Sibbo Sexting

I lay in bed staring at nothing. My mind refused to slow down, one of those godawful sleepless nights where every tiny mistake of the recent past, and some from years ago, came back to niggle at me. Why had I said this, not done that, and screwed up that simple task so badly? That sort of intrusive, very unhelpful thinking.

I would almost have accepted it, if in fact there had been a personal fuckup worth fretting about. There wasn't, though. Just a series of minor mishaps and overanalysations all working together to make me feel like the dumbest dummy alive.

My covers became suffocating, and for a time I leaped out of bed and paced across the floor. Stalked, really. An angry, deliberate movement of my legs as a traveled back and forth. But the floor was too cold for my bare feet, and I reluctantly returned to my warm bed.

I sat with my back to the wall, cross legged, blanket pulled over my lap as a concession to my poor chilled toes. The wall was a bit cool through my thin cami, but not so much as to be uncomfortable. I wasn't ready to lie back down and try to sleep again just yet.

My phone was in my hand, having semi-unconsciously grabbed it before giving up on stalking shadows. I scrolled up and down my contacts list, wanting to talk, knowing that no one else should be up at such an hour. Waking someone just to listen to my inconsequential problems wouldn't make me feel any better.

Unless...

I pursed my lips and stared at my brother's name glaring back at me from the small screen in my palm. Asher was about the right mix of good to talk to and not someone I'd be too upset about waking up. Plus he'd always been up till all hours in our teen years. There was a chance.

My hands shifted to a double grip on my phone, thumbs poised. Hesitation a moment longer, then a few swift touches.

"Hey."

Another hesitation, then a follow up.

"You up?"

I waited an excruciatingly long time, to the point I was certain I'd get no response. Though, in fact, when I did get a message back, the time stamp suggested it had only been a couple minutes.

"In a sense."

My lips twitched in a brief facsimile of a smile.

"Same."

"Nightmares? Need your valiant brother to scare the monsters off?"

I snorted aloud.

"You dick. No, not monsters or dreams. Haven't got as far as dreams yet."

"What is it then?"

"You first."

"Nuh uh. I asked first."

"Mine's stupid."

"So?"

"So I don't wanna say. I just want a distraction for a while."

"What kind?"

"Dunno, really."

"You don't make this easy, Vic."

My lips quirked. He was right. I thought about what to say next, what kind of distraction I could ask for, but Asher had already sent another message.

"Hang on a sec, I got something."

I frowned, imagining what could possibly require me to 'hang on a sec.' A moment later, a picture came through that kind of explained it.

I giggled out loud at what he'd sent me. Much like me, he was lying in bed. He'd managed to get a very good angle of his pouting face and part of his bare chest, with his nipples and everything below strategically covered by his sheet. It was a very good imitation of the sort of thing an attention seeking girl might post online. It didn't have quite the same enticing effect when coming from my little brother, though I supposed the right sort of girl might think he looked good in spite of the goofy pose.

"You doofus."

"What, not sexy enough?"

"Yeah. That's the problem. Not sexy enough."

Another long moment passed. I could feel something coming, something that took the joke just a bit further. And, sure enough, another pic came through. This time, Asher was biting a finger seductively, and nearly the entirety of his chest made it into the shot.

I shook my head and flicked a thumb across my screen to call him instead of typing out a reply. I hit speaker and set my phone down, taking the chance to stretch out a bit before he answered.

"That one was better, wasn't it?" he said without bothering with a greeting.

"Yeah, Ash, it was lovely."

"Thought so. Hang on, I had another idea for-"

"I swear to god if I get a dick pic I'm kicking you in the balls next time I see you."

"Oh. Nevermind then."

I snorted. "Ash, my darling brother, you need help."

"Do not."

"You sent me sexy pics to try and cheer me up."

There was a pause. "Well it worked, didn't it?"

"Kinda, yeah. But how 'bout next time you tell me a funny story or something."

"Don't have any funny stories off the top of my head."

"I said 'or something.'"

"Don't have any of that either."

I rubbed my forehead in a mix of amusement and exasperation. "Well no more of that sort of thing anyway."

"No? Not even a little?"

"No. What if someone saw those pictures?"

"Like who?"

"Someone. Anyone."

"Enh."

I sighed loud enough to make sure Asher could hear. "What if I sent you pics and someone saw, hm? Sexy pics of your sister?"

"Huh." Asher hummed thoughtfully. "I dunno, really. You better send me a couple and I'll see how I feel about it then."

