"Jeff!"
Rachel called out to her brother as he banged loudly on his drum set.
"Jeffrey!"
Jeff continued to beat his drums, completely unaware of anything that was going on around him. Rachel knew what she had to do. She made her way over to a dusty corner of the basement, grabbed the broom, walked up behind Jeff, and jabbed him in the fleshy part of the back of his arm.
"Aughhh!!!!"
"Oh, I have your attention now, do I?"
"What, now that you tried to break my arm, ruin my future as a musician, and force me into a life where all I can do is turn tricks working for a guy named Slick Money? Yeah, you have my attention."
"Great. You know, it's interesting that you mentioned your future just now. That just so happens to be the reason for my visit into this dusty old roach lodge of a basement."
"Yeah, well that doesn't mean you had to poke me so dang hard. By the way, the more standard approach would have probably been a simple tap on the shoulder."
"Eh, didn't feel much like getting gouged in the eye with a drumstick as you flailed about."
"Don't make fun of my art, sis. People have paid good money to see me 'flail about', as you say."
"Two things. One: the buck-fifty that people pay for access onto the patch of grass that you and your buddies perform on every Friday night has less to do with you, and more to do with the fact that it's a dark place to fondle one another. Two: we need to talk, for real."
"Man, somebody's being kind of a meanie."
"Whatever. Look, we got our report cards in the mail today."
Jeff stared blankly at Rachel for several seconds.
"...and I opened yours", Rachel continued.
Jeff continued to stare unknowingly.
"...and I saw your grades."
Drool literally began to leak slowly from the side of his mouth.
"Certainly, you must have some inkling as to what I'm going to say next."
"Uhhhhhh, 'good job buddy'?"
Rachel picked up the broom and made another jab at Jeff, this time hitting him right around his belly button.
"Hey!!!"
"Yeah Jeff, just wanted to say good job to my dumbass of a twin who is failing three out of six classes."
"What!?"
"Yep."
"What exactly am I failing?"
"Let's see. Math."
"Oooh, I was a little worried about that one."
"Biology."
"No! No way. That teacher has it in for me."
"What teacher? Who do you have?"
"The old tall one with the mean face. You know, old Mrs. Yarborough."
Rachel paused for a few moments, then took a swipe at Jeff's head with the broom.
"There is no 'old Mrs. Yarborough' dipshit! Nobody has that name at our school! I'm pretty sure you have the same teacher as me, Mr. Roberts."
"Hmmm...you may be right. What's the third one"
"Foods and nutrition."
Jeff thought for a moment.
"Ok, well that one's on me."
"Jeff, this is really bad. You need all these classes to graduate in May. How are you going to fix this?"
"Well, the first thing I'm going to do is take a deep breath and relax. What's done is done, right? Can't change the past. The second thing I'll do is go have a sandwich, as I am quite famished."
Rachel waited patiently as Jeff delicately placed his drumsticks on his drum kit and stood up to stretch his back and shoulders. After he didn't say anything else for a whole minute, she couldn't wait any longer.
"And third?"
Jeff looked over at his sister with a confused expression.
"Third what?"
Rachel reached for the broom.
"Wait wait wait, I'm just kidding!"
"What do I need to do for you to take this seriously Jeff?"
"I'm sorry, but what did your report card look like?"
"All A's."
"So, what are you so bent out of shape for? You are doing great! I mean, I appreciate the concern, I guess, but why do you care so much about my grades?"
"You are my brother. We shared a womb for nine months. I could have just left you in there and gone out into the world all on my own, but I am better than that. I brought you with me then, and I'm bringing you with me now."
Jeff considered this.
"Again, I appreciate it sis, but I don't see the point. Let's say, worst case scenario, I don't graduate. How does that change my future? I'll still leave at the end of the summer with the band for the west coast. A high school diploma's not going to get me more money as a drummer."
"Stop being so short-sighted. You're smarter than this. I'm not going to waste my breath explaining all the reasons you need a goddamn high school diploma, because you already know them. Again, you are my twin. We are tied together in some way, shape, or form for the rest of our lives. If you don't graduate with me, I know that somewhere down the road that will have some kind of affect on me. Don't know what, but it would be something. So to avoid whatever negativity that could bring into my life some day, I'm going to need you to graduate."
