Riya and Rudra

"Tell me where do you like me to rub." I said nothing just turned my face away and moaned lightly. He pushed his middle finger on my opening but It hurt.

"Ssssssssss ," I moaned and he brought his finger back to my clitoris. His finger against my skin back and forth, back and forth. If only I could let him take me ...my mind was still in a flummox. If only this could culminate into something substantial. For now I pushed the thought to the back of my head. Let me just enjoy this ... Goddddd!.....let me just enjoy this, without guilt or regret.

He was a smart ass my brother. Just how he had tricked me into this...again. This had happened before when I was in high school. But not now, now I was 32, unmarried and still a virgin. I have never been with any man in my life. Yes of course, except for him. What would be the consequences of this? I wasn't anymore in high school now. But there was always this thing in the back of my head that this wasn't altogether a sin.

I had been adopted when I was little, so although I felt bad about had happened all those years ago and what I was doing right now, I didn't exactly consider it carnal. At around seven his mother had adopted me, right after my parents had been killed in an accident and so this was the family I called my own now and though unrelated I called Rudra, my brother. Most people now didn't even know that we were not related.

"Ahhhhh." He wet his finger on my vagina and dragged it right back to my clitoris creating little round circles of madness. The thing about him was he was very tender with me. He had never forced me into anything. He would always ask. His love was a strange kind, he protected me, even from himself and though I have felt love in life, sadly it has never lived up to my expectations. I didn't know back then that only he could love me the way I wanted to be loved. Having lived as sibling and we had spent more time together than most married people and so shared better understanding of each other. He could never see me getting hurt. He would die before doing that to me. I know that now as plain as I know I am alive and breathing.

An hour ago every bone in my body was aching and when he offered to give me a massage I accepted but only reluctantly. I never feel comfortable in his proximity, perhaps because I know what it's going to end up in and I live in a world where this is seen as taboo, a sacrilege, where all of us would be better off believing that this happens only as a result of lust and animal instincts and never love. I'm not too sure of how I feel about it either, for I feel beholden to ma for bringing me into her house and bringing me up as her own. She is the only mother I have ever known. I can't do anything to hurt her and that makes how I feel about Rudra, even worse.

I wore a floral nighty and yes I do not wear anything underneath when I'm home. He made me lie on the mattress on the floor. First, on my stomach. He started to massage and because I could hear ma in the kitchen it felt like a reassurance that I wouldn't lose control and nothing weird would happen. He rubbed my shoulders over my nighty then rubbed all the way down my back. He said I had a lot of tension along my spine and that, that never was a good sign. He's very good at this, yoga and tantra are his forte, someone you could call an old soul.

"Yes," I replied. "I haven't been feeling that well lately." He hasn't married either although he has a lot of girls vying for his attention. I've been getting sick very frequently for the past few months and that is why his offer of a massage is a welcome thought.

"You have a lot of pent up emotions," he said, "and this is how they're getting out," his hand went over my behind. Did I tell you I have a big one and I feel even he is very taken up with it. So when his hands roved freely on my booty I felt my tentacles raise. But then he moved them to my thighs and down to the back of my knees, my calves and my feet. He started to press all the pressure points and I began to relax.

"Tell me when you're ready for dinner," Ma hollered from the kitchen.

"Okay," we replied in unison.

"This happens when you have emotions that you're not addressing and these come out as backache and things like that. Depending on the intensity of your emotions they can cause diseases sometimes as well."

"I don't have any pent up emotions," I replied. He asked me to turn around then and now I lay on my back.

"Are you sure?" he asked again.

"Yes of course," was my pert reply.

He rubbed my arms pressed my shoulders back and that helped my ailing nape. He put his hands together palm down on my chest just below my heart and pressed me till my pubic bone.

That felt good. He did this a few more times, then concentrated mostly on my lower stomach and my legs. He pressed my pubic bone and it didn't raise my hackles as he was being very professional.

