My Confession

I consider myself to be a normal and well-adjusted woman. Although I grew up in a small, rural town, I am not what would slangily be referred to as "white trash". My father was a prominent attorney with statewide political ambitions. My mother held a Ph.D. in classical literature. Education and attention to the arts had always been important aspects of my rearing.

My education and intelligence are why now I so keenly feel responsible for my past actions. I have a dark secret. I committed an act about which I cannot speak. I committed incest.

I had returned home for summer break from law school. I was ninth of thirteen siblings, a large family that was likely the product of our Irish-catholic heritage. My appearance, or so I have been told, is also related to this heritage. My skin has always been very fair. My eyes are bluish-grey atop high cheek bones. I wore my black hair long, and it curled naturally about my face and cascaded in large waves past my neck. Despite a rural upbringing, I was never a "tom-boy" and much preferred being very feminine. I almost always wore a dress or skirt. My breasts developed early; much too full for my frame, I thought, and I fell into a habit of holding my body to minimize their prominence.

My brother Aiden was staying at home that summer. Because he was seven years older than me and had left home just as I was entering my teen years, I did not know him very well. He was not overly macho like some of my brothers tended. He was more bookish and quiet. I always found him to be gentle and kind. Although he stood nearly a foot taller than me and was handsome, he carried himself with modesty and shyness. It always pleased me when he would take the time to speak quietly and with interest to me amidst the din and distractions of our family gatherings. I greatly enjoyed and sought his company.

Aiden held an associate professorship in history at the local liberal arts college. He returned home that summer to help our folks with some projects around the house and farm. Although he was known to have had girlfriends, he was not married or deeply involved with anyone at that time. He had always avoided being the subject of the gossip that swirled about from our family of characters.

It was my first week back when Aiden asked if I would like to join him in town at a local tavern. I was excited about the opportunity to spend time with him and get to know him better. I had no conscious thoughts of sexual attraction to Aiden. He was my brother and important to me.

Our evening out was wonderful. We talked about old times, laughed and caught-up with each other's lives. We liberally drank several beers. While I do not in any way blame the beer for what would happen, it certainly contributed to our enjoyment. I watched as Aiden's quiet facade faded to reveal his warmth, humor and intelligence.

I was eventually able to pull him on to the dance floor. It may be hard for some to comprehend, but being from such a small town with such a large family, dancing with my brothers and sisters was very common. There was never anything sexual about it, just good clean fun.

Aiden and I primarily danced to fast songs and line dances. On a couple of occasions, one of my favorite slower songs came on, and I absolutely had to dance. Dragging Aiden by the hand, we would take to the dance floor. He held me as we swayed to these wonderful songs. It felt very comfortable and reassuring.

We eventually thought it best to return home while our ability to drive was in some proximity to the applicable legal standards. Once we returned, neither of us wanted our fun to end. So as not to wake our folks, we decided to go to the barn and continue our evening.

At no time in my life had the barn housed animals or served any agricultural functions. For me, it had served as a fortress, a clubhouse, a dance hall, a meeting place for high school friends and a private retreat. A pair of gas lanterns dimly – and with only flickering success – pushed back on the darkness of the night. Several blankets carpeted the floor. An old single-speaker radio crackled before emitting pleasant music in its unique trebelous way. It was early enough in the summer that the warmth of the day gently yielded to a touch of cool that carried with it the faint smell of clover and fresh earth. We had traded the clamor and excitement of the tavern for a secluded and intimate world.

At first, we occupied this new world with our former selves; loud, boisterous and easy to laugh. Imperceptibly, we acclimated to our new environs, our voices lowering, leaning into one another, the subjects of our conversation becoming less superficial and more personal.

It was Patsy Cline singing "Crazy" on the radio that was the catalyst for ending our conversation. Putting down my beer, and kicking off my shoes, I stood on the blankets in middle of the barn floor and implored Aiden to join me for a dance to my favorite song. He reluctantly removed his shoes and stood before me. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he placed his hands on my hips. We swayed, silently listening to the music. I could feel the warmth of his body shielding the encroaching coolness. I felt incredibly comfortable, safe and pleased to be spending this time with Aiden. I still had no conscious inkling of sexual desire, just wonderful contentment.

