Never Doubt I Love

Rick became my husband. It was with him I shared my time, the intimacies of life, my soul, my heart, and now, without reservation, my body. Oddly, it was soon clear that my relationship with Charles actually improved. He had long ago lost any interest in being a husband. Now that I was no longer asking him to do so I sensed from him some relief.

One evening Rick and I took advantage of Charles' poker game with his brother to spend hours in bed making love. When done, enwrapped in each other's arms, the conversation turned, as it often did, to our future. I was working on Charles, trying to convince him to allow Rick to attend college in New York. Rick, however, insisted he wouldn't leave town without me. I told him that I desperately wanted to do so, but it was impossible. It would require a divorce and Charles' family's prominence would guarantee that a divorce proceeding would be long and brutal. Private detectives would ceaselessly investigate me, tap my phone, break into my computer. Rick and I would be discovered, we'd end up penniless, reputations destroyed, and possibly in jail.

Rick, after a long silence, rolled onto his back. "There is a way. I've not mentioned it until now in the hope we'd come up with an alternative, but we haven't. It will work, but it will be painful."

"What is it?"

"Dad has so little respect for me that I'm mostly invisible to him; he has conversations in front of me as if I wasn't there, as if I was too stupid to understand. His hunting and fishing trips with his brother are more about debauchery than anything else. If we investigate first, hire our own detective, well I'm not sure what we'll find, but I suspect it would be enough to guarantee a peaceful and fair divorce settlement. Grandad and Grandma are too well-placed for a scandal."

* * * *

I thought about the conversation that night and most of the next day. Unsure of what to do, I sat down with Janet Prosnit, my high school teacher and most trusted friend, over a cup of coffee and, sans the incest, explained the situation. She said she knew somebody who could help; she called me the next day.

"I spoke with Mark Nanton. He is a former student of mine and practices law in Little Rock. Statewide, he is better connected than your in-laws. He recommended Greg Regan, a private investigator he works with." She gave me the name and number.

Three weeks later Chuck and his brother took off for a fishing trip. A week after their return I sat down with Mark and Greg. Debauchery didn't begin to describe it. Most devastating were the affidavits of four lot lizards, prostitutes who work truck stops, going from truck-to-truck pedaling blow jobs. Charles had paid them and brought them to the camp.

That wasn't all. Greg found two off-shore checking accounts with in excess of $450,000.00 in them. Charles had been siphoning money out of the family business.

"How do you want to handle this?" Mark asked. "If we go public Charles' reputation will be destroyed. I suspect the family will throw money at you to resolve it quietly." I thought of my in-laws. After initial doubts, they had treated me well.

I wasn't sure. "Can I think about it?"

"Of course."

I called Janet and asked if I could drop in.

She welcomed me at the door with a hug and a cup of warm tea. Janet had been two years into teaching when I met her. While the seven year difference in our ages then seemed immense, now, as I approached forty, we had become contemporaries.

I explained the situation. I told her I could be rid of my husband; that I could take Charles for everything he had. Heck, I'd be a millionaire. She asked me the same question she had when I was eighteen.

"What's your dream? It seems like you have a second chance to chase it."

"Well, this would allow Rick to go to college in New York. I could move to the city also, look for a job in the fashion industry, start a new life, put my husband behind me."

"You didn't mention money."

I smiled, she was right. "No, I didn't."

"It seems your dream is available to you now. You'd want to discuss it with Mark, but consider showing his parents what you have and making a generous offer. If you do they might make sure he puts up no fight and lets you go peaceably."

She was right. I didn't need a million dollars. I needed Rick, peace, and a new start.

"That make's perfect sense." I hugged her. I noted her eyes were teary. "What's wrong?"

"I'm so happy and proud of you. It takes courage to chase your dream."

And then it struck me. I had always assumed Janet's dream was simply to be a wonderful teacher, but was that it? She had many friends, but there, as far as I knew, had never been a lover. In the years of my marriage to Charles the lack of a lover seemed a benefit. However, now that Rick was in my life the joy of the right partner filled my days. Why had a woman as wonderful as Janet been alone so long?

"Janet, I don't think I've ever asked you. You're such a great teacher, I've always assumed that was your life. Is that it, is that your dream?"

She looked at me. Her eyes were cautious.

