XXIV − Family Ties, Pt. 2
We were stumped. We simply didn't know what to make of the relationship -- and by "relationship," I mean "sex" -- between Shana and Eddie. And we certainly didn't know what we should do about it -- if anything.
Well, Ted and I talked about it. And we talked. And we talked. And we went to Lauren and Matt and talked with them about it. And as far as we could tell, we established the following:
One, no one was being hurt (yet).
Two, Eddie and Shana had to act responsibly about this, and that meant a thorough discussion of -- and insistence on -- birth control.
Three, they had to be absolutely discreet -- they couldn't talk to anyone outside our "family" about it, and others must never find out.
Four, ... we didn't know what four was.
As for the matter of sex between brother and sister -- well, as Matthew pointed out, "I'm not sure anyone in this family is going to get too bent-out-of-shape or moralistic about relatives having sex with each other."
On the other hand, we were all uncomfortable with the fact that they were so young. Not in the sense that they were "too young to be having sex." But we were all concerned about people so early on in their lives making commitments and closing doors to experiencing a wider array of other people.
So, although we didn't come up with any "answers," we did agree that we needed to have this discussion with Shana and Eddie and share our concerns with them.
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Ted and I had agreed that it would be best to talk to them together -- that talking to them separately would quickly be viewed as an attempt to divide-and-conquer, and we didn't want to start out on that wrong foot. We also agreed that, to start, Ted would talk to Eddie and I would talk with Shana.
I began, to both, "We know that you both care very much for each other, and that you don't want anything to ever hurt each other. And we know that you're going to be responsible about birth control. But your Dad and I, and Aunt Lauren and Uncle Matt, too, are concerned that you might be making some serious commitments before you've really had a chance to meet other people and learn what they're like, and to learn more about yourselves and what you want in life and in other people and ..." And I kind of stalled out at that point.
Ted picked up, "Like Mom said, we know that your both are smart, and maybe more mature than many of your friends, but ... you really haven't had the chance to know many people, and to see what they have to offer ... " And then he ran out of talking points.
"Yeah, we know about all these things. We've talked a lot about 'em before."
Eddie and Shana were sitting side-by-side on the couch, not touching, but not far apart, either. They looked at each other, and apparently agreed that Eddie should talk first.
"I know there's lots of girls in the world, and a lot of 'em are nice and stuff."
Ted interrupted, "How about Robby McCune's sisters? You know them, and I thought you kind of liked them?"
Eddie responded, "Yeah, they're nice, and kinda pretty -- especially Beth ..."
Shana punched him hard in the arm -- but not
too
hard, if you know what I mean.
"... but Shane's more interesting than all of 'em."
That one stopped us. Because "interesting" -- that can be the basis for a very solid relationship.
Then Shana spoke up. "You've tried to tell me that kindness and character are the most important things to look for in a person. And I kinda got the same feeling from Aunt Lauren when she was talking about Uncle Matt. And honestly -- do you think I'm ever going to meet a boy -- or a man -- who's kinder than Eddie? And, like, with character -- well, you raised him the same way you did me. Really -- do you really think I'm gonna find someone who's a better person than Eddie?"
All right, maybe they have thought about ... things more than we gave them credit for.
"Well, let your father and I think about it some more. But thank you both for listening to us and for telling us what you're thinking. You know how much we love you, and we just want to make sure you're not setting yourselves up for unhappiness or disappointment in the future."
Eddie: "We know you love us. We won't let you down, honest."
Ted and I went to where they were sitting and kissed them. Then we went to our room to try to figure out what the hell had just happened.
"Ted, what are we going to do?"
"Well, the words weren't too eloquent, but it seems like they've given this a lot of thought, and the points they brought up were important -- maybe even the most important ones." Then he paused, like he was trying to organize his thoughts. "I just can't get over the feeling that it's wrong. Not 'wrong' like morally wrong. More like 'not regular,' like not the way the world's supposed to work. But then I look around at our family and I see a whole lot of things that are not the way the rest of the world does them, and I see only incredibly happy and well-adjusted people. I don't know, Georgia."
"Maybe we should just let things go and hope that this attraction to each other fades with time -- and other people. Or maybe they're right, and that this is the right thing for them -- both of them. What do you think?"
"I think they're lucky to have you as their mother." Then, "Now, do you think we should get into bed and find out for ourselves what all this fuss is about?"
********
So we just waited and watched, alert for any signs of trouble.
And we didn't see any. What we saw were a brother and sister who were very considerate to each other and who helped each other a lot -- with chores, and with homework (strangely, Shana -- Shane -- seems to have a way of explaining history and geography to Eddie so that he really understands what's going on). And they touch each other a lot. Not in a sexual manner, but just -- touches -- that seem to convey communication and affection.
Okay, sometimes we didn't see either of them for a while, and then when they appeared, they'd look a little flushed, and they were usually holding hands.