Chapter 1
Lily
"Can you help me with my bra?" I asked my cousin.
"Sure," Nadia said happily. Snatching the bra from my hand, she went behind my back. She placed both my boobs in the cups and hooked the hooks together. "Safe and secure."
We lay down on the sun loungers, leaning back and enjoying the sun as it caressed our faces. After a long day studying, it felt great to be able to relax for a moment. Unfortunately, it didn't take long till my mind started whirling with thoughts. It wasn't all sunshine and roses, and there were so many things I wanted to talk about.
"How was your day?" I asked Nadia.
Nadia tossed a lock of chestnut hair from her body, revealing her impressive cleavage. Her lips tightened into a flat line. "Just a bunch of stress," Nadia complained.
At the age of twenty-one, Nadia worked at a hotel restaurant. After high school, she didn't see the point of going to college. She loved cooking and, with the help of her mother, had landed a pretty impressive job.
"I hope it wasn't anything too bad," I said.
"It wasn't like I wanted to pull my hair out, but it wasn't pleasant," Nadia said. She reached for my hand. "Although I can tell something's been bugging you."
"Kind of," I said. She knew me well.
"Have you found a guy yet?" she asked and a smile played on her lips.
She always asked me that, and I knew she wouldn't let it go till I'd found one. I sighed deeply. "Not yet."
Nadia gave me the same look she always gave me. "Something's not right," she pointed out. "You're a senior. You're a solid eleven on a ten scale. You turned eighteen a month ago. Guys are lined up just to flirt with you ... yet you're still single. Lily, this doesn't add up."
"Eighteen isn't that big of a number," I told her and returned her look. "I still feel like a child sometimes."
"Nonsense," Nadia said and reached for my breasts, cupping them both. "A child doesn't go around with a pair of melons like these."
I giggled. "It tickles."
"You're sensitive since a man hasn't touched you yet ... that's what bothers you. Isn't it?"
"Sort of," I said. She was on the right track. "I'm not sure how to talk about it." Of course, I wanted to talk about it. I wanted to let it out. I'd been carrying it around like emotional baggage for so long, and it had just gotten worse after I turned eighteen. Sometimes I even found it difficult to admit it to myself--being in love with my brother.
I hit puberty a couple of years ago. It was during that time I truly understood why my brother was so popular.
I was eighteen years old and my brother was twenty-eight. It was a bit of an age gap, and sometimes I looked up to him as my father. Sadly, our parents died a couple of years ago, and I would never forget when he comforted me. I cried in his arms, and he canceled an important business trip just to hold and hug me. He had such a stoic expression on his face, and he promised that he would take care of me.
It still surprised me to this day that it didn't devastate him. He was very close to our father who was an honored war veteran. I guessed he'd inherited my dad's toughness, and I had inherited my mom's sweetness. I just couldn't help but fall for him. He was tall, six feet five or maybe even taller. He had hundreds of thousands of followers on Instagram. He had a fitness channel with millions of views. He ran an e-commerce store on top of it, and he had a new girlfriend every six months or so.
After our parents died and I hit puberty, I developed a crush on him. I had my first sexual dream about him, and I didn't know who to talk with. I had kept everything inside me for so long, locked tightly and not giving anyone access to the key.
From then on, I created a fake account on IG. Every night, I lay under the sheets and scrolled through his photos. I remembered the first time I masturbated to him. I let my left hand crawl down to my wet slit. I'd never felt so soaked in my life. I'd fingered myself to an orgasm even if my brain had screamed to stop. I just couldn't resist.
When our parents died, he offered to let me move in with him. I declined, afraid I would do something I would regret. Instead, I ended up moving in with my cousin and aunt, but there were problems here too. Our aunt was divorced, and she was getting wrecked by inflation. I felt bad, and I was afraid I was becoming a burden. My aunt would never admit that since she was too kind. But I knew if I asked my brother he would do anything for me.
I met my brother every week. He would usually take me out for dinner or a long walk, talking about life. He was usually with his girlfriend, but on some rare occasions, I had him to myself. One time, he took me on a vacation to the Bahamas. For an entire week, I'd seen him without a shirt. I had never been so horny in my life. He held my and his girlfriend's hand at the same time. I would never forget that vacation.
I sighed as I reminisced over my taboo, hopeless situation.
Nadia took my hand. "Lily, come on. After everything you've gone through ... I want to be there for you. You know it isn't healthy to carry around emotional baggage."
"I know ... You'll understand why I'm insecure when you hear it."
"Okay, so now you admit you want to tell me, but you try to drag it out. Just spill the beans already."
I chuckled. I loved my cousin. She reminded me of my mother now and then. I lowered my voice. "Promise not to tell anyone?"
"So, you have a crush on someone," she said. She leaned closer, her eyes widening.
"You didn't answer me."
"You know you can trust me ... But we can pinky swear on it, like the good ol' days."
I chuckled. She made this feel way easier. We locked our pinky fingers together for a moment and then released them. "I have a crush on someone ... but it's not who you think."
"Try me."
I took a deep breath and, on the exhale, I said something I should have told her a long time ago, "I'm in love with my brother."
Nadia didn't gasp. She just looked at me with understanding and care. "I won't judge you."
I buried my face in my hands just in case she looked at me as if I were weird, but I couldn't believe what she just said. "Really?" I asked and raised my face as if the sun shone upon me.
She shook her head. "Of course not ... He's the hottest guy ever, a total knockout. Come on, you would be insane not to find him attractive."
"But he's my brother," I said.
"Why can't siblings find each other attractive?"
"Attractive ... I'm really in love with him."
"And I've already told you there's nothing wrong with it."
"Do you find him attractive too?"
"I'm also a girl," she said with a chuckle. "Hello, wake up."
I smiled. "Well ... it felt nice to open up but he's also the reason why I don't want to date."
"Why?" Nadia asked.
"I'm kind of obsessed with him. I want my first kiss to be from him. I want him to take my virginity. I want to live and love him like he loves his girlfriends ..." My eyes started welling up.
Nadia took a napkin and dried my eyes. "It's okay, Lily, let it out."
"Thank you ... I don't even know why I'm crying."