Recovering the Missing Twin

All participants are at least 18 years of age. Adult fiction. Suicide only the trigger.

I woke up in a sister sandwich. Squeezed between Terri, to my front, and her identical twin, Karri, behind me. Since we were all dressed more or less for bed, it wasn't all that unusual. I'm Jimmy and at 23 am two years older than the twins. They really are identical. I can tell them apart because of small things like a mole or scar here or there. Very difficult in the dark, though. Mom and Dad never could, since they weren't close, as were the three of us. Karri, for example, had a scar under her left ear, courtesy of a swing when she was 6. She had a habit of touching it. She also tended to rub her left-hand ring finger.

Describing one of them does both. They were fairly tall at 5'7" and about 110 pounds. Slender, nice boobs (C-cup) and small, tight asses. Long blonde hair, green eyes and a small nose complete the picture. Even their eyebrows are blonde. If they wanted, they could easily have been bookends in any beauty contest you'd care to name.

I was 5'11", weight about 170. Got the same green eyes (Mom), but brown hair (from Dad). I wasn't a gym rat, except to keep in shape for rock climbing.

They are twins in every sense of the word. When one starts a sentence, the other finishes. They seem perfectly aligned, with no separation between them in thought or body. They have a shell completely around them that excludes the world. There's a small breach to admit me. Not fully, as that couldn't happen, but enough to have frequent sister sandwiches. I loved them both, probably way than a brother should. They were the world to me. I would do anything for them.

We crawled out of bed, although Karri made noises like she wanted to remain a little longer. She turned and hugged me. I swatted her on the rear and said we needed to get up to go to work. We sort of bounced around, hitting the bathroom, shower, and closets before ending up in the kitchen. While I made coffee, Terri cooked eggs and bacon. I noticed Karri was a little slow and didn't look very upbeat. I knew she wasn't very excited about her work in City Hall, so I put it down to that. She hadn't really been herself the last two weeks, either. If it continued much longer, I would bring it up. I wasn't too worried, since if there was any major problem Terri would certainly know and be the first to investigate. Terri hadn't said anything.

We got ready to leave and Karri hugged and kissed us as we went out the door. Not usual, but also not really normal. She was always the last out the door since she didn't start till a little later.

Mentally, I was still enjoying the remnants of the sister sandwich. It always left a good feeling. It was the last I would ever have.

Since I passed by Terri's work, we carpooled. We got home about 5:30. Karri's car was already there. When she didn't answer when we called, we went looking for her. We found her in her bed. She was dead...

We tried shaking her, but she was already cold. We called 911 and they sent the paramedics. Meanwhile the operator had us perform CPR, but it was hopeless. They confirmed her death when they arrived.

In the kitchen were two empty bottles of sleeping medicine and an envelope addressed to us. It was difficult to read as both of use were crying our eyes out. We finally managed it:

"Terri, Jimmy,

I was diagnosed with stage 4 ovarian cancer and given 3-6 months to live. Inoperable. Chemo or radiation would only prolong the suffering for a short while. I knew it would be very painful at the end and couldn't stand to put you guys through seeing me that way. No hope and fading away, every day the best day of the rest of my life. I want you to remember me as I was this morning, full of love for both of you. I'm sorry for taking the coward's way, but I can't make you suffer that much. Better now to make it quick. Take care of each other. Please forgive me.

I'll love the two of you for all eternity.

K"

I couldn't do more than hug Terri. We cried in great gasping heaves. It seemed like hours. The police arrived shortly after the paramedics left. We showed the officer the suicide note. She wanted her doctors' names. We found the GP's and the oncologist's numbers.

I don't remember the rest of the evening; except I called Mom and Dad. They have been divorced for seven years and had moved on with their lives. We didn't have much interaction with either since I had moved out when I turned 18, taking the girls with me. I promised to call later with funeral arrangements. Maybe one or both would show up or then again, neither was also likely.

We muddled through the next few days, making funeral arrangements and such. She didn't really own much - just her car and clothes. Her car was in both hers and Terri's names, so it isn't an issue. Neither of us could bear to go into her room again, so we didn't. We needed to make an exception to find something for Karri to wear for viewing. Terri couldn't go in even for that, so we used one of Terri's dresses.

