Seasons with Samantha: Winter

This is the third entry for the 'Seasons With Samantha' series, it will be shorter than the first two because I've split the Winter chapter into two parts, if you've read 'Death & Love' specifically Ch. 3 you'll know there's a pretty major event that affects this story as well but due to how I want this story's narrative to go splitting it seemed to work better.

There aren't a lot of sexual elements to this story but I will make up for it in the next chapters, this is more a reflection chapter as Bryce deals with the possible end of his relationship with Sam.

I've notice through some comments that people have trouble with the switch between third and first person, I've tried to separate these as best I can and the first person narrative should be in italics but I don't know what's going on there. There is a reason behind this choice, the story is told through Bryce's blog and the first person is Bryce's personal feelings about relationships whether it be his one with Sam or just in general.

Also some comments mention the fact that I use Americanisms, this isn't something I've noticed and it's not intentional so I apologize if you see that.

Story first, sex second.K

*

Extract from Video Blog 'Relationships' Part 3 by Bryce Dawltry

I don't know anyone who's been in the same situation I have, I've told this story to other people and they always say 'I know how you feel.' Nobody does, nobody's done what I've done; I told my friend, my cousin, my lover that I didn't feel the same way she did and I'd been dragging her along for my own selfish reasons. And I did that just seconds before she told me she was pregnant, when you've hurt someone that much you come talk to me and then you say you know how I feel.

My name is Bryce Dawltry and the dumbest thing I ever did was fall in love with a girl called Samantha Wyllie.

Then open my fucking mouth.

*

Chapter 10: You Could Be My Unintended.

The silence in the room after Sam told me she was pregnant was unbearable, I wanted to break it but I was still in shock.

*

It seemed like hours but in reality only a few seconds before Bryce finally broke the silence.

"You're, you're pregnant?"

"Yes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes little brother, I took so many tests and I'm sure."

Sam was not smiling, Bryce's confession was obviously still on her mind.

"Is it..? No dumb question."

"Did you mean what you said earlier?" Sam interrupted Bryce's thoughts. "Did you mean it when you said you weren't in love with me."

*

I knew that if I told the truth I would hurt her again, the only problem I had was deciding if lying would hurt her more because Sam would be able tell.

*

"Yes Sam, I did. I love you, you know that, but I'm not in love with you the same way you are with me. I can't see our future the way you do."

Sam stood silent, looking at Bryce, he could almost see the anger rising in her.

"But Sam, now that I know about the baby, our baby, I'll stick by you, I'll..."

"You'll what, you'll do what's right, do what you have to. Fuck you Bryce."

Bryce could only watch confused as Sam rushed to the front door. "Sam wait."

"Bryce let me go."

"No, not until you tell me where you're going."

"My parents, I don't know when or if I'll come back."

"Why, what did I do wrong?"

"What did you..? Bryce you told me you didn't see our future together, that you've been dragging me along for my body. Do you have any idea how disgusting that makes me feel?"

"But Sam I'll change, for you, for the baby."

"No Bryce, you'll do what you think you have to, not what you want to."

*

That comment made me loosen my grip on Sam, she was right. That fact is the main reason for failing relationships, people being stuck with unsuitable partners because they fell they have to 'do the right thing.' But as I watched Sam walk out the door I knew, she wasn't someone I was stuck with, she was someone I wanted to be with.

Whenever I tell this story to people it's always at this part they stop me, they ask 'You spent all this time saying you didn't want to stay with Sam but now that you're not you want her back? How can you change your mind so quickly?' I tell them all the same thing, I was so focussed on ending my present with Sam I didn't even think about the future. So when that future was thrown into my lap I finally realised how much of a cunt I was, I was such a selfish fuck that I only thought about what I wanted and not what Sam wanted, she wanted a future and in my not wanting to hurt her I ended up hurting her more.

I swear this shit's more complicated than it needs to be.

*

For the next fortnight Bryce tried to talk to Sam but she wouldn't even look at him, she had returned to her parents' house and while confused they respected their daughter's wishes to avoid Bryce, he was thankful she at least was silent about the pregnancy. As the days past Bryce came home from work one day to see a car drive away from his apartment, inside Sam had taken all of her stuff, she had moved out.

