I wasn't quite sure what I was looking for exactly. Perhaps it was simply my inborn yearning to discover secrets that led me to snoop through my sister's hard drive. There was no specific conscious idea of what I might find, however she was the only one to use it and I have to say I was curious just what she did with all the time she spent on that laptop. One thing I know is that she used it as a journal, ever since she moved on from writing in notebooks by hand several years earlier.
I was expecting to find a few porn links in her internet history, and anyone with ethics loose enough to snoop through a close relative's private things is certainly prepared to find such stuff, and to be honest, the links I did find were fairly tame. Otherwise it was just the expected things: pictures of distant family members, youtube videos of kittens and puppies, lots of school work, etc. No long guarded secrets or violent snuff films, or whatever other surprising thing I for some reason felt I might find. And that is the real reason why so few continue with such snooping, because of the simple fact that it is boring.
Due to both of us being shy, it might seem to outsiders that we have a cold relationship, however I always felt from the looks we shared that this wasn't the case, and our aloofness toward each other is simply comfortable for our personality types. Although, because of that distance, and despite still living in the same house as I turn twenty-one, and she eighteen, I still feel as if I know so little about her.
Before I gave up my snooping I decided I would skim through her journal. It was written entirely into one document, simply titled "Journal," which had a cute 'do not read!' note at the beginning. Mostly it seemed to be comments on classes, her emotions, and how she felt about whatever books she was reading at the time. She was in her last year of high school, and I was somewhat saddened to find that she did not have even very many acquaintances there with whom she shared conversations. It seemed she more or less lived in her own little world, and wasn't too happy about never having been intimate with anyone. This was somewhat hard for me to believe, as she was very cute, and even I as her brother couldn't deny the fact. She was a bit shyer than myself, however I had always thought this to be not nearly the obstacle for girls in finding a mate as it was for boys. However she seemed to be experiencing just as much frustration and loneliness as I had and high school (and continue to).
Once halfway through the document it seemed she decided to start including pictures with a number of the entries. The first of these started several months back. The pictures were mostly of scenery and random objects from around the house, but a few were pictures of herself, sometimes smiling, her pretty dimples spread to the side of her face, sometimes sad with her long blonde hair covering all her fair features. I kept scrolling down and was suddenly shocked by the next picture I saw.
She was topless, snapping a photo of herself in the bathroom mirror. This was the first time I had ever seen her small breasts bare, and though I immediately felt a rush of panic, I could not look away. The entry corresponding with the picture was her saddened by the fact that her breasts seemed as if they would never grow, but I wanted so much right then to tell her that they were perfect they way they were, and absolutely beautiful. So beautiful in fact that I couldn't tear myself away despite how wrong I knew it was.
I began to feel a stirring in my pants and I knew I had to stop, knew I had to turn the computer off. "She's your sister, man! Don't be a pervert!" I silently scolded myself.
I looked at the clock and realized she would be home in less than ten minutes. If not for that I certainly wouldn't have been able to stop scrolling down in a desperate hope for more, but to be caught in such a shameful act was unthinkable. However, when I went to shut down the laptop, I was drawn back to that photo of her soft pale skin, her lithe thin figure, and those pretty little breasts. I couldn't seem to entirely say goodbye to that lovely picture.
I quickly ran to my room and grabbed my zip drive. I returned back to her computer and saved the diary onto my USB stick as fast as possible and carefully shut down the computer leaving no trace of my unwholesome presence. In that moment I felt like a foul monster, and everything I touched was somehow contaminated. What was I thinking? Surely I was just lonely. How could I be attracted to my own sister? Was that what I was subconsciously hoping to find when I went through her files? What dark place in my primate unconscious brought me here, to seek out such decadent sights? Somehow though, I could not quite convince myself that loving the sight of that
angel
in her true skin could somehow be wrong.
Though the sense of urgency was growing near the end, it wasn't entirely necessary as she did not return home from school until around fifteen minutes later.
"Hi," she said to me cheerfully when she walked in.
