It's been hard being a single mom, I've tried my best raising my baby boy. But I fear I may have messed up often along the way, spoiling him too much. I thought to post on this forum to share my experiences and ask for advice. I figured I should give a little background as well about myself and our current relationship. I guess I should start from the beginning. My husband and I separated not long after Mark was born. I'm 6 foot 2 with blonde hair and was hoping my son would take after me. Unfortunately he mostly took after his father, black hair and only 5 foot even after his 19
th
birthday.
For most of his life I've tried to take care of him as best I could, make sure he never wanted for anything. Any toys he wanted I gave him. Taking him to waterparks whenever he wanted. We even took baths together into middle school, but he has tried to act more mature when he entered high school and even more so in college. Thankfully he never rebelled against me or did anything to make me upset with him. But he's been more distant and I had been looking into ways for us to bond again like we used to. He used to come into my room at night and we would snuggle, but now he's staying out with friends he made in college. I looked up ways for us to start bonding again, but he's been resisting a bit. Saying he's grown up now, but I still see him as my baby boy.
But here's the thing, he came home a month ago with a request I never expected. He told me he found out he's the only person in his group of friends that's still a virgin. He asked me if I could be his first. I was full of mixed emotions, both knowing that this is wrong. But also wanting to embrace my baby for the first time in years. To hold him against myself like when he was young. I could tell he was on the verge of tears begging me, I tried to make it seem like I was thinking about this. But truthfully in my heart I wanted to have sex with him more than he wanted with me. To him this would just be another step into adulthood, but to me it would be returning to when he used to need me again. I admit I took advantage of that, but I couldn't help it. Seeing my baby ask something from me always plucked at my heartstrings. When I said yes he literally jumped for joy and hugged me, it had been so long since I had felt someone hold me and I wanted to make sure that this wasn't going to be the last time.
I told him that we would do it on that Friday so that we could have the weekend to go over and practice if he needed help on how to please a woman. Although it was really an excuse to keep this from being a one night stand. I wanted to hold my baby again and again, just like when he was growing up. The days passed like a blur while we waited for the Friday to come. I barely focused on my work, just daydreaming of our night together. How we might start. Should I take the lead or just let him use his instincts. Would he let me kiss him like when I would see him off to elementary school. Was he as large as his father or would it still be small and cute like when we bathed together. Everyday my panties were soaked from the fantasizing and by the time I got home I needed to jump right into the shower.