No Ordinary Love

This series of letters, notes, and cards covers an intimate and remarkable journey between myself, and my 19-year-old daughter, Beth. The correspondence details the origins of my forbidden love affair that truly changed the course of my life.

The origins of our relationship can be traced back to the fall of 1986, when Beth was a sophomore at a small liberal arts college in Ohio, two hours away from me. I've been lucky enough to have a comfortable lifestyle as a CPA, and if it matters, I am a naturally blessed voluptuous brunette who could stand to lose a few extra pounds. I've been single for most of my adult life, as Beth's father was a drunken fool I lost my virginity to when I was 17. At 36, I vowed to quit dating when Beth came home to spend the summer at home. Like myself, Beth is a shapely, curvy young woman that is naturally blond with skin of a deep golden hue. I've always admired her exotic looks... her hair, lengthy and glowing, falling straight down her back. Her brown eyes exuded a confidence I never knew how much I missed until she was gone.

Until now, my sex life was pretty much non-existent, literally. Aside from a meaningless tryst in the back seat of Beth's' father's car when I was 17, and a brief and empty fling with my boss when I was 25, it was rather dull. Romance and sex were just something I always linked heartache to.

I can't pinpoint the exact date as to when Beth and I's relationship took the turn, but I do distinctly recall the day she left for college, so young and naive at just 18. I cried myself to sleep every night for a week, desperately missing the joyful presence of Beth's radiance she brought to our home. In my heartache, I put my anguish to words in a series of letters to her.

A 'Miss You' card to Beth from me, dated Sep. 8, 1986.

"Dear Beth,

I can't tell you how much I miss you already. Seeing you leave yesterday was agonizing to say the least, and I spent the better part of the night crying myself to sleep. I know, you must think your mom is a nutty old hag. Believe me, I thought so too. But I think this summer was a great one by all means. I really enjoyed having my baby home with me, and felt that we grew closer on so many levels.

I'm happy that you enjoyed the pool so much this summer, honey. It was expensive, but well worth it by seeing the happy look on your face. Your tan looks great, and I know the boys will be drooling all over you when you return to classes.

Must go for now, baby girl. I love you, and be safe.

XOXOXO's Mom"

I got a 'Thank You' card from her, dated Sep 21, 1986. A bouquet of white and pink roses was delivered the same day.

"Mom,

Thanks for the letter and check for $30. I wanted to spend it all on you with the flowers. I hope they made it to you today. Lemme know, okay? Anyway, I am busy right now with a lot of silly stuff right now, but thanks for the pool. It was awesome!

No boys right now. Just too busy. But no, you are NOT a old nutty hag! Quit saying that! You're awesome, and you know it. Every man in Cincinnati would die to just get a date with you, so quit thinking negative stuff please!! And by the way, you looked great in that two piece we bought at JCPenny. Dad lost the best girl he ever had when he left us. What a jerk. I hope I never see him again.

Anyway, I miss you too Mom. Write or call when you can. Hearing from you always makes me smile.

Love,

Beth."

I quickly wrote her back, dated October 1, 1986.

"Baby girl,

Your flowers made me cry for what felt like hours. You truly made my day, and I cannot thank you enough. I called last night and left a message with Teresa, and she said you were at Initiation. But I just wanted you to know how dear you are to me, and that you will always be my most cherished girl. You made me feel special again, and I love you even more.

It's hard for me to put to words how exhausting and lonely the last few years have been for me. Not to burden you with more problems (because your studies come first), but now that you are older, I pray that you can see things from a woman's perspective now. One day, I hope we can share many more things about what exactly happened when your father disowned you, but know that for now, you are the one special person in my life. You're so beautiful and when I look at you, I glow inside knowing that you are happy and that you will have a sweet extraordinary life. I pray that whoever you eventually fall in love with, that he or she can appreciate the gentle radiance of your heart.

You would make any mother proud.

I love you so very much,

Mom"

Thankfully, I received another letter from her, dated October 6, 1986 "MOM!!

Thanks for the sweet note, but when you said "he or she", I kinda freaked a little. What exactly did you mean, he or she? I love you too, but I showed your letter to Teresa, and she said maybe you got confused or something.

I gotta go for now and get ready for another study group tonight. Wish me luck! XOXO's

Beth"

Upon receiving her letter, I decided to call Beth that night around 10pm.

Our conversation followed as such:

"Hello?" answered Beth.

