka or peppermint schnapps. Even a creamy coffee malt like a Bailey's Irish Cream."

"Ahll be back at tha house in jus a moment, Sir."

Back at the house Jake pulled Walsh to the living room where they sat down on the plush, Italian leather couch with Walsh on his lap. Walsh looked at him with a smile and asked, "Soo, what made Pete and Minnie so uptight?"

Jake laughed, "It seems we are the legal owners of a distillery and Pete is a professional moonshiner of at least two generations."

Walsh raised an eyebrow, "Oh really! Is it any good?"

"He is bringing over a jug of it for us. It is 190 proof, though. So, a shot glass is it or we will both be on our asses."

Walsh just laughed, "Mise boyo, is féidir leis an lassie Éireannach seo d'arse scrawny a ól faoin mbord." (Me boyo, this Irish lassie can drink your scrawny arse under the table.)

Jake smiled, "As sin níl aon amhras orm, mo ghrá. Ach caithfimid a bheith suas geal agus luath chun bualadh leis an gceannasaí ar maidin. Seiceáil báistí?" (Of that I have no doubt, my love. But we have to be up bright and early to meet the commander in the morning. Rain check?)

Walsh nodded and hollered out, "Minnie! It's okay! And your dinner is smelling divine!"

Minnie let out the breath she didn't realize she was holding and smiled, "Thank you, Miss. You just don't know what that means to ol Pete. He is a fifth-generation moonshiner, and it is just in his blood. He is a good man and doesn't abuse it, but it is about impossible to get the Tennessee mountains out of a man once it infects him."

As if on cue, Pete walked in with a two-tone brown and tan clay fired jug with an old-time wire clamped stopper in his hand. He walked to the bar and pulled down 3 shot glasses and placed a small ice cube in each one before he walked over to Walsh and Jake.

He poured a liquid that had a golden hue similar to a fine pilsner into each shot glass and passed them around. Walsh lifted her glass and said, "Cheers!" as she put it to her nose to smell it.

She half expected it to curl her nose hairs and she was very surprised such a high proof didn't. Walsh smelled vanilla and caramel with other more subtle scents she couldn't quite place. She took a good sip and waited for a burn that never came.

In fact, it was as smooth as drinking water. She rolled it over her tongue, tasting the light but substantial oak and elusive coconut flavors that moved to an indistinct fruity aftertaste. It went down like ice water... until she took a breath. At that point the vapors from the alcohol hit her lungs and almost made her dizzy. "Damn! This is good moonshine! And dangerous as hell!"

Jake, having tasted his had to agree, "Yeah, this is top notch whiskey, and it is potent enough and smooth enough to turn you into a blithering drunk before you can blink twice."

Pete smiled from ear to ear. "This here comes from tha 5th barrel Ah ever made."

Walsh was confused, "I thought your wife said you were a 5th generation moonshiner."

I winked at Pete, "Hon, this has been barrel aging for ten years."

Walsh took another sip, savoring the subtle nose and shift in flavors as it rolled over her tongue. She took another breath and said, "Don't you dare change a thing."

"How much do you have left in this batch, Pete?"

"Sir, Ah just tapped this here keg an this be tha firs gallon out o her. So thar be bout 50 gallons left as a keg usually loses bout two gallons to tha wood in tha keg."

"I have decided to finance him for half his production. That will be a keg a year for ten years and go to 50 kegs each year after that."

Walsh smiled, "When they come visit, we have to share some with the family."

"As Ah wuz telling Master. Craigg, ma'am, Ah kin make this inta quite a few thangs instead o tha flavor yah have now such as a coffee liquor, a peppery vodka, peppermint schnapps, or a creamy malted coffee cream like a Bailey's."

"I think I would like to do that by the drink, actually. This is much too good and too versatile to make a batch of something like that and then be locked in. Don't you think, bunchkins?"

"I can see the wisdom in that," he said as he took another sip. "You know, after the second sip the vapors are no longer noticeable. This is dangerous stuff indeed!"

Minne called into the living room, "Just one shot, please. Dinner is bout finished and I don't fancy carryin your butts to the table."

Walsh giggled, "Oh I am going to like Minne. Her sass makes me feel right at home."

Dinner was Cornish Hens Marbella, mushroom rice, and a bean sprout salad. Minne had already taken two plates to the two security men on duty before she set the table. Walsh had insisted everyone eat together so the other two security men, Simon, Janelle, Minne and Pete ate with them at the table. The food was top notch.

