Beth was gone when I got up the next morning. I took a long hot shower and thought back on the events of the night before. I stood in the steamy shower, with nearly scalding water cascading down my back , remembering, letting it play back in my head, in hopes that maybe enough hot water and enough soap could wash away the shame and guilt.
I remembered how exciting and titillating it seemed at first; my encounter had been with Beth, in the kitchen. My cock started getting hard and as the skin stretched and the water touched the shredded flesh, it all came back to me; how the vitriol had permeated by entire being and how that act of sex had turned so ugly. The pain was rather searing. I lathered up my hands and applied the soap to my cock, which only intensified the pain, a pain that was somehow gratifying and shameful at the same time. The shame won out and I let that tattered piece of meat go limp as I washed the rest of my body. I stood under the shower until the water ran cold.
I made my way to the scene of the crime and brewed a pot of coffee. I had taken some aspirin and was sitting at the table sipping my first cup, when Paige came in. She didn't speak at first. She ignored me. She poured herself a cup of coffee, two sugars, heavy cream. She walked over to the sink, stopped and then backed away, so as not to touch the counter.
I pictured Beth and me at that spot right in front of where Paige stood. I remembered that sound that I had heard, the sound the Beth must have heard, the sound that Paige had probably made. The shame washed over me.
Paige turned and glowered at me. I stared at my coffee cup, humiliated. I looked up in shame and begged, "Paige, please..."
"Fuck you!" she blurted, "Paige please, what? Paige please stand by patiently, as I fuck your aunt? Paige please be a 'good little girl' as I do anything I damn well desire?"
"Paige," I pleaded, "You don't understand. It's not how it looked."
"Here you go again with the 'not how it looks bullshit'. How do you think it looks, when you fuck my aunt, in her butt?"
"Paige, there was no love involved, like with you. It was a grudge fuck."
"Grudge fuck! Did you just make that up? I don't care if it was love, lust or vengeance: You fucked her just the same; in my kitchen. I eat here, you son of a bitch! "
I stood up and took a step in her direction and said, "Paige, baby, you don't understand."
"Don't you come near me. And don't you 'baby' me, you mother fucker! You're the one that don't understand. You don't understand me at all. I thought of all the people in the world, you were the one that did understand me." She was beginning to tremble. "You told me you loved me. You've been lyin' to me all along." She threw her coffee at me. I ducked and the cup missed me but a lot of the coffee splattered on me. It was hot but I wasn't seriously hurt.
I took another step toward her and said, "That's not true Paige. I do love you, more than you'll ever know." She stood there, trembling, breathing hard and staring me down. She let me take another step. I was close enough to touch her or for her to slap me. I was about to reach for her when she spat in my face.
Paige turned and stomped out of the kitchen. I stood there for moment, listening to her footsteps fade and then her bedroom door slam, before I wiped her spittle from my face. I deserved every bit of it. I had brought all of that upon myself. I looked at the whiskey bottle on the counter and turned my head.
I went after her. I called to her from outside her door, "Paige, you need to listen to me. I love you. I've never loved anyone the way I love you."
"Oh lucky me," she replied through her closed door.
"I'm serious , Paige. I've been a fool, an idiot."
"No shit!"
"Paige, I need you, and you need me."
"I don't need anybody, least of all you."
"I need you and you need me to start that new life we've talked about."
"Fuck you."
"Seriously, Paige. It might have seemed impossible when all this started between us, but now..."
"Go to hell!"
"This could be our time. Just you and me Paige. I'll never treat you bad again. We can find a place where nobody knows us and we can live together as a couple. It doesn't have to be a legal marriage, but I'll treat like my wife. I'll be good to you, I promise."
"Some husband you'd make," her voice was beginning to soften.
"I haven't been myself, Paige. We're all goin' through some strange shit right now. When all of this over, we could have the best years of our lives, together, me and you."
"Just go away," she said, in a much more subdued tone, and she repeated, "Just go away," in a voice I could barely hear through the door.
I thought I heard Paige crying. I was sure I heard a sob. It broke my heart that she wouldn't open that door and let me hold her. I walked away.
I got dressed and set about the duties that had been charged to me. I met with a probate lawyer, a representative of the airline, a real estate agent and Paige's guidance councilor, that day. Paige should have gone with me, but I left her alone. I learned that Paige, my little hellion was actually very bright and quite a good student. She skipped a few classes and got into a bit of trouble at school, but she got good grades and tested quite well. All the faculty and staff loved her. The best news was, she could take her final exams, and test out of school at any time. She could walk with her class or they could mail her diploma.
When I left the school, I hurried back to the house. I walked in the back door to find Sarah, or what appeared to be Sarah sitting at the kitchen table, sipping a glass of wine.
Paige had dressed herself in one of Sarah's outfits. She wore a silky blouse that she left half unbuttoned and a short skirt, with hose and heels. I could tell that she wasn't wearing a bra. She had put on a little of Sarah's make up, very understated, just the way Sarah wore it. Paige's hair was longer than Sarah's, but she had pulled it back into a ponytail, the way Sarah did when she was younger. The way Sarah had worn it when I first met her.
She stood up and looked me square in the eye and said, "Hi, glass of wine?" I was flabbergasted. It was scary. It was as if Sarah were standing in front of me, except the face was younger. It was the face that I had fallen for all those years before, the face that had broken my heart. And Paige had let her voice relax and fall into just a slightly deeper register. She sounded exactly like her mother.