"Hey sweetie!" I replied in cheer.

"Hey mom." Said Beth in an uneasy tone.

Like a good mother, I immediately picked up on my child's uncertain tone.

"What's wrong?"

"Oh, nothing. Just tired mostly." She answered.

"You getting enough sleep, baby?" I started with the typical question.

"Yea."

An ambiguous silence followed, as I knew something was wrong.

"Sweetheart, what is it? I can tell you're not you." I voiced.

"Nothing, really..." Beth started before I interrupted.

"Honey, this is your mom, and I know when something's wrong. Remember we agreed; no secrets or lies?"

Thankfully, my instincts proved true as I could literally hear my daughter's resistance melt away.

"Mom, I'm just... its just hard to explain."

Sitting up in bed, I nervously twisting the phone cord in my fingers.

"Do you need me to come down?" I immediately asked.

"No. Well, maybe-- I don't know." Stammered my daughter, clearly uneasy with speaking with me.

For a fleeting, but exciting second, I recognized my daughter's tone. Remembering back to the summer when I overheard Beth on the phone, I recalled the same tone in Beth's voice as she talked with a boy who was interested in dating her. I abruptly caught my breath, thinking for just a split second that this conversation sounded much like an exotic romantic affair. That morbid thought was quickly cursed in my mind as I did my best to focus on the topic at hand.

"Look," I started. "Whatever it is honey, you can tell me. If you need me to come down and just be there with you, I'll leave right now. All you have to do is tell me."

"Oh, mom." Beth cried in her helpless voice.

My heart melted hearing my girl's obvious heartache.

"Listen, I'm leaving now." I said. "I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Really?" Beth asked in almost a begging tone.

"Yes, really." I replied. "You know there's nothing I wouldn't do for you."

"That's what makes you so wonderful, mother." Beth answered, sniffling her tears.

"Mother? She's never called me THAT before." I told myself as I tried to slip out from under my covers to get ready. "Just let her be." I told myself.

"Let me go so I can get dressed honey, okay?" I suggested.

"Okay. I'll tell the house mom you're coming." Replied Beth.

"Just relax and lay down. I'll be there in a couple of hours, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks, mom. Really. I just... I just really need you right now."

"Oh sweetie," I said as I thankfully stepped back into the role as nurturer and caretaker for my beloved daughter.

I immediately dressed myself in jeans and my wrinkled blouse I wore that day, before making a mad dash to my car. Before long, I was on my way to console whatever it was that troubled my dear daughter. About an hour into the lonely trip, that same cursed thought slithered back into my mind... that sweet memory of hearing Beth's alluring voice on the phone with that boy. Gripping the wheel in self imposed animosity and guilt; I did my best to forbid thinking of my lovely daughter like this...

Rubbing my forehead in crushing guilt, a charming memory came to mind of last summer. It was shortly after the pool was finished, and Beth was standing at the end of our brand new swimming pool in her glorious two piece black bikini. She had just dived into the deep end, and crawled out to jump back in when she reached behind her to wrangle her drawn-out, soggy blond locks. I had no intention of looking at Beth in such a way. I just happened to pass by the sliding glass doors when out of the corner of my eye; a sparkling glimmer of light caught my eye. It was one of those moments where something just felt so right, forcing one to stop and look. Its something only a woman can understand... that moment when fondness and passion reaches out, and grabs your heart in unwitting fate.

I stopped to watch the afternoon sun hit the glistening beads of water trickling down from Beth's shapely, buxom body. I gasped; feeling like someone had just shot me in the stomach-- that pang of profound attraction and splintering guilt. I felt paralyzed, completely transfixed on the sight of that deep tan flesh... luckily, Beth's back was to me as she stretched out her arms, slightly bowing her back like some Goddess of pure sexuality. Holding my breath, my hand covered my mouth as if some involuntary reflex to stop my immoral thoughts.

My heart raced, admiring the high cut of Beth's bikini, how it emphasized her savory wide hips... how the damp black material ascended from the golden spheres of soaked ass to cuddle that small waist... I sighed as my eyes strayed along Beth's back, so perfectly proportioned and symmetrical. The sight of her wet mahogany skin left me alone with all my thoughts of wondrous sin and eroticism. Never before had I thought of a woman in such a way, let alone my beautifully tanned daughter. It was as if Heaven's gates opened my eyes to unfurl my true, indisputable destiny... Had I really become a lesbian in that fraction of a second? Never before had I been remotely attracted to a woman before. But as I thought about it, I seemed to remember having a crush on a female camp leader when I was younger. It was fantastically amazing how my mind seemed to open right up, suddenly remembering all the other moments throughout my life when I would briefly catch a fleeting glance of a gorgeous woman. I started to think back to some women at work I had particular sentiments to. My eyes blinked, even thinking back to my own mother, and how awe-inspiring her hourglass figure was.

