I quietly stood near the staircase in the dimly lit corridor. My eyes were on Maa; she was enjoying her favorite serial in the living room. The room was dark; the occasional bright lights from the TV screen reflected on Maa's excited face.
It was the perfect opportunity for me to sneak into her room unnoticed. I slowly tiptoed my way to her bedroom. I was on a mission, a mission that needed to be fulfilled at any cost.
It was my best friend Ria's birthday the next day, and I was tight on cash. I was sure that she wouldn't mind if I showed up without any present, but then I didn't want to show up on my bestie's birthday without any gift.
My footsteps were barely audible on the worn-out carpet, as I approached ma's bedroom door. My heartbeat rose, the ticking sound of my wristwatch felt like it was echoing through the otherwise silent house. My hand hovered over the doorknob, my thoughts raced, and my arm started shaking.
I pulled my hand back and nibbled on my lips. I gathered all of my courage and clenched my fist. I closed my eyes and started recalling my plan.
I'm not that type of girl who spends all of her money at once, but to spend money, you need to earn. Sadly, in my case, I can't do both. You see, my ma doesn't trust me with money; she thinks I'm a fucking child who can't handle her own allowance.
To clarify my situation, I would like to say that I'm not a child. I'm in college and quite grown enough to understand my surroundings. But the problem is my fucking brain. I can't control my thoughts, and sometimes I lose my senses.
Anyway, my plan was simple. I would sneak into my mother's bedroom and steal some cash from her. I know it's wrong, but it was my only option that could save me from the embarrassment of showing up empty-handed. Also, when I asked her for cash, she straight up said no. According to her, a five thousand rupees gift is too much. Sadly, my mother does not understand that to make a friend, you need to spend on them.
I took a deep breath and reached for the doorknob; the metal felt cold under my warm palm. I pushed the door, and the old hinges made a creaking noise as it swung open.
I took another deep breath and slipped inside. My eyes slowly adjusted to the green dim light. Maa's room smelled faintly of vanilla. The bed was made with folded sharp corners, and the room gleamed in the dim light.
I looked at my radium dial watch and calculated the timing. I had approximately twenty minutes in my hands before Maa finished her serial.
My eyes darted around the room, wondering from where to start. I carefully made my way to the dresser, thinking maybe somewhere behind the mirror cabinet, there would be a small bag filled with cash. But to my surprise, there was no bag or purse. The cabinet was filled with cosmetics and lotions.
As I closed the dresser, I saw my unclear reflection in the mirror. I clearly saw shame and guilt in my eyes. But knowing the truth, I still kept on going.
I looked under the mattress and searched each drawer on the bedside table, but all my efforts were fruitless. I started sweating from frustration and nervousness. Next was my mother's wardrobe.
Luckily, it was unlocked; I slowly opened the door and then it happened. Unfolded sarees and two shoe boxes like thing fell on me like a landslide.
"What...maa!" I murmured in frustration.
It was impossible for me to see anything in that dim light, so I started groping whatever came in front of my hands. Trying my best to identify the shape or texture of a bag or purse.
After searching for two minutes, I found her bras, panties, sarees, and nighties. On the bottom shelf, I found two rolls of toilet paper, or something, and several cans of spray, probably room fresheners.
My frustration was at its peak; I started bruxing. But then, on the top shelf behind Maa's folded sarees, I found something. I felt it was like a leather handbag, so I quickly pulled it out.
I felt a sudden rush of joy in my body. I looked around and my gaze fell on the bedside lamp. I rushed to the bedside table and turned the lamp on.
"Wow," I murmured.
It was a green leather bag with two round rings on each side and two thin straps joining them. There was only one compartment. It felt costly; the leather had a weird texture on it.
I clearly heard my heavy breath as I opened the chain. I put my hand in and grabbed some crumbled paper-like things in my palm.
"Jackpot!" I whispered.
But to my surprise, it was nothing more than some bills. As I turned the bag upside down, several crumbled papers and train tickets fell on the bed. The bag was empty, no cash or coins.
