"Tell me where do you like me to rub." I said nothing just turned my face away and moaned lightly. He pushed his middle finger on my opening but It hurt.
"Ssssssssss ," I moaned and he brought his finger back to my clitoris. His finger against my skin back and forth, back and forth. If only I could let him take me ...my mind was still in a flummox. If only this could culminate into something substantial. For now I pushed the thought to the back of my head. Let me just enjoy this ... Goddddd!.....let me just enjoy this, without guilt or regret.
He was a smart ass my brother. Just how he had tricked me into this...again. This had happened before when I was in high school. But not now, now I was 32, unmarried and still a virgin. I have never been with any man in my life. Yes of course, except for him. What would be the consequences of this? I wasn't anymore in high school now. But there was always this thing in the back of my head that this wasn't altogether a sin.
I had been adopted when I was little, so although I felt bad about had happened all those years ago and what I was doing right now, I didn't exactly consider it carnal. At around seven his mother had adopted me, right after my parents had been killed in an accident and so this was the family I called my own now and though unrelated I called Rudra, my brother. Most people now didn't even know that we were not related.
"Ahhhhh." He wet his finger on my vagina and dragged it right back to my clitoris creating little round circles of madness. The thing about him was he was very tender with me. He had never forced me into anything. He would always ask. His love was a strange kind, he protected me, even from himself and though I have felt love in life, sadly it has never lived up to my expectations. I didn't know back then that only he could love me the way I wanted to be loved. Having lived as sibling and we had spent more time together than most married people and so shared better understanding of each other. He could never see me getting hurt. He would die before doing that to me. I know that now as plain as I know I am alive and breathing.
An hour ago every bone in my body was aching and when he offered to give me a massage I accepted but only reluctantly. I never feel comfortable in his proximity, perhaps because I know what it's going to end up in and I live in a world where this is seen as taboo, a sacrilege, where all of us would be better off believing that this happens only as a result of lust and animal instincts and never love. I'm not too sure of how I feel about it either, for I feel beholden to ma for bringing me into her house and bringing me up as her own. She is the only mother I have ever known. I can't do anything to hurt her and that makes how I feel about Rudra, even worse.
I wore a floral nighty and yes I do not wear anything underneath when I'm home. He made me lie on the mattress on the floor. First, on my stomach. He started to massage and because I could hear ma in the kitchen it felt like a reassurance that I wouldn't lose control and nothing weird would happen. He rubbed my shoulders over my nighty then rubbed all the way down my back. He said I had a lot of tension along my spine and that, that never was a good sign. He's very good at this, yoga and tantra are his forte, someone you could call an old soul.
"Yes," I replied. "I haven't been feeling that well lately." He hasn't married either although he has a lot of girls vying for his attention. I've been getting sick very frequently for the past few months and that is why his offer of a massage is a welcome thought.
"You have a lot of pent up emotions," he said, "and this is how they're getting out," his hand went over my behind. Did I tell you I have a big one and I feel even he is very taken up with it. So when his hands roved freely on my booty I felt my tentacles raise. But then he moved them to my thighs and down to the back of my knees, my calves and my feet. He started to press all the pressure points and I began to relax.
"Tell me when you're ready for dinner," Ma hollered from the kitchen.
"Okay," we replied in unison.
"This happens when you have emotions that you're not addressing and these come out as backache and things like that. Depending on the intensity of your emotions they can cause diseases sometimes as well."
"I don't have any pent up emotions," I replied. He asked me to turn around then and now I lay on my back.
"Are you sure?" he asked again.
"Yes of course," was my pert reply.
He rubbed my arms pressed my shoulders back and that helped my ailing nape. He put his hands together palm down on my chest just below my heart and pressed me till my pubic bone.
That felt good. He did this a few more times, then concentrated mostly on my lower stomach and my legs. He pressed my pubic bone and it didn't raise my hackles as he was being very professional.
But what was he doing now my heart began to beat rapidly. He was cupping my pubic bone in his palm and exerting light pressure. Ummmmmhhhhhh I moaned internally. He rubbed in circles and two of his fingers struggled with my thighs to grant him more access to my private part. I felt my thighs twitch and give him his access. I closed my eyes just giving into the feeling. I could hear sounds of the TV from Ma's room. He parted my pussy lips over my nighty and felt the wetness.
He let his middle finger rest length wise in my pussy for a few seconds rubbing slowly back and forth but not really lifting it at all. He now moved it from side to side making a little valley to nestle his finger in my pussy. I kept my eyes closed just so it would keep the world with its do's and don'ts out of my mind. All these years of abstaining myself from him, had only made me lust after him even more. I wanted to enjoy this "Ummmmmm," I so wanted to enjoy this.
"All those pent up feelings are because of lack of a sexual life all this time. Do you remember how happy you used to be as a kid. Let me help you, as I did then," he whispered thickly, rubbing my pussy all the time.
