"Wait, you're a virgin?!"
Dave couldn't believe his new roommate, Brian, would just blurt that out so loud. He quickly looked around to make sure nobody was there to make him even more embarrassed.
"Yeah, dude what the fuck! Keep it down!"
"Oh shit, sorry man. Why, though? There had to be some sluts in high school or some chicks on Tinder or something?"
Dave shrugged and said, "Yeah, I've had some chances but I just get kinda freaked out. Honestly I just puss out when I've had the chance."
"Why?"
"I don't know, man, it's really embarrassing and personal."
"Dude, this is our first year of college, I can't have my roommate afraid to get pussy with me! I know we've just been here together for a couple months, but I think I might be the most chill person you'll ever meet about sex. Just tell me, I won't be a dick about it."
Dave's stomach was tight with embarrassment, but some part of him was all too eager to get this off his chest.
"My dick, I don't know, I'm just pretty insecure about the size."
Brian looked at him with sympathy instead of ridicule, making Dave feel a bit more comfortable. "Well, is it like a micropenis?"
"No, it's like 5, 5 and a half inches on a good day. And it's not very thick, I don't know I just feel, like, terrified of pulling it out for a girl and she's expecting some porno cock to tear her pussy up or something."
"Ahh, ok. I can understand that. Honestly though, that's not super small, that's pretty much average. Porno isn't average, the only people that feel compelled to show themselves fucking on camera are super hot people with huge cocks and amazing bodies. It's all skewed."
"Yeah I guess, I just still feel super insecure about it."
Brian felt bad for him. He had only known Dave a few months but he was a super good guy, and they always had a good time together.
"Listen man, I'm going home for the weekend, just come with me and talk to my sister about it."
Dave looked up at him with total disbelief. "What?"
"Yeah man, my older sister Dani is super cool about that shit, she's a Junior over at DePaul."
Dave still couldn't believe what he was hearing. "So I tell you I'm insecure about the size of my dick and that's why I'm still a virgin... and your next thought is for me to go tell your big sister about it?"
"No dude, she's not a therapist. I mean just come fuck her, she'll definitely be down, you just gotta ask."
Dave's mouth dropped open and he stared at Brian like he just saw a leprechaun. "Am I hearing you correctly or am I going insane?"
"Listen man, my family's just really open about sex, and Dani is definitely down. Just come over this weekend, you can crash at my parents place."
"Are you fucking with me right now? Am I going to humiliate myself in front of your family?"
"No, man, trust me! Jesus, I know my own family! I'll ask her for you, she's done this before for some of my dad's friends."
~~~~~
Dave drove out to the suburbs with Brian after class that Friday. Brian told him stories about growing up, and how his parents were always really open about sex.
"I think they just didn't want us to have any weird ideas or misconceptions, and they didn't think it was anything to be ashamed about. So we always asked questions, and they always answered honestly. When Dani and I started becoming more sexually active in high school, we would just tell the stories at the dinner table and my parents were super chill about it."
"Holy shit, man. My family is so thoroughly the opposite of that, I couldn't imagine it..." Dave had seen enough stepmom porn on the internet to think he knew where this was leading. "But you guys don't... like -"
"No! Jesus dude, come on! No, we don't fuck each other, we're not fuckin cave people or something," Brian said, looking disgusted.
"Well shit, I don't know! This is so... odd. I've never heard of a family like this."
"You'll have a good time, relax. They're sweet as can be."
~~~~~
They pulled into the driveway and rang the doorbell. Brian's mom answered the door, "Hi, you must be Dave! Brian told me he'd be bringing over his roommate for the weekend, so glad to meet you! My name is Stacy, come on in." Stacy was a natural blonde with a warm smile in her mid-40s and clearly took care of her body. She had the figure of someone who was just getting out of her fit soccer mom years. She hugged Brian and Dave, who felt her large, soft breasts press against him in her low cut v-neck t-shirt. Dave could see her shapely ass jiggling in her yoga pants as she led them into the house.
They walked into the kitchen and Dave and Brian put their bags down.
"So Dave, it's so nice to finally meet you! I'm so glad you guys get along, it can be such a pain when you have roommates you don't like."
Dave smiled at her and said, "yeah we've had a lot of fun so far. Thanks so much for having me, Mrs. Gray, I'm excited to meet all of you."
Brian smirked and said, "he's especially excited to meet Dani."
Dave looked at Brian with horror and rage, but Brian and Stacy just laughed.
"Ahh, I see," Stacy said. "She sure will be busy tonight, I think she has a friend from class over right now." Stacy turned to Dave with her warm, motherly smile. "I'm sure Dani will be delighted to meet you, you guys can go see if she's free now."
Dave still couldn't handle the innuendo in the air. He stayed silent, still weary of this whole situation turning into an elaborate and devastating prank.
