My Sister Stacey

It was the end of the spring semester in 1994. I was studying for an organic chemistry final when I heard the phone ring. I walked over to the answer it and the caller ID box said, "Mom/Dad Home". It was well after ten o'clock and my parents were usually in bed by then. What did they want I wondered?

"Hello?"

"Good evening, Shawn. What are you doing?" It was my dad. Oh, great I thought.

"Studying."

"Studying, eh? That's surprising."

"Why's that?" Wonderful. This was going to go bad like always. It sounded like he was in one of his shitty moods.

"It's just surprising, given your grades last semester."

"Dad, I made one B."

"Exactly, a B. I would have thought you could at least make excellent grades at that

school."

"Dad, there's nothing wrong with this school."

"Of course there's nothing wrong with it." I could clearly hear the spiteful contempt over the phone. "You can't imagine how disappointed your grandfather would be to know you're going to school at a state university. You should have been a fourth generation Harvard man."

"He wouldn't be disappointed."

"How would you know that?"

"Because he told me so after I told him I was going here instead of Harvard."

"And when did he tell you this?"

"The night he died. He told me that just before you and mom got to the hospital."

"You're a liar, in addition to being an underachiever. Your grandfather would never have accepted you going to a state school," he said angrily.

"That's where you're wrong." I replied equally angry.

"You had better get a 4.0 this semester, or you can find another way to pay for it."

"Yeah, sure."

"I'm serious."

"Fine, Dad." He could be such a dick.

"I can't understand where things went wrong with you."

"Nothing went wrong with me. I'm just going my own way in life. I don't want to be a prick attorney like you."

"Goddamn you. How dare you talk to me like that!" He snapped.

"You think I like to have you tell me what a shit I am? How I'm never going to amount to anything?"

"You aren't. At least not anything that matches your potential. Shawn, our family is full of important people."

"Dad, this conversation is going nowhere for the 100th time. I'll talk to you later. Tell mom hi for me."

"You arrogant little bastard."

"Yeah, you're one to talk. Bye." I was ready to slam the phone down.

"Wait a goddamn minute, your sister wants to talk to you."

"Stacey's home?" I felt good for the first time since the phone rang.

"Yes, she is. Thankfully she wants to do something with her life." As usual, he couldn't resist one last jab.

I heard a rustling as the phone was passed between my father and my little sister. I could still hear my dad talking to my mother about what a fuck up I was.

"Shawn, how are you," asked my little sister.

"I'm better now. How are you?"

"I'm fine. I just got home a couple hours ago."

"I thought you weren't supposed to be home until next week."

"I wasn't, but I got all of my extra work submitted and two of my prof's let me take my finals early, so I decided to come home early." I couldn't hear my dad ranting anymore.

"Where are you?"

"Walking to my bedroom. I'm tired of listening to daddy tonight."

"You and me both."

"Yeah, I know. I'm sorry. I made the mistake of telling him I was going to call you. He decided he needed to talk to you first. Shawn, he was so pissed at dinner tonight and just went on and on about what a disappointment you were, and how you have let him down."

"God, I wish he would just get over it. I'm sorry you had to hear it again, but Stace, his life is not going to be my life."

"Shawn, I know, I understand. Mom and I tried to talk to him, but before dinner was over, we were both crying."

"I'm so sorry."

"No, it's Okay. I just tried to stand up for you like you've always done for me." I could tell she was on the verge of tears again.

"Thanks honey."

"Don't mention it. Shawn, he, he said he's going to cut you off."

"Stace, I'm not a big shot attorney like him, but granddad told me he set up our trusts where we would always have money for school. We can't get to the rest of it without a college degree, but as long as I'm passing my classes, let alone making one B in 5 semesters, dad can't do anything about it. Uncle Joe administers our trusts, not Dad."

"Yeah, Mom told him he couldn't really do it, but you know how daddy can be though."

"All too well. Hey, It's really great to hear from you. We haven't talked in weeks."

"I know, I've just been really busy. I'm sure you have too."

"Yeah, I have, even though I'm an embarrassment to the family."

