Pecs

Reminder to readers: 'Kuya' is a Filipino term of endearment and respect for an older male blood relative within the same generation. Teejay and Lani are twins, but because Teejay was born first (by a matter of mere minutes), Lani thinks of him as her big brother and addresses him as Kuya.

*

Teejay slept with his arms around his sister's waist. It was rare for him to sleep with another person lying next to him. He was used to sleeping alone, especially on warm nights. Usually, once the deed was done and bodily fluids had been exchanged, he and his male sexual partner would part ways.

Maybe sleeping with his sister was different. They shared the same blood.

Even though it was a warm morning, he slept peacefully, snoring lightly. The suburban street outside remained mercifully quiet. Her ceiling fan hummed quietly as it spiralled above them.

He and his twin sister dreamed solitary private dreams until the sound of their mom's washing machine woke them up.

"Morning, Kuya," his sister said, greeting the new day. She felt as though sleeping next to her big brother was the most natural thing in the world. Her eyelids fluttered as they welcomed the morning sun. Her asshole felt a little strange from last night, like it had been invaded and stretched.

"Listen," Teejay frowned. "You hear that? That whirring sound?" Despite lying in bed next to his twin sister, he hadn't yet remembered what happened last night.

"Yeah, Mom's just doing a load of washing. No big deal. I'm totally used to it."

Teejay desperately needed to take a pee. He got up, and as he walked past his bedroom, he noticed his door was wide open. His bed had been stripped. His sheets and pillowcases weren't there anymore. That must be why the washing machine was on. His window was open, letting in fresh air. Fuck. He suddenly remembered. He fucked his sister in the ass last night.

He tried to think as his piss thundered into the bowl. He looked at his naked self in the mirror, not sure who his reflection was anymore. He finished up and scuttled back to his sister's room. "Hey, Lani," he whispered urgently. "Mom's been in my bedroom."

His twin sister rolled onto her back. She'd closed her eyes again, still in a blissful half-dream about last night. "I forgot to hang up my stocking, so she hasn't been in mine." She propped herself up on one elbow, roughly brushing her morning hair out of her face. "It's her house, Kuya, she can do whatever she wants." Her eyes opened slightly. Even with sleepy eyes still half closed, she was still able to appreciate her twin brother's amazingly muscular chest.

"No, but don't you understand?" Teejay persisted. "My bed was a mess last night, and she's ... she's ... cleaned up."

Lani's eyes snapped open as she realised the significance of what her brother was telling her. "Oh, fuck. She knows." She sat up on the edge of her bed and stared at the floor. "She knows we had sex."

Teejay said nothing in response. He wasn't sure what to say.

"And your room must've stunk pretty fucking bad," his sister added, looking at the floor.

"What do you mean?"

"Your room would've absolutely reeked of sex. The sheets were soaked, and Mom would've smelled the scent of my squirt." She paused for a second. "Like, if you fucked a dude last night, Mom might've suspected something was up, but when it comes to chicks, women know, bro, they just fucking know. We know what we smell like. And you didn't bring any women home last night except me."

Teejay hadn't ever brought a woman home in his life. "Fuck, Lani. What have we done?"

She nervously bit her bottom lip. Fuck. Right now, she wasn't worried about whether things had changed between her and her brother, she worried about whether things had changed between themselves and their mom.

"Pretend everything is normal," Lani pleaded.

Teejay looked skeptical. "How the fuck am I meant to do that? What's normal about this?"

Lani didn't reply. She couldn't answer his question. They dressed and headed to the kitchen for breakfast.

"Morning!" Maria chirped as her kids entered the kitchen. "Can I make either of you a coffee?"

"Sure thing, Mom," replied Teejay. "That'd be awesome." Again, he knew he hadn't slept for long enough.

"Yes please, Mom!" said Lani.

The siblings flopped down at the table as she fixed them each a cup of morning joe. She placed their mugs on the table before returning to her seat. She put her reading glasses on, picked up her pen, and resumed last night's crossword.

"I'll fix you some breakfast in just a minute," their mom said, "but first, hopefully you two can help me with some of these remaining crossword clues. Five down, six letters. 'Siblings go to bed'. Last letter is a 'T'." She peered over the top of her frames. "Any ideas?"

Her children remained silent. Teejay sipped his coffee.

