My Sister Stacey

I was sitting at the bar by myself and just ordered my 3rd pitcher of beer, when Midnight walked up beside me.

"Man. You're hitting it a little hard this early, aren't you?" He asked.

"Yeah, maybe so, just been one of those days, man."

"Yeah, I hear you. The nose doesn't look as bad today."

"No, I was really surprised. That fucker popped me pretty good. I can't believe he caught me off guard like that."

"Well, you were a wrestler, not a boxer. You got the best of his ass at the end of it all. Hey, where's Stacey? I thought she was going to be up all weekend."

I explained what happened.

"Shit man, I'm sorry to hear that. I was hoping she could have come back in tonight without any bullshit."

"She'll be here this fall." I said.

"Nice, but what about Harvard?" He asked.

I explained her decision.

"You can't blame a girl, though. If she's miserable, she can't just keep fighting through it."

"No, she can't."

"You better ease up on that beer though, I see a hot little blonde with your name all over her, at your 6 o'clock." He walked off.

I turned on the barstool to see Mel walking over to me.

"Hey, what are you doing here? Where's Stacey?" She asked.

"She had to go back home." I explained what happened.

"Your dad is such a fucking dick. Why do you all even listen to him?" She sat on the barstool next to me. Suraj, the bartender, gave her a plastic cup which she promptly filled from my fresh pitcher of beer.

"I know. The only reason I even try to keep the peace is for my mom. She should just leave his ass."

"Yeah, probably. So, that's why you are in here crying in your beer? Why didn't you call me?"

"I just wanted a beer, I thought maybe you might already have plans."

"My only plans this weekend were seeing you. I just came in to have a beer before dinner."

"Where's dinner?" I asked.

"Where ever you're buying." She smiled.

I laughed. Mel really was a great girl. I couldn't deny that. My sun long rose and set with her. I was avoiding eye contact with her. With everything that happened since I left her in that bedroom last night, I felt that I'd betrayed her.

"There's something going on in that head of yours. I can tell." She said. "Am I rushing you? Do you think it's a bad idea to get back together?"

"Mel, no, I, uh..." I stumbled, trying to explain.

"You can tell me, Shawn. I'll understand. I promise. If it's not right, it's not right. I want you back, but we don't have to force it."

"All right. Look, let's just finish our beer, and I'll take for you something to eat. Then we can talk. Will that be ok?"

"Yeah, that's fine." She took a sip of her beer and smiled. She put her arm around me. "I'm really sorry that your weekend with Stacey got messed up."

"Yeah, me too."

"I wished I could have fun with Alex like you did with her last night, but he's always been too busy with his stupid frat to pay attention to his little sister."

"I know." I wrapped my arm around her as well. "If he'd hung out with you more, you wouldn't have fallen prey to me."

"What happened to poor little Shawn, that I supposedly ignored for so long?" She asked with a smile.

"That was in high school. I'm talking about our freshman year when you were like a cat, rubbing up against my leg, begging for attention."

"Your leg wasn't the only thing I was rubbing against, if I remember correctly."

"That's true," I raised my plastic cup and we toasted. I poured the last of the pitcher between our glasses.

"You don't need to ply me with alcohol, you know."

"Yeah, I know that. I just don't need to drink it all by myself. What do you think about Atomic Burrito for dinner? Then we can walk back to my place and eat and talk?"

"Sounds great. I'm really starving."

We finished our beers. Midnight walked back by and we told him goodbye. We walked across the street to the burrito joint. It was practically empty and service was very fast. We were back at my apartment with in 20 minutes. She sat down at the table, and I thought back to what Stacey and I did on that table just a few hours before. I grabbed us each a beer before I sat down.

We were both hungry, so we ate a bit in silence, before we started talking.

"Sandy told me that she and Jenn ran into you two outside the Student Union today." She said.

"Yeah, I was showing her around. Shit, I forgot to tell you, she's going to be here next semester."

"Wow, you think your dad is going to survive the heart attack?" Mel asked.

"I don't know." I replied, shaking my head. "We'll see."

"Sandy thought you'd found another girl."

"Why was that?" I asked.

"She said you were holding hands. She thought that it was a little weird, especially when you told them she was your sister."

