(All this summer lovin' has got me in the mood for something cold.)
Shivering.
I sit on the scrap of foam I use as a seat and pillow, looking out at the falling snow. It blankets the streets to either side of the road below. Only the place right under the underpass is clear.
Where I'm sitting, with my little cardboard sign clutched in frozen fingers.
"There hasn't been a car in an hour. Come up here before you freeze."
I look up the concrete ramp to where my sister is sitting. She is on, what she calls, our front porch.
I feel the trembling in every part of me. I can't stop it no matter how much I want to. I look up at her. I nod and get to my feet.
Walking up the ramp, I follow her into the little area we have walled off with old tarps I salvaged from the side of the road. She crawls into the pile of old blankets the thrift store gave us. Our mattress, found outside a hotel next to the dumpster, is a soft insulator from the cold ground.
I lay my foam pillow down and slide in bed beside my sister. I feel her bury herself against my chest. She is also shivering uncontrollably.
I rub her back and try to warm us both. I try to tuck the blanket in tighter around us, but a draft always seems to find a way in.
"I'm so cold, David," I feel her say, the words like warm feathers against my neck. "Oh god, I'm so cold."
"I know, Abigail. So am I."
I hold my sister tighter to me as she starts to cry.
Her tears make me feel lower than I am, which says a lot.
Homeless.
Unemployed.
Worthless.
The worst of it is that I drug her down with me.
I hold my sister to me as we try not to freeze, feeling her crying.
Memories of our warm house, our loving family comes to mind.
I chase them away.
Both are gone now.
My fault...
"David, I can't stand it!" She shivers against me. "Let's... let's go to those men you know."
"No, Abs. No! That's not an option."
"Well freezing to death out here isn't one either!"
She pulls away from me and sits up. She pulls the blankets around her and rocks back and fourth.
The cold hits me like a hammer. I shiver and can't stop. The little warmth the blanket was giving us vanishes.
"Abby...They will hurt you. It's not an option."
She turns and looks at me. I watch her clutch at the rough cloth. The tears have left paths down her face.
"I'm not a virgin! I know what the hell they will do to me. They will do what they want...Make their sick little movie, and it will be over. I'll be sore, but we will goddamn have money. Money for food! Money for a place to stay for a few nights where it's warm. Maybe even enough to get us bus fare to our aunt out in California."
"We don't even know if she is still alive, Abs. Aunt Becky was Mom's age the last time we heard anything from her." I plead with my sister to come to her senses. "It doesn't matter. You're not doing it."
Abby's eyes come up to my face, and they blaze!
"It's not your fucking decision! It's my goddamn body! I make the choices about what I do with it. Now where are these people?"
I shake my head.
"Where?" she screams.
"I won't tell you, Abs. Never."
I shudder from the cold. My hands are numb. I try to put them under my armpits, but the touch of my fingers to my skin there is almost painful.
"David...I saw women about a block from here. Last night. They were selling themselves to people in the cars that go by. If you don't tell me where these people are I will go down there and do the same!"
She gets to her feet and tosses the blankets at me.
I scurry after her out the tarps and down the ramp to the street below.
"Abby!"
I catch her arm.
She turns to me, clutching at herself.
"I'm freezing to death out here David! I don't care who fucks me! At least I will be warm!"
She looks at me then starts to rock again. I pull her to me.
"Please come back up to bed," I beg her.
"Bed? It's a piss-and-cum-stained mattress that a twenty-dollar-an-hour hotel judged too bad to use!" She pushes me away. "I can't live like this anymore."
She turns and starts down the street. I see her footsteps as she steps out from under the underpass and into the snow.
The idea of her standing on a street corner selling herself to the guys I've seen down the road. Her quickly becoming the property of some pimp. I stand at the edge of the snow and look after her.
"Abby, NO!"
She doesn't look back.
"I'll take you there!" I yell after her.
She stops and turns to look back at me. She doesn't come back. I walk out to meet her, the damp snow quickly soaking the top of my head.
"I'll take you there," I say in a soft whisper.
