Jake was riven by anxiety as he waited for his sister to visit as they'd agreed. The house had fallen into an unnatural and unbearable silence in the hours since their earlier, playful exchange, and he didn't quite know what to make of it. It was true enough that, as siblings, they understood one another well, but it had never meant they grasped each other's personality and feelings completely. Just as she'd often been frustrated by how he hid his anxieties and his fears behind a veneer of what could almost be described as a parody of humour, he got the sense that her own quite direct and aggressive manner that she sometimes used was equally a false front for the same or similar reasons.
The fact Sasha had, therefore, spent most of the time she'd been staying at Jake's house in a constant state of angry indifference, both towards him and her own situation, was not something he'd failed to pick up on, or to have suspicions about. But it was, still, something he could only really guess the reasons for. It was, Jake supposed, a mystery to him as much as why Sasha ever chose to marry such an idiot in the first place was a mystery; Sasha was no fool, never had been or would be, and had always, as their English cousin loved to say in that broad, rumbling accent of the northern Englander, called 'a spade a spade'. She didn't hide from awkward truths, or cover up for people who made stupid decisions, and so for her to have done both for such a manipulative and unpleasant man for so long was frankly beyond Jake's understanding.
"Love is blind, right?"
Seemed appropriate, even if it was no less frustrating. In truth though, he'd never really understand it if she didn't just come out and say it, and he was certainly not stupid enough to try and make her say or do anything. Unless he was suicidal, which he wasn't just yet. Maybe after tonight, but not quite yet.
If he was honest though, mistakes like Sasha's weren't exactly uncommon anyway, and he'd made plenty of his own. Just take his old girlfriend Lucy, whom he had thought he'd loved for years, and had known since they were barely old enough to walk. It was hard to think you knew a person better, yet when the day came she turned on him, drunk and bitter, telling him in no uncertain terms just how much she had always hated him, he had still been completely blown away by it; so stunned, in fact, he had never responded to that declaration at all, and the breakup of that relationship hadn't so much ended in a bang as it did a sudden stop. Like how he imagined it would be to be to be hit by a car you never saw coming; he'd never expected it, and certainly hadn't had a chance to respond before it was over, and he had been broken and destroyed by it.
"Jake? You mind if I come in?"
Those words, spoken by the soft voice that was as familiar to him as his own, drew him quickly from his thoughts and regrets and he jumped from where he'd lay on the bed, the phone he'd been idly toying with sliding off to the floor with a dull thunk.
"Sure, come in Sash."
His sister swept in, a little cautiously, and he could see she was clearly feeling less than comfortable. She'd changed into a simple top and bottoms, both light purple, and if it weren't for the thoughts he'd just been having, or his worry for her evidently still low mood, despite their earlier laughter, he'd have found the way she stood in the doorway, fidgeting slightly with the hem or her top and eyes gazing at him from beneath her dark hair, to be the most captivating sight possible. As it was she simply looked a little lost and nervous, and he felt the brotherly instincts overtake the hormonal ones immediately. He gestured to her to join him and she padded over to him, sitting lightly on the end of the bed and he sat up fully, leaning against the headrest, and motioned her to lie beside him, which she did after a moment, and they remained in silence for a few short minutes, each trying to think what to say.
"You OK, Sash?"
He spoke as softly as he could, keeping carefully from touching her, to avoid making her feel as awkward as he did, though judging by her fidgeting, she felt that anyway, and looked sideways at her, smiling as warmly as he could. She met his eyes and returned his smile, though more than a little reservedly.
"Yeah, sorry Jake. I don't mean to be such a downer."
He frowned at her, choosing to risk things a little and taking her left hand in his right gently, doing his best to emphasise his words as he spoke.
"You're not, and never are. I'm just a bit worried about you sis. Normally, it takes an army of moms to shut you up, but since you've been here you've rarely left your room other than to kick my ass."
She slapped his arm lightly with her free hand, but laced her fingers in his with her left, holding him gently but firmly, and he felt a little more at ease. At the least, she didn't hate him, and that counted for a lot to Jake.