The game hens were soaked in a marinade consisting of bay leaves, garlic paste, pitted prunes, capers, pimento stuffed green olives, olive oil, rice wine vinegar, caper brine and olive brine a day previous then seasoned with salt, pepper, brown sugar and parsley. The marinade was added to a white wine and then placed around the halved hens in a casserole dish and baked until done.

The bean sprout salad included fresh raw bean sprouts, shredded scallions, julienned fresh carrots, fresh cilantro, and minced Poblano pepper. The dressing with which it was tossed was made by combining rice vinegar, Sriracha sauce, toasted sesame oil, lemongrass paste, fish sauce and honey.

The mushroom rice was a delightful dish with sauteed mushrooms in butter, garlic and olive oil. Half of the mix was set aside, and the rice added with enough vegetable stock to fully cook the rice. After the rice had absorbed the flavors of the glaze in the pan and fully cooked, salt, pepper, and the rest of the mushrooms were added and well mixed before re-heating.

Sweet tea was served with dinner.

"Oh, my goodness! Minne! Your cooking technique is wonderful! Those hens were the most flavorful I have ever had!"

"It makes a difference when you catch them out of the pen and clean them just prior," she said with a smile.

"I never realized how fresh game hens were so much more flavorful! Very impressive! I am afraid I have eaten too much!"

"So, I take it you don't want to try my homemade lemon meringue pie?"

"Oh, my goodness!" Welsh paused for a moment, "Let me help you clear the table and then I will have room for a slice!"

During desert Walsh asked, "Minne, how did you and Pete meet?"

"Oh, Miss, he is my brother and first cousin."

"Oh! Common mother or father?"

"Well, maw was a bit partial tah both twin brothers." Pete added, "hope that ain't offensive."

"Not in the least bit, Pete. The Ambassador I work for married his half-sister and they are expecting their first child."

Pete smiled, "Ah knew takin this here job was tha right move fer me an mine!"

Jake mentioned, "You know, Pete, you have a pretty good vocabulary for being a mountain man. What gives?"

Pete smiled slyly and spoke with impeccable diction, "Well, Jake, Sir: I have a masters degree in mechanical engineering and a Bachelor of Science in Agriculture. I speak the way I do out of respect for my family heritage. Besides, I find it gives me some insight when I interact with others and how they treat me."

Walsh's mouth dropped and Jake just laughed his ass off. "Okay, Pete, fess up. How many gallons a year do you actually make?"

Pete smiled again, "About 3 thousand gallons a year."

Jake laughed again. "Okay, if you handle the business end I will finance the operations. I will buy us a building so we can max out our legal production. I just want 10% of the profits after my expenses are reimbursed. You handle the taxes and everything... and I want it all to be above board and honest with Uncle Sam."

Pete smiled, "Sounds like we have a deal, partner."

Just off the top of your head, how much profit are you expecting from 50,000 gallons a year?"

"We can expect about 3 million dollars a year after taxes, distribution costs, and amortization of long-term assets in year 10. We will work up to that and the 3,000 gallons I have per year will be about 15% of that. I can use the stock I have stored to generate brand recognition and if we put most of the first five years of profit back into advertising and distribution we can mostly sit back and let the money roll in after 10 year's time."

"Thing is, with that volume, we can start selling the methanol, which is what the foreshots are, year one

"Okay, where in the heck do you have over 30,000 gallons of 190 proof moonshine stored?" Walsh asked.

Minne giggled, "Pete's family has some land up in the Tennessee mountains and there is a huge, sealed off cave going into the mountain. He says it keeps the temperature steady for the aging process, making for a much better product."

"How do you keep it protected?"

Pete laughed, "My family takes care of that. Besides the men being Coopers by trade, they get 4 kegs a year to sell and drink per family and they get to sell the barrels after they are used. The women make the earthen containers like the one I have which they sell separately. They also buy back cleaned and undamaged containers at a 50% discount before cleaning them and reselling them. There are currently 3 families, and those kegs make enough money for them to live on for the year."

Damaged kegs are used as firewood to toast the oak spirals used in the aging process. The kids make the spirals, and the shavings are also used for heating and cooking after being turned into wood blocks."

Jake then asked, "Okay, what are you not telling me?"

Pete smiled, "Well, if you are serious about wanting to make some money, that 50,000-gallon limit is for this state alone. Kentucky has no upper limit. The Federal permits are valid there as well and we just need state permits. With enough capitol, we could make 1,000,000 gallons a year and make well over half a billion in profits a year after amortizing the capitol expenses, taxes, infrastructure expenses, materials, and labor."

"Is your cavern big enough to house the whole process as well as store 220,000 barrels?"

