My wife and I have been married for twelve years and together for almost twenty years. The entire time we have been together, her mother, Helen, and I have not gotten along. From day one, we have not seen eye to eye and have developed a rather antagonistic relationship. You might think I was exaggerating the issue but I'm not and I'll give examples. She told my wife if she marries me will have to make the best of it, is seen on our wedding video making faces and talking about not being able to wait until it's over. There was a time where I tried to make things better by cooking dinner for her and she cleaned up after dinner but left my plates there for me to clean up. It has been rather petty.
She is on her third marriage. My wife's father was her first husband that she divorced when my wife was twelve. The second husband lasted a couple of years and was gone before I came in the picture at age nineteen. Shortly after, she met and then married her third husband named Carl. He is on his second marriage and we don't get along either. He is simply a whipped slave. He does whatever she wants whenever she wants it and he clearly dislikes me having told me once that I am dead to him.
To describe my mother-in-law you first have to begin at the personality. She has been in and out of counseling and has been clinically diagnosed with personality disorders. Her behavior over the years confirms these diagnoses. She was an only child who loves to brag about being in college and her father having to cut her meals up because she couldn't.
Physically, she reminds me of a younger, better looking version of Shirley McClain and slightly larger. She is sixty-three years old and has put some weight on in the last nineteen years but is still only slightly bigger than McClain from her Terms of Endearment days. So, despite being the biggest bitch I may have ever met, she was not a bad looking lady and she has rather large breasts, 36 DD to be exact. I washed some clothes once while she was here and noticed the bra size.
Since my wife and I graduated from college we have lived in my home state which is not the same as her mother. So, whenever she came to visit, it was usually for an extended period of time. Recently, we even moved further away from her to try and make a better life in a cheaper state and we haven't seen much of her since we made the move.
Well, it was quite the surprise when I came home from work one night and my wife asked me if I wanted to try and work things out with her mother one last time. We had tried numerous times to make things better but it always ended bitterly. She had called my wife and presented an idea to her. It included me traveling to her house, which is about 12 hours away and staying the weekend with her to talk things out. Her husband, Carl, would be traveling to see his children who live in another state. I told my wife there was absolutely no way in hell I would be doing this. However, when my wife looked at me with those pleading eyes and began crying about it I had to relent and give in. I must have been out of my mind to agree to this.
It was a Friday morning and the beginning of a long weekend when I hopped in my car and drove the 12 hours to my mother-in-law's house. I decided to drive because it would give me an excuse to leave Sunday to get home for work the next day. I arrived at her house just after dinner time that Friday night. The trip was actually a good one with limited traffic.
I took a deep breath regretting that I agreed to do this and then rang the doorbell. Helen answered the door smiling which seemed completely out of the ordinary when it came to seeing me.
"Hey there," she said as she stepped out onto the front stair and gave me a hug and kissed me on the cheek. She was wearing a red sweater with black leggings. This was surprising since she had given up trying hug me years ago since I made it clear I didn't like to be touched by her. She had always worn too much perfume and this time was no different. I hadn't seen her in almost a year and she looked as if she lost a little bit of weight.
"It's good to see you. How was the drive?""
It was pretty good. Traffic wasn't too bad," I answered still standing on the front stair.
"C'mon in. Do you need help with your bags?"
"Nah. This is all I have right here," I said pointing to my bag as I walked into the house. Not much had changed since I was here last. The same old carpet which looked like it was thirty years-old was still there and pictures of my wife, her sister and her sister's kids were all over the house. Pictures of my kids were nowhere to be seen.
"You can put your stuff right here on the chair. Do you want a beer?"
"Uh...sure. I'll have one," I answered figuring if I was stuck here I might as well drink my sorrows away. I found that oddly funny because she once told my wife I had alcoholic tendencies despite not being a big drinker. I couldn't stand liquor and rarely drank beer.
"Here you go," she said as she brought me a bottle of Coors Light which was the beer I chose to drink when I did drink.
"Do you want something to eat? I did make reservations at an Italian place for about 6:30 but if you want something to eat now, I can make it."
"I'm good. The Italian place sounds good," I answered. This was certainly out of the ordinary. She hardly ever cooked meals. She certainly was trying to be nice to me but I couldn't help but feel the other shoe was going to drop real soon.
"Well, I bet your curious as to why I asked you to come here for the weekend," she said as she walked into the living room. "C'mon in and sit down."