Sitting alone in the dark for the first time in what seemed like years, Bryce felt confused, disillusion, abandoned but also furious, he tried to focus that anger on Sam for leaving him but he couldn't, he knew he was to blame for being alone. Not thinking straight Bryce left the apartment and headed out.

Bryce was use to late night walks but tonight he felt more lost than he'd ever been before, he was zoning in and out of where he was, surprised at each time he suddenly realised where he was. After walking around for almost an hour Bryce found himself outside a club, normally Bryce wouldn't go inside but tonight he wasn't in a right state of mind and before he knew it he was leaning against the bar with a drink in his hand.

The loud music was just white noise to Bryce, the people dancing a blur to his stationary figure, he felt numb to the point of disbelief, someone could've smashed a bottle on his head and he would take hours to realise. His mind never left Sam and the state he had left her in, he hated himself so much for doing that to her.

It was nearing one in the morning when movement in the corner of his eye caught Bryce's attention, he had spent the entire time in the club nursing a beer, ignoring everyone around him so sudden attention was a change to him. Bryce turned to the new body beside him, it was a familiar girl but it still took Bryce a few minutes to recognize her.

"You're new around here, how come I haven't seen you before?"

"I've seen you Katie, I was part of the crowd that saw how your nose got broke."

"Hm, seems like I would've remembered you."

"I don't see how you would, you've got quite a reputation."

"Oh really." Katie's hand reached up and unbuttoned her already very low top button. "And what reputation would that be?"

"A bad one. I wouldn't try anything with me Katie I find it a little weird that I knew your brother."

"Ugh. Of course you knew Tyler, that hypocritical fuck."

Katie ordered another drink and sat down next to Bryce. "You know my little brother was always going on at me for my apparent 'promiscuousness' and yet there he was younger than me and with a kid. At least I'm careful."

"I take it you've heard about T.J.'s death."

"Yeah I heard about, I ain't too sad though Tyler and I were never really close. You know so many names but I haven't learnt yours yet."

"And I'd like to keep it that way."

Bryce felt Katie's hand rub against his arm. "Why? In case something happens?"

Every fibre in Bryce's body was pulling at him to leave but he stayed put, his self-destructive thought controlling his body, he hated himself right now and the only way to punish himself was to further himself from Sam.

But God had other plans.

Bryce and Katie led each other out of the club and headed for the taxi rank, neither of them saw the shadowy figure creep up behind them until he tapped on Bryce's shoulder.

"Yes?"

"Sorry." The stranger said quickly before punching Bryce in the face.

"What the fuck?" The fall to the ground was almost as painful as the punch, Bryce looked up and saw James Morrison standing over him.

"The fuck are you doing? Katie get the fuck out of here I've gotta take care of this fuckin retard."

Stunned Katie ran off to the taxi. James helped pick Bryce up and carried him to his car, Bryce sat in the passenger's seat while James drove them.

"Fuck. Why'd you hit me James, I swear my jaw's an inch to the left now."

"Well you fucking deserved it Bryce, the fuck are you doing with that slut? I thought you were smarter than that, what would Sam think?"

"What do you know about me and Sam?"

"More than you know, she told Rachel everything and I got the gist of it all."

"So you know?"

"Yes, don't worry we haven't told anyone else but it's lucky she did otherwise I would've just left you there."

"Where are we going?"

"Mine, there's someone I want you to meet."

James said no more than that, for the rest of the journey very little conversation occurred between the two of them until James arrived home, he pulled up outside his house and led Bryce inside.

"James?" A female voice came from upstairs. "Is that you?"

"Don't worry Rach, just me, I'm with Bryce so you just go back to sleep."

"Dawltry?"

"Yeah."

"Alright."

James motioned to Bryce to follow him to the kitchen, Bryce sat down at the table while James took out a bag of frozen peas and passed it to Bryce for his jaw.

"You alright?" He asked Bryce.

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Thanks I guess."

"No problem." James pulled out a joint and lit it.

Rachel came into the kitchen wearing a dressing gown. "I thought I told you to stop smoking inside."

"The windows open isn't it."

"Not the same." Rachel leaned down and kissed James.

Bryce looked at the two of them as a couple "I didn't realise you two were living together."

"We're not but I'm at James' so many times a week I might as well be."

"Hey I only asked you here tonight to look after Christopher."

"What about last night, or the night before, or the night before that?"