"Do you think it's weird?" I asked.

"No, I think it's cute."

"You do?"

"Yeah, I do. I was always envious of how close Stacey and you were. You did things with her all the time. I never had that." Mel'd complained about her brother, Alex, a lot in the time we were together. He was a year older than us. I'd gotten along with him in high school, we were friends and played football and baseball together. By the time I got to college, he was a different guy. The frat he joined were the "bad boys" on campus. I'd never met one of them that I liked. I was pretty sure the assholes from last night were part of the same bunch. The fact of the matter was, they were all a bunch of pussies, but stuck together like glue. You could never fight just one of them.

He scarcely gave me the time of day anymore, which really didn't bother me, but the way he acted towards Mel made me want to put my foot up his ass. He called her a dumb slut at a party our freshman year. Fortunately, I just happened to be in earshot. He was really drunk and way out of line with her from my perspective. We'd been about the same size in high school, but he hadn't lifted anything heavier than a bottle of brew in two years. I walked over to him and without a word, grabbed him by the throat and slammed him into a brick wall. I told him to apologize to her or I was going see if his head would pop like a pimple. He apologized, but then he got a shit-eating grin on his face. I turned around to see about 6 of his frat "sisters" standing around me. One was holding a folding chair, another a baseball bat. I let him go of him, but not before I looked him in the face and told him that this was not over with. I turned around and his little buddies were just standing there. I gave them all a good stare, and memorized their faces. I hoped that I would catch them off by themselves someday, but none more so than Alex.

"I know Mel. You deserve better." I said.

"We were just so close growing up, but then he changed, and not in a good way."

"I know. We were buddies in high school. I wouldn't cross the street now except to punch him in the mouth."

"I know you wouldn't. You don't know how wet I got that night, when you stood up for me."

"Well, I kind of remember you were excited when we got back to the dorms. That was our first time." I smiled.

"Yes, it was. You were always so good to me."

"I tried really hard, you know."

"I know you did." She took a long sip of her beer. "I always appreciated that, even when I didn't always show you."

"It's ok. I understand," I smiled.

We sat there in silence and just looked at each other. We were both smiling. She was holding my hands in hers. Finally, I asked her, "What made you envious of Stacey and me?"

"You two just have the relationship I always wanted with Alex. You were just more than brother and sister. You were friends, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." I looked down at the table.

"What, did I say something wrong," she asked. She held my hand more tightly.

"No, you didn't say anything wrong, Mel."

"Then why did you go from smiling at me to looking at the table?"

I knew I should just keep my mouth shut, but I couldn't keep it from her. She'd meant the world to me. My best hope was that she wouldn't hit me with her beer bottle. "Babe, I really need to tell you something." I looked back up at her.

"What?"

"It's about last night. I'm not sure I should, but I need to tell you. It's really hurting me because of how much I care for you."

"Go on with it." I could see the alarm on her face.

"Mel, it's like you've said, Stacey and I really care for one another. A lot. More than I think most brothers and sisters care for one another."

She looked at me questioningly.

"What are you trying to say?" She asked.

"Stacey and I, uh, went beyond being brother and sister last night."

"Shawn, do you mean..." She asked, her question trailing off.

"Yeah, babe. I do." I nodded my head nervously.

She looked down at the table. I instantly regretted having said anything. When she looked back at me, she was crying.

"Honey, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you. Things just happened last night. I never realized what I was feeling, but she told me things, and well..." I tried to explain.

"Shawn, stop it. You don't owe me an apology."

I could not have been more stunned. "I don't?"

"No. You don't." She said, between sobs.

"Why not?" I asked.

"Because you shared something beautiful with her. Something I wished I could have shared." She said.

"You mean?"

"Yes. I felt that way about Alex for a long time, but I never could tell him. I still felt that way when I got to school, even though he wasn't the same. That night you tried to rip his head off, I got him off away from his friends. I had a little too much to drink. I was tired of keeping it to myself, so I told him how I felt. He told me I was sick and fucked up, and he made me feel like trash. Then, later when we were out in the party again, he started calling me names in front of everybody. You know the rest."