Terri was just a zombie. She wasn't eating nor sleeping - only crying. Maybe it would have been merciful if she went with her twin. I was glad that didn't happen. Maybe since I'm not a twin I couldn't understand the depth of the feelings between them. It's bad enough just being an older brother.

Mom showed up for the service. Dad forever lost any feeling I had for him. In addition to not showing up, sending flowers or anything that could be interpreted as sympathy, he said she was going to hell because she was a suicide. If he had been within reach, I'd have been going to hell for having killed him. Fucking unbelievable! His own daughter. And add to that his still living daughter. I was so mad I couldn't see straight. Told neither Mom nor Terri - just that he couldn't make it.

I don't remember too much of the funeral, aka life celebration, or graveside service. Way too painful. Mom was a small comfort but still caught up in her own world to be of much use. She left that evening. She did have her newest family - four and thirteen-year-old stepdaughters to look after.

I did what I could for Terri. She may not have been catatonic, but it was close. I forced her to eat a few bites and drink some warm milk. She needed a shower - I could smell the stress on her. Could she even take off her clothes and get in? Too late I remembered. Should have thought of it before Mom left.

"Terri, you need to get in the shower and get ready for bed."

She sat on the sofa and looked at me as if to ask what I meant. Couldn't think of anything but took her hand and walked her to the bathroom. She followed like a puppy dog. I talked myself into helping her, thinking it was the lesser of impossible things that needed to be done.

She didn't react when I started to remove her dress and stockings. Maybe she'd respond after that. Nope. She just stood there. I turned on the water and with shaking hands took her bra and panties off. It was impossible not to notice her breasts and pussy, blonde hair so fine it's almost invisible. I tried to ignore it and encouraged her to get in the shower. Got her to step in. She just stood there, water running over her, hands at her side. I did the only thing I could think of and stepped into the shower fully dressed.

Shampooed her hair, even used conditioner. (Guess living with them taught me something.) Used a washcloth to rub her down. No reaction.

Got her out, dried her and put her into pajamas. Led her to her bed and kissed her good night.

Got out of my wet clothes. I didn't really believe in God but I suddenly said: "Please, oh please, don't let her stay this way. Let her come back." That's as close to prayer as I've been in 20 years.

I cleaned up the bathroom and went to bed. Maybe 10 minutes later came a horrible scream that made the hair on the back of my neck stand up! It came from Terri's room. I sprinted there. She was sitting up, screaming unintelligible noises, crying for Karri to come home... For Karri to open her eyes... For Karri to wake up.

I literally threw myself on her, hugging her as if the world depended on how tight I held her. Maybe her world did.

"Terri...Terri... It's Jimmy. I'm here. I'm here. Grab ahold of me."

She stopped screaming and started sobbing so hard that I had difficulty holding on to her. "Jimmy, she's gone. She's gone. How am I going to live without her?"

"Terri, I don't know. You've got me and I'll do anything for you. I would trade places with her if I could."

She seemed to settle down some. "Jimmy, I believe you would... Hold me. Please don't let me be alone tonight."

"Of course, I'll stay with you."

"I'm still alone but you'll help me, won't you?"

"In any or every way I can...Lay down...I know you probably won't sleep but just close your eyes and try to rest."

"If I close my eyes all I see is her face on the pillow - unmoving. How can I..."

"Do as she asked: Remember her as we woke up that morning. All of us together... God, this hurts so much... I can't fully imagine how you feel...Let me try, OK?"

She said nothing. Only relaxed some. She finally dozed off about 4. I never did.

We got up about 9. She seemed better. Maybe something burned out of her. Even managed to eat some toast and have a cup of coffee. We managed to have a quiet conversation, carefully avoiding any mention of Karri. Even though it was a weekday, neither of us was ready to go anywhere. We were on funeral leave, so didn't need to go in.

I persuaded her to go with me to the grocery store. We'd run out of supplies. We had some left over from the wake but had sent most of it home with our friends. Think she actually perked up, getting out of the house.

