A few days had passed since I slept with my sister. It still felt surreal - like I was just going to wake up any moment and it would just be some crazy dream I had. We hadn't actually done anything since, partly because I had no idea how to approach the situation and partly because there was still an air of awkwardness between us. When we were doing it, it was a heat of the moment thing, and I don't think either of us were thinking about what came afterwards. In fact, it actually felt like we'd drifted further apart since then. We definitely weren't as chatty with each other, and she actively seemed to be avoiding me. Laying down on my bed, I let out a sigh of frustration.
'What do I do?'
I must have asked myself that question hundreds of times within the last few days.
'Do I tell her that I want it to continue? Do I tell her we can't do it again?'
Deep down in my heart, I was sure that I wanted our relationship to continue, but my head told me otherwise. It told me I was messed up for wanting it, but I loved her. It wasn't like I could just stop, especially after what we did. I even came inside her... that was a risk I'm not willing to take again. I still felt pangs of guilt for what happened. Sighing, I got up and headed downstairs for a drink. I needed something to take my mind off it, to clear my head. On the way down, however, I saw her standing there at the foot of the staircase.
'Mel...'
That was the only word I could muster before I darted back to my room, shutting the door behind me, just wishing my problems would all magically go away. A few seconds later, I heard a knock on my door.
'Look, we need to talk, okay?'
Hearing those words felt like my heart turned to iron. That was never a good sign to start a conversation with. After she entered my room uninvited, she perched herself on my bed. We didn't even say anything for a few minutes. We didn't know what to say. After a while, though, Melanie finally said something.
'Look, about what we did the other day... I... I really don't think this should continue,' she told me. I had already expected as much, but even so, hearing those words still destroyed me inside. On one hand, I was happy that she'd broken off our sexual relationship. On the other, it crushed me. I loved her and I know it's what I wanted. It wasn't fair. Why did we have to be born as siblings? Why couldn't we be neighbours, or classmates, hell, even workmates would have been fine with me. Just why... why did we have to be related? I blanked out the rest of what she said. Cursing my fate, I just shut everything out, trying to cope with it, and after a few minutes Melanie got the message and left me to myself. Reeling from the sadness, I couldn't help but cry. I must have cried for hours. That night was one of the worst nights of my life. I could barely sleep, I was depressed, and the downpour through the night didn't help any. I found myself listening to music, or watching a video, or even just restlessly wandering around the house. I just wanted something to distract myself from it all.
The next morning, I grabbed my coat and headed out early. The last thing I wanted was another awkward encounter with my sister. I grabbed my wallet and decided to go look around the town for a while. There was a game that I'd been searching for, so maybe I'd go see if I could pick that up somewhere. The morning was bitterly cold; a rarity considering it was the middle of July. My eyes followed the glistening pavement as I walked for what seemed like forever, before I finally reached the town centre. It was surprisingly busy considering the weather and the fact that it was still only around 11am at best. I decided to grab a bite to eat, so I dropped into one of my favourite cafes and got a burger to go before heading back out. When I looked up, however, I almost dropped my food from shock. She was the last person I expected to see here, and most certainly the last person I wanted to see.
'Tia...?'
'Hi, Blake.'
That cold tone of voice told me she was just as happy as I was to see her.
'Didn't expect to see you here,' I continued, trying to get out of the conversation as quickly as I could.
'I miss you.'
Hearing her say those words made my blood boil.
'You miss me? You miss me? Well, I missed you too. I missed you so much in fact, that I've been dying to tell you something and I just couldn't wait. Go. Fuck. Yourself.'
'That's not fair, Blake.'
'Not fair? I'll give you not fair. How's cheating on me with two teachers and getting them thrown in prison for statutory tape of a minor? How's that for not fucking fair?'
'Look... I know I've done some wrong in the past-'
'Save your bullshit for someone who gives a damn,' I angrily snarled at her. I wasn't about to let this bitch ruin my day. Hell, she'd already ruined my confidence. Thanks to her, I had major trust issues in relationships. She cheated on me with two people, got pregnant with god knows who's child, got two men life imprisonment and I'm pretty sure she was only interested in me because of the money I got from my part time job. She taught me firsthand how evil some people can be. And according to the law, she was the one in the right. It sickened me. How could she do something so despicable and get away with it just like that? She was by far the person who sickened me the most on this planet we call home. Just the knowledge I had to live in the same town as her made me want to punch something. I hated her. Sometimes, I even wished that she'd just disappear. Kidnapping, murder, I didn't care. I just didn't want to see her face. I didn't want to be reminded of what she did.
When she grabbed my arm, I felt chills go through my whole body. I wanted to hit her right there and then, but I calmed myself before I became another one of her statistics.
'I want a chance to make things right, Blake. Please, give me one more chance.' The sad look in her eyes gave me a twisted sort of satisfaction. Knowing that she was suffering, even if it was nothing compared to the lives she destroyed, made me feel so much better.
'You had your chance. You blew it. Now get the fuck off me before I call the cops.'
As I walked away, she didn't attempt to follow me. She simply watched me leave. Deep down, a part of me genuinely felt bad for her. I didn't like being an asshole to people. In fact I hated it. Even when it came to people like her, I was too soft. She had no qualms about hurting people, yet I still couldn't bring myself to cause the same pain she had. I didn't want to be like her. I was so lost in thought I didn't even realise Melanie was right behind me until she said my name.
'Blake?'
I turned around, surprised to hear someone calling my name. I didn't realise who the voice belonged to at first, but the second I saw her I immediately turned back around and began walking faster.
'Blake, wait!'
As her fingers interlocked with mine, I violently pulled away. It seemed to worry Mel, unsurprisingly. The look of fear on my face must have strangled my other emotions. Honestly, I was genuinely scared of hearing what she had to say. I was so close to her. We might not have said it, but we were basically best friends. There was no-one else in the world that I trusted as much as her. That's partly why it hurt so much, being rejected by her. Thanks to Tia, I had paranoia-level trust problems, so to be turned down by the one person I felt was there for me if I needed her brought my whole world crashing down. I couldn't bear to hear what she was going to say, so I sprinted home as fast as my legs could carry me, rushed to my room, and shut the door, remaining absolutely silent in the hope my sister wouldn't know I was there. But she was much smarter than that. She knew me extremely well, well enough to know that when I feel trapped I always hide in my room. It's the only place I truly feel comfortable.
'Blake...? I know you're in there. Come on, open up. Talk to me, Blake.'