"Alright you've made your point. Is Chris still up?"

"I don't know, I put him to bed at 8 but I've heard him in there so he might still be up."

"I'm sorry." Bryce interrupted them. "Who's Christopher?"

"Follow me." James stood up and led Bryce upstairs, James slowly opened the door, a small figure in the dark room dived under the covers.

"Come on Chris, you aren't fooling anyone."

A young, smiling boy threw the covers off his head and held his arms out for James to pick him up. James picked the boy out of bed and held him under his arm.

"Shouldn't you be asleep."

The boy shook his head.

"Bryce this is Christopher, my son."

"Your Son?" Bryce was speechless. "Is Rachel..?"

"No, no his mum's an old girlfriend, she looks after him most of the time but I get him every so often. Rachel's his godmother."

James sat down on Christopher's bed., Chris still in his arms. "I know Sam's pregnant, and I'm glad I saw you tonight because you need to man up, learn from my mistakes."

Bryce sat down on a chair in front of James.

"I love Christopher, but I don't get to see him as much as I should because I 'effed up my relationship with his mother and even though I have Rachel it's not the same. Now I can tell you love Sam and what's going on between you two is your business but going around with sluts isn't how you go about this, try and fix this before you lose the pieces forever, you'll never find someone who loves you as much as Sam."

James and Bryce left Christopher to sleep and talked for a few more hours, Bryce asked James about being a father and what to expect and James offered for Bryce to stay the night on the sofa but Bryce's insomnia was still with him so he just walked home.

**

On the walk home I thought a lot about James, he was like T.J. in that he went against everything I believed in about relationships. He was a father and yet he wasn't trying to work a broken relationship with his kid's mother, he was with someone he worked with. I've spent my whole teenage life convinced that relationships were painful to those in them but ever since I started my own relationship with Sam I've been proven right and wrong in equal measures.

I don't know what to think anymore.

Chapter 11: Say The Wrong Thing To The Right Person.

It was about eight in the morning when I got the phone call from Sam, the first time I'd heard her voice in over a week.

**

"Bryce? You there?"

"Uh, yeah Sam. Sorry I'm just surprised to hear your voice. It's been too long."

"I know, I missed talking to you."

"Then come home."

"No Bryce, I can't, every time I think about it I get so angry about what you said to me."

"Sam I've changed, I want you in my life."

"How can I believe you, how can you go against yourself so easily?"

Bryce knew he couldn't answer that so he let slide. "So why are you calling now?"

"I talked to Rachel this morning, so told me what James did to you, what he did for you. Were you really at the club?"

"Yes."

"Did you pick up a girl?"

Bryce sighed, he needed to honest with her. "Yes."

"If James hadn't stopped you, would you have slept with her?"

"I don't know, most likely yes. But Sam you have to know I was only trying to hurt myself."

Sam didn't bother asking what Bryce was on about, she didn't even say anything.

"Sam?"

"I'm keeping the baby."

And then she hung up.

That was the last he heard from her, the loneliness had returned, apart from work Bryce had nothing.

December came quickly, Bryce hadn't heard anything from Sam since the phone call and he was lonelier than ever before. When a quiet Sunday came around he jumped at the chance to join Jonathan on a visit to Lori in the hospital, Jonathan noted Bryce's quiet nature but he just brushed it off.

Jonathan led them into the hospital reception.

"Hello." The young receptionist was perky and high-spirited, something Bryce liked immensely given his down feeling. "How can I help you today?"

Jonathan gave a rare smile to the receptionist. "We're here to see Lori Moreno, I'm her brother Jonathan, this is Bryce Dawltry, a friend."

The receptionist checked a list on her table. "Moreno, Moreno. Ah here we are, it appears she already has a visitor, a Vincent Moreno."

"Vincent?" Jonathan's smile had disappeared. "That fuckin... What room's she in?"

"To the right, third door down."

"Thanks."

Jonathan near enough ran to Lori's room, given Vincent's nature Bryce didn't blame him. Jonathan smashed open the door to find Vincent sitting by a sleeping Lori's bed; his calm demeanour was in complete contrast to Jonathan's anger.

"Hello dear brother."

"The fuck are you doing here Vincent?"

"I'm just visiting my sweet baby sister."

Jonathan's eyes locked on Vincent's hand on Lori's leg getting dangerously close to her ass.