I made a sound of mock outrage, though I couldn't help smiling. I could imagine the smirk on his face on the other side. Little brat of a brother he was sometimes. I had to admit, though, he knew what he was doing when it came to getting my mind off internal troubles.

"As if," I said. "You'd probably actually like that, wouldn't you?"

"Of course not. It'd just be for a test."

"Yeah, test this," I grumbled under my breath.

I quickly flicked to the camera setting and snapped a selfie of me, middle finger stiffly upraised, front and center. I heard the moment Asher got it. His chuckle was fully unrepentant.

"You know I can see a bit of cleavage there," he said. "Behind your hand."

"Good for you. Stop staring at my tits."

"How do I know you're not staring at my chest right now? Hm?"

"Why would I be doing that?"

"I'unno. Same reason I'm staring at-"

"Don't even."

"I was going to say the beautiful colour of nail polish you're wearing."

I groaned, then chuckled softly. "Ash, if I believed that, I'd be the one needing help."

"No seriously. It's so lovely and soft and smooth..."

"Yeah. Ha ha. You're doing that thing where you pretend to refer to something innocuous, but could just as easily apply what you say to something more perverse. Hilarious."

"I thought so."

"You're just the worst sometimes."

Again I could sense Asher's grin without seeing it. "Vic?"

"Yeah?"

"Love you."

"Yeah. Love you too."

"D'awww."

"Only because it's contractual, mind you."

"Fair enough." I made out a stifled yawn on his end. "I'll take what I can get."

I glanced at the time on my phone and sighed to myself. I was keeping him up so late just because I couldn't sleep. "No, really though. Love you, Ash."

He made a kissy sound back. I accepted it without comment this time. I'd let him have it.

"I should let you go," I said.

"Gonna get some sleep?"

"Gonna try."

"'K. Night, Vic."

"Yeah. Good night, Ash. Thanks for talking."

"Anytime."

I held onto my phone after hanging up. I took another peek at the pictures Asher had sent me. They actually weren't half bad, in some ways. My little brother had grown into his body more than I'd realized. I wondered when that had started. We didn't see each other as much now that we were both in our twenties. It was harder to keep up on these things.

I shrugged and set my phone aside. Oh well. I'd just have to make more of an effort. I needed more Asher in my life. Goofiness and questionable choices of selfies and all.

****

It was the following weekend when I next saw my brother. He came to visit me at my apartment, in point of fact, and with no warning at all. It was both sweet and annoying of him.

I was still in bed at the time, though not asleep. Just dozing. Somewhere between sleep and consciousness, but not fully in either realm. I heard voices from elsewhere in the apartment, but didn't pay them much mind. Krista, my roommate, might have had someone over for all I knew.

Asher's voice registered in my sleepy brain just before he entered my room. Without knocking or anything. Rather uncouth, I thought.

"Morning, Vic."

"I'm sleeping," I mumbled without opening my eyes.

"No you're not."

"I'm sick!"

"Nope."

"I'm... naked?"

"You're lazy, is all. Time to get up."

"You're breaking and entering."

"Krista let me in."

"I don't wanna get up yet."

"Now that one I believe. However, I'm here now, and I'm not sitting around all morning waiting for you to stagger out of bed."

"It's early yet."

"It's nearly eleven."

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"Well... I'm allowed to sleep in. It's the weekend."

Asher sighed. "Sleeping in like this is why you can't maintain a healthy sleeping pattern the rest of the week."

"That was one time!"

"One time recently. That I know of."

I grumbled and sat up, brushing my hair back into a slightly less disorganized mess. "What are you, a sleep therapist now?"

"No. Just working off my own experience and common sense."

"I hate it when you act like you're the older sibling, you know that?"

"And here I thought it'd make you feel young at heart again."

I stuck my tongue out. "M'still young. Ish."

"Glad to hear it. Up you get. We're going for brunch." Asher glanced at his wrist, miming checking the time on a nonexistent watch. "Or lunch at this rate."

"And who decided that?"

"I did. It'll be lovely family time."

"Are you worried about me or something?"

"A little."

"Ugh. You call someone in the middle of the night just once..."

"And they take an interest and reach out," Asher continued in a sympathetic tone. "Horrible, I know."

I could tell I wasn't winning. I gave up and swung my feet out of bed. "Fine. I'll go to stupid brunch."

"Huzzah!"

"Let me change in peace, would you?"

"What, you don't want me to watch?"