"No, you're not. I'm so proud of you for standing up to daddy. I wish I was brave enough to do that."

"Honey, no you don't. Harvard is perfect for you. It's the gateway to all of your ambitions. You want to do great things in life. I just couldn't see going to school there to be an engineer. It would be a huge waste of money."

"Yeah, I know Shawn."

"Besides it would be hell for mom having to listen to dad all the time if neither of us went to school there."

"Yes, it would. Hey, are you going to be busy this weekend?"

"No, I was just going to run around with some friends. We'll probably go to some parties or something. What's up?"

"I thought I might come see you. We could hang out." The tone of her voice was much happier.

I grinned to myself. "I'd love that. We haven't hung out in a long time."

"No, we haven't." I was imagining her smiling on the other end.

"I should be through with finals by noon. Come up and we'll have lunch."

"Only if you'll take me for Mexican food. I'm dying for some. That's one thing they can't do back east!"

"Done. It's a date then."

"Okay, I can't wait to see you again."

"No?"

"No. I've missed you, Shawn." The tone in her voice had changed. She sounded a little sad again.

"I've missed you too, Stace."

"Shawn, I, uh, I better go, I'll see you tomorrow, Okay?" I could hear my dad's voice

again.

"Wait Stacey. Is something on your mind?"

"Yeah, but it will wait until tomorrow. I gotta go."

"You sure?

"Yeah, it'll wait. See you tomorrow. Love you."

"Okay, see you then. Love you too."

I hung up the phone and smiled to myself.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Stacey had always managed to bring a smile to my face. She could come up to you when things seemed to be at their absolute worst and make you smile about it. She was one of the smartest people I had ever known. She possessed a very quick mind and had always picked things up fast. She was also naturally beautiful like our mom, with the same effervescent personality. She always made me laugh with the things she did and the jokes she made.

Despite her intelligence and personality, what every one noticed about Stacey first and foremost were her big green eyes, long brown hair and curvaceous figure. Other girls paled in comparison. She had a figure you could only dream about. Large round breasts, a narrow waist, an amazing ass and gorgeous legs were perfectly balanced on her 5'3" frame. As many people had remarked over the years, she had definitely gotten all the looks in the family. I had also noticed my baby sister. I felt guilty when I admired her as a woman, but it was impossible not to.

We had always been close growing up. Being two years older, I always looked out for her. This continued all the way through high school, where I did what I could to help her get acclimated and keep the vultures away from my rapidly developing little sister. Soon she was one of the most popular girls in our school and had no shortage of guys wanting to take her out. I tried to give her advice, since I knew nearly all of them were not interested in her GPA, her love for animals, or her wit. There was sometimes friction between us but she always seemed to appreciate me looking out for her. I knew that I was trying to be a good big brother, but I also knew that there was a part of me that was jealous of other guys being around her.

She ran around with my friends and I a lot. She was the youngest one of the bunch of course, but she always had fun, even if she did take a little grief for being my little sister. I'll never forget the first time she went out drinking with us. After I held her hair while she puked and I carried her in the house when we got home, we were closer than ever. When I graduated and went off to college she had a hard time adjusting to me being gone. She would often tell me on the phone how much she missed hanging out with me. I told her that she had a lot of great friends but she would always say that it just wasn't the same.

I also knew she bore the brunt of my dad's anger about my choice in higher education. He had never accepted the fact that I was not going to be a partner in some snobby ass law firm. I had decided that I was going to be a civil engineer and make my own way in life.

Stacey had called me many times in tears after I left for college. It was always about my dad ranting and raving how he was not going to let her throw her life away like I had. She had always tried to take up for me, but you never won an argument with my dad. He was a hard driving attorney and could win an argument with a brick wall. He could use words like a knife. I had finally gotten to the point that it really didn't hurt me anymore, but he could still cut Stacey to the bone.

She had been accepted at Harvard, even though she had told me many times she wanted to go to the state school I was at. I had wanted her to come to school with me, but I knew that it would be a difficult ordeal for her, at best. My dad would have ridiculed her and he would have blamed me as well. He had always resented her hanging out with my friends and me in high school.

