Our Secrets

My Son was up to something. I'm not sure what in his behavior tipped me off, but there was definitely something going on. I could just feel it. This was of a particular concern to me because my son, Alex is not really like other boys. He is small for one, though he just turned 18, he looks more like an underdeveloped 14 year old. He also has very effeminate mannerisms. He had such a hard time in High School with bullies that I thought I would have to home school him. Fortunately he is also very bright and so graduated early with the help of some concerned teachers.

I guess it is my fault in a lot of ways. I baby him because he is the absolute light of my life and he is definitely a Momma's boy. He was conceived while I was very young, still in high school. His father was a lovely boy, also small and effeminate. We dated for a while in high school and I ended up pregnant with Alex. Shortly after that his father came out as gay. His family was pretty wealthy and has always provided for us, particularly after my parents kicked me out of the house at age 17 for getting pregnant. His father has visited him a few times, but for the most part it is just Alex and I.

I have also not been the best at providing a male role model for Alex. It seems my attractions are evenly split between sweet effeminate men and really masculine guys. I have dated a few of the former, but always just end up breaking their hearts with the latter. Lately I haven't dated much at all, though I admit to bringing home the odd guy on occasion to meet my sexual needs, which isn't too much of a problem as I am still fairly attractive.

At 36 years old I stand a reasonable 5 foot 6 inches tall. I am of Italian American descent so I have a nice olive complexion and dark curly hair with hazel eyes. I am a bit on the curvy side and always have been, but I am not what most would call overweight. I have been referred to as "voluptuous", basically I have an ass to match my 38 DD breasts. Generally my dress style ranges from business professional to sexy. I usually wear dresses and skirts; I just never really got into wearing pants and jeans.

Anyway, I should get back to telling you my problem. I work part time in the evenings at a call center. As I said, Alex and I have always been modestly comfortable with the child support paid by his father's family, but I work because it wouldn't feel right to just sit around. Lately Alex has been bringing in a fairly large amount of money as well from his little computer programming business. That seems to be his one true refuge, computers.

Last Wednesday I was having just one of those days. I stubbed my toe cleaning our apartment; I misplaced my keys and was running late for work. When I got halfway to work and I saw that I needed to stop for gas too, well I just gave up and decided to call in sick. I turned around and went home.

When I got home I called out "Alex, honey I decided to call in sick today."

No answer.

"Alex?" called again and still no reply.

I went up to his room to see if he was OK and it was empty. I found the same thing in the computer room that he used. "Huh?" I said to myself, must have gone out. Immediately my stomach filled with butterflies. Now I know what you must be thinking, "geez, the kid is 18, stop being overprotective", but you have to understand, Alex is a very unique kid. His is a bit socially awkward and he just doesn't have what I would call "street smarts". On top of all that, he has never shown much inclination to be out on his own.

"Maybe he just caught the bus to the store for a soda or something." I said out loud to myself. I sat down to watch some TV, then cooked some diner, and as the minutes turned to hours I was almost in a complete panic as Alex still hadn't returned.

Then 15 minutes before I would normally get home from work, the front door opened and in stepped Alex. He was flushed as if he'd run for a couple of blocks, but he was otherwise OK.

"Oh! Hi Mom," in a surprised tone, "what are you doing home?"

"Oh I just got off work a little early and figured we could have dinner together." I played it calm, not wanting to be a complete freak of an overprotective Mom. "Where have you been?" I asked in casual tone that sounded forced to my own ears.

"Oh I just went out for a walk."

"Really?" I replied, "That's different".

"Yeah," he responded nervously "I just needed some air."

The lie hung in the air between us, thick enough to cut with a knife. I looked into his eyes and he immediately looked down at the floor, unable to meet my gaze. I thought about pressing the issue more, but then I remembered that he is 18 years old, it's not wrong for him to go out and have a little adventure on his own. Maybe my baby was growing up. It made me a bit sad, but I let it slide.

"Ok sweetie," I finally responded, "I hope you worked up an appetite."

As we sat down to dinner, he was still nervous the whole time. The uncomfortable silence stretched until he finally excused himself and went up to his room. "Something is definitely up." I thought to myself.

Over the next week I watched his behavior closely. He was definitely more private than he had ever been with me before. We had always been very open with each other, best friends even. Lately he was more guarded and I noticed that he would sometimes lock the door to the computer room when he was working on something. It was all adding up, but to what?

