It felt like I just went to sleep, but I saw that the sun was pretty high in the sky when I rolled over and looked out the window. I groaned and covered my head with my pillow.
"It lives!" Tara smirked.
"How could you be awake already?" I asked grumpily.
"I only work up about a half an hour ago," my cousin laughed. "By the way, Kelly and Lee said to tell you that it was nice meeting you."
"What time did they leave?" I asked as I sat up and rubbed the sleep from my eyes.
"Not long after you passed out," she teased. "I'm surprised you didn't try and get into Kelly pants last night."
"She doesn't seem the type," I shrugged, and then grinning added, "Besides, her brother was with her."
"You're right," Tara replied. "She's not the type."
"Think she'd agree to come visit me one weekend?" I asked.
"Why? Toni and Sarah weren't enough for you?", Tara said, sounding annoyed. Her tone surprised me because Tara was normally pretty easy going.
"Ouch!" I said defensively while thinking to myself that I was lucky Tara didn't know about Emma or Connie.
"Sorry," Tara sighed. "I'm still a little tired."
"Me too," I said as I stretched.
"Well, you have been very busy this visit," she grinned, her sense of humor returning.
"I don't think I could survive another weekend like this," I complained melodramatically.
"But you're willing to try," my cousin said knowingly.
"If I must," I laughed. Tara shook her head.
"Why don't you go take a shower, lover boy," she said sarcastically. "Sarah went to the library and is supposed to meet up with some friends for lunch. She'll be back in time to say goodbye." I nodded and grabbed my towel.
I took a long, hot shower and dressed in a tee shirt and sweats. Tara was sitting at her desk staring off into space when I returned.
"What are you thinking?" I asked. Tara shook her head.
"Nothing really," she replied, but I knew she was lying.
"Bull," I said succinctly. It made her laugh.
"I never could keep anything from you," she said, but didn't explain. I waited patiently.
"Tara, talk to me," I finally prompted. "Is it what happened between Sarah, Toni and you?"
"That was amazing," she said, sounding confused by her own words.
"Are you okay with it?" I asked. Tara snorted.
"It's a little late to worry about that now," she said. She was upset. I could tell.
"It wasn't that big of a deal," I said trying to calm her.
"Not a big deal! I had sex with not one, but two members of the same sex for the first time and I enjoyed it," she said, shaking her head. "I watched you, my cousin, fuck them both and I enjoyed it!"
"You are only human," I said carefully. "There is nothing wrong with experimenting. It's not like having sex with woman makes you a lesbian."
"How do you know?" Sarah asked angrily. I realized that we were getting to the crux of the matter now.
"Tara, you've had sex with a man before and enjoyed it," I reasoned. Tara and I shared a lot during the summer we spent together.
"Yes," she said, but then sighed and added, "But not half as much as I enjoyed yesterday."
"So, maybe you are a lesbian. Would that be so bad?" I asked. It was not the right thing to say.
"You are such a jerk!" my cousin snapped as she stood and stormed toward the door. I grabbed her hand and pulled her back.
"I'm sorry!" I said quickly. "I don't really think there is anything that wrong with being a lesbian, but that doesn't mean it's for you." Tara stopped fighting me and looked up with tear filled eyes.
"I never thought there was anything wrong with it either," she said. "But that doesn't mean I want to be one!"
"You know, you could just be bisexual," I offered, but then quickly added when she didn't seem placated, "Or maybe it was just college experimenting."
"You think?" she asked hopefully. I fought hard not to smile. This really seemed to bother Tara.
"It's possible," I replied. She took a deep breath and let it out slowly.
"Maybe," she finally said. "But then again, I really did enjoy myself. It was a lot better than with Billy." Billy was her old boyfriend from high school.
"That might have to do more with Billy then with men in general," I reasoned. I felt guilty that I might be giving poor Billy a bum rap, but Tara was really upset and I was more than willing to sacrifice his reputation if it would help my cousin.
"I was his first as well," she said thoughtfully.
"So, just chalk it up to inexperience," I smiled. "Why don't you pick a new guy and see what happens."
"It's not like I can just go up to any guy and asked them to sleep with me," Tara sighed. I snorted.
"Why not?" I said. "A guy would have to be crazy to pass up an chance at you."
"Well first of all, unlike other members of my family, I don't just meet someone and jump into bed with them," Tara sighed.
"You are in college," I grinned. "This is the time to do crazy and stupid things."
"You are my cousin and I love you, but you are a sick bastard," she laughed.
"Well, who would you pick?" I asked, refusing to change the subject.
"I don't know," she replied.
"Oh, come on! You can't tell me there is not a guy you wouldn't love to..." I began, but Tara cut me off.
"I have no intention of ruining my reputation like that!" she snapped.
"Afraid they would kick you out of your 'goody two shoes' sorority?" I asked with a raised eyebrow.
"They probably would," she said, shaking her head. "But that's only part of the reason. I just don't feel comfortable sleeping with a stranger."
"So, then make friends with someone," I prompted.
"You make it sound so easy," Tara sighed, hesitated and then added, "And for you it probably is, but I'm not you."
"No," I agreed. "You're far better looking than me." Tara rolled her eyes.
"Thanks," she said sarcastically.
"I mean it!" I said emphatically. Tara just shook her head.
"Why don't we first start by writing a list of men you're interested in?" I asked, trying a different tact.
"I don't think so," she replied.
"Oh, come on! If nothing else it will be fun," I argued. "Who is the last guy you daydreamed about being with?" Tara's eyes grew big. "Who?"
"Nobody," she said quickly.
"Come on! Tell me!" I demanded. She didn't reply, so I spent the next few minutes pushing her to answer. I could tell I was getting to her with my constant peppering of questions.
"Why won't you tell me who it is?" I said in exasperation. She threw her hands up in the air.