This is the continuing saga of C and Jack
C came home this afternoon and brought someone with her. He slinked into the house and stood by the wall near the door watching her as she dumped her stuff on a chair and then ran upstairs. I eyed him from the kitchen. She ran back down the stairs, not saying hello or anything, took his hand and ran back out the door.
*********
“Who was that this afternoon?”
C was sitting at the dining room table paging through catalogues that had arrived in the mail. She glanced up at me.
“A boy.”
“A Boy-friend?” I pressed on. She was unusually noncommunicative. I detected a slight smile on her face as she looked back down, put her hand on her forehead sort of shielding herself from me. Her blonde hair falling around her hand.
“No. None of your business. A friend.”
I looked out into the dining room at her, and paused. She said nothing as I watched her, so I went back into the kitchen.
In a beat I heard her call in as I vanished from the doorway, “Where’s Sam?”
I just barked, “Out.” Two can play this game.
She rose from her chair and stepped silent into the kitchen. I was standing at the fridge with the door open, staring. Trying to be nonchalant, not looking at her.
“It’s no big deal. I met him at work. He’s really nice...He asked to do something with me. I haven’t been with a boy in awhile.” I glanced back at her.
She caught my eye, “Jealous?”
“Jealous?? No.” I closed the door, maybe a little too hard, walked to the sink and turned on the water.
I was breathing hard, I was angry. Stay calm I kept saying to myself.
I could hear her padding the floor, could feel her presence behind me.
She leaned in whispered in my ear, “If you weren’t my brother." I continued what I was doing.
She leaned in again, a slight singsong in her voice, "If you weren’t married." I glanced at her, my hand was trembling.
She leaned in again, "It would be so different. You know that Jack,” and she stayed at my ear just then. I could feel the warmth of her breathing at my ear, her breath tingling down my spine. The heat radiating from her cheek. She hooked her finger in my belt and then let go, walked out of the kitchen.
I turned the water off, stared out the window. My mind an utter blank. What was happening? I could picture those words, as if floating above the tree line.
Those words kindled a fire. They burned in me, left their mark. Hurt. What was happening to me? Most of the time words flow past, you listen and immediately forget. There are so many. But this time.
'If you weren’t my brother.'
'If you weren’t married.'
I turned it over in my mind,
*It would be so different*
Just five words.
*********
She had the TV on now. And I watched her from the other doorway, standing just outside the room. She was sort of ignoring me, knew I was there. You could feel the tension. Waiting. Watching her watch the TV, swinging her foot up and down off the end of the sofa. I said nothing, turning to go back in.
“What did you think of him?” she caught my eye pulling her hair back over an ear.
“He looked like a turtle.”
“A turtle!” She laughed. “Where did you get that??” I love her laugh.
“He just does. He’s bald and ...”
“He’s not bald! He shaves his head. Lots of guys ...”
I interrupted, “He’s bald and he holds his head down from his shoulders. Like this.” And I stepped into the living room mimicking him. “Like a turtle in a shell, sticking way out.”
“That’s so...."
I let my head swing back and forth.
"That’s so MEAN!”
She jumped from the sofa and ran toward me. “You’re jealous. Oh my god! I can tell. You are!!” She was wagging her finger at me and smiling, giggling. "Don't lie to me buster. Ain't it Sa-weet."
“Go on, leave me.”
"Widow brudder. My po widda-puda."
She was mocking me, wrapping her arms around my shoulders from behind, trying to hold on to me as I walked back into the kitchen, dragging her along. I wouldn’t stop, I guess I was mad and then she jumped onto me holding around my neck and riding on my back.
I reached back and held her legs, flailing my arms comically like I was trying to get her off me.
She was pulling herself up, holding on, “Jealous, jealous, jealous.” Wrapping her legs around, hooking them on my legs.
“Stop it! I’m trying to do dishes here.”
“Looks like you were just turning the water on and off. Sort of like opening and closing the fridge." She continued, "He’s just a boy. I’m not jealous of YOU.”
“What! What have you got to be jealous of??”
"You fuck Sam. Here in this house. I don't mind.”
I stared back at her, her arms wrapped around my neck. Just hearing the word was making me hard. The look of her mouth as she said it.
“You probably fuck her every day, don't you?" She sensed the effect of her words. "You probably fuck her before you come to MY room ... or do you fuck her after?”
