You only get to fall really hard once in your life, and to my eternal bad luck--the kind that seemed to cling to me no matter where I went--fate found it funny to steer me far from everything I had envisioned for myself. And that included falling for someone I never should have.
My sister--step-sister, Danielle, to be exact. And I had fallen for her. Hard. So hard she haunts my dreams even though I had deliberately moved far away from our place in hopes of dissolving these dark feelings that I have for her.
At least, that's what I thought back then.
I was just a teenager--young, reckless, and full of emotions I didn't understand. There were drugs. Some shitty sports I never had the passion to do, but ended up pursuing professionally, anyway, by taking-up sports science as my degree. But at the time, my feelings for Danielle felt all-consuming, and it was something I couldn't fucking control even up to this day. God, it was wrong. So, so wrong, and I knew that. But knowing didn't stop my heart from racing every time she laughed, didn't stop the way my chest ached whenever she smiled at someone else, or how I secretly heard the guys from my team talk about how gorgeous and innocent she looked in her junior year in high school. Jealous, I stirred these men out of her way until I graduated and moved to another place.
No matter how many times I told myself we weren't really related, that there was no blood tying us together, it didn't change the fact that we had grown up as siblings. That's how the world saw us. That's how we were supposed to be.
And yet, no matter how much I fought it, something had shifted.
Maybe it was the way Danielle had started carrying herself differently--the way she no longer seemed like the girl who used to chase me around the house, but was now a young woman who could take my breath away with a single glance. Maybe it was the nights when the house was quiet, and I'd catch myself thinking about her, remembering the way she tucked her hair behind her ear, and I'd felt that familiar pulse between my legs, and how I'd want to shove my hard dick inside of her, and see how she would react when I started to move. It was the smallest things and the dark ones that made everything so damn difficult I decided to move out and stay far away from my foster family as possible. This was my own fight, and I tried to fight it. I had to.
I told myself it was nothing more than a phase, just hormones messing with my head. But the more I denied it, the stronger it became. And that terrified the shit out of me.
So when the opportunity came to take an entrance exam for a university far from home, I grabbed onto it like a lifeline. No one thought I would get in--not even my parents. But I did. And as soon as the acceptance letter arrived, I packed my bags without a second thought, desperate to outrun whatever this was before it consumed me completely.
But now, summer break was coming. And no matter how much I had grown, no matter how much time had passed--I was on my way back home, back to her. And I had no idea what I'd feel when I saw her again.
When the door creaked open, my breath hitched, and for a moment, I forgot how to breathe. My chest tightened painfully, and I swallowed hard, forcing myself to stay calm.
Danielle blinked, clearly startled. Her big brown eyes locked onto mine, and for a second, we just stood there. Her long hair was pulled into a high ponytail, her cheeks flushed--whether from surprise or something else, I didn't know. But then her gaze dipped lower, and her entire face turned red.
Fuck. I wasn't supposed to notice these things, but I couldn't help it. She wasn't the same girl I left behind months ago. She had curves now--big, impossible-to-ignore curves that made her tight shirt look like it was barely holding her together. The sight of her made my throat go dry, and before I could stop myself, my mind drifted to things I shouldn't be thinking about. How soft she'd feel beneath my hands. How easy it would be to reach out and--
I cleared my throat, yanking myself out of it. Focus, Xavier. Fucking focus. I forced a smile.
"Dani? You're looking good..."
"Xavi?" Her lips parted in surprise, then broke into a grin. "You didn't tell me you were coming home!" She hiccupped, and that's when the strong scent of alcohol hit my nose.
I frowned. "Are you... drunk?"
Danielle let out a laugh and shook her head, waving a hand. "Drunk? Nah! Prom night just ended, so we had a few, uh... You know? Drinks, I guess?"
Before I could say anything else, her words slurred, and she stumbled forward.
Straight into me.
I caught her out of instinct, my arms wrapping around her waist to keep us steady. But the second her hands landed on my bare stomach, a sharp jolt shot through me. Her palms were warm, her touch light, but it sent a fucking wildfire through my veins. My muscles tensed under her fingers, and when she felt it, she jerked back like she'd been burned.
Her gaze lingered.
Her pupils dilated, and her lips parted slightly, as if she had--No. I clenched my jaw. This couldn't be happening. Not now. Not when I'd spent months trying to get a grip on myself, convincing myself that this was all in my head. That it wasn't real. That I didn't need her.
"Danielle," I said, my voice barely above a whisper. Her name was a warning--a plea.
