A note: This story isn't intended to "pay off" right away. It takes a little time and will unfold over several chapters. If you're looking for speed, this isn't for you.
*****
"So, let's get this straight... Mom?! Anna is your mom?"
We'd adjourned to O'Malley's for a post-workout drink and conversation. Or I suppose interrogation.
"I told you last week that you'd like my mother." I have to admit that I could tell there would be very few opportunities for me to shock Michelle, so I was enjoying this. She hadn't quite stopped blushing since I'd hugged her gym-crush.
"Yeah, I just didn't know that I already knew her."
I felt a firm pressure on my foot as my girlfriend firmly established that we were keeping this completely G-rated as far as she was concerned. She had no interest in letting on that she was crushing on my mother in the locker room. I figured I'd let it ride for a bit. Frankly, it would embarrass me a bit too. Still, it was nice to see this confidant partner of mine a bit off balance.
"Gil, honey, don't be too smug. Mikey, here, has been a breath of fresh air for me and if you annoy her she'll run off and hook up with some less decent guy. Then we'll all be sorry, won't we."
"Yes, Mother," I droned in my best hangdog cartoon voice.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah... so how long have you two been dating?"
"Not long. Nearly as long as you guys have been working out together."
"Well, hon, then maybe I'll have to fight you for her," she smiled. "I mean, a good workout partner is a lot harder to find than a smelly old boyfriend, don't you think Mike?"
I'd never seen Michelle quite so off center. She wanted to flirt with Anna, but she didn't want me giving away the game. And she was, of course, a little embarrassed trying to imagine what my reaction must be. I mean, she was just teasing me about having sex with a woman... possibly in a threesome... that I was related to. So, you know, awkward. But, she was also playful and charmed by Anna, who didn't have any real reason to think this was strange.
"I suppose you're right, there. I'd hate to give up either though. And besides, he doesn't smell all that bad. Most of the time."
"Oh, honey. You should have been around for the tween years. I mean, you'd think that the baby and toddler period would be the worst, but for boys... wow... 10-14 is murder."
"Charming. Thanks, mom," I replied. "I really appreciate you filling in my new girlfriend on all the ways I was a threat to decency and hygiene in my not so distant youth, thank you very much."
"Oh, you're welcome darling. Always a pleasure." She cocked her head and looked at me, "Besides, what was that crack about my tattoo?"
"Well, I didn't realize you had one, that's all. Since I've only been back in town for a bit, somehow I missed the memo."
I must have been blushing a bit, which I guess gave Michelle a little bit of a re-balance.
She chimed in with, "See Anna, I was telling him about my really cool gym friend and that she had a neat tattoo. Neither of us have one, and yours seemed cool. Would you say that it's on your hip or your upper thigh?"
Oh, Michelle. Thanks for that. Not at all embarrassing.
Anna laughed from deep in the belly. It's one of the things I love about my mom. She laughs completely and loudly and without care. The bartender glanced over our way and grinned. He knew Mom, so it wasn't annoyance when he heard her cackle, but rather recognition.
She looked from me to Michelle and leaned in, "Oh, I like this one Gil. She's naughty."
"Mom, on this we agree."
Michelle waved her hands in an 'everyone have a seat' manner, and said "Hey, that was a legitimate question folks. I wasn't sure how to describe the placement. I'm completely innocent in all this... baseless innuendo." I could almost hear her halo tarnishing.
Anna looked over her shoulder and saw that the two other drinkers had turned back to their drinks and whatever was on the television. The bartender was occupied. So, she stood up, hooked a thumb in the waistband of her yoga pants and tugged them down over her side. Well, I'll be damned. There was this very sharply defined, clear symbol of triangles and lines wrapping from the front of her upper thigh around towards her behind. What do you know?
I admit, I have always known my mother was brash. The tattoo was new. The halfway flashing and showing off skin to me and a girlfriend in a public place was brand fucking new. I was a little shocked. I wasn't quite sure what to say beyond, "Oh."
She said, "Well?"
I took a beat. "Upper thigh I'd say."
Her yoga pants snapped back into place as she giggled and took her seat again.
Michelle, who was no wallflower, was awfully quiet. She quietly said, "Yeah... I ... yeah, me too."
Mom looked at me and said, "Well, do you like it?"
I laughed a bit, and said "yes, of course, I like it. Though it is a little like writing your name in your underwear before you go off to camp, don't you think?"
Anna chuckled. "You know, I hadn't thought of it like that, but you have a point. Then again, I don't plan on leaving my thigh and/or hip unsupervised. Well, at least not until it's gotta be replaced or something. And that's a long way off, dearie."
Michelle's brow furrowed. "What do you mean? I 'introduce' you two, who I think I know individually and suddenly I'm completely in a fog. Writing her name in her underwear? I think we just established that she isn't wearing any underwear under those yoga pants. And I'm sure I'm going to feel stupid when you explain how you know all about her tattoo without knowing that she even has a tattoo."