"Let her fuckin go you sick freak. I know what you've fuckin done, you're no better than Cyril."

"Oh yeah I take after dad huh. Look at you Johnny, I can practically see the violence in your eyes. I mean fuck you can't even spend five minutes with me without punching me in the head. You and me are cut from the same cloth."

"I'm nothing like you, you're a rapist and a cunt."

"And you're a fuckin saint huh? Come on Johnny the amount of times you're in here I'm starting to think you're just waiting to pick up the pieces dad left for yourself."

Johnny erupted at that, he picked Vincent up off the chair and through him against the wall. "That's our sister you sick fuck, our fuckin sister."

"And she was his daughter didn't stop him from fuckin her. Look at you Johnny, look at your fists. What's wrong with them? They're fists. You want to hit me so fuckin hard don't you. We'll be just like dad, you beat me to a pulp then I rip Lori a new cunt."

Johnny lost it and punched Vincent in the jaw, Vincent took the punch without a call of pain, he was still smiling when he spit out a tooth.

"Guess I'm getting use to being hit, or maybe I just enjoy it. I'll see you later Lori, hopefully next time Johnny won't stop us getting closer."

Jonathan's hand raised up to hit Vincent but Vincent left quickly, calming down Jonathan took the chair Vincent was sitting in and placed his hand on Lori's shoulder. She stirred awake.

"Hey Lori, you ok?"

Lori nodded.

"You know Vincent was here? Did he scare you in anyway?"

Lori shook her head.

"Alright good, you go back to sleep, I'll be right here, I'll protect you."

Jonathan leaned forward and kissed Lori's head as she fell asleep.

"I'll protect you." He whispered again, more to himself than his sister. "I'll never get my brother Bryce, he was with me through all the beatings and yet he's becoming more and more like Cyril every day, I know Katie wasn't the first girl he raped and I doubt she was the last. I would be fine if I didn't have to deal with him but the fact that I keep seeing him and being reminded of Cyril it's just... And to come here, to this hospital and threaten my sister, I might just kill him."

"Don't let him get to you Johnny, I'm sure it's just an empty threat."

"I'm not sure Bryce, I don't want to let this go on and risk another attack on Lori, I already risked one before and look where it got her. You know, when I was in hospital, after I killed Cyril, I had a talk with my uncle in the army, he told me that being in the army you always have to look out, make sure you don't fuck up. And all you have to do is fuck up once, be a little slow, a little late, say the wrong thing to the wrong person or worse the wrong thing to the right person and you'll have blood on your hands. But how are you never gonna fuck up just once, never be slow, never have a slip of the tongue, if and when you do fuck up you have to make sure the blood on your hands doesn't stick there. That's why I have so much regret for what happened to Lori, I was selfish, thinking that if I called the social services I would lose her in the system, I didn't think that Cyril's threats were real. I was slow, I was late and because of it my sister was raped by my father."

**

I listened to what Johnny was saying, I had a feeling that like James he was giving me a lesson.

**

"Johnny, do you..?"

"That you knocked up your cousin, yeah. Yeah she told me."

"Why?"

"You forget that Sam's was my friend long before you were, it was through her we me. Hell I had a thing for her but I was so engrossed with Lori I never went through with it. I'm not going to judge you Bryce, you and Sam have always been close and I half suspected something was going on between you two, just, just make sure you fix whatever's going on between quickly, I love you and Sam and I'll help in whatever way I can to get you back together."

**

Johnny's a true friend, through all his self-pity he's always willing to help a friend. We left Lori after a few minutes but not before Johnny banned Vincent from visiting Lori again. With nothing else to do all day we decided to go to the centre.

**

Bryce and Jonathan browsed the shops for a while until they heard arguing, two teenagers were shouting at each other. Bryce would've stayed out of it but on closer inspection he needed to get involved, one of the arguing teens was Vincent, the other was his cousin Billie.

"Johnny, I'll need your help here."

Jonathan followed Bryce to the argument, a crowd had gathered around them.

"Vincent will you fuck off and leave me alone, I told you I'm not interested."

"You're a bad liar Billie, I can see it in your eyes you want to get fucked and you want me to fuck you."

"Vincent." Jonathan's voice boomed through the centre. "Fuckin get away from her."

"Fuck off Johnny, you can take one away but not two."