Stop. Don't do this.
She met my eyes, then quickly looked away, stepping back. Her face burned with embarrassment. "Sorry... I'm sorry, brother. I mean, Xavi. We've barely seen each other for the last two years," she laughed with no humor in it. "No, I don't know what I'm saying. Ignore whatever's coming out of my damn mouth."
She turned and walked off toward the kitchen, leaving me standing there, pulse hammering in my throat.
I exhaled sharply, rubbing a hand over my face before shutting the door behind me. Dropping my bags to the side, I followed after her. "Where are Mom and Dad?" I asked, scanning the house. It was too quiet.
"They're staying somewhere tonight," she said, filling a glass with water. "I was about to crash in my room when you knocked." She took a sip, then tilted her head at me. "What are you doing here, anyway?"
"Summer break," I said, my voice still tight. "Wanted to surprise everyone."
Danielle grinned and leaned against the table. My stomach twisted, my body betraying me as my eyes flickered--too quickly, damn it--down her curves. I swore under my breath, forcing myself to look away.
"Mom misses you terribly, you know?" she said, swirling the water in her glass. "She gushes about how proud she was that you got into that elite university of yours."
I chuckled, and my eyes drifted toward her. "...only Mom?"
I only meant it as a joke, hoping to ease whatever tension still hung in the air. But something dark flickered across her face.
For a second, I swore she wanted to say something else. Something she wasn't sure I was supposed to hear.
She turned away, placing her empty glass in the sink. But when she looked back at me, there was something in her eyes that hadn't been there before. A sheen of unshed tears.
I took a step forward.
"Don't." I heard her say. "Stay right where you are." She wiped the side of her eyes with her sleeve. "Please. Just stay where the hell you are." Her last word came out as a whisper. A broken, defeated one.
Something twisted inside me at the sight. What happened to her? Why was she suddenly acting this coldly?
"Dani, what's going on?" Concerned, I reached out to touch her arm, but she flinched and took a few steps back.
"You don't understand. Just--just stay where you are!"
The sight of her crying made me panic. "I don't understand..." To be honest, I was just as confused as her.
She shook her head and sniffed. "No, I can't do this anymore. It hurts too much. And seeing you makes me realize just how stupid I am all these years."
"What are you talking about?" I frowned in confusion. "Did I do something to you? The last time I remember, I was gone for two years."
"Exactly!" Danielle snapped, glaring at me. "Two years, Xavier! You were gone for two fucking years. And you never bothered to call me. Not once. Not a single message, nothing! I was left wondering what I did to make you act this way."
I winced at her words, but before I could respond, she kept going.
"You didn't care enough to reach out. And when you got accepted to that, stupid, elite university, I was so proud of you, Xavier. I really was. You were out there chasing your god damn dream and I..." her voice cracked, and she clenched her fists. "And then you just left and never looked back. Do you know what that feels like? To have someone who's always been there for you, someone you care about more than anything, suddenly...disappear?"
My shoulders sagged, guilt pressing down on me. "I never knew you felt that way."
"Of course not, because you weren't here!" she spat. "You left. You were gone, Xavier! You left me behind without so much as a goodbye."
"Dani--" I began, but she cut me off.
"Don't call me that," she said sharply, her tone like ice. "You have no right to call me that anymore. We're not kids. We're not family. We never were, and we never will be."
Her words hit me harder than I expected, but I clenched my fists, forcing myself to stay still. "Fine. If you don't think of us as family, then why are you crying?"
"That has nothing to do with you!" she snapped, her breathing uneven. "I'm drunk. I'm emotional. That's all."
"Bullshit." My voice came out rough. "If you really didn't think of us as family, then why are you still so upset? Is there something more you haven't told me?"
"Leave me alone," she whispered. "I have nothing to tell you."
I grabbed her wrist before she could step away. Her body collided with mine, and she gasped, hands pressing against my chest as she tried to push me off. But I was stronger. Bigger. She wasn't going anywhere.
"Tell me," I demanded, my voice low. "Tell me why you're acting like this, Dani."
"Stop it," she whispered, struggling against my hold. "Stop calling me that! I'm not your sister!"
"Then stop treating me like your brother," I shot back, the words leaving my mouth before I could stop them.
She froze. Her eyes widened, and for a second, something flickered in them--something raw, something vulnerable.
Tears spilled freely down her cheeks, her breathing coming out in short, panicked bursts. "You want to know?" she whispered. "Fine. It's because I never saw you that way."
The room went silent.