After she went away to school, she seemed to be having a good time and was doing really well with her studies. She had met a guy at school, Evan, and he had accompanied her home at Thanksgiving. He seemed okay, but he was definitely not my type of guy. My dad, of course, thought he was the greatest thing in the world. I was sitting in the den by myself at my parent's house that weekend watching the Texas/Texas A&M football game. My dad walked in and sat in a chair opposite of mine.

"So, Shawn, what do you think of Evan?"

"He and I wouldn't be buddies, if that's what you mean."

"I didn't think you two would. He's the kind of young man that's going somewhere in life, as opposed to you."

I didn't say anything. I just stared back at him. He was about 4 inches taller than my own 5'10. I had about 50 pounds on him though. He was built like a runner, I was more like a linebacker.

He continued, "You need to keep your feelings to yourself. Stacey has always listened to your advice, even though you've never been a good role model."

"Okay, are we finished here?" I stood up to leave the room.

"No, not yet. She's her own woman now. I'm glad I could get her away from you before you convinced her it was appropriate to do something in life beneath her abilities." I shook my head and walked out, thinking what an asshole he was.

I went to my room that night and thought for a long time. That guy really wasn't Stacey's type. She had always seemed to have fun with guys like my friends. Guys like me. A guy like me..., why did I think that, I remembered asking myself. I remembered all the times growing up and the time we had spent together in high school. We had always had a great time. I made her laugh and made her happy. We both enjoyed the same types of things. Why couldn't she find someone like me? This douchebag she had brought home didn't look like he would know fun if it walked up and pulled on the stick stuck up his smug ass. I had lain awake that night thinking about her. My mind was full of thoughts that I probably shouldn't have. I was coming to the realization that I thought of her as more than my sister. I thought of her as the beautiful young woman she was. I thought about how if she was only wasn't my sister.

---------------------------------------------------------------

I was still studying a couple hours later, when I made the mistake of looking on the wall of my bedroom. I had some pictures hanging there. There was one of my grandfather and grandmother sitting on the porch at their place in Aspen. There was also one of my parents and one of my former girlfriend Melanie. The one that made me stop though, was one of Stacey. It had been taken the night of her 19th birthday party.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Her birthday had been the week before, but she had still been at school. So we had the party after she got home for Christmas break. She had been wearing a beautiful emerald dress, and her long brown hair had been perfect. I remembered feeling like my stomach was in knots when she had walked down the stairs.

The evening had not been without turmoil. My dad had too much to drink and he had made many off the cuff remarks about me in front of family and friends. Stacey had heard more than one and finally had retreated to her room. I noticed she was gone and I went looking for her. I had something in my pocket that I wanted to give her. I knocked on her door.

"Stace, are you in there?"

"Yes, come in."

I walked in and saw her sitting on her bed. She had a tissue and was dabbing at her eyes.

"Honey, what's wrong?"

"Daddy! The things he was saying about you."

I nodded. "Honey, it's just the way he is."

"Shawn, it's not fair. You're a really great person. You don't deserve that. He shouldn't even think those things, not to mention saying them to our family and friends."

I sat down next to her and wrapped my arm around her.

"Honey, it doesn't hurt me anymore."

"How could it not? Shawn, it really kills me to hear him talk about you like that."

"I know it does. I guess I've just got used to it."

We sat there for a long while. I was just holding her against me. It felt like the most natural thing in the world.

I reached my right hand in my pocket and pulled out the little box.

"Stace, I got you something."

"You did?" Her face brightened as her hands reached to take it.

She slowly opened it and saw the little medallion hanging from a simple gold chain. She slowly took it out of the box. She looked at me and smiled. I nodded for her to turn it over, where the important part was.

I had it engraved with the date and the inscription, "Live your own life." She stared at it for a long time. When she looked back at me, there were tears in her eyes again.

"Shawn, this is really nice. You didn't have to, but thank you so much." We hugged.

"Honey, please don't cry. I just wanted you to have something nice to remember today."

"I will remember today, but not necessarily for good reasons."

"Don't think about those," I said.