"Then let's go. My feet are getting wet."
Abigail takes my arm, and I pull her in tight to my side.
It's a far walk in good weather to the little-known studio. In this weather it's a cold trek into hell.
At one point we walk near a fire barrel. The guys standing near it give my sister lusty looks so I walk up clear of the warmth.
By the time we get to the unmarked door in the little back alleyway, I can't feel my feet or my nose. Abby has simply shut down, placing one foot after the other in robot-like fashion.
I look at her and know there isn't any turning back. She wouldn't make it through the night even if I could get her back to the underpass.
I have to knock on the door several times till someone comes to it. A little slide is pulled back.
"What ya want?"
"It's David Nabal. I want to speak to Joshua."
The slide is pulled closed, and we spend what feels like an eternity standing there, waiting till I hear the door being unlocked.
I look at Joshua when the door opens. There is a flood of heat that comes spilling out to us. I hear Abby moan when it washes over her.
"Well I'll be damned, David. Hell, man. I thought you had left town. Come on in out the cold."
We step into the building, and the door is shut behind us.
His eyes are on the shivering form of my sister.
"You taking us up on our offer, David?" He asks, not looking at me.
"No. He's not. I am." I hear Abby say through chattering teeth. "It's a hundred dollars a guy, right?"
Joshua smiles.
"Yea. You pick how many. I shoot about an hour of footage. You sign the release before we start filming." He grins; it's a predatory smile.
"No rough shit. You're not going to hurt her!" I tell him, moving a little between them. He looks to me, and his eyes go colder than the temperature outside.
"That's not how it works." He looks over to the guy we first spoke to. A massive man, with a clearly defined gun under one arm. "It's no fucking rules, or you get the fuck out my studio."
"David!" Abby grabs my arm and tries to pull me back from in front of her. "Stay out of this. It's my decision."
She lets go of me and walks around me till she's standing in front of Joshua. She looks him up and down. Slowly she nods.
"Good girl. I like that bit of fire." He grins at her. "Alright, little lady. How many?"
I turn away from my sister, unable to look at her. The shame of having let us fall to this point crashes down over me.
"Five...no six." I hear her say softly.
"Six? You only got three holes, darlin'. You sure?" I hear that chuckling laugh of his that I came to hate a year ago.
"Yea."
"Alright, sounds good. I'll go round up some of my people. John, show her where the shower is. Got to have you clean," he tells her with that sick grin back on his face.
He looks to me. "You hang out here, if you like, David. Keep warm. That is, unless you want to join in? I'll pitch in an extra two hundred, if you do."
I bite my lips to keep from cussing out the sick fucker. I shake my head.
"Suit yourself. Come on, little lady. Just follow this guy. He'll take you to where you can get a nice, hot shower. That sounds good, doesn't it?"
I see Abby nod.
"David." She turns to me after he walks off towards the stairs.
"I'll be out here, Abs," I tell her, unable to look at her. I feel so ashamed of what I have drug us down to.
She follows John out the room.
Shouldn't be a surprise I guess. Nabal...Old name... It translates to fool or failure. I've been both over the last two years.
I move over to where an oil radiator is and pull one of the wooden chairs over next to it.
My fingers burn as the heat slowly brings them back to life.
It's about forty minutes later when I hear my sister scream for the first time.
Several more follow it, then a silence that scares me even more than the screams did. I can't help it. I have to go see if she's alright.
I make my way out the room and down the hall to where I know the studio is.
As I get closer, I come to realize that the reason I can't hear her screaming is because she's making a different sound.
The sounds of retching and gagging come through the door as I get closer to it.
"That's it bitch! Suck that cock. Come on whore, all the way down!"
I hear more gagging, and then a moan and a slap.
"Do what you're fucking told, bitch," orders a new voice.
I try to cover my ears as I hear Abby being made to deep-throat. I move back away from the door.
"Oh, yea. She's a nice little cum slut, isn't she? Come on. Suck it hard, you whore!"
I'm about to go back to the heater when I hear Joshua's voice.
"Okay, somebody get a cock into her."
