Welcome to my latest story and my first tale in the Incest/Taboo Category which I hope you will enjoy. Feedback is, as ever, very welcome as are ratings: knowing that one's stories are appreciated is a tremendous encouragement to keep writing.
My heartfelt thanks to my stalwart, generous, supportive and brilliant editor, Winterreisser. Thanks also to my favourite test reader and friend, Kat.
Just for the avoidance of ambiguity (especially for those less familiar with the UK education system) all the characters in the story are 18 or over.
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"It's so unfair," I complain as I flop down on my sister's bed following her surprise announcement of her lesbianism just as Sunday lunch was finishing.
"What?" she asks incredulously as she sits in the chair by her desk, smoothing her skirt as she does so. "What's so unfair about my being gay, Cathy?" This is, of course, a ridiculous question, though Fee won't realize this.
"I didn't say you being gay was unfair," I struggle to keep the bitterness out of my voice, "but, of course, when Little Miss Perfect, Felicity the Favourite, tells Mum and Dad that she's a raving dyke then they're all wonderfully accepting and 'Oh, we're so pleased that you could come out to us and be who you are.' It's not fair, Fee."
"Would you rather they disowned me?" she asks, clearly upset by my anger. "Perhaps they should have called me a sicko, a pervert and thrown me out. Would that have made you happy?"
"No!" I protest.
"Then what's your problem, Cathy?"
"It's not you, it's them, fucking Mum and Dad. I'm so fed up with always having to fight for everything and them always being dissatisfied with me."
"What do you mean, 'fight for everything'?" she asks and I realize that her being four years younger than me means she's not understood or noticed how our parents treat us so differently.
"Look, when I came to choose my subjects for GCSEs, they wanted to tell me what I should take. They succeeded, mostly, but I made a stand and insisted on taking Art, which they said was a waste of time, instead of German, which I hated and was complete crap at but that was, according to them, much more 'useful' for my future."
"But, Cathy, you're, like, amazing at drawing and painting and stuff. Surely they could see that?"
"I don't know if they could see it or not; it didn't matter. Art for them was simply a waste of time. It was only with the help of the teacher at school that I got to take it."
"What, did your Art teacher talk them round?" Fee asks, intrigued and I cannot help a wry laugh.
"Nope; the German teacher: he said I was too shit at the subject to be allowed to take it! I got to take art but, of course, it was only because I was a failure at German." I shake my head. "Naturally, there was much the same battle when it came to A Levels; Art was again a no-no, but this time I didn't need them to fill in the form so in theory I could pick whatever I wanted, as you did. In the end, I had to compromise just to, well, just to not have them push me into going out to work, or so it felt at the time. Psychology was okay and they didn't mind that, but Philosophy was a waste of time so I ended up with Economics and History just so I could again keep Art."
"That's not fair. They just let me choose... oh yeah, that was your point wasn't it." She looks sad for me. "At least you could do the degree you wanted," Fee tries to sound positive.
"Yeah, sort of... and only once I persuaded them that I ought to be allowed to do a degree
at all
. You should be glad you were at your friend's house the afternoon of
that
argument; Mum and I were both in tears by the end of it."
"But how, I mean, Mum and Dad have always said they want us to go to University and, well, that the Graphic Design degree was the course you really wanted to do..." Fee protests, though with less conviction.
"Yes, well, that's another sore point. I did choose Graphic Design and, yeah, okay, it wasn't a bad course and I like the job I have now but... well, it was the only art course that I could find that seemed to link to a job afterwards. That was the condition, you see: the course had to be
practical
or
vocational
... not like you."
"Well, International Relations is... quite... yeah, okay, it's not the same." She hesitates. "I'm sorry Mum and Dad have such a downer on you, it's not fair. I think you're pretty amazing, for a big sister, anyway," she smiles.
"Thanks, you're not so bad yourself... for a little sister!" I smile back. We haven't always been such good friends, due to our age difference mainly I guess, but over the last few years we have grown closer. Despite that, her coming out as lesbian this afternoon had come as a shock; she had never mentioned anything like this to me. She'd also had what I'd assumed were boyfriends in the past. It was frustrating but clearly my
gaydar
didn't work, at least not with Fee; perhaps my feelings towards her got in the way. She looks at me with an expression of confusion on her face.
"Cathy, look, I really am upset with the parents for how they've treated you but there's just one thing: what the fuck do any of your problems with Mum and Dad have to do with me coming out to them? " she asks a little anxiously, "Are... are you okay with me being gay? You are, aren't you? Please say you are. I know I should have told you before telling Mum and Dad but if, like, you'd disapproved then I couldn't have gone through with telling them." There is now desperation in her voice so I smile reassuringly.
"Fee, I'm absolutely fine with you being gay, really I am, though it was a surprise. It's just..." I take a deep breath. "Fee, you know where I live in Portsmouth, the flat that I share..."
"Yes, with your flatmate, Helena. She's nice," Fee replies, obviously remembering the couple of times she's come down and visited.
"Fee, Helena wasn't my flatmate..." I look down, suddenly nervous.
"What? Cath, I
know
she lives with you so what are you talking about?"
"Jeez, Fee, make me paint you a picture, why not?" I say in exasperation. "Yes,
of course
Helena lived there but she wasn't
just
my flatmate..." I look at her, willing her to understand. She looks confused for a moment, before understanding dawns.
"She was your... girlfriend?" I nod and a grin spreads across her face as she moves from her chair to sit on the bed beside where I lie. I wriggle aside to make room for her. "So you're lesbian too; my big sis is a dyke like me. That's so cool!"
"Excuse me?" I poke her in the ribs, "She, Helena, and I were together for eighteen months and I've known I was gay since I was I was younger than you are now; I think, therefore, that my cute little sister is a dyke like
me
! My problem now is that you've told Mum and Dad you're a lesbian, right? So if I tell them now that I am, what are they going to think? That I'm copying you, probably, because they were so okay with it."
"More than okay," Fee admits, "it's almost as if they were pleased about it."
"Well, they were probably so concerned to be not the least bit negative that they overdid it a bit. You can bet
I
won't get the same reaction; they'll think I'm just looking for their approval by being like you."
"No they couldn't: you knew you were gay before me and you've got a girlfriend." She sees me shake my head sadly and, I assume, the look on my face as my throat constricts with grief. "Oh... so... is Helena not your girlfriend anymore?" she asks.
"No, she's not," there is a catch in my voice, "she, she left me for someone else three weeks ago." Fee lies down and puts her arms around me.