"You make me feel so gosh darn warm and loved sometimes."
"Maybe if you hadn't replaced me with drums when we entered high school then you wouldn't be in this situation."
Rachel could tell that she had finally said something that affected him. Jeff looked deep in thought and at least mildly troubled.
"Pepper jack."
"Huh?"
"That's the kind of cheese I'll put on my sandwich. In the mood for a little spice."
"Fine. We'll just see what mom has to say about all this."
**************
As Rachel approached her mom's office, she could hear clearly the sound of pan flutes and harps, and smell clearly the odor of whatever hippie bullshit her mom most recently "cleansed the air" with.
As Rachel reached the closed door and lifted her hand to knock, she heard her mother call out to her.
"Enter, my love".
Rachel cautiously opened the door, and carefully peeped her head around its edge. She never knew what kind of freak show she was going to walk in on. One time, Rachel had the unfortunate experience of walking in on her mother giving her vagina a steam bath.
Today wasn't too bad. Her mother was standing on her head, but she was fully clothed, which was always a relief for Rachel.
"Hey mom."
"Please dear, call me Genesis."
"No thank you. Listen, I need to talk to you about Jeff. He isn't-"
"Menses."
"What the fuck?"
"Certainly you wondered how I knew you were out there before you knocked. You are on your period, yes?"
"Jesus."
"My love, don't feel embarrassed about it. But yes, I could smell you coming. You are not getting enough magnesium in your diet."
"I'm just going to move past that. Jeff is failing three classes."
Her mother stared at her for several moments and said nothing.
"...and in real danger of not graduating."
Her mother continued to stare.
"Which I am sure we can both agree would be bad, yes?"
"Why does this upset you dear?"
"That isn't self-explanatory then?"
"Jeff must blaze his own trail, as must you. I am proud of both you no matter what. Life will be what it will be, but I trust you both to do what is best for you as free thinking individuals."
"Sounds like you just said a whole lot of nothing."
"Jeff is fine, my love. I'm not going to worry about it, and neither should you."
"Mom, you are the nicest person that I have ever wanted to murder."
"Love you too honey. Can you put that lasagna thingy in the oven when you get downstairs?"
"Sure mom."
********************
"So what did Genesis have to say?"
Rachel stared menacingly at her brother as he joined her in the kitchen.
"I see. Not the victory you were hoping for then? If it's any consolation, I do recognize that you are probably right on this one, and that I may very well regret it if I don't graduate. But I'm just not worried about it. So, do me a favor. You worry with your future, I'll deal with my own."
"Asshole", Rachel said as she started to leave.
"Rach, wait."
Rachel normally wouldn't have stopped, but something about his tone of voice made her think that Jeff was going to actually say something real this time.
"What?"
"Do you really think I wanted to replace you with drums?"
Rachel just stood there and stared at her feet.
"When dad died, that's just what made the most sense for me as a grieving process. Just like mom turning to...whatever it is she does now. I never meant to shut you out, it just sort of happened. I know we were inseparable for the longest time, but after he was gone...I just felt like I had to turn inward. It makes me happy that you care enough about me to worry like this, and I am so sorry for giving you grief over my lack of effort in school. I wish I could say that I am going to change, but that wouldn't be honest. Please stop worrying about this, I'll take care of myself."
With that, Jeff walked up to Rachel and did something that he hadn't done in years. He hugged his sister.
It felt so good to be held by him. In the four years since her father died, Rachel wasn't sure she had received a hug from anyone, except mandatory ones at the funeral.
"I love you Rachel, and I am sorry for causing you pain."
Jeff placed his hands on both sides of his sister's head and kissed her on the nose. He had disappeared into the depths of the basement before Rachel snapped out of her stupor.
Maybe her mom and brother were right. It was very possible that Jeff could pull through on his own and make it to graduation, and be that much stronger and wiser for it too. Or like he said, so what if he doesn't graduate? Will that impact his life that much? No matter what she believed was best for him, she did recognize the importance of one learning from their own mistakes, and in this case Jeff probably needed to learn that lesson.
*********************
"Here ya' go!"
The next day at school, Jeff was sitting outside at a picnic table with his bandmates, like normal, when Rachel jovially bounded up to him with a huge smile.