But what was he doing now my heart began to beat rapidly. He was cupping my pubic bone in his palm and exerting light pressure. Ummmmmhhhhhh I moaned internally. He rubbed in circles and two of his fingers struggled with my thighs to grant him more access to my private part. I felt my thighs twitch and give him his access. I closed my eyes just giving into the feeling. I could hear sounds of the TV from Ma's room. He parted my pussy lips over my nighty and felt the wetness.

He let his middle finger rest length wise in my pussy for a few seconds rubbing slowly back and forth but not really lifting it at all. He now moved it from side to side making a little valley to nestle his finger in my pussy. I kept my eyes closed just so it would keep the world with its do's and don'ts out of my mind. All these years of abstaining myself from him, had only made me lust after him even more. I wanted to enjoy this "Ummmmmm," I so wanted to enjoy this.

"All those pent up feelings are because of lack of a sexual life all this time. Do you remember how happy you used to be as a kid. Let me help you, as I did then," he whispered thickly, rubbing my pussy all the time.

My only reply were my hyperventilating lungs. I moaned again aloud and his other palm came to cup my breast and I tried to remember when he had touched it last. I couldn't remember, it had happened so long ago. His hand trembled over my boob and his warmth did strange things to me. He would press and then hug my breast with his hand. My nipple hardened and rubbed against my nighty. He felt it too and immediately his thumb began to circle it. He breathed and took it in his mouth over my nighty biting tentatively. My back arched towards him and I pulled his head towards my breast. My pussy released more of its juices and it flooded the little valley he had created for his finger inside my pussy.

"Awww baby," he crushed my mouth under his. We had never had a lip kiss. He dived right into my mouth every chance he got like he wanted his tongue to get a taste of my soul. It brought a tear to my eye. How long had it been? Years, I remembered. We had trailed off right after my graduation because that was the time I had developed a sense of right and wrong. I scoffed at myself now.

His tongue snaked its way into the deep recesses of my mouth as if trying to recall all the nuances. It was sweet and minty and I wondered whether he had planned this in advance. I couldn't be sure, our tongues did their forgotten dance and his hand cupped then squeezed my pussy in his palm. I heard him moan too and felt my arms go around him, hugging him to myself. I had kept him at bay without a second thought to his needs.

"I love you," I whispered

"I love you too," he groaned.

He lifted my nighty and after a decade I felt his hand against my skin more precisely his finger next to my vaginal opening. This is where it belonged, this was exactly where it belonged, I realized without a doubt and closed my eyes. I would let him do as he pleased, for a change I would safeguard his interests. What was love if it didn't come at a sacrifice? Hadn't he been almost celibate all this while being a grown man of 38. He had never been with anyone else. From now on I would let him do as he pleased with me, I would be his slave, I smiled.

"Ahhh," I moaned in pain. He wanted to put his finger inside my hole, only I was so tight and untouched down there, my vagina wouldn't allow it. We both smiled at each other. The thing with him was I didn't have to talk, only a shared glance and we would understand what the other was thinking. Maybe it was a past life thing, who could say. Maybe we were husband and wife in a previous life. I smiled again and my heart skipped a beat. What if we could be that now? My heart drummed its appreciation back at me, but how? That would never be possible and I decided to keep the thought to myself. I knew how he was. If I let him know this he would either move mountains to fulfill my desire or never forgive himself for not fulfilling it.

I could feel him rubbing my pussy with his two fingers round and round. I breathed with difficulty. I have asthma I know but this certainly wasn't happening because of it.

"Kiss me." And he was back at my lips.

"Aren't you going to have dinner," ma hollered back from her room and we looked at each other, a look that said... to be continued later. He flicked my nighty down and helped me stand. Dinner time it was.

Mid way through the meal I realized I was in a happier frame of mind more chirpy than I had been in a long time. I had long forgotten my woes back at work. He was right this is exactly what was missing from my life. I pushed him out of my life...my only confidante...how could I have been happy. He was the one I shared the biggest secret of my life with.

Ma took a long time to sleep and by then my pussy throbbed like my heart had slipped down into my vaginal cavity. I slowly crept out of bed and went to my brother's room. His room is on the second floor. It was less likely for ma to hear us there so I tiptoed my way up to his room. I have a room there right next to his and we share a bathroom, that was my means of escape whenever mother chanced upon our action when we were young. I had only rarely used it in the past 12 years and only during the day hours for the obvious reason. But today was a different day ...I smiled.