A barrage of sensual imagery filled my mind... sleek wide hips, bountiful healthy breasts... smooth, glossy skin and long graceful hair to comb my appreciative fingers through. My imagination of Beth's magnificence triggered something inside, a realization of closeness and unquestionable destiny. I clearly recall sensing my sexuality awaken once more, something I had denied for too many years. But in looking back, my sexuality never really came alive in the first place.

"No!" I screamed, hitting the steering wheel in madness. I told myself it was destructive for thinking such things.

I was a god fearing, church going woman. I did everything by the book. How on earth could I entertain such a morbid thought? And why on earth did this emotional fantasy cry out to me in such a hedonistic tone? My mind battled the rights and wrongs of such a coupling. For the remainder of the trip, all I could see in my mind was Beth's gloriously beige body standing at the pool... how could anyone in their right mind resist such a shapely vixen as my daughter?

Upon arriving at Beth's sorority house, I was met by the housemother, who told her Beth was getting her bags ready. "This must be big news to have Beth packing her bags." I thought to myself as I made her way upstairs to her room. Walking in to find Beth zipping her luggage, I raced in as Beth turned to embrace me in a sweeping welcome... aghast by the intensity of her embrace, I thought that our reunion could've topped any romantic epic film, it was that powerful. Beth reveled in my warm proximity, locking herself to me with every ounce of her being. If it hadn't been for the fact that I was her mother, my mouth would have been passionately sealed to hers with breathless hunger.

"Oh, honey. What is it? What happened?" I softly asked, unsure of how intimately my arms wrapped about the small of Beth's waist.

My heart fluttered, shamefully enjoying my daughter's buxom flesh in my grip. I sighed, trying to cast out those fiendish thoughts of salacious incest.

"I had a fight with Teresa." Beth sobbed against her my shoulder. "We broke up."

"Teresa, you mean your roommate honey?" I asked.

"She's... Oh God, mom, I don't know." Replied Beth. "She's my... she and I were girlfriends. We're lovers, mom."

My heart deadlocked in trauma, not by the fact my daughter was a lesbian, but by the notion that perhaps I could entice Beth into my bed as an actual lover.

"Oh, honey, it's alright." I replied, lovingly stroking her long silky blonde hair.

"You're not mad that I'm gay?" Beth whimpered, leaning back with her teary eyes gazing into mine.

"Not at all." I assured her. "I think it's beautiful if you want to know the truth."

"Really?" Beth said, wiping her eyes. "I thought for sure you'd be mad at me."

"Nope." I said with an assuring smile of hope. "Whoever this Teresa is, she hasn't one clue what she's missing out on."

Tears stung Beth's eyes as she fell into my arms once more. Just hearing those familiar words of confidence gave Beth the hope she needed to get beyond the heartache at hand.

"God, mom, you're the best." Beth said, tightening her hold around the loving warmth of my devoted embrace.

"Well, no one hurts my baby girl like that." I whispered, basking in the nearness of my beloved daughter. "Come on and get your things. We'll go get a hotel for the night and relax."

Driving into the nearby town that hosted the college, I stepped into full mother mode, taking every precautionary step in ensuring my daughter was accommodated. Beth loved going to hotels as a child, and I could see that she still did as we stepped into the whirlpool suite I had requested. Beth was giddy as she inspected the plush three-room suite, finally finding the king-size bed that awaited her shapely body. Lying on her back, Beth let out a sigh of relief, stretching her limbs out in exquisite relaxation.

"You like?" I asked as I unpacked Beth's clothes into the drawers.

"God yes. This is awesome, mom. I've wanted to stay here since I started school." Beth replied, flipping over on her side.

"I guess it's too late for a swim, huh?" Beth added as her right hand came to rest atop the crest of her elevated hip.

Glancing back at her, I noticed the curvaceous contour between her hips and provocative chest. Even in her sweater and jeans, Beth looked simply amazing. Not the typical rail thin woman, or model-esque type, Beth's hourglass body held stunning curves that would drive any man or woman wild with pure lust. I just hoped that in some uncanny way, she found me just as appealing. The struggle within didn't go away as I had hoped... in fact, it was just beginning to nurture itself inside my tender heart.

