CHAPTER 1
My little sister has always had a certain type when it comes to guys. I can say that confidently because she hasn't exactly brought home a few of them over the years. It always happens the same way: She brings some new guy home unannounced, I stumble upon them in the kitchen or in the hallway, having to do a double-take to figure out whether I've met him before or not, which it rarely turns out I have. Yeah, they're all that similar. That's not necessarily a bad thing though -- they're usually the kind of guys that I hit it off with very well. They're far from bad boys, they're actually quite the opposite: They're calm and laidback, have a great sense of humor, and seem to treat my sister with the utmost respect. Short hair, often a pair of trendy glasses, stylish but not flashy clothes. They're usually a couple of years older than her, which makes them around my age. Most of them look like they spend considerable time at the gym, sure, but not so much that it consumes them and becomes their entire personality.
In fact, to my great delight, they're often huge nerds. Not nerds in like the socially awkward-and-poorly-clothed movie trope kind of way, but just people who have genuine interests in comic books, video games, movies, and all that jazz. This has always surprised me since my sister really isn't the type to care about any of that stuff at all. I, on the other hand, cannot get enough of all things nerdy -- I play games all day, frequently play
Dungeons and Dragons
with friends, and study film production at the university. Sometimes it feels like I'm a better match for her boyfriends than she is.
It kind of puzzles me where she can find all of these different men with weirdly similar personality traits, but I guess being conventionally attractive makes the search a whole lot easier. Our mother spent 10 years as a professional model, after all, so my sister (let's call her Milly) has had the genetic lottery slightly rigged in her favor. I mean, I'm her brother and all, but that doesn't mean I'm clueless -- she has the combination of a playful smile, dimples, and intensely captivating green eyes that gives her total command of every guy in every room she's in, girls too for that matter, even though she's barely taller than 160cm. Her brown hair goes down to her shoulders, and she usually dresses in high-waisted jeans and flowery shirts and blouses. She's VERY talkative, the kind of extrovert who would most likely explode if she doesn't talk to anyone for half an hour, and she loves to boss people around. Especially her boyfriends. And yes, she has big boobs, at least for her size. I guess it's unnatural not to mention that as well.
Milly's newest boy-toy doesn't stray far from her usual preferences, and I'd go so far as to say he's a really likable guy. Not as much into working out as others have been, but still as nerdy as ever. I'll call him Liam. When I first walked in on them making out in the kitchen, I actually ended up having a pretty long conversation with him about that new Dune movie that's coming out instead of awkwardly backing out and cursing Covid for making me live at my parents' house like I usually do. He'd even read all the books. Milly's boys are usually gone within a few months, but half a year went by, and Liam still frequently came over. He even started participating in family board game nights, and
that
is when you know things are starting to get serious.
Gradually, Liam and I began hanging out as well. Whenever he was visiting and Milly had an online class, an appointment, or something like that, he would sit down with me on the living room couch. We'd talk and play games on my PS4 -- we mostly played Destiny 2 and he usually crushed me -- and after a while, he genuinely started feeling like a friend. A friend who just so happened to be banging my little sister.
One night my sister was hanging out with some friends, and Liam hit me up and asked me if I wanted to come hang out at his place, a tiny apartment close to the university. I ended up staying the whole evening. We watched two classics, The Silence of The Lambs and From Dusk Till Dawn, and we spent hours afterward just discussing them while he happily offered me samples from his booze collection. I think I was in the middle of trying some weird Finnish peppermint liquor when I exclaimed, "Look dude, I'm as disgusted by Quentin Tarantino's weird foot fetish as the next guy, but if Salma Hayek walked up to me in that outfit, I would happily suck on her toes as well."
Liam laughed his belly laugh and nodded. "Yeah dude, I guess. I'm not really the guy to have crushes on celebrities, but I would pay a whole fucking lot of money to have my face between her tits."
"Why stop at the tits? Not a single inch of that woman's body is short of perfection."
He shrugged. "I'm a boob guy, what can I say. I guess you already knew that, though." After an annoyed look from me, he laughed again. "What? I'm just stating facts. Your sister has a god-like pair, I'm sure you've noticed."
"I don't really spend much time thinking about my sister's body dude, sorry to disappoint you."
I wasn't lying. I mean, sure, that one time we shared a room on vacation and I saw her topless it was hard not to acknowledge how well-formed they were, and if they had belonged to someone else I would most likely have been sneaking glances at them all the time, but this was a whole other story.