That night she was able to shower and got ready for bed by herself. I don't think she remembered last night, fortunately. She asked me, actually begged me, to sleep with her again. We got some sleep. It wasn't a dreamless night for her but no screaming. I was so tired that I fell asleep quickly, though I woke frequently whenever she turned over.

Again, in the morning she was more aware and responsive. Fortunately, it was Saturday so we could relax. Monday would be a challenge since we both would be returning to work. The day was almost normal, but I could see she missed Karri, of course. Neither of them had dated much, so Saturday night wasn't a change from the ordinary. She snuggled up to me on the sofa as we watched some mindless show on Netflix. Even I felt the difference, not having a sister on either side of me. A void that would never be filled. Unfortunately, I was also very aware that a beautiful woman was pushed up against me. No matter how I told myself to ignore it, she seemed to be trying to increase contact between her braless tits and my shoulder. When bedtime arrived, I was again invited, no, commanded into her bed.

I knew she wasn't ready to be in bed alone and to be truthful, neither was I. Her rubbing her tits on me actually became more noticeable. It was very difficult to ignore. My dick couldn't either and the traitorous member came alive. I also knew with 100% certainty that she was emotionally shot, and she was trying to find a way to get on with her life. I was glad she didn't currently have a boyfriend because it would be very difficult to not take advantage of her in this fragile state. It was a trial for me, but I couldn't, wouldn't do anything to further hurt her.

We continued to sleep together for the next few weeks. She seemed to be getting better. She was cheery and back to normal at her work. I was feeling muchly relieved at her progress. One problem: She still insisted that I continue to sleep with her. That in itself wasn't the problem. She was just getting more affectionate in bed. It was progressive. She snuggled tighter, her tits pushed more firmly into me, her nipples hard. Sometimes when I woke up she would be in the little spoon position, holding my hand to her breast. Needless to say, I was hard against her ass. She wiggled her rear end, making it even harder. I was completely unable to retreat. She simply followed if I did.

She rolled over one Saturday morning and kissed me. She had kissed me frequently in the past but this time she thrust her tongue into my mouth! Wait a minute. This wasn't a sisterly kiss! I pulled back and asked: "Terri, what are you doing?"

"I'm kissing my brother to show how much I love him, and to thank him for everything he's done for me."

I quickly got up to go to the bathroom and get breakfast started. To say I was uneasy was a gross understatement. Now, I admitted to having read incest stories, among other types of porn. In almost all the brother-sister incest stories, the brother was always reluctant. Virtue signaling that it was wrong. I knew that was bullshit since an 18-year-old would fuck a snake if somebody held its mouth open. Anyway, here I was with my sister coming on to me. I loved her and wouldn't resist her for a moment if she really wanted me that way. Big problem, though. She wasn't nearly recovered from Karri's suicide. Anything I did now would be taking advantage of her. When she was really over the loss of her twin, she would hate me for taking advantage of her in her fragile time. I couldn't stand the thought of her rightfully hating me.

When she came down for breakfast, I said "Terri, we need to talk."

"That sounds bad. Let me drink my coffee first."

We adjourned to the sofa after breakfast. "Terri, I love you with all my heart. I could never hurt you, but you need to understand something. You're not recovered from Karri's death. You're not ready for a relationship..."

"Who's the best judge of my recovery? I think it's me..."

"No, it's not. You're not exactly impartial... Look, you and Karri were so intertwined that your feeling now are much closer to rebound than anything else..."

"Jimmy, we both loved you since we grew boobs. We didn't know how to show it and what your reaction would be. You don't know how many times we talked about it. I'm sure you weren't entirely ignorant of how we felt, but you had to play big brother. Not faulting you for that. It's part of what makes you the brother, the person that you are. From the time we were 18, all we could think about was you."

"I loved the both of you and if Karri were here now, I would be overjoyed to show you just how much. I probably couldn't have hidden it much longer. Forget the brother - sister thing. It doesn't mean anything to me. I loved you both beyond that... But here's the thing: Even though you think you're over her loss, you aren't. I see it on your face when you don't think I'm looking. I see it in your posture, your motions, in many little ways... Please look at me. If I hurt you the way I could if we went down the path you're following, I would be joining Karri. It will literally kill me if I wake up one morning and see hate in your eyes."