As the song came to an end, I released my hands from around his neck and stepped back. My foot slid into a depression in the earth that was hidden by a blanket. The unexpected drop combined with the beers I had consumed caused me to loose my balance and fall backwards. As I fell, I reached out and grabbed Aiden's arm. The support of his body prevented me from landing hard, but I had caught him off guard and in a poor position. As I landed flat on my back, I pulled Aiden down on top of me.

We both laughed uncontrollably at my clumsiness. He was pressed flat against me, his waist situated between my legs, my skirt pushed high up my thighs from bracing for his fall on top of me.

It was the innocent and unexpected press of his body against my womanhood that awoke a desire in me. If I had been honest and more reflective, I would have recognized this desire long before that moment. But that sudden sensation against my most intimate spot washed over me like a flood, and I was unavoidably confronted with a forbidden desire.

Intensity can stretch a single instant of time and allow for a far greater volume of reflection than an ordinary measure of time would permit. Such a stretched instant occurred the moment the electrons transmitting the sensation between my legs registered in my mind. In that single instant, I became aware of a deep and forbidden desire to be pleasured sexually by my brother. Also within that same micro-moment was the realization of the wrongness of that desire and an understanding that to even contemplate acting on that desire would be so primal as to be an insult to my heretofore enlightened. I understood that this sudden desire jeopardized my place in society, in my family and in my own mind.

The contact of his body that sent me into this spin was totally innocent. Nothing that had taken place up to that point that could be characterized as sexual. If I stopped right there, life as it had been would continue unchanged.

These thoughts were fully realized in that single instant of time and I fully recognized the correct, proper and only course of action I should take was to banish that sudden spark of desire back to the hidden reaches from which it came. I knew this. I knew this as my laughter stopped . . . as I held my lower lip between my teeth . . . I wantonly thrust my pelvis forward to maximize the touch and friction of his body against my pussy.

The pleasure far exceeded my expectations. It was a like a bolt of pure ecstacy that shot through my body. My clit pressed into him and coarsely dragged against him throughout my thrust, like a match head sparking into flame when dragged across the lighting surface. A deep sigh forced my moistened lower lip from the grip of my teeth leaving my mouth slightly open. I had consciously crossed a forbidden threshold and engaged sexually with my brother. For better or worse, I would no longer be the same. I placed the satisfaction of a perverse need over all reason.

Aiden's laughter came to a stop. My arms circled him and held him tight to me. I thrust against him again unable to hold back the sigh of pleasure this produced.

It was unmistakable to Aiden what I was doing. There is no room for misunderstanding when a woman starts humping her pussy against you. I am not certain what sort of stretched moment Aiden experienced or what internal debates of morality played out in his head. But in ordinary time, it was only the briefest of pauses before I felt him slightly shift in a way that lifted my skirt further and he pressed himself into my now very sensitive treasure covered only by a thin, silky layer of my panties.

He held himself hard into me as I continued to lewdly rub myself against him. I had lifted my legs slightly to fully expose my full womanhood to these sensations. My naked thighs pressed against his hips and held him in place.

I felt him harden, A distinctive bulge grew beneath the denim of his jeans and aligned perfectly against the length of my pussy. I delightedly rubbed against this new-found fulcrum, As I pressed against it, my brother's cock, it slightly opened my lips and formed a trough. His hips began to move. Slowly at first, but soon I felt the wonderful sensation of the head of his hardness traveling the length of my channel. From base to clit and back again, each spot along the coarse aroused to peak sensitivity.

I was lost and was reduced to the sole purpose of satisfying my desire. I wanted no more barriers and needed the touch of warm, pulsing flesh. Risking the breaking of the spell, I whispered, "I want to feel you". My voice was cracked and dry, my body prioritizing moisture to other areas of my body.

Though my words were vague, Aiden understood clearly what I wanted. In a swift move, he leaned his upper body against me, lifted his buttocks in the air, and used his hands to force his jeans and underwear down over his buttocks. When he returned to his prior position, it was Aiden's warm, hard cock that nestled in the trough of my folds. It was too much, I moaned out loud. He continued to rub his cock against me, pushing the material of my wet panties deeper into me. I held him tight, on the verge of a mind-melting orgasm. But my need was insatiable.

