1
In the first part, I had described how my distant relatives thought I manipulated my granduncle in the last few months of his life to inherit his entire estate. They had no idea that he and I had been fucking since I was in college and between my marriages. It wasn't for any inheritance, but because I got off on fucking my grandmother's brother. I thought he and I were the twisted, sick black sheep of the family, until I discovered a mysterious book, possibly left for me to find as a confession from the grave.
I had become a soccer mom by the time I inherited my grandparents' house in 1999, and had been cleaning out some of my Grammy's belongings. In her sewing room, going through desk drawers of ancient patterns and women's magazines, a red diary was wedged in the bottom, ironically within the stiff but emptied blue covers of an old Methodist hymnal. The straps holding the diary's tarnished lock had dry rotted and gave way as I slid a finger beneath them. The spine crunched as the yellowed pages appeared.
Until her early twenties, my grandmother and her family resided in a cabin at the base of a mountain in northwestern Virginia. They lived like paupers even though their land had extensive timber reserves. Their miserly, alcoholic father would sell a few acres of trees a year, just enough to get by. My grandmother, Darleen, got a job at the county library right after she graduated high school, just to get out of the house, I believe.
Expecting the ancient journal to be filled with routine comments on the weather, gardening, their small assortment of livestock, and maybe some boys she liked, the volume was also filled with very shocking revelations in my Grammy's longhand. It began in the spring of 1949, when she was just a nineteen year-old natural beauty, and before she acquired the refined grammar of finishing school. The 'R' refers to her brother Ralph. I'm sure she didn't want any full names used. I nearly fell out of my chair after just a couple paragraphs. Here are the relevant passages, spelling corrected but otherwise verbatim:
'April 16, 1949
Dear Diary,
I'm pretty sure R is looking in my window when I change clothes. I didn't think the window was low enough to see but if he stands on the woodpile he can look right in. He never seems to be in the house when I'm changing at night and Daddy's asleep drunk. Most sisters would be mad but I think it's sweet and it makes my tummy tingle thinking about it. It's been just undergarments so far but I'm going to show him more. He's 18 and going to graduate soon and might get married and move away and I will miss my chance to show him. Maybe later he will try something sinful. It makes my parts warm just thinking about it.'
'April 17, 1949
Dear Diary,
I did it! I took off my slip and brassiere and then stockings. I hope he saw but I feel sinful also.'
'April 18, 1949
Dear Diary,
Last night I stood naked as a jay bird and ironed two dresses. I hope R was watching. I left the blind up an extra inch for him. My parts got warmer the longer I stood there.'
'April 22, 1949
Dear Diary,
I am sobbing and filled with guilt. Daddy caught R looking in my window and gave him a beating so loud I could hear from inside.'
'April 23, 1949
Dear Diary,
I am paying the wages of sin for my pride, and I'm sad because I have made R pay as well. He is on the train now to join the Marines. Daddy forced him.'
'April 24, 1949
Dear Diary,
Daddy didn't wait long to come after me after the mean bastard had poor R sent to South Carolina for basic training. With Mama in the insane asylum it was just me and Daddy left. The next day I had just walked home from the Sunday sermon and was undressing in my room. Daddy walked in. He was weaving from side to side drunk like usual. In his hand was a broke bottle neck. I screamed, hoping it would make him know he was a scaring me. It didn't work. I didn't want to get cut by the broke glass, so I figured I better speak up.
"You don't need the bottle neck Daddy. I'll give you what you want." I said all serious. "But I don't want a baby." I was hoping he would just put his male part in my mouth and I could satisfy him there Girls at work talked about doing it that way even before they got married, but not with their daddies of course. Wasn't no marriage ever blessing this union made by the hand of the devil. I kept taking my clothes off and Daddy smiled as my bosom bounced out of my brassiere. Wasn't no use in trying to cover anything up. I had a feeling this ain't going to be .the only time for this. Daddy watched me with his shiny red eyes while I took the rest off, exposing my birthing parts. My virtue was as good as gone. Poor Mama, it felt like I was replacing her. Next Daddy smacked me back and forth across the face and I tried to back away but tripped on my Sunday shoes and fell onto the bed. Daddy said "You don't want a baby you little whore? I got a fix for that.' and he spun me around so's I was facing the bed and while holding my arm up against me he bent me over front ways across it. My arm hurt like the dickens and I heard Daddy's belt buckle jingling.
I started to cry as he spread my cheeks with his fingers and I figured he was going to put his self in my rectum hole. "One smells as bad as the other," he said. I heard and felt him spit on my hole. I was glad there wasn't going to be no baby, but it was going to hurt. He left the broken glass neck on the pillow by my face as a reminder I guess. He must of spit on his man part too cause it was slick feeling as it went in. Daddy grunted and cussed and called me whore a bunch more as his peter made me feel like I was having a big long bowel movement in the outhouse. His hand that wasn't hurting my arm squeezed my bosom and pinched real hard. He grunted loud after about a minute inside me, and the horrible sin we committed was done. I thought we was done for the day but Daddy pulled his belt off and whipped me all over my back and bottom. Then he turned me back over by the twisted arm that had gone numb and whipped my bosoms and aimed at my loins, and I couldn't block everything at once. I screamed and cried the whole time. Luckily Daddy left and went to sleep. My birthing place was warm and wet after that like it ain't never been before. I felt his liquid dripping out of my behind. I cried and prayed for forgiveness the rest of the day.'