"I could never hate you. You know that."

"You can't say that. If you recognized how I betrayed you... I just don't know and don't want to find out."

She is crying at this point and all I wanted to do was hold her, but we have to finish. "I hate being right about your recovery. I'd give anything to love you like you should be loved. If and when you completely get over her death..."

"Get over her death? There isn't enough time in the universe for that! Why can't I just love you, too?"

"I can't answer that. I can only hope there'll be a point where you have grieved enough, and you want to love me because I'm the person you want to spend the rest of your life with. Not just because of me being there in your life as your support. No, I want you with all my heart but not yet."

"I kind of understand. It's just I think I'm closer to your inflection point than you think I am. I can wait. Please don't push me away, though. Keep me as close to you as we are now. Can you do that?"

"Yes, of course. It will be difficult. You're, after all, a very beautiful woman and I love you. Hugs and kisses and we evolve. Please, please... I really do love you, but I just can't hurt you."

I really didn't know what I should do. The most rational thing I could do would be to try to put as much distance between us until she had things sorted out. Unfortunately, I wasn't completely rational. I could tell her she wasn't herself until at some point in the future where she could say her sister's name without pain completely filling her heart but what do I do myself? Karri's death really hurt me, as well. Not exactly me rebounding Karri with Terri but I wasn't impartial in my discussions with Terri. Given that leaving her alone would certainly be understood as me abandoning her. That would be Ossa on Pilon, and she probably would never live a normal life. Just the thought of that sent waves of pain all though me. In addition, of course, I would really, really miss her. Such were the booby traps awaiting me. Think I'd prefer a "simple" incest problem where it would just be me and her against the world.

"Terri, one more very unpleasant thing. Studies have shown that identical twins have an extremely high risk of both developing the same cancer. You will need very close monitoring the rest of your life so that if you also develop cancer they can catch it early and treat it."

Her expression didn't change. She was already in sadness mode, "I know. Now I'm going to put you into a very uncomfortable choice. I will schedule a full hysterectomy as soon as I can... Or, we can risk waiting till I have your children."

Holy shit! I didn't have to think long about this. As much as I'd like to make her a mother, I couldn't risk it, "We can't risk losing you. I love you with all my heart and would love to make you a mother, but, no, if you were to develop the cancer, it would kill me even if you survived."

The rest of the day saw us spending a lot of quiet time. We would both be in the living room without any communication, other than looks and glances. I couldn't resolve my feelings. Certainly, she couldn't, either.

Bed arrangements were concluded as Terri simply walked into my room and got under the covers. Pajamas for her and shorts and singlet were my uniform. I enjoyed looking at her before I turned out the light and joined her. Neither of us said anything nor moved to get comfortable. Finally, I said "Good night. I love you."

She responded in

simili modo

. We slowly relaxed and assumed more comfortable positions. She rolled over and assumed the little spoon position. I reluctantly (bullshit!) put my arm over her waist and pulled her to me. Of course, I was as hard as calculus. Decided that she was a beautiful woman and with her snuggling that getting hard was understandable and impossible to control. She didn't object but then she also didn't respond as she had this morning. Whether it was a response to the request to moderate her feelings or was a response to me for making her wait, I can't guess. It also wasn't obvious that her restraint would continue through the coming weeks, much less just for tonight. Sweating the questions didn't lead to any answers. Finally fell asleep after an hour. I think she was asleep by this time, although I never detected any change in her breathing.

Getting up in the morning was hard, as expected. She was in essentially the same position except her shirt was up to her neck and my hand was cupping a very warm breast that had a very hard nipple. She answered the question about being awake when I tried to remove my hand and she put her hand on top of mine to restrain it. As much as I was enjoying it, I had to get up. She did something strange: One of the ways I could tell them apart was Karri had this scar under her left ear. Now Terri was rubbing her left ear just like Karri had. She didn't appear to be doing it to try to get a reaction from me. It was just a little strange.