I knew my niece Pippa was going to be trouble when my sister, Donna, told me: "She's fucking pushy, Jack, so don't let her trample all over you." Which was a bit rich, considering the way Donna trampled all over me whenever she felt like it!
Donna is 40, two years older than me, and Pippa, her only child, is 19. I've not been in touch with my sister for some time, mainly because I'm bloody busy in my job as a photographer and secondly because I think we're both still feeling a little guilty over what we did when I was 18 and Donna was 20.
Oh, it wasn't anything much. We'd both had too much to drink and Donna let me finger fuck her while she jerked me off. We didn't even kiss! Not that I wouldn't mind, Donna is a stunning brunette, not my type, maybe, but stunning, nonetheless.
She'd called me around 7pm Provence time the night before Pippa's arrival. "I'm sending Pippa down to spend a month in Provence with you during her polytech break," said my sis, ever the demanding one.
"She's flying BA to Paris on the red eye in the morning, then getting the 10 o'clock TGV to Avignon. So make sure you keep all those fucking floozies you photograph for those scandalous skin mags away for a month," said Donna, in a command, not a request.
"For starters they're not 'floozies', some of them are the most beautiful and desirable women in the world," I informed my insufferable sister. "And for seconds, they're not 'skin mags', as you so crudely put it, they're adult men's magazines."
"Yes, darling, of course they are," Donna cooed in her oh-so-fucking proper Roedean accent, "and everyone buys them for the articles and the interviews."
I sighed, there was no point in arguing with my sister, she was married to some hoity-toity barrister who thought my job as one of the world's top photographers of stunning women was somehow demeaning to the family he had married into.
"I've not seen Pippa since she was 12," I told Donna. "Tell her I'll be the guy on the platform wearing the Chicago Cubs cap, it's blue with a red 'C' on it. And it doesn't stand for cunt."
Typical Donna. I had been in a mellow mood after a large vodka and tonic when I'd taken her call, now I was feeling fucking pissed off.
I threw a steak on the barbecue and opened a big Aussie red β all right, I live and work in Provence, but some of the French reds are pure, unadulterated cat's piss. Give me a ball-tearing Australian shiraz any fucking day.
Anyway, the next afternoon at 12.30 I was on Avignon station waiting for the Paris train to pull in, wearing my Cubs cap and my Cubbies T-shirt β the one reading "I'm a Cubs fan β wait till next year!" I love that team, the fucking useless bastards!
I'd not seen Pippa, as I said, for about seven years and I was a bit taken aback when a short-haired brunette, standing no more than 5 feet 2 inches appeared before me, wearing a bright red leather bustier, which came to just above her hips, blue jeans which had been sprayed on and toting a bag over her shoulder.
"Cubs β you must be my darling Uncle Jack," said the well- spoken, big-lipped, busty, pert nosed little beauty.
"Pippa?" I said. "Did you wear that outfit all the way from Paris? How many riots were there on the train?"
She laughed and went up on tiptoe to kiss me β I'm just over 6 feet and I had to lean quite a way down to peck her on the cheek.
"No, silly, I put it on a quarter of an hour out of Avignon and there was only one riot," Pippa joked.
I took her bag. "You travel light, Pippa," I said.
"Three changes of lingerie, three bikinis, tooth brush, toiletries, three little dresses and two books. Mother said you'd have anything else I'd need."
We climbed into my Maserati outside the station and I gunned it out of town as fast as possible. I hate towns. I live in a little place in mid-Provence, one of the gorgeous villages sort of built on a mountain, you've seen the brochures.
When we arrived, Pippa walked to the wall surrounding the swimming pool and looked at the stunning view out over the valley. No prying eyes overlooked the two-storeyed former farm house. The pool was long and blue and warm. Down below us stretched fields of lavender.
"Oh this is fucking heaven," said Pippa, stretching herself in the sun. "Show me my bedroom and I'll get into a bikini and we can sit by the pool and have a beer," she said. "I could drink the entire England rugby team under the table."
I led her upstairs, showed her where everything was, then peeled off my Cubs' shirt and fetched two cold bottles of Kronenbourg 1664s from the fridge and placed them on the table beneath the vast sun umbrella. I was only wearing a pair of Tommy Hilfiger shorts, but I knew my well-muscled body looked good β live in Provence in summer, you get a great tan.
If I thought Pippa had been a head-turner in her leather bustier at the train station, when she returned she was absolutely mind-bogglingly smashing. Now they always say men are tit men or leg men, as if you can't like both! Well, in Pippa's case I was definitely going to be a tit man!
She was wearing trendy Armani sunglasses and Cuban-style wedged high heels, but it was her bikini that had me mentally drooling! It was nothing more than a trio of shiny black satin triangles, the upper two just covering her nipples, the bottom one barely concealing her snatch.
I tried to make a joke of it, as she sat and sucked on her Kronenbourg: "You trying to give a 38-year-old a heart attack?"
She grinned. "Oh get into the 21st century, uncle," Pippa said. "And those Tommy Hilfiger shorts are
so fucking
1995. Go inside and put on a sexy thong β you have any sexy thongs?"
I nodded. "Of course, I'm not totally senile yet," I said, sniffily.
"Well go and put one on β it's 2005, uncle, tight, light and bright are the catchwords. Red would suit you, now hurry!"
And like a schoolboy with his tail between his legs I did! Donna was right β fucking pushy.
I've got a wardrobe of thongs β something I wear them when I'm photographing a model I really fancy and we've got some chemistry going. Anyway, I chose a red satin number, cut quite high on the hips, so my eight inches of uncut cock was easily contained within its confines.
I stepped back on the patio beside the pool and tried to sit down quickly, but Pippa beat me to it. "Lemme see, uncle, don't be shy," she ordered, and I picked up my beer bottle and tried to act as nonchalantly as possible, bearing in mind my 19-year-old niece was eyeing me up!
"Nice, I like what I see," she laughed, as I sat down, feeling my cheeks redden.
"And tell me," she said, when I was seated opposite her again, "do you like what you see?" And with that, she plonked her beer down and stood up and walked round the table in a provocative hip-thrusting walk, just like a hooker on display.
"You've got a great little body, Pippa," I said, trying to maintain a semblance of calm, "now go and sit down, there's a good girl."
But she merely laughed at me. "Little body? Fuck, uncle, that's a bit of a backhanded compliment," said Pippa. "OK, so I'm only five two, but my tits are 38s, and the rest is 24-36. What's little about it?"
And then the cheeky, pushy little bitch sat down in my lap and pulled the two little bra triangles apart and revealed her lovely large breasts to my gaze. I drank in the sight of her cherry red nipples erect and proud, almost no areolae to speak of.
"What's wrong with these?" she inquired, knowing full well I couldn't drag my gaze from her lush teenage boobs.
"Nothing, Pippa," I said, hardly getting my voice above a whisper, "now be a doll and go and sit down, please."
Fat chance!