[ Dear Readers:
Usually when you see a writer explaining his story it's a good sign he didn't do much of a job with it in the first place. That might be true here anyway, but there's another reason, which is also why I had to walk away from this for a while.
In a story like this, evolving as it is published, there's the danger that the plot will take a turn that puts it at odds with something in an earlier chapter. The writer's challenge is then to come up with the best way to reconcile what's past and irreversible with what's present and progressing. So it is here, in several places.
As it is probably the biggest of these, I'll cite the widely-criticized decision of Sammy to keep Fred in the dark. Had he done otherwise, Fred would have squelched the shenanigans next door right quick, and without the shenanigans, there's no story. Clearly, it would be better if Sammy didn't find out until Fred did, but way last February, in part 9, I blew that possibility by having Linda, in a moment of mindlessly giddy excitement, prance on over to the neighbor's house and blow that chance away for good. After heaven knows how many abortive attempts at rewrites, I'm going back to my original versions of the next three parts, which is what I'd completed before this hiatus.
So, early on in this chapter, Sammy will grace us with Plan B.
Once again, I'm very grateful to all who have enjoyed this, and those who have criticzed it thoughtfully. I hope you'll find the rest of it worthwhile.
SECRET NO LONGER
Chapter 18
Shock Treatment: The Setup
At the risk of sounding a bit vain, I'll say it. I am pretty darn good at what I do. The technical crisis that forced my ill-fated trip home was put to bed pretty quickly and efficiently. At least, so said the people who should know, and they're not the kind to dish out compliments just to be sociable. They hardly knew the emotional stress I had been under. Perhaps part of the reason for my success was in the way I had avoided the pain by immersing myself totally in my work.
"Fred, I don't even have to tell you that we're almost two weeks ahead of schedule, and a lot of that is thanks to that quick turnaround with the second system. Maybe it was actually good luck it failed when it did; you got the second one ready so fast and now the broken one is working, too. So if you've a mind to take a little R-and-R back home, the ticket's yours for the asking."
"Thanks, Skipper, but right now it's best I stay here closer to the Atlantic. I could use a break, though."
"Take all you need. If anything comes up too soon, we know where to find you."
"Aye, Skipper. So long!"
My priority the next morning was to separate myself as much as possible from both work and family. There's a lot to see in the D. C. area and I played tourist for once, realizing with some surprise how little time I had spent apart from work during my many trips here, here where things to see range from the earliest moments of our nation's history to the space-age fascinations of the National Air and Space Museum of the Smithsonian.
Evening found me with Sammy at the hotel restaurant, quite a good one for its kind.
"Freddy, I've seen you looking a hell of a lot better."
"Thank you, kind Sir, and may I say, you have looked better yourself."
"Then again, Fred, I've seen you look a hell of a lot worse, too--specifically, yesterday."
"No kidding," I replied, sipping a fine aperitif, "A day playing tourist did wonders, Sammy. I'm starting to back away from the trees and start seeing the forest."
"That's real progress, my friend."
"I can't believe what was inside of me yesterday. All I could see was pure evil, wearing the faces of my wife and my son, like every wrong thing on this whole damned planet was all their fault."
"Yesterday the only thing with anything to say was pain," he said, "It killed all your objectivity, your analytical ability, your reasoning, and wouldn't let you see yourself as anything but victim. Just thank your chosen higher power that you didn't have the chance to rip them apart when you wanted to."
"Yesterday was not the time for thinking," I acknowledged, "But we both well know that today is just that. And one thing that is clear to me now is something I find very hard to say, because in the saying I accuse myself, but in the same words, I accuse you. I'm not sure how to start."
"Just don't worry and go right on ahead with it. I'm sure I know what it is, and I already agree with you."
"The pictures..."
"Right."
"And doing nothing about Jason taking them."
"Double right," Sammy said, "But before you say any more, what do you say we drop words like blame and accusation out of this? All they are is agonizing over the past and whose fault things are. I think these are better called mistakes, errors of judgment, things we can learn from. Look forward instead of back, don't you think so?"
"Yes, I like that," I agreed, "So, anyway, we knew about it, we let it go on. Jason always had a thing for Jannie, and first I figured all he'd be interested in was her. Then that got thin and I expected him to keep a lid on whatever he might feel about his mother.