When I went into his room it was dark. Had he slept already? My smile faded. He was in bed with his arm over his eyes. I stood near his bed and my eyes prickled at once. Had today meant nothing to him? Did I not mean what I had meant to him earlier? He removed his arm almost feeling my presence and sat up at once.

"What's wrong?" He inquired of me. I turned my face away and he caught me below my arm. "Wait". We looked at each other. " I didn't mean to hurt you." He paused as if organizing his thoughts. "I don't know what I was thinking. This isn't right," his face was in anguish. I'm destroying you. This has no future , for us, for you and yet I feel so attracted to you, I ...I," he trailed off dipping his chin in defeat.

"You will one day marry and your husband will think you've been sleeping around and I will not be able to tolerate that and yet if I am with you now, I don't know whether I'll be able to stop myself from doing the worst to you." He was thinking aloud. I lifted his face and saw tears moisten his eyes. It was my turn to speak now.

"You're not doing anything ...that I don't want u to."

I put my lips on his and slipped my hands inside his shirt. It was unbuttoned at the top and only two buttons below kept it together. Warmth oozed from his hairy chest. He was sleekly built very unlike me. I had been thin once but at 32 far from it, and I wondered what he would think of me now. My heart skipped a beat.

He was the only one who had seen me naked and the only one I had no qualms of showing myself to. He groaned and pulled me roughly to himself and into his bed ...our bed. Unbuttoning my nighty he slipped it off my shoulders. I remember the only time he was rough with me was when he lost control and right now he had. I smiled inwardly.

He pressed my boob, "You're beautiful," he said. I felt ashamed. I was overweight now although the extra pounds I had gained were luckily in all the right places. There was a time I was beautiful but once we drifted apart I had lost interest in my looks. He pushed the nighty away from my belly. I had gained a little extra weight over my midriff and there was a small bump on my belly that looked kind of sexy. I looked freshly pregnant and my pussy twitched as naughty thoughts flashed through my mind. Maybe it would put ideas in his head ...but how? I wished it again. Both of us alone on an island perhaps where no one knew we had been brought up as siblings. We could marry and raise a family. I pushed the thought away. I felt guilty thinking of the world, thinking of ma.

He smiled. "You've been really happy living away from me...packing up pounds," he rubbed my belly. I slapped his hand away. "Don't get annoyed. You know it turns me on when you are and I need to keep control more so now than I had to before because now I know exactly where everything goes," he laughed.

"Hush , ma will hear you," I whispered. His finger slipped into my pussy and I inhaled deeply and closed my eyes.

"I love the way you close your eyes when I do things to you." I smiled. He didn't know it was my way of blocking the world out. Right now I wanted to enjoy every bit of what he was doing to me ... chick chick chick his finger went in and out my pussy lips. It was the most erotic sound in the world and it made me hot. I felt the warmth rise in my neck then spread to my face.

"Ummmmmmhhhh," the sound rose from deep within my throat. He stopped. He never let me cum so soon. I know he would drag this on for almost half the night.

"This isn't sex," he had told me once. "This is tantra. Hold on to that sensation in the pit of your stomach here," he had touched my uterus. "And picture it travel up your spine to the tip of the Sahasara. He had touched the top of my head. I know we are born together to give each other this experience. To free each other, to reach enlightenment and you are my soul mate. What else can explain this bond we share?" and back then I didn't believe most of what he said, perhaps ignorance was a reason and I was always a stubborn soul.

I wanted to reach a conclusion on my own but now I knew in the pit of my stomach I knew he was right. He was my teacher and I his student. What he had done to me all those years probably didn't feel like sex because of this very reason. For it wasn't sex. It was something greater, perhaps that was why the world did not believe it for it was supernatural, beyond the comprehension of common logic, of worldly knowledge.

I felt all the warps in my head smoothen out. "I want to try something new." "Hmm," I kept my eyes closed just nodded and felt my heart flutter with excitement. "Now remember its only successful if the experience lasts forever not for a few seconds.