She moved closer, was holding her mouth to my ear again, running her arms down my chest, I could feel little scratches there. She was enjoying letting that word out. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
She let go and dropped off my back, "And I'm just your little cock tease. For HER."
Feeling the warmth of her, her breath. Feeling her weight against me. My mind instantly picturing her naked body, of me touching her, kissing, her taste. So we were intimate. I loved her body, loved listening to her, the sound of her voice. Intimate...But, Fucking. I was imagining myself laying on her, pressing into her. I could smell her, her legs open, that little blonde puss. She said it, 'It would be so different.'
“That’s different.”
“oHHHHH, Is it NOW?” Her voice was suddenly sharp. She moved to the door. "Not from where I'm standing. I've been with...boys you know, since I've lived here. You have no idea. And you've been with Sam. It's the same."
She held her hair back, "Jesus Jack! Listen to yourself," and she left.
I could hear her as she went up the stairs, “Oh, and the Turtle’s coming for dinner tomorrow.”
So she was jealous too.
********
Next morning I went up to her room, tapped at her door, went in. The room was warm. She was still asleep, lightly covered in her white sheet, bare arms above her head. I could see the short whisps of hairs under her arms, the room bright with morning sunshine. She just lay there with her eyes closed.
“I wanted to apologize about yesterday.”
“S’ok.” She yawned and stretched, letting the sheet fall off her front as she sat herself up in the bed, giving me a perfect view of her breasts. The sheet bunching up around her hips as she scooched back and I could see her from the side, bare soft skin rising up the length of her.
“No big deal.”
I sat near her, “Friends?”
“Never enemies." She turned to me and looked right into my eyes, "God Jack, you going to get like this every time I bring a boy home?”
I shrugged as she rose from the bed, her nakedness passing me, casually striding to her closet. I watched her blonde bare puss, those light blonde curls, just a little triangle above her slit. Her small shoulder blades and the line of her ass parting at her thighs. God, I never tired of looking at her.
“No...It’s fine. I wasn't jealous." She looked back at me. "It was just, unexpected. Really, the thing wasn’t even about HIM."
"The Turtle you mean?"
I laughed. "It's just that, you. You came home and just went up the stairs, you didn’t stop, you didn't say hi. Didn’t find me in the house. I’m used to a sort of pattern with you. You were so different. That's what it was.”
“I was in a hurry Jack.” She opened her drawer and pulled out two pair of panties to me, held them out. Yellow and red, both small.
“The red ones,” I said. She put the yellow ones casually into the drawer and pulled the 'red ones' up her legs and on, hooking them around her hips. I watched her pulling on a T shirt, watched it falling to midrif, raising her arms and letting the fabric fall around her, no bra, and then she walked back over to the bed slid in beside me.
“I was in a hurry. Just like right now.”
“I woke you.”
“Yeah. Good thing too. Rob’s teaching me how to skateboard today. Early bird gets the... worm.” She touched her nose.
I could feel my blood rise. I could not help thinking how I had just picked out those panties she was wearing, for this other guy. That’s what I thought anyway. My face was reddening.
She was eyeing me again. Sitting in front of me still in her panties and T. She took my hand, pulled me closer, pulled me up between her legs.
I looked at her, silent.
“We have something Jack. It's..." she paused, "Fun." I frowned at that. "It's ... more. Come on! I like what we have. I wouldn't ... You would not be here right now if I didn’t know we have something. But you know what? You’re not the only thing, not the only *one* in my life. Don’t ruin this.”
“You have...sex with him yet?”
She was getting mad, let go of my hand.
“I have sex Jack. And you are married. Do you have sex with Sam?"
I was silent.
"Listen to me.”
She took my hand again and leaned to me, close. “Don’t ruin this.”
I put my hands around her waist and tried to pull her onto my lap, but she rose to her feet and it turned into a sort of awkward hug, me sitting, she standing. I wrapped my hands around her ass and rubbed up beneath her T shirt. She kissed my head and ear.
“I’m cutting you a lot of slack here Jack, giving you a lot of credit. I’m trusting you here.”
I looked up at her, and she leaned in and kissed me, turning her head into me, opening her mouth, we touched our tongues together, lightly, delicately. For a short moment time froze between us and we simply held to each other.