"Or maybe this one," their mom continued. "Eight across. 'A backwards sexual adventure'. Four letters, begins with an 'A'." She looked at the intersecting clue she'd completed going down. "Oh, and the third letter is an 'A', too."

Lani wasn't sure what to do or say.

"Got one more," their mom said. "Fifteen down. Six letters in the clue. 'A possible consequence of the female orgasm', and the second letter is a 'Q'. I assume that means the third letter is a 'U'. I'll just fill that third square in."

Lani couldn't take it anymore. She had no idea whether these were real crossword clues or not. Unless their mom was into pornographic crosswords, they probably weren't.

"Oh, by the way," said Maria, "I took the opportunity to clean up your room this morning, Teejay. I put some washing on. I hope it didn't wake you."

"Thanks, Mom," he said. He took a sip of caffeine. "I noticed."

Lani looked at her brother. By now, they both knew she knew. Their mom wasn't stupid, and the best thing they could do right now was to be totally honest. "Mom, I think we need to explain --"

"Stop for a second, Lani," their mom interrupted. "I'm gonna make Teejay some eggs before he drives to the gym, and then I'm gonna make you some pancakes." She placed her palms on the kitchen table as a gesture of total openness. "But first, I want you two to listen to me for a second. I brought you up together. I watched you grow. You became two very different people, yet at the same time, you remained deeply connected. I watched as you both became infatuated with boys, and once I learned Teejay was gay, never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined we'd be faced with this ... particular ... situation."

Her twins sat silently.

"But here we are."

A car motored up their street, breaking a momentary silence.

"You two are the most important people in my life."

Lani could hear his brother's shallow, nervous breath. She couldn't speak.

"I know you two had sex last night," she continued. "Teejay, your room was a disaster zone ..."

"Sorry about that, mom," came Teejay's reflexive response. He didn't mean to sound flippant -- he was hyper-conscious how serious this conversation was.

Maria took a deep breath and sighed, gesturing briefly toward her ceiling. "Other than this roof over my head, my children are all I have in life and all I'll ever want. I doubt I'll ever remarry, and I don't think I'd ever want to anyway. Our extended Filipino family is strong and deep, but it isn't the same as the bonds I have with you both. And it seems the bond you have with each other might be stronger than even I had ever thought."

"But that's a good thing, though, right?" Lani pleaded. She wasn't interested in any other men, she'd already found the one she wanted and she'd known him for her whole life. In her mind, last night was the most perfect thing that had ever happened to her. In her mind, Teejay wasn't gay anymore. In her mind, she and he were almost husband and wife. But while she held these fantasies in her mind, she knew none of it wasn't real, and she knew it never could be.

"Wait," her mom pleaded. "Please, please wait. I haven't finished. I need to get this out."

Silence filled the room again.

"I know you two are close. You've always been close, and I always thought Teejay being gay brought you even closer, because it meant you were always on ..."

"No Mom," Lani protested, firing a shifty glance in the direction of her brother. "We weren't."

Maria raised a confused eyebrow. "What?"

Her daughter began to explain. "I know exactly what you were about to say, Mom. You were going to say that because Kuya and I both like boys, that we were 'on the same team'." She did the air-quotes. "We're 'on the same team' for everything else, if you want to use that tired expression, but when it comes to boys, we're not. He stole one of my boyfriends one time, and I still hold a grudge."

Teejay wasn't about to wear this accusation. "You're so full of shit."

Lani pressed onward. "Fuck off, Kuya, don't tell me you've forgotten about Oracle, the long-haired goth boy I was into."

"Yeah, I remember him. But his name wasn't Oracle," Teejay informed her. "He told me his name was John."

"When did you find that out?" Lani challenged.

"After ..."

"After *what*?" Her eyes were on fire as she prosecuted her case.

"After ... he invited me to his place and we had sex. Let's just say he might've looked pretty, but he wasn't right for you. I bumped into him recently. He's got a steady boyfriend now."

Lani turned towards their mom while animatedly pointing towards her light-fingered brother. "You see? You see, Mom? Teejay steals my boyfriends and turns them gay. I rest my case. No way are Teejay and I on the same fucking team when it comes to boys."

