I saw her almost the moment I had entered the club. It didn't matter the smoke or the crowd, I saw Cindy's hair and knew it had to be her. It wasn't really that I knew her so well as to be able to pick her out of a crowd but there were so many times when I knew for sure that I wouldn't be able to open up facebook on my phone while I was at work because if I did there would be her with that stupid hairdo being party girl extraordinaire in various states of undress. I actually seriously contemplated deleting my facebook account or at the very least not having it on my phone and only checking it on computer.
My plan for that night had been to pick up women. Well, I suppose plural would be wrong as I had no intention or delusion that I would be able to pick up more than one woman on the same night. I actually expected to strike out and was already emotionally prepared to be rejected by every woman I met. This night wasn't about success, it was more about just announcing to myself that I had done my duty and waited a proper amount of time before moving on. I had been the one to break up with my previous girlfriend, Jill, and out of respect for her and her feelings I hadn't put myself back out there. Well, it was time and it didn't even matter if I went home alone. Tonight was just about having fun, meeting up with friends, and getting back to being myself with no restrictions.
But like I said, I saw Cindy there. Almost automatically I rolled my eyes. I mean, I knew almost nothing about her and I assumed she was different in private than the idiot caricature of herself she played on social media. I kept my distance as I circled the room around her and got a better angle to view her way. Perhaps she wouldn't notice me and I could just leave and not tell her that I had been there. There were emotions there that were confusing.
I looked away and decided to just focus on doing what I was supposed to be doing and not worry about her. If she happened to notice me and come talk to me (which would be a first) then that would be that and I could play it cool. There was no reason to dislike her or have any hard feeling towards her. So what if she ... Emotions. They suck.
I got a beer and went over to play pool with my friend Teddy. He assumed I was still in a funk over Jill so I let him think that. While he was saying something to try and cheer me up I ran the table on him. That shut him up and got him to focus on the game instead of whatever he thought was going through my head. We racked up again and while Teddy took his turn to break I heard a cheer erupt over the music from the gaggle of college girls on the other end of the place. Did I want to go see what retarded thing Cindy had done was? No. No, I did not.
Teddy was trying really hard to replicate my previous performance when I felt a hand come to my shoulder.
"I've got the winner." Jill's voice said.
When I knew it was her I actually started to laugh a bit.
"And that is not an excuse to throw the game." she added as she came to my front. As she said it Teddy missed his shot and it was my turn. Teddy already had half his stripes down and I had to start at the beginning. But it didn't matter. I usually avoided showing off like this but I could just as easily run the table at that point as at any.
Teddy laughed as I coldly and mechanically sank all my balls without giving him another turn. I called three banks on the eight ball just to show off a bit. I struck white and then turned my back to the table as the balls did exactly what I planned behind my back.
"Man, you're the only one who can turn a two player game of pool into solitaire." Teddy said.
"There are some other two player activities he also turns into solitaire sometimes." Jill added.
"If you want to play, rack them up." I responded.
"On second thought, I changed my mind." Jill said. "But I am glad you're back from the dead."
"Don't be silly. I'm not nearly good enough at anything for God to want to take me from this world."
Jill probably had meant to walk away but perhaps in that moment she'd heard me hint at similar ideas in the past and after our break up something in her mind finally wanted to pull on that thread. "You do know natural selection takes out the losers not the winner, right?"
"Then explain Whitney Houston." I countered. "When God needed a singer he decided to deprive us of her voice and left us can't-sing-worth-a-damn Madonna."
"What? There are a lot of good singers out there."
"Cliff Burton."
"Who?"
"Mozart. It's clearly a pattern. Why doesn't anyone else see it?"
"Then what about Beethoven?"
"56."
"Older than most people back then."
"Ada Lovelace. Henry Moseley. Evariste Galois. Jimi Hendrix. Robert Howard. John Toole."
"What about Frank Sinatra? You act like you're a metalhead but I know you secretly love him."
"And any Joe every man on the street can sing just like him. Just as good, hitting all the same notes. He wasn't special. Amy Winehouse was special but she's gone and we're left with the goo goo gaga lady who can't do a fucking thing but bark like a dog."
She looked at me like I was crazy. After swallowing her eyes went wide and she look away. She left me there and I let her go. I looked back at the table to have another game but now I was by myself. I shrugged. I had played pool alone many times, too many to count or remember. I could rack the ball and run the course without missing a shot even with a blindfold on. There was no challenge to the game for me. I heard another 'whoo-hoo' from the crowd of girls in bright pink and yellow dresses, among whom Cindy was with.
So I wasn't psychic or anything but I sort of knew that if I went over there and joined the halo of young single men trying to get attention from those girls that I would be totally ignored. But that was for the best. Then if Cindy and I ever had the conversation about being in the same place I could at least say I tried to go talk to her but that she was too busy. And if I did happen to get through to be able to see her? What then? Well, it wasn't going to happen anyway but if by the rare likelihood that it did then I could just say hi and that would be the end of it. I didn't feel like being in this place anymore anyway with asshole Jill walking around.
I put the cue away, shook off my gloom, put on a fake smile, and headed over. With each step I started to imagine what I'd have to say on the phone to Cindy's mom. If Cindy happened to tell her that she saw me surely I'd get a call and it would be another half an hour of me being polite while listening to the pitch for some network marketing scam.
I got close and found a nice spot to plant myself. I was definitely the odd man out in that crowd of happy, bubbly jerks all singing along to the pop song being imposed on us by the DJ. I waited patiently and had a game with myself to count the songs before I called it quits and went home. I pushed through to get to the nearest bar to get another beer and then I found my way to get back to the spot I had chosen for myself cut off. I was still near the bar and I faked bouncing to the music all the while being annoyed with myself for even subjecting myself to this.
Just then, right in front of me, she was there. Cindy was trying to explain to some guy what kind of drink she wanted. She was clearly already drunk past the point when I would have stopped. I smiled and just looked at her. She looked over at me and looked right through me like I wasn't even there. Typical.
But then I was surprised. A look of recognition came over her face. Her eyes lit up as she looked up at me and pushed past that guy to get closer to me.
"Hi." she said.
"Hey. Long time no see." I answered.
"Yeah. Totally. What are you doing here?"
"Just enjoying my weekend. I was about to go though."