"We can swim tomorrow baby." I said as I sat on the edge of the bed, glowing with a motherly smile. "Why don't you get into your PJ's and come to bed. I'll sleep on the sofa."

"No." Beth adamantly said, sitting up. "I mean, I just... I don't know. I was hoping I could sleep with you tonight. Like I did when I was little. If that's okay."

"Of course it is, love." I replied lying my hand atop Beth's gently.

I couldn't believe how straightforward I was becoming.

"Oh, mom." Beth began. "I've missed these times we had. I want to move back home to be with you."

Oh my God... her words reached through the mists of guilt and heartache, grabbing my heart without regard.

"Well, one thing at a time sweetie." I nervously said as Beth began caressing her my trembling hand. "Let's just get through tonight and we'll talk all you want tomorrow." With a blissful smile, Beth nodded as she crawled off the bed and walked into the bathroom to change. There I sat sat, briefly vacant as I contemplated Beth coming back home. "It would be nice." I thought while I changed into my flannel nightgown, crawling under the plush sheets. Turning off the bedside night-light, I laid on my side as an another throng of images and thoughts raced through my head. The silent whispers of committing incest with my very own daughter were growing into clear, tangible voices now.

Hearing the bathroom door open, I peeked up to see Beth walking back into the bedroom, dressed in an oversized football jersey of her college. Her body was backlit by the exterior parking lot lights from outside, accenting Beth's thick glossy thighs and caramel legs. An abrupt image of my mouth clinging to her beige thigh captured my heart. Fighting it again by closing my eyes, I sighed heavily, exhausted by the persisting conflict raging in my mind. It was then I felt Beth crawl into bed with me.

"Mom?" Beth quietly said.

"Yea, honey?" I replied.

"Can you hold me tonight?" Beth asked in a despondent tone.

How could I say no?

"Absolutely." I answered, sliding over to meet Beth in the middle of the spacious our bed.

The mere contact of my body with Beth's shot my pulse sky high. Beth nestled on her side, snuggling her soft wide ass up against my aroused, moistened groin. I silently prayed for forgiveness, feeling a person's body beside mine for the first time in over 10 years. Suppressing a sigh of total devotion, I held my hands back from resting them anywhere near her erogenous zones.

"Here." Started Beth as she reached behind me, taking my arm to bring it around her chest and small waist. "Uhmm. That's perfect... just like when I was little."

An inaudible gasp of sheer astonishment drifted from my mouth. My right hand nestled amidst Beth's fleshy bosom while my left arm gladly stood in for a pillow for my beloved.

"That's nice, isn't it?" Beth peacefully asked me.

"Yea." I replied in an unsteady voice.

"What's wrong, mom?" asked Beth.

"Nothing." I quickly replied, shooting down my soaring hope of experiencing pure unadulterated incest with my full-bosomed vixen.

"You're just not that little girl I used to hold years ago." I managed to reply, trying to keep my face back from Beth's floral scented hair.

It smelled wonderful... intoxicating... pure.

"I'm a woman now." Beth added, entwining her hands with mine.

For some extraordinary reason, I knew exactly what to say, and how to say it.

"And a beautiful woman at that." I voiced, fondling my daughter's delicate hand.

"Thank you, mom." Beth said in her soft voice. "But you gave it to me."

"Nonsense." I shot back, getting more comfortable behind my daughter's full-figured body.

"No really, mom. I think you're the most beautiful woman I've ever known. Dad was such a fool for leaving you." Beth added. "I hope I'm lucky enough to marry a woman as beautiful as you someday."

This was teetering on sheer narcosis for me. How could my daughter consider such a thing, let alone put it to words?

"Marry?" I stammered as I felt the age-old stirrings of love, lust, and passions grasp my soul.

"Yea." Beth answered with assurance. "In fact, that's why I fell for Teresa was because she reminded me so much of you. I mean, if that's okay to admit, mom."

"Yea." I somehow replied. "I guess so."

"Am I making you nervous, mom?" Beth asked, as she looked back at my face, now flush with expectation.

The room was dark except for the tiny slivers of the security lights outside, but as my eyes got used to the dark, they could clearly see Beth without any effort. Ironic how everything seemed to become so much clearer with each passing moment.