It's more common than you'd imagine. And it's not from lack of trying, I can assure you. Quite the opposite.
I've had a lot on my mind, I guess.
Exams. Climate change. The heat death of the universe. Boys. One boy in particular, really, but we'll get to that later.
What I'm trying to say, in a round about way, is that the one thing I really needed, the one thing that might have helped make all the other problems bearable, is the one thing I couldn't have. Try as I might.
And, boy, did I try.
--
"It's time to accept it, my life is over."
"You're being dramatic," Tim laughed, "what's the big problem?"
That's my older brother, Tim. It's amazing the difference a few seconds can make. We're twins but you'd never guess it.
Sure, we've both got crazy blonde hair, but that's where the similarities end. Tim has the easy going attitude of a surfer dude and the body to match. Six-two and built like Adonis. The kind of guy all your girlfriends want to fuck. And don't they let me know it.
I'm five-two. Short and sweet. Neurotic, anxious, and just a tiny bit dramatic. Flat chested but a killer ass.
"What's the problem? I got ten thousand problems. I got little bitty mole hill problems."
Tim glanced around the bar, blushing, as I pointed to my modest chest, "Syke..."
"And I've got problems so big they make you wanna get swallowed by a black hole. That's problem number eight hundred and six. They're out there, you know, and they're fucking invisible!"
"You've got a lot of problems," Tim acknowledged, waving down the barman for another round.
"Correctamundo. So what I don't need is some admissions officer rejecting my scholarship. How am I going to afford university now?"
Tim slid a vodka and soda in front of me.
"Are you even listening," I cried, "I can't pay for that, you know?"
"Don't worry about it, kiddo. I got you. Something will come up. It always does."
--
Your chances of meeting a crazy person on the Northern Line are always pretty high. Those odds double after midnight.
It's one of the fun quirks of the London Underground.
You get used to it.
Even so, the businessman smiling unnervingly at us gave me the heebee-geebees. You NEVER smile at anyone on the underground. That's a rule. You can get banned for that shit.
"Madam, do you have a minute?"
Tim and I looked up and down the platform. There was only the businessman and us. Code red.
"We already support Cancer Research, bro," Tim cut in, "and a donkey in Botswana."
"He's lactose intolerant." I explained.
"It's not that," the businessman smiled, "I'd like to offer you a great opportunity."
"Really, dude, she's not interested."
"Madam, would you like to play a game with me?"
"Back off, man. I said she's not..."
Tim's words died off.
The businessman had opened his briefcase. Inside were three thick stacks of twenty pound notes.
"You've played chicken before, haven't you?"
I nodded.
"I will give you a thousand pounds each time you win."
"There's easier ways to get a girl to kiss you, dude."
"Not me," the businessman smiled at Tim, "you."
"I'm in a really bad mood today," I warned the businessman, "if this is some kind of stitch up, I'm probably going to throw you onto the tracks."
The businessman smiled.
"All we have to do is not pull away and we get a thousand pounds?"
The businessman nodded.
Tim and I glanced at each other.
"It's a lot of money."
"It would cover a term of tuition fees."
I really needed that money.
"Kind of weird though."
"It's just a game." I reasoned.
"But you're my sister."
My shoulders slumped.
"I guess it wouldn't be so bad." Tim weakened.
I looked at Tim. Was he suggesting what I thought he was suggesting.
"Just until the clock is up?"
"One minute." The businessman confirmed.
"A minute isn't so long..." Tim pondered.
But Tim was wrong. A lot can change in a minute.
--
Ten seconds. It's fine. A peck on the lips. Totally normal in France.
Twenty seconds. But we're not in France.
Thirty seconds. And that boy I mentioned earlier?
Forty seconds. Uhuh. You guessed it.
Fifty seconds. This was a dream come true.
Sixty seconds. I was kissing my crush.
--
"That's time."
The businessman handed me a wedge of notes. I flicked through the twenties then held one up to the light to check the watermark.
"It's the real deal."
"All we have to do is kiss again?" Tim asked, looking uncharacteristically flustered.
"This time with tongues."
"That wasn't the deal, man."
The businessman shrugged.
"Please, Tim." I begged, "I could really use this money."
He sighed.
"Okay then."
"Ready?"
"As I'll..."
I reached up on tip toes and planted another kiss on Tim's lips before he could change his mind. His mouth was half open, making it easy for my tongue to tentatively slip in.