"With a little bit of excavation, yes. We would want to purchase one half of the mountain on the side where the cave is so we have rights to do that."

Jake smiled, "Okay, new deal proposal: I will finance all of it, lock stock, and barrel. I get 10 percent of my initial investment returned each year for 20 years beginning on the last day of year 10. That way I double my investment in 30 years time, which is a bargain for the company and makes it worth my while."

Additionally, "In the first ten years marked by the start of production I get 10% of all profits after all expenses other than those related to my initial investment. At 10 years I get 25% of all profits after expenses. At 30 years I get 50% of all profits after expenses. The company is to be privately held for not less than 30 years and each percentage of the company shall be issued 100 pieces of stock. Your family will own 50% and my family will own 50%. How each family splits up their stock among its members is decided by that family."

"I know you already have the numbers, what is the full investment number?"

"1.5 billion will cover it for the first ten years."

Jake called his father right then and explained the situation. DC wanted to taste the goods before he would release a portion of Jake's part of his inheritance, so Pete called one member of his family, explained the situation and had his brother drive to the Walker's residence with 20 gallons of the mature whiskey to be delivered within 5 days.

0o0

The family got to the lake house and unpacked, undressed, got into the pool, and destressed. I closed my eyes and held up my arms for one of the women in the family to cuddle with me in the pool. Within moments, Sue was in my arms, laying her head against my shoulder.

With the arrival of the SEALs, the F.B.I. took a siesta in the pool with us. "Brannigan! How they hanging my man?"

He was balls deep into Millie as he saddled over to us, "Light and tight, Harry. You?"

"Just taking a break and getting ready to host some more extended family."

"Oh? Who?"

"You know a wealthy man by the name of DC Craigg and his wife Izzi? Well their son and Walsh are getting married and we figured a family get-to-know-each-other vacation was in order."

Brannigan gave a low whistle. "Damn Harry! You run in high-end circles!"

"Well, I kept his son out of trouble down in Mexico and he and Walsh hit it off. What can I say?"

0o0

Dad and Leesie had parted with the group at the Club and gone to the airport to meet Penny, Izzi and DC when they landed. They arrived just in time to meet the couple and they greeted each other warmly. Leesie giving DC a deep kiss and Dad giving both Penny and Izzy one as well.

They grabbed bags and left as the private plane went to a get refueled and put in a hanger. Penny practically laid down in the third row seats, "I'm sorry everyone, but all the sex has me bushed. No pun intended."

Dad and Leesie laughed while DC and Izzy just shook their heads and/or rolled their eyes, "Nothing like a good first impression there, Penny." was all her mother said.

DC was a bit concerned, "No security detail?"

Dad replied, "Actually, DC, this car is impervious to 20 mm cannons and below. And I am your security detail. But if you want a police escort I can have one in 5 minutes, all I have to do is call my brother, the high sheriff."

DC laughed, "No, I hear you. But tell me about this car?"

Well, the body plates are titanium as well as a titanium 'tub' inside. The glass is transparent aluminum and can stop a 50 caliber round at point blank range. We have a very powerful engine that is protected by titanium plating on all sides and the body has a cross layered carbon fiber scrim impregnated with a compound of Aluminum, Boron and Magnesium along with Titanium Boride which is the third strongest material on the planet. The clear coat is transparent Aluminum. We have voice activated communications with all law enforcement and we are running on tires that cannot go flat."

DC laughed, "So what you are telling us is this thing is better protected than the President's limousine."

Leesie smiled, "That is exactly correct, DC."

0o0

I was very concerned, "Honey, I have a serious question."

"Yes? What is it?"

"How long do you think a baby can hold its breath underwater?"

"I imagine that depends. Why do you ask?"

I smirked, "Your belly button is underwater and I don't want the baby to drown."

Sue groaned and then giggled, "Maybe it will be part fish and have gills?"

"Eh, sounds fishy to me!"

Sue ran with the idea, "Sigh, no more blowjobs."

"Why is that?"

"I don't want to have a bobble-head baby!"

I snorted, "No anal sex either!"

"Oh?"

"Don't want him being an ass wipe!"

"Well you know I will have to have a C section."

"Why?"

"We don't want him to be a pussy, either!"

I held her close and nuzzled her neck as we called a truce on the corny jokes just as the doorbell rang. Millie and Brannigan had finished their sexual encounter and she called out, "I got it!" and she grabbed a towel to dry off as she walked nude to the front door and opened it to find an upper middle aged couple, a young woman, Dad and Leesie standing there.