A sudden rush of anger ran down my body. I felt so angry at Maa. I swung my arms in the air and then dragged my perfectly cut nails on the bedsheet. I kicked the bed and dropped myself on top of it.
It wasn't like we were poor or struggling financially, but actually it's the opposite. My mother is pretty good with her money. After Dad passed away, she doubled the money he left for us in two years. My mother was quite good with her investments; however, she still refused to pay for a gift.
I closed my eyes and started blaming Maa for blaming me. All kinds of weird thoughts started to accumulate in my mind, forcing me to stop thinking straight.
My eyes felt heavy, and my body was exhausted. It was nothing new. Every time I failed to do something, my body reacts in this way. Slowly my mind turned blank, my sweating had stopped, and my heart rate went back to normal.
I rolled on my belly and pressed my head hard on the mattress and wondered if Maa even had any cash in her room. Suddenly, I realized that I never confirmed if she actually had any emergency cash stash in the house. I just assumed that she hid her cash in her room.
Reality hit when I looked at my watch. The twenty minutes mark was already over eight minutes ago. My panic rushed and I looked around. As I was going to stand up, my eyes caught something. The slightly ajar drawer on the study table stood out like a beacon of hope in the ocean of uncertainty.
A sudden hope pushed my body. I rushed to the table and turned on the table lamp. I saw two old newspapers neatly folded on the right side of the table and one electric bill under a paperweight.
I swallowed hard and slowly pulled out the drawer. To be honest, I never thought of checking her study table, as if it isn't obvious who would even keep their cash in an open space like that?
My hand roamed between pens, notepads, and some other stationery items when I touched it: a small, square, single packet. I narrowed my eyes and looked harder and realized that the thing I had just touched was nothing but a condom.
I froze in my place, my eyes widened, my hand hovered over it, unsure whether to pick it up or not. I knew in any other circumstances; it would be a normal thing to find a condom in your parents' room. But to find a condom in your widowed mother's bedroom was totally a different story.
I was confused and extremely scared. I didn't know what to make of it. My maa, a devoted widow who had never looked at any other man after my dad passed away, was keeping a condom openly in her drawer.
My mind raced with questions; each one was more alarming than the last. My heart sank, and the trust I had in her started to melt like an iceberg. I started questioning her character, wondering if she really had a secret life that she kept hidden from me.
I picked up the condom, turned it back and saw the manufacturing date. My jaw dropped open as I read the date; it was manufactured in the previous month, still fresh and ready to be used.
I felt blood rushing down my cheeks as I crushed the condom in my fist. My thoughts raced like a river in a flood. I never doubted Maa's dignity, but after finding this condom, it made me think twice. In my mind, a storm of stories surrounding the condom started brewing.
My thoughts ran wild as the darkness of the room suffocated me. I couldn't take it anymore and rushed to the board to turn on the lights.
After adjusting to the bright white light, I saw the mess I had made. But I didn't care about that; I had bigger problems on my hands. As I walked to the other side of the bed, my eyes fell on the boxes and sarees that were lying on the floor.
Suddenly, I noticed, beside those colorful sarees, a strip of condoms coming out of one of those shoe boxes. I quickly opened the box, and my soul left my body. It was filled with condoms, no packets or anything, just long strips of condoms. Both boxes were filled with condoms, the same name and date.
At that point, tears started rolling down my eyes. The faint laughter from the tv ads seemed like a mockery of my pain. I sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at the floor. Why would Maa buy so many condoms? It was impossible for her to buy all of this by herself. I closed my eyes and tried to think straight. Nothing logical came into my mind, but I was convinced Maa wasn't alone in this. Maybe she had a secret lover who brought them. But then she didn't go out that much, and her friends' circle doesn't have any male friends in them. But anyway, why would she buy so many condoms? My mother doesn't look like a nymphomaniac.
My thoughts swirled like a tornado. I tried to recall anything that could have any link to this.
My mother was in her late 30s, and she still looked gorgeous, to be honest. As she followed our cultural way of widow living, it was hard to measure her sexiness, but with a decent dress and some touch-up, she can win any man's heart.
Suddenly, I realized my maa does have some male interactions in her life. They were hidden in plain sight on mine.