I threw a pillow at Asher's head. He dodged easily and scampered out of the room, self-satisfied giggles echoing behind him as he shut the door.

****

"Lovely morning, isn't it?" Asher said cheerfully as we walked to the nearest available diner.

"Lovely," I mumbled.

I'd pulled my hair back in a messy ponytail and thrown on clothes that were presentable without taking much effort. I'd refused to put myself together too much just for my helpful pain in the ass of a little brother this morning.

"I'm really fine," I said, despite not having been asked.

"I know. We can hang anyway, can't we?"

"You came over this early in the morning-"

"Not that early."

"-with no warning just to hang?"

"Yes. Unless you actually were in need of rescue, in which case I might have done that instead of brunch."

"Rescue from what?"

"Inner demons. Or insomnia. Or if you'd been replaced by a replicant of some kind."

I glanced sidelong at Asher. "And how would you have helped with any of those possibilities?"

"Self-confidence and a plucky, can-do attitude."

"Ah. Good, then."

We had a reasonable amount of space to ourselves in the diner. It was after breakfast and before lunch, so we'd hit a nearly perfect lull.

Asher declined coffee, but I cradled a mugful and sipped gratefully at it. I still needed to wake up a bit, unlike my more alert brother.

"You know I appreciate the support," I said, watching Asher over my mug.

He flashed a smile. "Good."

"But I don't need rescuing."

"Also good."

"Just as long as we're clear."

"Very clear. So you're paying for brunch then?"

"What? Hell no! If anything, you should be buying, dragging me out of bed like that!"

"You said-"

"I said nothing about not accepting well-deserved recompense for disturbing my weekend lounging."

"Promise me you'll work on a better sleep schedule, and I will happily buy you brunch."

I glared at Asher. "That sounds an awful lot like you trying to trick me into being rescued."

"Perish the thought."

The arrival of our food interrupted my train of thought. I was hungrier than I'd realized, and I stuffed my face rather indelicately for a few minutes before eventually attempting further conversation.

"Tell me about you," I said in a blatant attempt at changing the subject.

Asher struck a pose, a faraway look in his eye. "Well... I was born in a small town, the-"

"Fuck off. I meant what's been going on recently? Stuff I don't already know." I took another bite. "And there was never any small town," I mumbled around the mouthful.

"Oh, right. That makes more sense." Asher considered, then shrugged. "Not much exciting, I'm afraid."

"No? No new girl? Job? Car? Hobby?"

"No, no, no, and no. Respectively." He tilted his head. "I finished a short story last weekend. I guess that's something."

"Ah, see, there. Your writing's going well. That's the sort of thing we should be catching up on."

"I s'pose."

"You making any money off that yet?"

"I've told you. It's for fun."

"It can be both."

Asher chewed on his lip. "Maybe," he said thoughtfully. "And yet, maybe the one precludes the other, sooner or later."

"Yeah, something's precluded."

"That's not..." Asher stopped and sighed as he saw the grin on my lips. I was finally awake sufficiently to properly enjoy teasing him back. "Yeah, ok."

"Your face is precluded," I continued helpfully.

"Yes, thanks. You use 'precluded' incorrectly one more time and you really are paying."

I weighed my options. "Your butt's precluded."

****

I considered buying Asher's meal as being well worth it, in the end. Not just for the chance to be a bit of an ass, but more because I was genuinely feeling pretty good. It really was nice having a surprise visit from him, once I'd warmed up enough to appreciate it.

I threaded my arm through his shortly after leaving the diner. He gave me a questioning sidelong glance, but didn't protest walking arm in arm.

What surprised me was how nice it actually felt. It had been meant as a whimsical gesture, a small sign off sibling affection. Somehow it ended up being more than that.

Maybe I was just starved for intimacy. It had been months since I'd had anything like a boyfriend, and I couldn't remember the last time I would have held hands or walked with arms around someone down the street. It was a small thing, perhaps, but meaningful in its own way.

"It's probably just as well I don't have a boyfriend right now," I said aloud.

"Oh?"

"You know. So I don't have to explain why I'm walking around with another boy. Getting sexy texts from him. That sort of thing."

Asher snorted. "Yeah, because if movies have taught us anything, there's no way to take ten seconds and explain I'm your brother."

I rolled my eyes. "You know what I mean."

"Kinda, I guess."

"And besides, being close and hugging and stuff is one thing. You really did send me sexy pics."