"But then I fell back on the one thing I still find hard to believe didn't cut it short, and that was Linda. How could she possibly have let Jason come on to her without immediately putting him in his place?"
"Don't be so sure it happened that way," Sammy countered. "There's a lot we don't know yet about how it got started."
"Well, however it happened, it happened, and now I can't believe I could be so blind to the warnings right there before my eyes."
"You and me both, Fred," Sammy concurred with an uncommonly self-critical expression,. "We both fell into that same trap. It's the old, old story: the little head spoke, and the big head listened."
"Words of wisdom, Sammy, if a bit late. Hell, we were getting major thrills out of it; we didn't want it to end, so we twisted the facts around to suit our desires."
thrills...facts...desires...twisting facts...desire, twisting facts...thrills and desires...facts, threatening desires...didn't want it to end...didn't want it to end...twisted the facts to suit our desires...thrills...facts...twisted the facts...desires...didn't want it to end...desires...facts...facts, twisted by desire...desires, twisting the facts...thrills, desires, and twisted facts...
"Fred...? Fred, where are you?"
"Huh...?" I muttered as the here and now repenetrated my consciousness, dispersing the strained reverie triggered by the sound of my own words, "Oh, sorry, Sammy. Mind kinda wandered there." The cacophony faded and I lapsed into a thoughtful silence. I needed to ask some delicate questions now and wanted time to phrase them carefully.
"Sammy, I need to ask you something and I want to assure you up front that I am not faulting you for anything, but I need to know."
"Fire away, Fred."
"It's this: What was your reason for not telling me what was going on?"
I was relieved to see that Sammy was not upset by the question. Indeed, he seemed to welcome it, as if it were the hoped-for opportunity to confess some wrong and ease his conscience.
"Fred, you can be sure that I was of two minds about it. There were good reasons to go either way. In the end, though, it came down to this: As you know, this all began when you had been away for several weeks, on the same business trip you are still on now."
"Actually, I didn't know that, Sammy."
"Ah, yes," he said, correcting himself, "I forgot that you haven't been filled in on most of the details. Well, it's true; it started maybe three or four weeks ago, and you've been gone that whole time."
There was a lesson in that for me, and I did not miss it.
"I'm gone too much, too often, and for too long, Sammy," I acknowledged. It was no excuse for what had happened, but I knew I had to give that matter its due attention, and soon.
"Maybe so; only you can decide that. What was clear to me was that if you learned of this from me, over the phone, it would have left you devastated, all the while burdened with your professional obligations and chained to this place, not free to act upon the knowledge. If I ever were to inform you, it would have to be in a time and place something like this, somewhere quiet, where I could break it to you gently, face to face.
"Then there's one more thing. Some years back, I learned that the wife of another friend was cheating. I took the mind-my-own-business approach until I found out that she had done something really egregious and it pissed me off enough to lead me to clue him in. Well, this guy was no Fred, and he didn't have Fred's heart or his wisdom.
"Fred, the guy would probably be getting paroled from Lompoc now if he didn't keep adding assault charges to his record. But at least, if he ever does get out, he'll be leaving with an intact face." He paused and looked straight at me. "They're still trying to put hers back together, and the horrible headaches will probably live as long as she does. Whatever she did, nobody deserves to be in the condition she is.
"Ever since then I've been inclined to keep my mouth shut unless there's a damn good reason to do otherwise. There was nothing to be accomplished by informing you, other than perhaps cutting their affair short, and when I did my best to put myself in your place, I felt that didn't matter much. The damage lay in that it happened at all; the exact duration of it was secondary, or so I believed you'd see it. I couldn't very well ask you, so I took my best shot. I hope I did right by you."
With a few moments' thought, I nodded in agreement.
"By the way, Jannie's coming out here tomorrow."
"That's great, Sammy! Now you can have a real vacation for a change."
"Yeah, we will, but what she really wants is a chance to talk to you. Maybe some things come better from her than from me. And I'm pretty sure she's got some things she needs to get off her chest." He paused for exactly the right amount of time. "And no, I don't mean her clothes!"