I stepped into the living room which was an addition to the house and was actually two steps down from the kitchen. There was a big sectional sofa in the middle of the room. My wife had called it "the cave" because it was huge and when you sat in it, you kind of got lost. The fire was going in the fire place. I couldn't ever remember seeing the fire burning before. Helen sat down on the left side of "the cave" and gestured for me to sit down close to her. I didn't want to be rude but I also didn't want to sit next to her so I sat one section over from her and began chugging my beer.
"So, how is work? Did basketball finish up?"
I was shocked. Never before had she asked anything about my job or anything to do with my son.
"Things are going good. Basketball just ended two weeks ago.""That's good. I'm glad your job is going well."
"Where is Carl?"
"He went to see Jimmy and Linda in Arizona. He'll be back next week."
'That's good."
"Well, you want to get right to the point?"
"Sure," I answered hesitantly, wondering where this was headed.
"I have something to show you. It's a video and I'd like for you just to watch it completely before you say anything. It's only about twenty-five minutes long. When it's over, we can go to the restaurant and eat and talk about the video. Is that okay?"
"I guess so. What's it about?" "Just watch. A friend gave me the video and told me we should watch this. She said her and her son-in-law did and their relationship has improved greatly."
"Okay. Lets watch."
She turned on the television and the DVD began playing. I didn't recognize the show but it was clear it was one of those daytime talk shows where the host is some kind of counselor or shrink. The video began right at the point where the shrink brought out an older female and a man about my age. They were in-laws. The shrink began asking the woman about their relationship. She described them as being enemies for the last few years which the man shook his head in agreement.
The host then asked the woman to explain how that changed. She began by saying she attended a seminar given by another psychologist who specialized in alternative methods for improving people's relationships. Specifically, people who hated each other. The host went on to describe the person she was talking about and then introduced him to the audience as well. He came out on stage. The man looked like any other shrink did. Nerdy and annoying. I was starting to tune it out when Helen turned and said, "This is the part coming up.
"My focus shifted again to the television. The guest shrink was talking and he asked the woman to explain her experience. She went on to say how her and her son-in-law didn't get along and she attended this seminar and then made an appointment with the guest shrink. She managed to get her son-in-law to go to a second appointment where they came up with this solution.
I thought that is what this is about. She wants me to go to counseling with her. I decided right at that moment, I would do no such thing. But I quickly discovered I was wrong. The guest shrink interrupted and began to explain when two people don't like each other but want to get over that, they need to get to know each other. They need to get to know each other on the most intimate level.
The woman finished up by telling the audience that she agreed with him completely and that is how they improved their relationship. The host asked her how that was accomplished and she responded that they got to know each other on the most intimate level possible. They had sex.
I wasn't sure if I had heard the woman correctly but she went on to explain how they ended up in that situation. I could feel my face turning completely red and I felt more than saw Helen looking at me to see my reaction. The guest shrink went on to say there were many ways to accomplish the sex act. There was discussion about the topic, mutual masturbation, sensual petting of each other, oral sex and finally sexual intercourse.
I was shocked. Utterly shocked but I just sat there watching. The video went on for another fifteen minutes as they described their experience. It ended and Helen shut it off. For some reason, I noticed her at that moment. Like I said, she was wearing a red sweater that outlined her breasts nicely. It came down over her ass so I couldn't really see it. Her legs looked a little thinner than I remember and her hair was less grey than before. She had obviously dyed it.
"Are you ready to get something to eat?"
"Uhh...yeah," I stammered as I stood up and walked to the fridge and got another beer. Helen had gotten up and gone to the bathroom. I opened the beer and chugged it. She came back out and got her coat. We didn't say anything. We just got into my car and left.
We went to dinner which was a nice place. There was definitely some tension at the table. It wasn't the typical tension though. Normally, you could tell we just didn't like each other. This time, it was a nervous tension that was almost visibly present. The food was pretty good and we talked about a few things but the topic of the video never came up. I had three beers at dinner time and Helen had a couple glasses of wine. We finished up dinner and drove back to her house which was only about a mile away. The ride home was quiet. I didn't say much at all neither did Arlene. We got back to the house at about 8:45 or so.
We went inside and I quickly headed for the fridge where I got another beer and popped it open. It tasted good. I was starting to feel pretty good. Helen had gone towards her bedroom when we came in. I didn't know what to do. Was my mother-in-law going to ask me to have some kind of sex with her? I sat back down in the "cave" and turned the television on.
I started watching some basketball. Helen came into the living room. She had changed and was wearing a long bathrobe. I half expected her to come out wearing some kind of lingerie. I was kind of glad it was a robe because it made her look her age a little bit more than what she was wearing before.
"Well? Should we talk about the elephant in the room?" she asked.
"I guess so," I answered clearly sounding nervous to myself. "What is your take on that?"
