"I can't believe this day is finally coming," I said to my daughter as I stood at her doorway, watching her pack some of her things in boxes. "You're all grown up now and ready to be on your own."
She was 18 and preparing to move out for college. She was still kneeling down on the floor when she turned to me with a heartfelt look on her face.
"Aw dad, you make me want to cry whenever you talk like that."
"I know, but I'm so used to seeing you everyday. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and I'm incredibly proud of the young lady you've become," I professed to her.
"Dad, can I ask you something?"
"Sure, of course. Anything," I replied.
She sat on her bed and patted a spot right next to her, signaling me to sit there, which I did. We sat close to each other. Going by the look in her eyes and the tone in her voice, it was important. But I couldn't have known how important it was until she asked.
"If I ask you this, will you promise not to get mad or upset with me?" she asked in a serious tone.
"Of course Nicole. You're my daughter and I'll always love you."
She took a deep breath. "I'm a little nervous, but here it goes...I've never went
'all the way'
with a guy before. I know it's going to happen eventually at college, but I want it to be with the right person. I want my first time to be special, with someone I love, and who loves me back- not some jerk who's only looking for sex."
I was in disbelief hearing this. Sure, she had become a beautiful young women. And sure, this day was inevitable. In many ways, this discussion is a nightmare scenario for any father. There was a strong sense of awkwardness between us. I tried my best to remain a composed mature father.
Somehow, I knew if I screwed this up, I would never be allowed back into Nicole's 'inner-self' ever again, and I would be shut out of her personal life because she'd never be able to trust me. I wanted to be there for her. I wanted to be the good father.
"Thank you for telling me this," I said, making sure I chose my words extremely carefully. "These types of decisions are never easy. I'm glad you're being responsible with yourself."
"That's not all. There's more."
I could tell how difficult this was for her. She had a guilty tone in her voice, like she was about to drop a huge bombshell.
"What is it?"
She whispered, "I don't want to go to college as a virgin. I want it to happen already, with someone I can trust, someone I love. That's why I want it to be with
you
. I want you to make me a woman."
I was immediately taken aback by my daughter's request. I felt shocked and utterly confused at the same time. It was like a punch in the gut. How was any decent father supposed to react to this? This type of situation certainly wasn't found in any parenting manual.
"Did I hear that right," I asked skeptically, giving Nicole a chance to back-out if she wanted.
Instead, she nodded. "I want you to take my virginity. I love you. And I'd rather it be you than some guy who's going to turn out to be a total creep like some of the boys I've dated."
"My god, Nicole, I'm your father! How could you ever ask me such a thing?"
"You promised you wouldn't be mad," she replied in a hurt voice.
"I'm sorry, I'm not mad," I told her as I calmed myself down. "It's just that something like this isn't normal. I'm your father, and you're my daughter, and there's a line that should never be crossed between us. God forbid, if anyone ever found out..."
"But no one will ever find out!" she interjected forcefully. "I would never tell anyone, and you obviously wouldn't tell either. My virginity means a lot to me dad."
I sat there shaking my head in disbelief. "I don't know about this Nicole. You know I love you and that I would do anything for you, but this..."
"Will you at least think about it?" she asked. "Can you give it a serious thought for me?"
I gave her kiss on the forehead and tried my best to avoid her question. "We better get to bed, it's late. We'll discuss this in the morning."
***
I could barely sleep that night after that conversation with my daughter. How could she ask me such a thing? How could she want me to do that to her?
What bothered me the most was that I couldn't stop thinking about what it would be like to accept the offer. For the first time in my life, I thought about what it would be like to hold her petite little body in my arms as we made love. I imagined the arousing notion of me being the first man to truly, as she put, 'make her a woman,' as I looked in her innocent eyes.
Let me tell you this: Nicole is a beautiful young women. Sweet and innocent in every way. She's smart, with a nearly perfect GPA. She's always been mature for her age. Ever since it became just us living alone together, we really became close. We relied on each other and our bond became unbreakable.
In all our years of living together, I know she had dated. She was never shy about mentioning that to. But I never speculated on her sexuality. How could I? Those thoughts were too perverse for me to consider, even though I knew she would be having sex eventually.
I then did the only thing I could do at that point- masturbate thinking about her.
***
We had lunch together the following afternoon, and to my surprise, it was as if nothing was out of the ordinary between us. She never brought up anything she mentioned the night before and there was no sense of tension or awkwardness between us. She was all smiles as usual and we had a great time enjoying each other's company.
"That was delicious," she said as she cleaned the last remnants of food from her plate. "I'm really going to miss your cooking."
"And I'm going to miss sharing these meals with my wonderful little girl," I replied with a smile.
She smiled back and winked, "Thanks dad. And that reminds me; I woke up extra early this morning to bake us some desserts. I'll be right back."
In a flash, she got up from her chair and rushed to the kitchen. Nicole loved baking. She was always beaming with pride with everything she baked, even though she got all the recipes from the internet. Earlier that morning, I had heard her using the oven, so this wasn't a surprise at all.
I heard the oven open where she had hidden her food, and she returned holding a plate full of carefully arranged baked goods.
"I hope you like cupcakes," she said in an upbeat voice, while striking a model pose with the pastries as if to advertise them. "I made them with special decorations. The best part is, they're just for us. Like?"
"Just by the looks alone, I love them. And the fact that you made them makes it even more special."
"You're so sweet," she replied, trying too hard to flatter me. "Now eat up while they're still fresh."
She then placed a single cupcake on my plate. The cupcake itself was chocolate, and it was topped off with a white colored frosting, along with yellow and green sprinkles.
"This really does taste amazing," I told her truthfully after I took the first bite.
This easy compliment was enough to make her happy. Nicole was always transparent with her personality. Her emotions were easy to read and she never bothered to hide her true feelings about anything.
"Well thank you. The cupcake I made was from a package, but I made the frosting from scratch," she said proudly.
"I can tell. I've never tasted anything like it before. I could literally eat
anything
as long as this frosting you made is on it."
"
Anything?
" she asked with a naughty grin.
I knew that look on her face. It was the look she gave when she had a surprise coming, or a trick up her sleeve. Nicole was someone who loved teasing her friends and family before giving a special gift. That was something in her nature; a trait which she had inherited from her mother.
"Why do I have a funny feeling about this?"
She playfully shrugged. "I don't know. You tell me. You're the one who said you'd eat 'anything' with that frosting on it."
"I'm really going to miss your hijinx," I said, hoping this would amount to nothing, and had nothing to do with yesterday's conversation.
"No hijinx here. I'm too old for that," she said as if she was much older than 18. "Especially since I'm leaving soon."
"I'm glad to hear it. Is this the young adult version of you."
She nodded, "Older, wiser, and far more honest. And speaking of honesty, dad, when was the last time you were with a woman?"