"Please tell me."

"Are you sure?" she asked.

"Yes."

She hesitated.

"I've never told anyone this. You must promise to keep it between us."

"I promise."

"Okay. I guess I've been longing to tell someone. You see, I've always been better at giving advice than taking my own. I wanted to be a teacher, which I am. But...," she stopped.

I took her hand in mine, trying to be supportive.

She took a deep breath. "I'm slow. I'm not sure when I realized it. I was in denial for years, accepting it was a gradual long,process. When I did, however, it explained so much, including," she smiled, "why I spent so much time staring at women.

"Sometimes I had a favorite student, one I preferred over the others. As I reached my thirties I realized it was more than that, that it was a series of crushes, that I was attracted to women. But now, even though I'm aware of my feelings, I'm still afraid to act on them. It's not just that it would wreck my career in this town, but I've waited too long; look at me, I'm old, no one would want me."

I thought back to me time in high school, how solicitous Janet had been, how she looked after me, supported me.

"Janet, was I one of the girls you had a crush on?"

There was fear in her voice. "Yes, you were the first although, as I said, at the time I didn't know what it was or what it meant."

I thought back to those days. What would it have been like to have this sweet supportive woman as my lover? With her love would I have been able to stand up to my parents, to say no to a career that did not interest me and a husband who repulsed me? I remembered how beautiful Janet was. I took a second look; she still was.

I answered the unasked question.

"I'm not sure if I would have had the courage then either. But in retrospect, I wish I had."

I held my friend for several long minutes, reassuring her, telling her that she was beautiful and brave and wonderful. We were still for a awhile. When I turned my face towards her, she kissed me, and then pulled back. She looked aghast.

"I'm sorry, I went to far." she apologized.

"No, you didn't. It was nice."

Despite my assurance the tension in the room was palpable; it had a physical existence. I took her chin in my hand and turned my head. I kissed her on the lips. There was nothing particularly sensual about the kiss, but we both understood its meaning. I was willing to go further.

When she did not object I kissed her again, this time moving my lips against hers. She responded, tentatively, in kind. After we broke this kiss she said, "Are you sure?"

I was. I said yes.

This time it was she who moved forward, touching my lips were her own. Our kisses started soft, sweet, and tentative, but over time Janet became more aggressive as her need and passion, suppressed for decades, unexpectedly become real. I felt a slow burn in my groin, an unforseen but powerful cupidity.

I pushed my face to hers. Janet opened her mouth, inviting me inside. After teasing the tip of her tongue with my own, I ran my tongue behind her lips. She gasped and when I was done, imitated me, and then fully explored my mouth and lips. I pulled back, flashed a warm joyful smile, and gave her nose a gentle bite. We both giggled. I ran a finger down the side of her face and pressed it against her lips. When she opened her mouth I slipped my finger into her mouth, stroking and tickling her tongue. She clamped down on my finger, sucking on it as I withdrew it from her mouth.

I ran my tongue along the corner of her lips. She jumped, experiencing a tiny jolt as I explored this sensitive part of her anatomy. She kissed my eyes. We leaned into each other, held each other, hugged each other.

Finally, her voice barely audible, she whispered,"Are you sure about this?"

Words seemed inadequate. I pulled her body to mine. Her breasts pressed against me. Mine filled with blood and my nipples hardened. I held her tight. We were both breathing heavily. We leaned our foreheads against each other. We rubbed our noses together. She kissed the palm of my hand and then returned to my mouth, slipping her tongue inside and moving it slowly, taking her time, gliding and grazing over every surface.

I looked down the hall towards her bedroom.

She said, "I've never done this before."

"Neither have I, but I think we can figure it out."

I tried to sound confident, but I was nervous. Was I the person to introduce Janet to lady-love? I had no more experience than she. Yet, I thought, I did love her. That must count for something.

When we got to her bedroom I took off my clothes; she did the same. I looked at her. Her sleek dark hair had, over the years, turned gray, but she was still beautiful. Trim and fit, her breasts glowed and her small red nipples were fully erect. My own excitement surprised me. My desire for this woman was an inexplicable combination of my love for her and something else, a need previously unexplored and far more primal. I looked into her eyes, not knowing what to say. Janet stepped towards me and took my hands in hers.

"If you're not sure...."

