I can't believe I've already put in writing what happened on the day of my son's wedding and then what occurred when I was invited to go on his week-long honeymoon holiday in Paris. What I hoped would remain a secret between me and my son, that we had sex before his wedding and during his honeymoon, had been exposed by Terrance, Josh's new father in law.
Having worked out that we were having an incestuous affair he invaded my room without invitation on the last night of the honeymoon and forced me to swallow his cum as Josh took me from behind.
When we got home I needed time on my own to process everything that had happened, which had been a hell of a lot. Josh, who had been trying to push me away after our first sexual encounter until it happened again, reverted to type and I didn't hear from him for weeks.
But, while that was hard for me to take once again, there was an unexpected development from our several sexual liaisons. Even though I was forty-six, it turned out that my son was strongly virile; a woman can just sense when she is pregnant and, although I was reluctant to follow my female intuition at first, I knew what I had to do to settle my mind.
I still remember the feeling of my fingers shaking as I held the pregnancy test in my hand, almost refusing to believe that it might be even possible. But I had to believe my own eyes as the double lines showed up and I felt about a million emotions at once. I kept checking it again and again, making sure it wasn't going to change.
It was such a monumental moment in my life that I drove back into town and bought another test, then drove home like a possessed woman and immediately did the test again. Positive. I was pregnant. With my son's baby. At forty-six. It was a lot to take in.
At first, I just didn't know what to do. My son was avoiding me since the honeymoon, he was probably trying to make his marriage work even though I knew he'd married the wrong woman if he wanted happiness rather than a useful social climber.
I'd given him a taste of real sexual excitement but he was clearly consumed with shame by what we'd done already, how the hell was I going to tell him that he had impregnated me? A son getting his own mother pregnant was so taboo that it was off the scale.
Even worse, because his father in law Terrance knew that we'd been committing incest, he would obviously put two and two together, especially as my husband Gerald had been away on business in Dubai for several months. He hadn't even been home for his son's wedding. I had no alibi at all. The only person who had been cumming inside me was Josh, my son.
Naturally, I avoided telling him this absolute bombshell news, but I knew I couldn't keep putting it off as the evidence of pregnancy would obviously begin to emerge.
But it was such a difficult thing for me to do that I didn't muster the courage to tell him until four months into my pregnancy, a small bump beginning to show. I knew the right time had come to tell him.
I sent him a text message saying I really needed to talk to him face to face about a serious matter that couldn't be discussed on the phone. He was hesitant but he did finally agree to come round. I'd been avoiding alcohol since I found I was pregnant but did allow myself a small glass of wine to steady my fraught nerves for this particularly awkward moment.
"What's all this about, Mum? I don't have much spare time at the moment so if we can cut to the chase, I'd be grateful. If it's about what happened at the wedding and on the honeymoon, well, what's done is done and I've moved on. I hope you have too..." he said, sitting on the edge of our sofa as if preparing to leave already.
"Well, it is to do with that and it's not something I can simply move on from. Josh....I'm four months pregnant. It can only be yours...." I replied, trying to stop my hands from shaking,
He looked at me with a blank stare, utterly stunned.
"You can't be...I mean....you're in your mid-forties...I know it's possible but....I'm your son...why haven't you got rid of it?" he asked with an accusatory snarl.
I felt upset by his bluntness but gathered myself to reply, "Josh...I can understand why you'd want me to terminate the pregnancy. But, as you know, I was raised Catholic. I might not have been to church for years, but their teaching on abortion is one thing I do still agree with. I won't be aborting our baby."
"Are you insane, Mum? It would be a child of incest, what if it is born with two heads or something?" he replied, shaking his only head in disbelief.
"I've researched this and yes, there is a chance of a genetic defect, but it's not as likely as you might think. There's a 75% chance it will be born healthy."
"And a 25% risk that it won't be! Haven't you seen those inbred families that live on ranches in the countryside?" he said, standing up and pacing the room.
"That's the result of generations of incest, Josh. I've made my decision and I'm keeping our child." I said as calmly as I could.
"Oh great...and what are you going to tell Dad when he gets back from Dubai?" he asked, clutching his hair as if about to tear it out.
"I'm going to tell him I've had an affair. I'm prepared for a divorce, Josh. Or he may agree to a paid off separation to maintain the illusion of a happy marriage to his colleagues. Even if I end up penniless, I'll accept it. It's a dead marriage, he's hardly ever here..." I said, having carefully thought through the consequences.
He sat down again with his head in his hands.
"But you know that Terrance knows about us. He asks after you a lot. I can't just hide you away forever. If you're going to keep it he will eventually find out and that's another thing he can use to bribe me." he said.
"Has he already been bribing you?" I asked, intrigued by this last comment.
Josh sighed again, perhaps feeling he had revealed too much. Josh didn't respond at first, staring at the carpet.
"Josh? Is there something you haven't been telling me?" I asked, determined to uncover what he was clearly hiding.
He eventually looked up at me and said, "There's things about the Archer family that I didn't know when I married Tasmin. I met Terrance first, at a party.
I have friends who are making good money from modelling and Terrance told me he'd made his fortune in the fashion industry. He told me that he could help me find work and that his daughter Tasmin was already making a lot of money from it.
He also said that he was looking for the right man to marry his daughter and then eventually take over his fashion empire from him, as well as eventually provide a male heir with Tasmin to pass it on down the line.