I was getting a snack in the kitchen at the time, what I usually did when she got back from school, so that I might see her before she moved on to the isolation of her room. On weekdays I usually got back from my college classes a few hours before she got back from high school, and so there was a kind of strange schedule between us when we'd see each other as we came and went, or when going to get meals. Otherwise we were both bookish and tended to keep to ourselves.
"Hey Sis. How was school?"
She shrugged. My nervous eyes, which would've normally avoided eye contact after the initial greeting, lingered a bit by no control of my own. Not to any place on her body that I should be ashamed of, but just looking at her face. Though she wore no makeup, still there was no defect to be seen. Not a pimple or freckle discolored her milky white skin. She rarely kept eye contact either, however she must've felt my gaze and for a moment our eyes met. I quickly looked away.
"Yeah, nothing very interesting happened during my classes either," I said, breaking the silence.
She was blushing. I quickly grabbed a snack from the cupboard and retreated to my room. Why was she blushing? Was I being awkward? Anxious thoughts raced through my head and I tried to think of something I could do in the next hour or two to prove that I was just a normal brother and not some fiendish weirdo. I sat in my room for over a half hour practically pulling my hair out, cursing myself for being such a creep. I thought then that the only way that I might not just make it worse was when I went for dinner; I would just act as normal as possible. But then if I intentionally acted normal, something would certainly seem off, and then not just to her but to our parents as well!
My anxiety was getting the better of me. And it was as these thoughts assailed me that I heard a soft knocking at the door.
Immediately I regained my coldness and composure. Everyone has instinctual masks for social interaction, with the most social having the greatest number of masks to fit various moments. As I was about as far from 'social' as one could get, my masks were few, and my most used and comfortable was that of cold professional aloofness.
"Yes? Come in." I said calmly.
It was Emily, my sister. She had a book in her hand.
"I borrowed this, I hope you don't mind," she murmured. "I'm done with it now though."
"Oh, yeah, that's fine. You can borrow any of my books whenever you want, as long as I'm not in the middle of reading them."
"I really liked it," she said hurriedly as she handed the book to me. I looked at the cover to see which one it was. Out of all my books I'd like for her to have read, she had borrowed the one that was most well hidden, behind a solid stack of respectable literature, a pretty hot and heavy erotica. The surge of adrenaline I felt when I saw that picture an hour prior came back tenfold. With a thousand questions on the tip of my tongue, I looked up with shock on my face, but she was already gone.
********
Needless to say, that night I transferred the journal from my zip-drive to my own computer and continued reading.
Dear diary,
Today wasn't so good. Every time I'm around people I seem to lose all composure. A boy said something to me in the lunchroom that set me so on edge that I actually dropped my tray. It wasn't even anything important, it was only "Are you as sick of sloppy-joes as I am?" but for a moment I thought he might be attracted to me. I know now that's not the case, and I hate when my stupid brain gives me false hope. I don't even want to think about it. Even if he did like me, he certainly wouldn't after that embarrassing incident. I don't ever want to see him again.
If a guy did ever like me, once he got to know me he'd just think I'm sick. I've never even kissed a boy and yet I can be so gross sometimes. I know I shouldn't be writing this... last night, when I was touching myself, I actually put my finger in my butt! (omg!!!) My fingers were already really wet from my pussy, so I just wiped the juice all over the hole for a while, which felt really good and naughty. That was all I planned to do, but I got so caught up in the moment that I ended up masturbating both holes until I orgasmed. It was really hard to not make any noises. My brother's room is right next door, so if I ever moaned out he might hear. I'm such a disgusting slut. Even as I write this I'm beginning to get wet. I want to masturbate but Anthony will probably even still be up, so he'd definitely hear. Maybe just a little bit...
It was actually getting a bit difficult for
me
to contain myself at this point. I wondered what Sis would think if she knew I would be masturbating right next to her room as I read how
she
masturbates just as close. She think she's sick? If only she knew...
Though I did want to savor these guilty pleasures, I decided to hold off on relieving myself until I read a bit more. I scrolled down further, and happily found that the naughtiness continued.
Dear diary,