My tummy somersaulted when I felt his tongue exploring mine. He was cautious to begin with but as the seconds dragged on it started to feel, sort of, not natural exactly, I was frenching my brother after, but, well, hot.
It was hot as fuck.
I'll admit it. I lost my cool.
My tongue did a full survey of my brother's mouth, twirling around his like we were dancing the salsa.
"Time."
Reluctantly I pulled away from my brother, wiping away the bridge of saliva that momentarily hung between our lips.
The businessman was smiling encouragingly. The little pervert was really getting his rocks off. And he wasn't the only one. I could feel a wet heat in my knickers as he handed me the second stack.
"What's next, creep?" I asked.
The businessman extracted the final stack of twenties from the suitcase.
"You kiss again, the same as before," the businessman said as he removed a false bottom from the briefcase to reveal four more stacks of twenties, "another grand for each minute you continue."
"What the fuck, man?" Tim was clearly ruffled. "Let's bounce Skye."
"But, Tim, that's seven THOUSAND pounds."
"Have you heard of quitting while you're ahead? You can keep it all, I don't want it."
"It's no different to what we've already done. Just, well, longer."
"Skye, come on, he's a creep."
"Please, big brother."
I pulled my best puppy dog eyes. I can be pretty damn cute when I want to be.
"Pweeease?"
Tim rolled his eyes.
"Fine but I need to sit down. I'll crick my neck leaning over you for five minutes."
"What about my neck?"
"Just sit on my lap, dummy. Then we'll be the same height."
Tim sat on one of the wooden platform benches and I straddled his lap, plonking my peachy butt on his thighs. Let me just say, what I lack in boobs I make up for in butt. Ten years of track and squats will do wonders for a gal.
"Umm, Skye?"
"Yeah?"
"I meant, like, sit sideways on me. Not, you know..."
Now he mentioned it, it did look like I was about to dry hump the shit out of him.
"Oh, right, opps."
My cheeks glowed with embarrassment as I started to climb off but Tim held me in place.
"It's fine," he said, resigning himself, "let's just get it over with."
"Ready?" Asked the businessman, sitting beside us.
Tim and I stared into each others eyes. He nodded once.
"Yes." I whispered.
"The clock starts when you do."
Somehow it seemed more intimate in this position. I suddenly felt shy.
"Frick, maybe this is a bad idea. What am I saying, of course this is a bad idea. A terrible idea. Literally the worst idea since marmite humus. I want to meet the guy who invented that and..."
Tim cupped my cheek and pulled me forcefully into the kiss.
My anxiety melted away in an instant. The previous kiss had felt clinical in comparison. This time it was passionate. Needy.
Tim's hand slipped onto the back of my head as he made out with me like we were on a first date. I draped my arms round his neck and pressed my body against his muscular torso as his other arm slipped around my waist.
I lost track of time, totally consumed in my brother and him in me. I desperately pulled him closer and felt him freeze for a moment. Our lips stayed connected but I sensed the moment suddenly slip away.
Then I realised why.
In my eagerness, I'd shimmied up his thighs until our hips met. Now my perfect ass was positioned directly over the thick, twitching lump in Tim's pants.
In that moment, for the first time in my life, I swear I nearly came.
In for a penny, in for a pound, I reasoned, kissing Tim with renewed passion.
I felt Tim's grip tighten in my hair as he gradually began kissing me back. The hand around my waist slipped down to rest on my ass. I felt an uncertain squeeze through my jeans. Damn, I wished I'd worn a skirt.
Slowly at first, then with vigour, I began shifting my hips as I tried to nestle the thick bulge in Tim's trousers between my pert cheeks.
There was no disguising it, I was dry humping my brother.
"Mind the gap."
Huh?
The doors of the tube were opening before Tim or I even realised it had arrived at the platform. Passengers piled out. Drunken revellers, bleary eyed shift workers, a horde of school kids on a German exchange. All of them staring at the couple grinding against each other like animals on heat.
"Oi oi!"
I buried my head against Tim's neck, wishing the heat death of the universe would hurry up and arrive.
--
The businessman handed me a neat, ivory card while Tim counted the notes.
"You can make big money, playing games like this for a few days. Would you like to give it a try?"
"If this is some fucking casting couch shit, you've got the wrong person. I'm not interested."
"Skye Deller."
"How do you know my name?"