"I want you to feel me", I moaned with a surprising level of desperation.

Once again, Aiden was able to interpret the meaning of my sexual utterances. Swifter than last time, he leaned against me, lifted his pelvis and used his hand to move the crotch of my panties aside. He was as gentle as he was quick, a graceful movement that fully exposed his little sister's pussy to him, an act unimaginable two minutes ago.

He lowered his pelvis back down on me and for the first time I felt my wet lips mold around the hard heat of my brother's cock. It was magic. I felt like I was made of liquid down there. I coated and surrounded him with my moisture. He continued to rub against the trough of my opening. From base to clit and back again.

It was on the return journey that I deviated the path. I am sure Aiden would have continued in this fashion for as long as it took to satisfy me without committing the ultimate taboo. But once again, my reason and morality were cast aside for my prurient need. As the head of his cock traced the exterior of my lips, I knew I needed to be filled by him. As he began retracing his path upwards, it took only the slightest lifting of my pelvis to redirect him inward.

I was so wet and lubricated, the head slid into me without the need of any additional force. The feel was incredible. My body involuntarily convulsed. The place of penetration seemingly pulled the rest of my body towards it. My upper body flinched forward against his chest as my arms circled and tightened around him. My knees pulled back as my thighs held him to me. A moan that started in the tender flesh where his cockhead now pressed rushed upwards and escaped from my mouth.

Aiden held still and then began to retreat slightly, thinking that he had exceeded the license I gave him to my body. Feeling the slight retreat sent me in panic. I locked my feet together and rushed my hands to his buttocks to prevent his moving further back. I caught him at the very moment the head left my inner channel and was only enveloped by my outer lips.

For a brief moment, time stood still. His mouth was near my ear, his warm breath hitting my in rapid pants. My own mouth, so near his ear, my lips lightly brushed against it. Caught in that hanging moment of uncertainty, I closed my eyes shut and whispered in his ear, "Please."

My word acted on Aiden like the breaking of a dam. He no longer resisted the downward force of my hands on his buttocks. On the contrary, I felt the strong gluteus muscles become taught as they worked to force his cock fully and deeply in me. In one long, pent-up thrust, I felt him push into me, each delightful length of him sliding into me seeking the deepest part of me it could reach. For the first time, my moan was accompanied by his. Feeling my brother's cock penetrating me is a moment I will never forget. It triggered a place of ecstacy in my mind that would be belittled to be called and orgasm. It was bliss and utter fulfillment of desire.

The moment also changed something in Aiden. Feeling his cock deep in his younger sister, he became far less gentle and more primal. He began thrusting into me with more and more desire. I encouraged him by whispering, "Yes" over and over. It was not so much sensual and romantic lovemaking. We mated on that barn floor. I was in ecstacy as he took me. Our tempo rose with urgency.

His briefly retreating from me the one time was not going to be repeated. I held him tightly, eliminating any possibility of him pulling out while also signaling to him that I wanted (and needed) to accept him fully. With one long deep thrust, he held himself tight against me, my hands clutching his clinched butt cheeks. His cock began to spasm as it transferred his seed deep into my womb. We both cried out. Our torso's separated as we both arched backwards. Through my half closed eyelids I saw his head thrown back with his eyes closed while he continued to jet his cum into me in rapid spurts. It is an image and feel that is now embedded in me.

Having completed cumming, I saw the beast that had gripped my brother recede. His body slackened and his eyes opened. I look of concern came over his face as he looked down at me, the sister he had just ravaged.

Once again, he made to retreat from me; but, I pulled him down to me. Held him tight. With him softening in me, I held him with deep love and comforted him by repeatedly whispering "thank you" until he drifted off to sleep.

I committed incest. I fucked my brother. Although I do not always consciously think about it, I feel its constant presence in my mind and it has become an undeniable part of me. It's the first time I had unprotect sex and the first time a man left his seed in me (thankfully, I did not get pregnant). To all outward appearances, I am a normal, intelligent, productive and honorable member of my community. But I know of my weakness to desire that lies just below the surface. At any sudden, stretched moment of time it can emerge to control me and reduce me to pure lust that recognizes no boundaries of decency.