"Yeah, I do. I'm so sorry." I held her hands tightly in my own. I knew if I ever caught him by himself, he was going to a worse beating than he was before.

"There's no need for you to be sorry. You gave me the love I wanted from him."

"It's not just that babe, I'm sorry because I don't want to hurt you again. I'm just really having a hard time with things right now. I'm so damn conflicted. I mean I loved you more than anything, but then the last 24 hours has happened."

"Shawn, believe me. I would feel the same way."

"How do you feel about Alex now?"

"Not the same at all. He really hurt me that night. He's never mentioned it again. Granted, we don't talk much. I haven't seen him since Christmas."

"Wow. I'm sorry." I shook my head in disbelief.

"Shawn, It's not your fault. He's not the guy I loved anymore. I realized that finally. I just feel bad because even after the way he treated me, it kept me from loving you the way I should have. I thought of him practically every time that you and I made love. I knew that was wrong and that I needed to get over it. That's why I suggested we take a break."

I nodded.

"I hoped that now I was finally over all of that, we'd get a second chance. I had no idea that Stacey was going through the same things."

"I never imagined any of what has happened the last two days." I said. She nodded as I continued. "It's just surreal."

"I know it is. Does Stacey hate me?"

"No of course not. She told me she was always jealous of you, too."

"I can imagine. I know the feeling would have been mutual." I led her over the couch and we sat down together.

"She's worried about you, though."

"Why me?" Mel asked.

"As you would imagine, she and I talked a lot today."

"Yeah, I bet."

"She told me this morning that she thought we could keep it a secret, but then she said she couldn't do anything behind your back."

"That is so her. She's going through all of this and she worries about me." I could see her tearing up again. I reached for the box of tissues.

"Yeah, that's her all right. Then right before she left, she told me I should decide if I wanted to be with you."

"Oh, Shawn. That tears my heart out."

"I know. Think about where I'm at." I added.

"Being the one that has to choose." She said.

"Yeah."

"Shawn. I love you, and I always will, but I'm not going to be in the way. I know how she feels because I've felt the same way. I know how hard it was for her to face her feelings, and now that she has, I can't hurt her."

"Mel, baby. I don't want to decide everything tonight."

"I'm not deciding anything or telling you to decide. I'm just telling you how I feel." She added.

"But you've made it pretty clear that picking you is not an option."

She just stared at me. A neutral expression on her face. Tears ran down her beautiful face.

"Okay. I understand what you're saying. Come here." I wrapped my arm around her.

"I never thought she'd go through the same thing I did." She cried.

"I never would've thought either one of you would."

"I'm just happy it has turned out for her the way it has so far." She looked up at me with a little smile.

I was really having trouble with my emotions and being half drunk didn't help. There I was holding Mel and thinking about Stacey an hour and half away at some stupid banquet. I felt my own eyes well up.

"Hey. What are you doing? I've never seen you cry before." She said.

"I'm sorry babe. I've just got so much going on my head right now." She moved around and straddled my lap. She clutched my head to her chest.

"Shawn, it's ok. You need to just let some of this out. So, do I."

We stayed like that for a long time. Both of us holding each other and crying. It didn't solve anything, but it was a release that we both needed.

Finally, she spoke. "Did that help?"

"Yeah, a little bit."

"Would you mind walking me home?" She asked.

"Uh, no, but would you mind staying here tonight? I just don't want to be alone right now."

"No, I wouldn't mind."

"Okay. Good. I'm really tired."

"I'm a little frazzled myself." She got off me and led me to my bedroom. She glanced at the pictures on the wall of her and Stacey. She smiled at me briefly.

"Do you have a t-shirt I can sleep in?"

"Sure." I pulled open a drawer. "Take your pick."

"Thanks."

"Your toothbrush is in the drawer. Actually, it's a new one, but it's the kind you like."

"Thank you." She replied.

I put some sleep shorts on and was lying in bed when she rejoined me.

"Not the night here I imagined, when you were kissing me last night." She said.

"No. It's not."

"Just hold me," She said as she slid under the covers.

————————-

I awoke about 8 o'clock Sunday morning. My bed was empty. I couldn't hear anything, so I threw off the covers and went to look for her. A quick search revealed that she was gone.