"Oh behave, you ass."
She spoke roughly, but he could see the smile in her eyes, even if it was a little fainter than normal, before she lowered them to their hands, bringing her right hand down on top of their own interlinked ones, stroking it gently as she clearly thought hard.
"I'm worried, Jake."
That was obvious, even to Jake, but he felt that saying that would not exactly land him in Sasha's good books, so he just waited for her to continue.
"So much has gone wrong so quickly, and I don't really know what to do about any of it. I had a life, Jake, a real one, even if I can see now it was just a charade. I'm not used to this Jake, not even a little bit. I'm not used to spending all my days at home, feeling like a parasite, like I'm just mooching on someone else. I haven't been able to pay a dime while I was here, and you've struggled so hard because of it. I can't stand feeling so useless, and yet when I think of working, of having to pretend to smile at people, I just can't take it."
Jake understood that, really, he did. Both he and Sasha had always been sensitive, very sensitive, when it came to other people. Trust was a commodity rarely given, and once lost, never replaced, with both him and his sister. To have it torn up in front of you, and with the person doing it laughing in your face as they strolled away was more heartbreaking and more painful than anything he'd ever experienced, and if he knew anything about Sasha, he knew he must be the same for her too. Unlike in his case, she'd even committed to marry the asshole who'd try to ruin her later. He, at least, was spared that particular humiliation. He had to say something, and he tightened his grip on her hand with his own, lifting her face to gently with the other and brushing away a stray hair as he spoke to her softly.
"You're many things Sasha, and sometimes criminally insane might be one of them, but you are not and never have been a parasite."
Smack!
So came the feeling of that familiar thump to his shoulder, and the by now all too familiar sharp pain that went with it, but it was worth it to see not just the way she smiled at him again, but the way she giggled softly in amusement. It was a wonderful sound, and always filled him with warmth to hear it.
"You don't know, Sash, you really don't, how wonderful it's been to have you in the house again. I never realised till we'd left how much I loved waking up to the sound of your infernal hairdryer blasting a hurricane down the hall, or the thud of your steps on the stairs whenever I bring pizza in. It's stupid in a way, and ridiculously corny, but just having you here is more than payment enough, and I know you'd do the same for me in a heartbeat. In fact, you once did."
Sasha looked like she was struggling to decide whether to hit him or hug him, and settled in the end on doing both, giving him a firm thump to the head even as she grabbed him for a tight hug, giggling again, sending wonderful vibrations through his chest as she did.
"You're a real idiot, have I ever told you that, Jake?"
"Well-"
"Save it, I know. But seriously, that right there is why I wish I could do more. You may be a frickin' dork, but you're my frickin' dork, and you have the sweetest side to you when you want to show it."
Jake took his turn to thwack Sasha on the shoulder this time, but almost as though to confirm her words, he never had the heart to do it as hard as she did to him, and it came off more as a gentle pat than a thump. This only seemed to make her smile wider, and with the hint of mischief playing around her mouth as she did.
"Yeah, well, what can I say? You try having a cute sister, and then try denying her anything."
Jake spotted the mischief grow, and thought he had a good idea what to expect next.
"Not just cute, but pretty nicely shaped too."
OK, not quite what expected, not even close. Jake was in a bind here: he could either accept the gauntlet she'd just thrown down, or walk away alive. But, as he thought on that, he realised it was never going to be a choice at all.
"Well," he said, making a point of passing his eyes over Sasha pointedly, "I suppose I can agree with that. Especially in the ass department."
Sasha blinked at him for a moment and he sensed he'd, for a welcome change, managed to stun her into silence. It was, like all his victories, short lived.
"Mhm, well, as nice a compliment as that is, I wonder what mom will think to it?"
As she spoke, he spotted an all too familiar phone emerging from her bottoms, and he wondered vaguely how she'd managed to get it into the pocket of the damn things with how tightly they fit her. Then his brain caught up with her actions.
"You wouldn't even-"
"Totally would even."
The contacts list popped up.
"Don't you push that button-"
"Totally pushing that button."