She looked up and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "I love you."

"I love you too, sis."

I helped her put the necklace on and then I hugged her close to me again. We were sitting there when the door swung open. My dad glared at me from the door way.

"Stacey, you need to go back downstairs. People are asking where you are."

She looked at me briefly and then stood up and walked to her bathroom. My dad and I stared at one another. Nothing was said, but the looks we gave one another said volumes. Finally, Stacey came back out of the bathroom. She looked momentarily at both of us and walked out the door. I listened to the click of her heels as she walked down the hall.

When she was walking down the stairs my dad said, "You couldn't resist ruining this for her, could you?"

"You're one to talk."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You couldn't resist telling everyone what a shit I was either. She heard you. That's why she's upset."

"Oh, is that a fact?"

"Yeah, it's a fact."

"What were you doing in here with her?"

"We were talking, why?"

"She's too close to you."

"Too close to me? She's my goddamn sister!"

He took a few steps towards me. I took it at face value and I stood up from the bed. I met him halfway. I hated to think about doing it, but if he so much as raised a hand to me, I was going to drop him. Right then, right there. I think he could see the look in my eyes, and he took a slight step back. We stared at one another for a long time. I was so mad. I could tell he was too. He finally turned to walk away, but not before giving me one of his classic arrogant looks...

Even after several months, it still made me mad. I shook my head and got back to studying.

---------------------------------------------------------------

I woke up about 6 the following day to look over my notes again. Despite, my best efforts, I found myself thinking mostly about Stacey though. I was so excited to see her. It had been almost 5 months. It had been almost a year since we had been able to really hang out though.

My mind kept coming back to seeing her smile. She was so pretty when she did. I really began thinking about the feelings that I had for her. If only she wasn't my sister. That kept coming back to me. My sister. I'd never been happier around a girl as when I was with her. She made me feel totally at ease. Even with my ex-girlfriend Mel, I never felt that way.

I inwardly trembled with that realization. It wasn't right. I shouldn't think of her like that. What would she think if she knew?

After a couple more hours of studying, I headed to campus. I literally raced through the final. When I was finished, I noticed no one else had left yet. I forced myself to go back through everything one more time. Still no one else had left. I finally decided the hell with it and walked up and turned in my test. I looked at the faces of the other kids in the class. Everyone seemed shocked. I decided I had either smashed it or failed miserably.

I started walking home and my excitement built as I walked. I couldn't wait to see her again.

About an hour later, I was sitting on the couch trying to watch Sportscenter when I heard a knock at the door. I felt like electricity was running through me as I walked to the door. I opened the door to see her standing there with her bags slung over her shoulders. When she smiled at me, I felt dizzy.

"Hey!" She walked into my waiting arms.

"Hey, Stace."

"Aww, it's good to see you again, Shawn." We hugged one another tightly.

"Yeah, it is. Come in."

We walked over to sit on the couch. She was dressed in a tank top, denim skirt and flip flops. She had never looked better.

"Wow, Stace, it's so good to see you. I was so glad to talk to you last night."

"Yes, so was I. Did your final go okay?"

"Yeah, it did." We continued to look at one another and we smiled. "How did your finals go?"

"Great, I think I'm going to have another 4.0 this semester."

"That's awesome!"

We chatted about her summer plans for a bit. She was thinking she might work at Uncle Bob's law office over the summer. I asked her what Evan was going to do over the summer.

"I don't know, and I really don't care."

"Uh oh..."

"Yeah." She had a look of sadness.

"What happened?"

"I wasn't the only girl in the house he was seeing. He was sleeping with one of my

pledge sisters."

"Jeez, Stace. I'm sorry. How did you find out?"

"One of the upper class girls told me. He came to the house to see me and her in the same day."

"Damn, you never had an idea?"

"No, not at all."

"Stacey, I'm really sorry to hear that."

"Yeah, I know. Daddy didn't take it well."

"What?"

"He was upset that I dumped him. He said he was just a young man that had made a mistake and I should reconsider."

"You have got to be kidding me..."

"No, I'm not."

"That's just ridiculous."