Did he have a new friend? If so, what kind of friend? I hadn't speculated too often on Alex's sexuality before. He was mostly just "My baby". I had never even come across anything that would be classified as masturbation material. So I mostly thought of him in an asexual sort of way, though if I had to guess at the time I would have said "probably gay". It didn't matter to me of course; I love him no matter what.

The following week I decided to find out for myself. I took a while to plan it out. I would take two days off of work, but each day I would pretend to leave and wait in my car across the street and see what happened. I am really not as controlling and overbearing as I sound, really. It was just that I needed to know that he wasn't getting into anything over his head.

The following Wednesday I put my little plans into action. I dressed for work as usual, kissed him good bye and wished him a good day. I pulled my car out of our apartment complex and parked next to some bushes across the street. They gave me a good view of our front door.

After I waited about ten minutes the door opened and Alex walked out. He walked out of the house with a clear purpose and headed straight for the bus stop on Broadway. Pulling out a few cars back I followed the bus for about 5 miles until I saw Alex get off at the mall.

"Hmm, OK maybe he is just hanging out at the arcade or something." I thought to myself. That wouldn't be so bad. But then why wouldn't he just tell me about it?

I followed him into the mall at a safe distance. He walked through the mall with a definite purpose, not like somebody shopping, stopping to look at things. He was definitely headed somewhere and I struggled to keep up without blowing my cover.

I kept pace, weaving through people about thirty feet back. Eventually he lead me straight to the food court area and he made a bee line straight for the hallway that I knew lead to the bathrooms. As I watched him go into the hallway I wondered what the hell he was doing. I guessed he could have been there for some other reason and just decided he had to go to the bathroom.

I waited for him to come out, and waited and waited. After about five minutes of waiting I decided to get a soda and sit down. As the time dragged on I began to wonder what the hell could be going on in there. I tried to remember what was down that long hallway. Was there an exit he could have slipped out of? I didn't think so. All I remembered was a row of pay lockers, the bathrooms and a water fountain, all located at the end of a longish hallway.

As I sat and watched I saw a few people come and go. No one came running out scandalized so my worst fears of some perv fondling him were probably unfounded. One person did catch my attention was a stunningly attractive blonde girl. She was very young, tall and thin and very statuesque. She strutted with the confidence of a runway model too, very sexy. She had legs that went on forever. I had actually let my imagination run thinking about her for a few seconds. I defiantly appreciate the female form on a beautiful woman and have even experimented sexually with a few.

Then I noticed something in my subconscious screaming for my attention. I realized that I had recognized the girl, but I couldn't place where...

Ok, so you may be ahead of me here and think that I am just too slow for words, but honestly put yourself in my shoes. All my attention was focused on seeing my young, shy and awkward son emerge from those bathrooms. When it finally dawned on me that the confident and sexy young lady I had noticed and briefly fantasized about was my son, in drag of all things... my jaw must have just hit the floor. I was flabbergasted. To top it off he was gorgeous!

I quickly ditched my soda and caught up with, her... him I just didn't know what to think, just as she was leaving the mall through a side entrance. I watched her from the window for a while to see where she went because there were no crowds to hide in out there. I didn't leave until she turned the corner to a small strip mall next to the main mall buildings.

Then I ran to catch up. Peering around the corner I saw her disappear into a small vitamin supplement shop next to the Starbucks. I was just walking up to it when I heard the door lock click and the sign in the window flipped from OPEN to CLOSED. Feeling frantic, I walked by as normally and casually as I could.

That's when I saw it. A man, very average looking, in his probably mid 40's took her (my Son) into an intimate embrace and kissed her deeply before leading her to a back room. I got brave at this point and put my face up to the window. The store was dark, but I could just see through the back office door which consisted of one of those hippy bead doorway things. I couldn't see much, but I could see clearly both of them from about mid-calf down. They were facing each other and that was all I could tell.

I also noticed that the view would be just as good from one of the outside Starbucks tables. I went in as calmly as I could and ordered a Grande Mocha. I sat at the table and I was determined to find out exactly what was going on here.

Their legs were close together. She (again, my son, I have to get that through my head) was wearing a killer pair of red pumps over white stockings. Above that, I knew from what I had seen earlier she was wearing a tight fitting red dress that came to about mid-thigh. She had small breasts, nice hips and incredible blonde hair. Her makeup was impressive with bright red lipstick and smoldering eyes. I couldn't see any of this; it was just what I remembered.