I thought about it. Was I being unfaithful to my son? Oddly, it didn't feel like cheating. I pictured his face in my head; his gaze was approving. I decided to proceed.

"I'm sure."

I ran my thumb across her hand and tilted my head. Janet moved forward and we shared a soft tender kiss that seemed like it lasted ten minutes. As we continued kissing our remaining doubt gave way to desire. I couldn't believe how excited I was. My pussy was tingling. My pubes swelled and opened. Janet's tongue entered my mouth. She was, I thought to myself, a pretty good kisser, and a chill ran down my back. We wrapped our arms around each other and embraced, our naked flesh pressed together, our hands explored the other's back and butt. The juice of our pussies intermingled; our breasts squashed together; even our breathing synchronized. I started to sway from side to side, adding that soft friction to the flood of sensations cascading through me.

Then, unexpectedly, Janet said, "May I give you a massage?"

I nodded and lay on the bed. Janet worked my neck and shoulders, then moved to my upper back. I relaxed. Janet turned to my lower back and when done, took my feet in her hands, softly massaging them before working up my legs, stopping just short of my crotch. My murmurs of appreciation were replaced by moans of increasing need.

When she placed her hands on the cheeks my ass I shuddered. She worked my ass hard, occasionally letting a finger dip between my legs, but always stopping short of where I wanted her to go. I was soon wild with need and anticipation.

Janet rolled me onto my back and sucked a nipple into her mouth. God, that felt good. I groaned and Janet circled her tongue around and around my areola, leaving it drenched in her spittle. She moved to my other breast, her lips, tongue, and teeth teasing and exciting me.

After leaving my satiated nipples swollen and erect, she slid down my body, softly licking, nipping, and kissing my stomach. I spread my legs in anticipation, longing for Janet's mouth and tongue on my pussy. She had been, for years, my closest friend and our sudden intimacy seemed natural, almost foreordained. I was dripping wet. The image of my friend's mouth on my cunt set off an additional charge of excitement. Janet's small breasts dragged over my pussy as she moved into position. Janet's face was hovering inches over my sex, pausing for the moment, enjoying the view. I spread my legs wide; my pussy glistened with juice. Janet took a deep breath, inhaling my musky scent.

"I've dreamed of this for twenty years." She lowered her head to my snatch.

"Ohh, yes," I moaned as Janet's tongue played with my blood-engorged clit. At first she mostly used her tongue, but then caught my clit twixt her lips and sucked it into her mouth. I wheezed with need.

Janet slid her face down and started tongue fucking me.

That's when the words burst from me, words, I thought later, that would have gotten me detention when this lady was my teacher. "Fuck me, fuck me, that feels so good."

Janet looked at me, a twinkle in her eye. "You like? Am I doing okay?"

She knew the answer, but I answered anyway. "Yes."

"Do you want to cum?"

"Yes," and feeling a bit naughty, added, "I want to cum on your face. Please make me cum."

She started to fuck me wildly with her tongue. My abdomen was inflamed and my pussy walls convulsed. She pulled her tongue out of me and licked my clit, using the flat of her tongue. That's when the pressure in my loins exploded.

"Ohhh God," I screamed as a full-force orgasm slammed into me.

I groaned, writhing as Janet continued teasing my clit, although, thank god, much more gently. My arms and legs, which had been thrashing wildly, turned limp. Still Janet didn't stop; she lazily licked my pussy hole, munching contentedly at the juice dripping from my cunt.

I drifted in a post-orgasmic haze as Janet softly licked and slurped at my pussy. After several sweet minutes she lay on top of me, holding her head up on her elbows, her breasts pressed against mine. She smiled, a radiant happy smile. I kissed her, just a peck, and said, "Oh, that was heaven." She kissed me, deeply, very deeply. Our tongues swirled back and forth. I tasted myself on her lips and mouth, which were soft and inviting in a way no man's could ever be. After we shared several more kisses Janet rolled us over so I was on top; my legs between hers. Her eyes glanced down. "Would you mind?"