Asher chuckled and shook his head. "In a sense, I suppose." He perked up a bit and tilted his head toward me. "So you liked them after all?"

"Never said that."

"You called them sexy just now."

"Only because that's what you were going for."

"No, I think you liked them."

"Well..." I slipped a hand under my brother's jacket and patted his tummy. "You're better looking with no shirt on than you used to be. I'll give you that."

Asher grinned crookedly. "Knew it."

"But of course, being my little brother and all, I can't actually think any sort of pictures of you are sexy."

"Sure you can."

I shook my head decisively. "Nope. It's the law."

"What if I really firmed up my abs and-"

"Nuh uh."

Asher sighed theatrically. "Alas. Doomed to mediocrity on a technicality."

"Let's call it somewhere between mediocre and sexy." I looked down at my own tummy, now pleasantly full from brunch. "You want real mediocrity..."

"Hm?"

I pulled my jacket up and poked a few bits that were a bit too soft for my liking. "This ain't winning any sexy contests."

"Pff, whatever. You could do some hella sexy pics if you wanted."

"You mean if I get my tits out?"

"No. Well, yeah. But that's not what I meant." Asher shrugged. "In a bra or something'd still work."

"Maybe."

"Definitely."

"If I dropped a few pounds..."

"Regardless."

I pursed my lips. "I can't tell if you're just trying to cheer me up, or if you're really angling for topless shots of me."

"Why can't it be both?"

"It better not be." I tapped Asher lightly on the shoulder with my fist. "Sister, remember?"

"I know that."

"Seemed like you forgot."

"Nah. Just... it wouldn't stop pictures from being sexy just 'cause of that."

I arched an eyebrow. "Really?"

"Yeah. Really. Obviously I couldn't admit to it, though."

"You're admitting to it right now. As we speak."

"Perhaps. But then, that's only in theory. You can't prove anything."

"I don't need to, Ash. This is about me knowing what kind of sicko thoughts you got going on up there."

"It's not sick to recognize sexiness when it's presented."

I gave him the sort of look reserved for truly exasperating lack of common sense, all to no effect. "That's fucking incest, dude."

"No it isn't."

"Pretty sure it is."

"You think looking at a girl's tits is the same as having sex?"

"No. That's not what I'm saying."

"What you're saying is that looking at someone is the same as having sex with them. At least when accounting for incest. Which I think is total nonsense, just so you know."

"Fine, fine. I may have exaggerated the problem a bit."

"I'll say."

"But Ash?"

"Yeah?"

"You're taking a joke too far here. You know that, right?"

He snaked an arm around my waist and pulled me closer. "I don't know about that. Some of it's not even jokes."

"Better be jokes," I muttered.

Even so, I let him hold me close as we finished our walk. Inappropriate jokes or no, there was a comfort in his embrace, and not just as a shield against the breeze that had come up.

Maybe I should have been more bothered by the direction our talks had been going. Toward incest. That shouldn't have been a comfortable subject. It was fine, though. I maybe liked feeling a bit desirable with a safe boy. It wasn't like Asher and I would ever take it to extremes. Just joke around with it. Flirt some.

I glanced at my brother's face, but he wasn't watching me and his expression was unreadable from my angle. That was almost what we were doing, I realized. Flirting. But, like, the 'just for fun' kind. Not the 'leading to something else' kind. It was fine. And, I admitted privately, he wasn't the worst choice for some very, very light sexy fun. Very, very, very light. Weightless, even. Nothing that counted.

And yet... I knew I didn't want anyone else ever finding out, which suggested that we were, in fact, doing bad things. Shameful things. Or, more optimistically, simply things that would be difficult or impossible to explain. Maybe that was all. Not bad so much as tricky and nuanced. Yeah, that sounded better.

****

Asher hung around for a while that afternoon. We had a late lunch, which took a while to make between the two of us in the kitchen. We were far more focused on teasing and hindering one another than on actually producing food. If brunch hadn't been so recent, it might have been a different story. As it was we weren't hungry enough to get cranky over it.

Krista was around for a while too, which was fine. She and Asher got along well enough, and the three of us settled in for a movie, though we talked more than we watched. The only problem I had was upon returning from a bathroom break and finding Krista had taken my seat neat to Asher. The two of them had gotten too close too quickly for my liking. I'd only been a minute or two.

I watched from the doorway without announcing myself, aware that I was being a bit of a weirdo. Who cared if my brother and roommate wanted to flirt with each other? Wasn't any of my business, really.