What I could see was the movement of their lower legs below the bead curtain. From that I could infer that they were still kissing...or... something.

Then after several minutes of that, whatever was going on, the man's pants fell down his legs to settle in a pool around his ankles. Her knees were slowly bending, achingly slow towards the floor. When her knees finally settled on the floor I let out a long breathe that I realized I had been holding the whole time.

My god what was happening here. I mean I knew what was happening, but I just had no context, no frame of reference. I could see the bottom of her dress now and how it hugged those unbelievably lovely legs. Then a rhythmic movement began between the two of them and there was no more denying it. My son was dressed as a girl and giving some middle aged guy a blowjob.

I sat mesmerized by the scene. Part of me was furious about what was happening. Yet my hand still caressed my own thigh as I became extremely aware of how turned on this was making me. I nearly forgot for some moments that this was my son I was watching. The scene was lurid, upsetting and incredibly hot all at the same time.

My imagination was running wild. This gorgeous girl, who also happened to by my son was sucking some random guy's cock.

Then she stood. I wondered if she had finished him. There was no change in the movement intensity to indicate any kind of climax. Maybe that was it though, maybe it was over?

Then the unthinkable happened. Those gorgeous legs in their patent leather high heels turned away from his puddle of pants around the ankles. They also were further apart. Oh no, oh no, my baby. I nearly got up and started pounding on the window, but I managed to control myself.

Determined to see this through until the end I braced myself for what was about to happen. Those pants puddled ankles shuffled forward. There were some indecipherable movements and then he was up on his toes, legs stiffening.

Then the rhythmic movement began. There was no mistaking it. He was fucking her, he was fucking my son! As I watched I crossed my legs tightly, I absolutely should not have been feeling this way, but no doubt about I was positively horny. My pussy was soaked.

I looked around and the place was pretty dead. I managed to sneak a hand under my waistband and covered my lap with my purse. In the window I could see the back and forth swaying of those two sets of legs getting faster. By the time I managed to walk my fingers between my legs and into my soaked panties he was pounding away at her hard. My fingers slowly and roughly circled my swollen clit.

I watched with absolute rapt attention as this man took my son hard from behind. Sick woman that I was, I was frigging myself like crazy watching it all. What the fuck was I thinking? I could barely focus enough to keep sipping my drink and avoid suspicion. I swear I could hear moans through the glass, I don't even know if that is possible.

The pace became more frantic and erratic through the window. My fingers matched pace on my aching pussy. When I could take no more I gripped the table hard with my other hand as my orgasm ripped through my body like a tornado. I bit my lip to stop myself from crying out. My body shook uncontrollably from head to toe just as the man's legs stiffened and shook. He had just cum inside my son and I just got off on watching them.

I was exhausted when they came out of that back room. They were both fully clothed again. They chatted amiably for a few minutes and then kissed with much less passion this time. Then the man took out his wallet and handed something to my son, which she quickly deposited in her purse. My eyes must have been wide as saucers, did he just PAY her?!? My mind and my body had been through too many surprises that night to respond. What I really needed was time to think.

I felt dirty having watched, Christ, having gotten off on it. I had to get out of there. I ditched the rest of my coffee and practically ran to my car.

I waited in my spot across from our apartment until the bus dropped him off, once again an awkward little boy, my sweet baby. It all seemed like a dream. I could still see that they were the same person, but the transformation was so complete it was difficult to comprehend. Seeing him brought all of these difficult emotions bursting to the surface. I just leaned on my steering wheel and sobbed for a good long time. I felt so lost and confused. I had no idea what to do.

"Hi Honey Alex, I'm home." I announced when I had finally cleaned myself up and come home. It was my normal time to return from work.

"Hi Mom," Alex replied in a happy everyday voice, as if the entire world hadn't changed

"Jesus Mom, are you OK?" Alex asked, "You look like you've been crying."

"I'm OK Baby, I just had a hard day at work, how are you doing?"

"Umm I'm fine Mom." he replied as he took me in a warm embrace. His arms felt so comforting around me, just like always. I cried some more then, but they were a different type of tears. You see that is when I knew everything was going to be OK, with that embrace. We would have a lot to talk about, but we would work it out. Our love, our little family, we could handle this.