I wasn't sure how it was done, but I wasn't going to miss a chance to give Janet the same joy she'd given me. I bathed her neck and shoulders in soft kisses, sweet nibbles, gentle licks. Janet moaned and sighed, encouraging me as I explored her pale flesh. I took her breasts in my hands, massaging them. Janet groaned again. My confidence grew and I ran my tongue around and around the soft flesh of Janet's tits. Recalling what I had liked best when she had devoured my breasts I started a long hard slow lick from the base of her breast across its surface, ending at her nipple. I pushed it back into the flesh with my tongue; her breasts jiggled.

"Oh baby, fuck me, lick my pussy."

I moved down between her legs, facing her pussy, which was spread before me. I had never seen another woman's sex like this. I studied it. It was beautiful, shining with her flow, the center of her sexuality, the origin of all life. I promised myself to do my best to be worthy of it. I explored its lips and folds with my tongue. It was new and incredible and exciting and not as strange as I expected. There was something familiar and comforting about it.

After I explored the folds of her vagina I moved to her clit. I gave it a few short kisses, then teased it, pushed aside its hood with the tip of my tongue, and blew on it. Janet wriggled her ass, issuing an incessant string of low moans. I slipped a finger, then two, inside her.

I stretched the skin above her clittie with my hand, fully exposing the dew covered nub. It glowed a bright red and pulsated. I pushed it into her with the flat of my tongue before beginning a long slow lick over its surface. Janet shook under me.

"Oh yes! Oh God yes! Oh yes!"

I repeated the lick maybe half a dozen times. Janet cupped the sides of my head and rolled her hips in time with my tongue, pressing her sex into my mouth. Her breathing, which had been deep and long, became sharper and shorter; she started to gulp air into her lungs. The long deliberate rolls of her hips broke down and became erratic. I held her clit between my lips, swiping the head with my tongue. Between sharp intakes of breath she said, "I can't take any more, make me cum, please."

I centered my mouth on Janet's hot wet hole and drove my curled tongue inside her, repeating the action over and over. Her breathing sharpened; her pussy lips spasmed in time with my tongue. She grabbed my head, no longer simply holding it, but pulling me into her. I was nearing exhaustion, my tongue bordered on numb, but I kept going, I so wanted to make my friend cum. I felt her pussy clamp down. I pushed my tongue deep into her. Juice poured from her and she hollered. "Oh yes! Oh yes! Oh yes! Ahhhhhh-ahhhhh-AHHHH!" I continued working my tongue within her as her body bounced on the bed. Her vaginal muscles clenched repeatedly, her pussy twitched and shook.

Then, suddenly, the tension drained from her and she sank into the bed. I kissed and licked her dripping wet pussy. I considered spending the day down there, teasing and pleasing my new lover, but instead I crawled up the length of her body and lay next to her. She rolled into my body and placed her head on my shoulder. I played with her hair and we were quiet awhile.

Finally, Janet took a deep breath. "Over the years I developed crushes, fell in love, I'm not sure what to call it, with several students. You were the first. There have been a few since. I can go years between girls; it's not like I'm always ready for the next little hottie. But there's a young woman in your son's class, Raina. I think they're friends."

I knew Raina. Smart attractive, but not invested in her looks, she wore minimal make-up and jewelry, kept her red hair shoulder length, and favored shirts and jeans or simple pull over dresses.

"I know her."

"I've watched her for years, tutored her, talked her through her concerns and problems. You asked me what me dream I? She is."

* * * *

On the way home I started to worry. I was cheating on my husband with my son, but that didn't feel like cheating. Now, however, I had cheated on my son with his teacher, my friend. It felt like cheating, but it also felt right. While part of me knew I should keep it a secret, I also knew I'd blurt it out as soon as I saw him. How would he react? So far our love affair had been perfect. This would be our first test.

I got home about 8:00. Chuck was out with his brother. I went to Rick's room. He was sketching me battling what he told me was a supervillain. He had replaced the heavily muscled big-titted body he had foisted on me in New York with one that captured my long slender build. I was wearing a dress that flowed with my body and featured slits through which I issued martial arts kicks of apparently preternatural power.

I looked at the drawing. "It's beautiful."

He grinned in appreciation. "Thanks. I'm thinking that you use the long dress for deception. Its motions confuse your enemies, hide your real intentions. Just an idea since you nixed the leotard."

I put the drawing down. "There is something I need to tell you." How do I say this? I guess I just say it. "Janet Prosnit, your teacher, my friend, we just had sex. It was the first time."