Author’s Note: Don’t forget to leave a comment or send an e-mail. If you have questions and leave your own address I’ll reply. More chapters to come. Enjoy.
***
Josh felt quite terrible on Wednesday morning, which he suspected was due to the row he’d had with Dawn. He still couldn’t get the things she’d said out of his mind, and he’d even caught himself rubbing his crotch last night while he lay in bed.
The worst part was, he wasn’t entirely sure how he should feel about it; gratified that he seemed to mean so much to her; annoyed that she could even think he’d betray Valerie for a casual fling; or sympathetic to her misery. Whichever it was, anger ruled them all, such as only Dawn could produce. Josh was fire-breathing, ear-smoking, blood-boiling angry, and he knew that was not a good thing.
He showered rather quickly and threw his uniform on hastily before going downstairs. He met Jacquie in the kitchen.
“Morning,” said Jacquie. Josh grunted in reply. “I take it you didn’t sleep well,” Jacquie inquired.
“Not really.”
“You fought with Dawn again, didn’t you?”
“Does that surprise you?” Jacquie smiled considerately. “Did you see her this morning?” Josh asked out of curiosity.
“Yeah, just before she left.”
“How was she?”
“She seemed fine,” said Jacquie. “Like she always does.”
What!?
Josh wanted to yell. How could she possibly be fine? Unless she was acting, of course. Then again, perhaps it had been one of those spare-of-the-moment things that she forgot all about once she’d calmed down. And that meant that she didn’t really mean what she had said, which meant that she had just been using Josh for sex, not that they’d actually had sex. Josh felt even angrier.
“I’m off,” he told Jacquie, forgoing breakfast once again and heading out the door.
“Bye,” Jacquie called out, but the door was already shut.
***
The school day was infinitely boring. Again, Josh didn’t see Valerie much at all, which was rather a good thing, he supposed; he didn’t want her bearing any of his anger – she didn’t deserve that. All the same, Josh was dreading returning home, and so he took his time walking, effectively doubling the amount of time he usually took.
Surprisingly, and pleasantly, he found that the house was empty when he arrived. Jacquie must be out doing the grocery shopping, and Alice wouldn’t be home for at least another two hours. There was, however, a note on the kitchen table, written in Jacquie’s eloquent handwriting. It said simply:
Valerie called
. Josh supposed this meant she wanted him to call her back, which he was happy to do. He leapt up onto the bench, picked up the receiver and dialed her number.
He was surprised she had called so quickly. It was possible, though, that she had finished earlier than Josh had. The phone rung, once, twice, and then connected.
“Hello?”
“Valerie?”
“Josh?”
“Yeah, it’s me.”
“Oh, hi.”
Josh leant his had back against the wall and as always, found himself lost in her voice. “You called before…”
“Yeah, I did. I, uh…I just wanted to tell you that…I won’t be able to make it on Friday.”
Josh repositioned himself slightly. He tried – and failed – to keep the disappointment out of his voice. “Oh, how come?”
“Well…” Valerie sighed, “I’ve been thinking a lot and…I realized that I’m not really ready for another relationship. I know that sounds like an excuse, but…I don’t think it’s fair on you if I pretend I am.”
“Oh,” was all Josh could manage, due to the fact that his heart was in the process of splitting in two.
“I mean, I only broke up with Danny a few weeks ago, and I was going out with someone before him, and I just think I need a break – some time to myself.”
“Oh,” Josh repeated.
“Please don’t think that it’s you, because it’s not. I really would like to go out with you, and I’m hoping we can still be friends for now. I just…I just need some time.”
“Right,” said Josh. “Time.”
“I’m sorry,” Valerie said, sounding extremely genuine.
“No…I understand,” said Josh.
“You do?”
“Yeah. You need some time to yourself.”
“Yeah,” said Valerie. “I’d still like to be friends though…if you would.”
“I’d like that.”
“Thanks – for understanding.”
“No problem,” said Josh.
“Will I see you at school then?” Valerie asked.
“Yeah, I’ll see you then.”
“Bye, Josh.”
“Bye.”
Josh hung up the phone and exhaled deeply. So it was over before it had even begun. Josh was again struggling to choose which emotions to express. He was disappointed, of course, but not angry. Mostly, he was glad Valerie had told him, and that she had been thinking of him when making her decision. Maybe it was best; he’d seen her go through a bunch of bad boyfriends before, and that she was taking him seriously was a good sign. Still, it didn’t lessen the pain. What did lessen it was the fact that Valerie wanted to be friends. He would actually get to see her everyday and talk to her whenever he wanted. It could even be a good thing, to build up a rapport before they decided to give a relationship a go. And how many times had he written in his diary that all he really wanted was to be around her, to be considered her friend and to have her as his friend. No, it wasn’t all bad, and in the long run it would probably improve things between them.
Now in a strangely neutral and content mood, Josh hopped off the bench and walked into the living room. He felt almost better now than he had when he had been awaiting a date with Valerie. If he had simply been dating her, he would just be the boyfriend, restricted to only certain parts of her life. It would mean she’d still have her friends and he’d still have his friends and they’d just give each other that something else that friends couldn’t give you. Now, however, he could be both a friend and a boyfriend, in time, of course. He liked the idea of going to the movies for a date with a close female friend much better than going to the movies for a date with a stranger.