Maria sighed. "And to think I brought you two up to share your toys. But this is all beside the point. Whoever this Oracle-slash-John person is, he doesn't matter. This isn't about anyone else but the three of us."

"Mom," Teejay said, finishing his coffee, "I think we need to tell you what happened last night." They heard the grandfather clock ticking time away.

Their mom smiled. She knew her children would be honest with her. "First, let me make you both some breakfast, then we can talk."

A plate of pancakes, laden with maple syrup, fresh berries and a cool scoop of ice-cream appeared on the table in front of Lani. Moments later, two fried eggs were delivered to her brother. Teejay's breakfast came with fresh, brown toast, some cherry tomatoes sliced in half, and two sprigs of dill.

Maria donned her reading glasses and quietly completed last night's crossword as her children ate. She waited until they'd rested their cutlery on their plates before broaching the subject again. "Full?" she inquired.

Her children nodded. "Thanks, Mom," they replied in unison.

Maria turned towards Teejay. "You said you were going to tell me what happened last night, but I want you both to know you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to. You aren't kids anymore, and it isn't my place anymore to teach you right from wrong. It isn't my business to pry, but the state of Teejay's bedroom this morning gave the whole game away."

Lani glanced nervously at her older brother, but Teejay didn't return her gaze. "We know that, Mom," she began, "but ... well, I've never hidden anything from you before, and I don't plan to start now." She took a deep breath. "It's pretty simple, Mom," she began. "You probably remember that last night, the three of us were talking about anal sex. I mentioned I'd never tried it, but I was curious about it. You said I'd be crazy to just give my booty up to some random at a bar, and you were right. So I gave it up to someone I trust and love, and someone who knows what he's doing back there."

Their mom raised an eyebrow. "Your brother."

"Well, yeah."

"Mom, I was reluctant," Teejay interjected, "and I need you to know that. Lani wanted to have sex with me the night before last, but I said no. I was worried that having sex with her would change things between the three of us. I'm still worried about that. I don't want anything to change between us. Plus, last time I checked, I'm still gay. So there's that, too."

Lani remembered how scared her brother was, but now that the deed was done, she hoped he'd have found a way to move past his fears. Her stomach sank as she realised he hadn't.

"Is this the only time you two have had sex?" their mom asked.

"At the movies last night," confessed Lani, "I gave Kuya a blowjob. I don't know if that counts or not." She didn't mention briefly sucking his dick in the living room as a prelude to losing her anal virginity. "And the night before last, I jerked him off in his bed after you went to sleep. Like Kuya said, I wanted him to fuck me in the ass the first night he was here, but he wouldn't. He let me give him a handjob, though."

"No vaginal sex?"

"No, mom," confirmed Teejay.

"Well, that's a huge relief," their mom said.

"I don't know much about vaginas, Mom."

Their mom sighed. "I'm just going to ask one thing of you both," she said. "Promise me that whatever you do, you won't ever have vaginal sex. I'd love to have grandchildren one day, but not like that."

Lani wasn't on the pill. "I promise," she said.

Out in the hallway, the grandfather clock ticked and tocked.

"I'm not going to pretend I'm over the moon about this," their mom decreed, "because I'm not. But I know you're both sensible, mature people. I love you both, and I'm grateful you've both been so honest with me. I'm going to leave it at that. Like I said, it isn't my place anymore to tell you how to live your lives. Teejay, you can borrow the car if you want to head to the gym."

"Thanks, Mom."

Lani watched her twin brother stand up from the kitchen table. Her eyes were fixed on him, waiting for some kind of gesture or response, but he left the room without a second glance, not even saying goodbye to her. She couldn't remember the last time he'd been so dismissive of her. He collected his gym bag and closed the front door behind him.

As Lani heard their mom's car back out of the drive, her heart sank. She made herself a cup of sweet, sugary tea and lay down on the couch. She switched on the TV, flipping aimlessly through the dial for half an hour. She daydreamed about her big brother's pushing his glistening, bulging pecs to the limit.

Maria walked through the living room. She was headed to the linen cupboard to remake her son's bed. She noticed a flat, glum Lani sitting on the couch, remote in hand, but eyes and mind a million miles away. "You OK, sweetheart?" she asked.

Lani sighed. "I guess so." She paused for a minute to collect her thoughts before looking up at her mom. "Did you think Kuya was acting a little strange at breakfast this morning?"