'April 27, 1949
Dear Diary,
It's been three days since Daddy and I sinned against our lord. I had to visit the outhouse a few extra times on account of my tender bowels, but I'll be okay. I'm still sore from being whipped naked. I had clothes on all the times before that. I can see pink lines criss cross my chest and thighs and I'm sure the back is worse, It hurts to sit down. Daddy's been a little sober and been staring at me. I think I better figure out a way to make him happy without him beating me."
'April 28, 1949
Dear Diary,
Today I committed more sins that I ever have in my life. I sat on Daddy's bed early in the morning in only a nightgown with nothing else not even drawers or a shawl. The room was all lighted by the sunrise, and I knew my nursing parts were sticking out for him to see through the thin fabric. I lied and told Daddy he woke something special up inside me and I wanted to give him my butt for sodomy like before and wanted to put him in my mouth also because I had impure urges and asked would he please help me with them. The most sinful thing is that I was only part way lying, I kind of liked the mating part of it with him on top of me and holding my body. Mama always said I could find good things even in a shit storm. In a peculiar way it seemed like Daddy actually cared for me if his part was stiff for mating. But maybe I was just fooled by Satan.
Daddy laughed and said this better not be some trick and I was no better than a common whore but pulled his peter out of his long johns. I leaned in and sinned with it in my mouth like a lollipop or ice cream. It was soft but got bigger and solid real quick. After a bit Daddy grabbed my hair and pushed my face all the way down so's I was choking like on a big sausage. It was all I could do to keep my breakfast down. His fingers was in my hair and my head was bouncing like a ball. Up and down up and down. It was lots noisier than lip smacking my bubble gum. Daddy finally grunted and my mouth tasted all salty and slick like warm gravy which must have been his seed. I wasn't expecting so much and gagged.
My stomach jumped and my breakfast oatmeal was a coming back fast. I got my face over the edge and made vomit on the floor. Daddy was laughing and calling me a stupid whore and told me to get down there naked and wipe it up with my nightgown or get the belt. I got down like a dog and started wiping it up. Daddy then told me why I was so stupid and a common white trash slut even though I put on airs like I was better than my family.
"I didn't come into your room to violate you. I dropped a bottle and was going to warn you not to go barefoot in the kitchen. But you were quick to show yourself off and give it away like with your brother, so I took it, brown eye and all. Now that the deed is done, and we have carnal knowledge, ain't no reason not to violate you nine ways to Sunday."
I said yes sir but told him I never done nothing with R, which you know, Dear Diary, is the truth.
"Well he's a damn fool, not splitting you like a piece of chord wood till you cain't walk. Guess that job falls to me now."
Most sinfully, I wished it was R that I had done the mating with, because I loved him way more than mean Daddy, but Satan has a hold on me because I still want it from Daddy. Like I said I was like a dog on the floor wiping up the vomit. Daddy got off the bed and behind me and started putting his hand on my intimates, spitting on his fingers and sticking them inside my birth hole. Suddenly I saw how Daddy had gotten on the floor like a dog too and was licking my parts. I couldn't help the loud breathing noises I was making and to be honest it felt really nice and made me want him inside me even more. His hands held on to my hips but not mean like usual.
"Get back up on that bed you nasty whore," Daddy said
"Yes sir." I climbed up on his bed and laid there on my back. Daddy used his foot to smear the nightgown all around in the vomit.
"If you're going to be such a slut, that's all you get to wear when you're inside this house, hear me girl? You cain't wash it, neither, 'till I say so. You're either naked or in that nightgown, unless you're going to work or church."
Daddy had been taking his long johns off while he yelled at me and I saw his male part was sticking out and reddish. My parts was warm and wet and hungry for him, and I never felt so sinful I couldn't take my eyes off it.
"Turn over, whore," he said and I got back on my knees like a dog. Daddy slapped my behind and then my bosoms that were just hanging from my body like cow udders, Then he grabbed my hips and stuck his self in me. It felt really good but I knew I was going to hell for fornicating and losing my virginity to my father. The bed was thumping like my heart and Daddy just kept going and going, calling me names and told me to practice sticking carrots down my throat so I wouldn't keep throwing up. He was rubbing my body and breathing loud. Finally Daddy cleared his throat to spit and stuck his slick sausage in my anus hole and pumped faster to sow his seed while he grunted in my ear saying slut slut slut. I could smell the whiskey and chewing tobacco on his breath. I was glad for no baby again and Daddy didn't beat me this time. I made his breakfast with that vomit smelling nightgown on. Daddy pulled the neck of the nightgown down and spit some of his tobacco juice on my bosom and smeared it around as I sat his plate on the table and then he laughed. Luckily I had to wash and change to go to my job at the library. Daddy drove me and dropped me off on his way to the ABC store for more whiskey. I guess as long as he has whiskey and can stick his part inside me he will be happy I hope.'