"Speaking of Milly, though," he continued, "How are you this much of a film freak and you've never shown her any good movies? She hasn't even seen Jurassic Park, man!"
"Wait, she hasn't? Fuck, I'm an embarrassment of a brother." I reached out for the bottle for another glass. "But I don't know, we've never really hung out like that much. She's never really shown much interest in the movies I'm watching. I've just thought she's not a film person."
"Well, she loves to watch them with me. Even though we rarely reach the end without getting distracted. She always gets bored and pushes my hand up her shirt." I groaned and punched his arm, but we both laughed. "No but for real, the three of us should have a movie night together. We could show her some of the classics and mansplain the shit out of them. Would be a lot of fun."
As he talked, his phone kept lighting up and buzzing, and he rolled his eyes as he picked it up. "Oh, shit. Milly's too drunk again. I'm gonna have to help her get home."
With my blood full of alcohol, I had to stumble my way home by foot. For some reason I couldn't stop my drunken thoughts from drifting to an image of Liam playing with my moaning sister's nipples while watching a movie. The thought grossed me out at the same time though, and after I threw up in a ditch, I forgot all about it.
We did end up having that movie night, though. Milly thought it was a stupid idea at first ("I have to deal with both of you nerding out for an entire night!?"), but one Saturday we were all at home while our parents were away, and we were all bored, so we figured why not.
At the request of Milly, we chose a horror flick -- and Liam pushed for Nightmare on Elm Street, one of his favorites -- but as the alcohol started flowing, we just ended up in laughing fits more often than we got scared. It was honestly nice though, after a year of not being able to party all that much, just drinking and joking and having a good time. I didn't even feel like a third wheel like I'd thought I would. And I didn't really mind hearing them fuck loudly in their room after we'd all gone to bed either, even though that used to absolutely piss me off with previous boyfriends she's had. I could definitely tell that my sister was loud during sex, and the thought of that used to gross me out. I guess I was just in a good mood after a great evening, and the alcohol drowned out the frustration. Or something like that.
The movie nights slowly became a tradition. The next one a month later, then two weeks later, until they pretty much happened weekly. My bond with my sister weirdly became so much closer through her boyfriend -- before, we wouldn't be able to hang out for more than an hour or two before we'd start some silly fight, but now those fights usually just ended up as friendly banter. Liam had that amazing ability to mitigate and loosen up any tight situation with the perfect joke. We fell into the habit of starting out the night with a movie and then delving into deeper and deeper questions as the night went on and the bottles got emptier.
"Wait, THAT is on your bucket list?" It was two in the morning, and four empty wine bottles lay sprawling over the TV table of Liam's apartment. Milly had had at least half of that, and she was in the mood for roasting. "That's just sad, to be honest"
"What! You know Gossip Girl is my guilty pleasure show, visiting the shooting locations would be the first thing I'd do if I'd go to New York." Okay, maybe not all the conversations were deep. I really do love Gossip Girl, though.
"You're such a loser," she replied, eliciting a laugh from Liam.
"Babe, it's not like you don't have a bucket list full of weird shit yourself."
She looked at him strictly and said with a slightly hushed voice: "Babe, that's something completely different."
He shrugged, but I was intrigued. "Woah, woah, wait, I need to hear more! What kind of weird shit?"
"She has a special list dedicated to all the sex stuff she wants to do. Like, a physical list, written on paper and all. She calls it the fuck-it list." Milly rolled her eyes hard, and I couldn't help but laugh.
"That's creative, I'll give you that. But hey, I spilled my guts on some of my embarrassing wishes, you gotta do the same."
"Sure." Milly was never the one to back down from a challenge. "My top one would probably be starting in a porn movie. Like, not necessarily something that would ever get published, but just being directed, showing off for the camera, stuff like that. I think I'd be a great porn star."
I hadn't expected such a direct answer, and I was a bit taken aback by it. It took me a few seconds to think of a fitting answer to hearing your sister say she wanted to be a porn star. "Wow. Yeah, I mean sure, I get where you're coming from."
"Yeah, do they teach you that in film school, Jonah?" Liam chuckled. Oh, and yeah, my name is Jonah, guess I haven't mentioned that yet. "There should definitely be a class for porn directing, so that we could hire you."