" Hasn't it already," I whispered. We've been apart more than ten years and neither have had sex elsewhere."

"Always the lower soul ...trapped in the mundane material life," he said. "What I desire for you is beyond even your comprehension my sweet." His middle finger was slowly moving on my vaginal entrance. Needless to say I was profusely flooded. There was a chance that he might get his access now and I was so looking forward to it. I had only felt it once before when he had managed to press his little finger an inch inside me. I was expectant how this would feel.

"Sssss it hurts," I breathed.

"Maybe I should file my nail." I nodded again. I felt his weight lift off the bed and he was back with me in a minute. He rubbed his finger up and down getting it wet then he was slowly pushing it against my vaginal hole. I decided I would keep mum no matter how much it hurt for I wanted to feel this so much myself. I grimaced when I felt it inch away a cm a second slowly but steadily he pushed it all the way in and I heard a sound deep within his throat. When I opened my eyes to see, his eyes were closed.

"Oh babe you're so warm inside," I smiled and closed my eyes. I had begun to tremble as I always did. It was this uncontrollable trembling and this is when he knew he had made me completely lose my senses. Our eyes met simultaneously and we smiled. "I reckon you liked this," he gave his grin and I wanted to so pull him to myself and kiss. But then he would stop doing what he was right now and I wanted to feel this for as long as I was to live. I wondered if he liked it too. How was it that he hadn't once had sex with me, not once during all those times. He had kept his control. There was only one reason for it and I knew it, he protected me even from himself.

His finger moved inside me. "Ahhhhhhhhh," I moaned seductively and he kissed my mouth.

"You like it."

"Hmmmmmmm....," I moaned and our mouths were one again. I wanted to feel his whole hand inside me. I wanted to right now feel the whole of him inside me, inside my womb, I sighed longingly. I love you, my heart cried. He had turned his finger upwards inside me and he rubbed it back and forth against the upper wall of my vagina. This is your Mooldhara Chakra, the seat of all sexual desires, the reason why we are together today. He touched it again and I felt an impulse rise in my spine and open my heart. I wanted to give myself to him completely without thought, to do as he pleased.

He rubbed against my vaginal wall back and forth back and forth and just as I felt a knot rise in my vagina he stopped. It was really frustrating and exciting at the same time. I did not want to feel the immediate guilt that I usually felt right after my orgasm so it was better that he prolonged it for as long as possible. We had come together after so long that I did not want to face the wall any time soon.

"You only feel guilt when you think of it as sin," he had once told me when I had broached him with the subject. "Think of it as a means to an end, a necessary evil if you please. This in exchange for enlightenment is a small price to pay and if anytime you feel we should stop, then we will. And he had kept his word for the past 10 years.

And what had I achieved in all these years ...25 extra pounds, a bad back, always ailing and in a temper. He liked the noises that my juices made against his hand and right now he was creating a melody slop slop slop his whole hand was pressed and rubbing against my pussy ...slush slush slush. His hand was covered in my wetness and I wondered how hard all this had made him. I hadn't seen a male organ in all of twelve years. I had almost forgotten what it looked like now.

I wondered how it would feel inside me, I smiled and took a deep breath. I wanted to feel it inside me and I so will now, I said to myself. He had his reasons for not putting it there, but now I had mine for putting it exactly where it belonged.

"Aren't you going to free willy." He chuckled.

"No, not yet." I want to play with you for a bit. He pressed his mouth against my breast holding it in both his hands. He swallowed it, biting slowly into the soft flesh. He pressed it again and it rose like Mount Vesuvius in his hands. I saw his mouth descend on my peak and he suckled it languidly. I didn't want to keep my eyes closed anymore. This was my world now, not the one beyond the walls of his room or his arms.

"Your breasts have grown." He looked at me, "from fitting in the palm of one hand to not fitting it in either of them." He tried to fit my entire breast in his hands, "Na, I give up." He rocked it back and forth under his hand to watch it jiggle ...like jelly. "I missed ten years of their growth because of you," he pouted.

"I'll help you make up for them," I breathed. He was shaking both my breasts now.