Her mom laughed a little, attempting to lighten the mood. "Well, in fairness to him, it can't be easy for anyone to tell their mom they fucked their twin sister in the ass the previous night."

"Well, yeah," Lani agreed, "it was a very unusual conversation, but it feels like there's something more. Something I can't quite put my finger on. I've always thought that Kuya and I have like an invisible emotional rope that connects us to each other ..."

"I've often thought so too," her mom interjected.

"... I mean, it's like most of the time I can tell what he's feeling, and sometimes even what he's thinking about, without ever having to ask. This morning was the first time I can remember where I couldn't tell. He felt distant from me."

Her mom knew what was up. Her daughter was falling in love with her son. "I'm just gonna cut to the chase, Lani. He's your brother, not your boyfriend. And besides, he's gay. You can't have him. At least, not in the way you want."

"But Mom, he's the most perfect man I've ever met. He's warm, he's funny, he's sexy as hell, and we have so much in common ..."

"Including DNA," her mom enjoined. "This is new to all of us, but first of all, you're gonna need to give him some time and space. He's probably still processing these past few days. He loves you, Lani, I'm sure of it. He always has, and he always will. Deep down, I'm sure his feelings for you are unchanged. But you're the first woman he's ever had sex with, and you're his twin sister. He's known you since birth. I'm guessing there's some heavy, difficult stuff rolling around in his head, and I'm sure he's feeling very confused right now. If he feels distant to you, my only advice would be don't go chasing him. You'll only make it harder for him if you do. You'll only push him away. I know it isn't easy right now, but the best thing you can do for your big brother is to just be yourself."

Lani sat up on the couch. Her huge tits bounced and swayed. "Thanks, Mom," she smiled. "You always know how to make me feel better."

Maria collected some bedclothes from the linen cupboard and remade her son's bed. The air was still faintly tinged with her daughter's squirt from last night.

*

Teejay showered at the gym before heading back to his mom's house. He worked out super-hard today. There was a lot on his mind, and gym time helped him think. Lani was on the couch when he came back, reading a novel. The TV was off and the room was quiet.

"Hey, Kuya," she said, smiling. "Good workout?"

Teejay grunted something non-committal before heading to his bedroom and closing the door.

Tears began to roll down Lani's cheeks. She felt like she'd lost her brother. She'd pushed too hard; she'd asked too much. Her shoulders shuddered as she tried to hold back sobs.

Minutes later, Teejay came back into the living room. He'd changed clothes. "Just going out for a second," he muttered. He noticed his twin sister sitting up on the couch, eyes cast down to the rug on the floor. She looked for all the world like she'd been crying.

Every emotional bone in his body willed him to sit down next to her, to comfort her, to rub her back and cheer her up. But he couldn't, because he knew he was the reason for her sorrow. He knew he'd withdrawn from her, but he didn't understand why. They'd had two amazing nights together since he came back home, but right now, he felt guilty and confused. It tore him up inside to see his twin sister looking like this, and the invisible emotional rope Lani had described to her mom ran both ways. He knew exactly how she was feeling. He didn't need to ask her.

He pulled the front door behind him as he left, and as the door latched closed, he felt her pain storm through his system like a hurricane. It took all of his energy and concentration just to put one foot in front of the other. The walk to the grassy park around the corner from their mom's house usually took five minutes at most, but today, it took Teejay fifteen to make the short journey. Every step was laden with rich memories of his twin sister.

He sat on a park bench and let his mind spiral back through time. Their mom brought them to this park often when they were little. He and his twin sister would run around and play on the sweet, thick grass. Those innocent times were gone forever.

Was he making too much out of this? It was just sex, he told himself. He'd never had a serious boyfriend, and he couldn't ever remember having meaningful sex in his life. To Teejay, sex was a fleeting, momentary physical experience with a male stranger where bodily fluids were exchanged, but phone numbers weren't. There were never any emotions to cloud the water, and there were never any post-sex commitments to honour.

So why was he reacting like this? What was so different about last night? Emotions were involved, of course, which made things feel very different for him. But ultimately, he only did what his sister asked of him, which is exactly what twin siblings do for each other all the time. He didn't instigate anything. It wasn't his idea. It was hers.

He sat on the bench, thinking.