"Oh, right. Sorry. Please stop hitting my arm... that's going to leave a bruise."
I rubbed the sore spot, and explained. "Okay, so you know Anna is a teacher right? A historian. Well, she studies Ancient Civilizations... Sumerian culture, Mesopotamian history, Akkadians, that sort of thing. You know Babylon."
"Okay. Yeah, like Tower Of."
"Right. So, she came by the interest naturally. Her folks were archaeologists. She grew up on digs all over what's now Iraq. That symbol is an ideogram from some of the oldest writing in the world. And it's also her name. So, while I'm not a scholar, you can't grow up in our family without at least the basics."
"Wait, that symbol means Anna?"
"Oh, no, honey," Mom spoke up. "Anna's a nickname. Like I call you Mike, though I know full well you're Michelle. My name is actually Inanna, who was -- as I mentioned last time we spoke about it- a goddess. You may have been distracted. I admit I don't usually give lectures on Sumer with my pants off. You'll have to forgive my inexactitude."
"All is forgiven. And I like it when you call me Mike. It's kinda sweet."
Michelle finished the last of her drink and quietly added, "And kinda hot."
I quickly added, "And when I said that Gil wasn't short for Gilbert... It's Gilgamesh. We're a fucked up family with regard to naming kids."
"Gil! Don't give her the wrong idea," Mom less forcefully punched my other shoulder. "We're a fucked up family in lots of ways. I grew up in the desert. You grew up with all my weirdo friends around campus. We're thoroughly abnormal. The poor girl ought to know that before she hangs out with us much longer."
"Don't worry Mom. I think she'll be okay with that. I mean, after all," I pointed out, "you have already wandered around bare assed in front of her in the locker room and flashed your ass-"
"Upper thigh," she clarified.
"Alright, upper thigh at her in a bar. If she's not run off yet, I'd say we're safe."
"I guess there is that point."
"In fact," I added, "it might be what she likes about us."
Michelle smiled, "It might indeed."
"Okay you kids, I think it's time that we got out of here. O'Malley's starts to fill up in a bit, and I'm not exactly dressed in evening attire."
"Yes, Mom. Then again, neither are we. But you're right, you are getting a little ripe. Ouch!"
I was definitely going to be wearing bruises in the morning. Note to self, with smart alecness comes pain. Especially when my mother and girlfriend are within reach. After all, we'd just come from the gym which they'd been hitting pretty heavily lately.
"Serves you right, ya little shithead. But, why don't you guys come back to my place? I know you've got your own homes to go to, but head over and I'll buy pizza. I'd offer to cook, but I want to make a good impression on Mike here."
I looked at Michelle and filled in, "You may not know this being all charmed by her beauty and erudition, but my mother is horrendous as a cook. I guess it comes of eating jerky and MREs most of her youth, but she's got no skill at the stove. And, she's not likely to hit me for telling you that because it's so clearly true. Anyway, it's a sign that she likes you that she'll feed you pizza."
Michelle smiled, "I'd be honored to not eat your home cooking Anna. We'll just run home and change and head over. I presume Gil knows the way, yes?"
"Oh, honey, why bother. Just come straight over. Did you ride together?"
We nodded. "Mike'll ride with me and we'll order the food on the way. Maybe open a bottle of wine when we get there. I must continue to pick your brain. You're the first of Gil's girlfriends that I actually like." There was a bit of an evil grin. "So, I need to figure out if I'm going to let him keep you or steal you away."
"Okay you cougar, you. I'll meet you at your place. Be sure and get the hand tossed for me. I know you like your thin crusts, but I'm guessing we'll need a couple of pies to see us through the bottle of wine."
"Or three. See you in a few."
Mom picked up her bag, kissed me on the cheek and headed out the door.
Michelle leaned in to kiss me goodbye and grabbed me by the ears. She put us face to face and whisper-yelled, "D'hell, dude!? Anna is your mother? Why didn't you stop me when I was all drooly and shit about her at the gym! You saw her over there. You didn't stop me from going all googly-eyed at her nipples."
"Michelle, dearest, you'll remember I said about six times 'but, she's-' while you kept going on and on about how much you want to bone the woman who gave birth to me."
"Well, fuck. I didn't know that then. I thought it was kind of sexy teasing. You must hate me now. Why did you agree to hang out with her, when you probably want to kill me."
"Don't be stupid, and please let go of my ears. That kind of hurts. And not in the good way."
Head released I said, "Look, we just had a nice drink and a chat. I love my mother. She's brash, she's loud, and she's pretty much unedited. So, I'm used to weird conversations in her presence and with her friends. And, of course, I know that you like her so that's cool. Just relax. I'm glad you're into her. And, honestly, it's kinda hot that you think she's sexy. Besides, you've given me a brand new insight into the old broad. I mean, since college, I've not spent as much time with her as I should. Obviously I've got a lot to catch up on here. And she seems to have gone through some... changes of late."