I found a note on the kitchen table.

"Shawn,

Sandy came to pick me up. I figured you might need some time to think. Remember what I said last night. I love you and always will, but I will not come between you and Stacey. Call me if you need anything. I love you.

Mel"

I laid the note back down on the table. I went to the couch and sat down. What was I going to do? I wanted both of them in my life, but that was just selfish, and would never work. What kind of life could I have with Stacey though? I loved her, passionately, but she was still my sister. How long could we keep it from our family and friends? The possibility of them learning about what we'd already shared scared me. What would they think of us? How would they treat us?

Then there was Mel. I had no idea that she'd shared the same feelings for her brother. It hurt me to know that was why he treated her that way two years ago. I wanted to punch him in the face until my knuckles hurt. What I'd shared with Stacey was the most wonderful experience in my life, and he'd denied himself of that opportunity.

I thought I could have a real future with Mel, except for what she said about not coming between Stacey and me. It seemed the only way I could expect to have a future with Mel, was if Stacey changed her mind. That didn't seem very likely given the way Stacey told me she felt.

I was still sitting there stewing an hour later when my phone rang.

It was my parent's number. I wondered who was calling, and about what.

"Hello," I answered.

"Hi, Shawn." It was Mom. "How are you this morning?"

"I'm fine, Mom. How are you?"

"I've been better."

"What's wrong, Mom?"

"There's no good place to begin, I guess." She paused. "I told your father to move out last night."

"What? Why?" I asked in confusion.

"Because I confirmed yesterday afternoon that he's been fucking his secretary." Hearing my Mom use that word made me shiver. I honestly couldn't remember ever hearing her say it. "I've had my suspicions for a while, but I needed proof, so I hired a private investigator. He's been following them for 4 months."

"Oh, geez, Mom. I'm really sorry." I replied.

"Thanks sweetie, but it's for the best. I should have done all of this sooner, but I wanted to keep the peace until you and Stacey were grown and on your own."

"There were times growing up that he was a great dad, but there were a lot of times he was just an asshole. Sorry Mom."

"I know he was, and there were a lot of times that he was a great husband, but I couldn't let him make a fool of me. Both of my brothers are partners in that firm, for God's sake."

"Yeah, I know. So, other than that minor little event, what else happened?" What a weekend this turned out to be.

"Last night was a mess from the beginning, because of that stupid banquet. Your father called from the office saying that we must go to it, so then I called you. I'd just hung up the phone, when the investigator called and said he had a report for me, and that he was going to meet me at the store down the road to deliver it. I ran to meet him and came right home. I'd just finished reading it when your father arrived. I was ready to stab him, knowing he'd been with that little tramp again yesterday afternoon. I didn't want to confront him then, since Stacey was to arrive at any minute."

I just sat there listening, as she gave me the play by play.

"We all were ready and were about to leave. Your sister, bless her, decided that was a great time to get things started by blurting out that she wasn't going back to Harvard in the fall." Mom said.

"Oh, Stacey, why?" I said.

"Uh, yeah. Your father looked like he was going to explode at any second."

"What happened then?" I asked.

"He started yelling and screaming at her. I decided I'd had enough, so I reached into my purse and pulled out the envelope the investigator gave me. 'Before you get any more out of control tonight, you might want to look at this.' I told him."

"Damn." I said.

"Yes. He just looked at it for a long time, before he finally picked it up and walked to his study. I heard the door slam and Stacey and I just looked at one another. We walked into my sitting area and I explained to her what all happened. She and I both started crying."

"What did you do then?" I ask.

"I called your Uncle Joe and Uncle Robert, and explained what was going on. They both said they'd be there immediately. I then went to his study. When I opened the door, he was leafing through the photographs the investigator took. He said, 'what can I say?' I responded with, 'You can start by telling your daughter and me goodbye.' I told him that he had 20 minutes to pack his clothes."

"Mom, I'm so proud of you. You handled that pretty well." I reassured her.

"Stacey and I fell apart again after he left, but I thought I did okay, overall."

"Why didn't you call me last night?" I asked.

"Stacey said you were out with Mel and I didn't want you to come home to a message on the answering machine or anything like that. Did you all have a nice time?"